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Alternatively, assumed you were bi or pan because you felt equally towards all genders.

You might be aro if you mistook sexual, aesthetic or sensual attraction for a crush. You might be aro if you thought romantic feelings described by others must be exaggerated. You might be aro if you never notice when someone has a crush on you, unless someone points it out to you. You might be aro if you broke somebody's heart by accident, even without realizing it, simply because you underestimated the intensity of their feelings. You might be aro if you felt suffocated and overwhelmed in a romantic relationship. You might be aro if the pet names people gave to their partners, always felt artificial and ridiculous to you.

If you have thought your squishes were crushes or have had to make up crushes to fit in.

YMBAI you are on this website and reading all (or some) of these things and nodding your head or smiling because you relate.

When the question "What is your type?" really confuses you and you just answer with what you think would make a good friend.

Assumed you were straight, and then realized you felt nothing towards any gender.

Dated someone because you felt like you were supposed to.

YMBAI you found kiss scenes in the middle of action completely stupid. Like, why are you kissing right now when zombies are about to kill you?

You might be aromantic if when you think about marriage you don't imagen who you will get married to, but other things instead e.g. getting to wear nice clothes, how nice the food will be, having the opportunity for a big family get together You might be aromantic if when people look down on marrying for visas, marrying for tax breaks, etc. you wonder why they do because those sound like very practical reasons to get married

me: *is happy* all of my family: "so who's the lucky lady?" NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

No problem YMBAI you started dating someone who you should be really good with on paper and you genuinely like, but once you're in the relationship, you feel uncomfortable or trapped.

YMBAI you get upset when a book, movie, or tv show ruins a perfectly good friendship by turning it romantic unnecessarily. YMBAI you can't flirt to save your life.

You might be aro if you don't understand how most people seem to have crushes all the time... Or if you thought you were just picky when it came to crushes..

YMBAI when somebody tries to explain the concept of "friendzone" to you, and you just don't understand what is their problem with that. It sounds amazing. It sounds idyllic, like something you always genuinely wanted. YMBAI romantic relationships seem like a temporary thing, and you don't get it how grown adults believe that they gonna last ⁓forever⁓.

You had a crush on someone, though! (As lots of aros make up crushes or were just simply confusing them with squishes like me) But you watched a rom com the other day/romantic book etc.

You might be aro if you don't understand the point of romantic relationships.

What questions or misconceptions about the aro spec do you hear? This may be useful for future FAQ sections on flyers, websites and such. Does that mean you don't love anyone, not even your family? Don't you mean asexuality? You probably just came out of a bad relationship. How can you tell if you haven't dated?

Apologies for derogatory terms/names "Oh you are just a slut." - um, like no? So what if I still like sex/feel sexual attraction doesn't mean I'm a slut, literally stop slut shaming people especially aromantic people. "Wow such a cold hearted bitch." - just because I don't want to date or get into a romantic relationship with you or anyone else, doesn't make me cold hearted. Someone sounds bitter and it isn't me. "So what, your like a robot?" - Ah yes, you have found out my secret, I am a robot hiding in a flesh body, incapable of any feeling or emotion because romantic emotion is the only emotion any human being is capable of. "But romance is what makes us human!" - As an anthropology major, I can tell you what makes us human is not romance. It is actually our bipedalism, culture (though this topic is highly argued), laguage and our thirst for knowledge. Other animals are highly romantic and is not a determined factor that makes humans human.

YMBAI you decided as a child that you needed to "find" a crush, because everyone else had them, so you just picked the nicest boy/girl in your class and became truly convinced that you actually had a crush on them.

The problem i have is that getting aromantics to define romantic attraction us like telling a person who was blind from birth to define what vision is. It just doesn't work. It reminds me of those arguments on AVEN about the definition of asexual and sexual attraction. A lot of the time it's people trying to describe something they don't experience and it just doesn't work.

was to a new years party at a friends house. woman at the house: So are you bisexual? me: yes woman: so do you prefer men or women? me: uhm... I dont really work that way. woman: I mean like.. would you rather have a boyfriend or a girlfriend? me: I wouldn't she was very confussed.

YMBAI you were curious as to why there were so many songs about love or sex on the radio. I realized when I was little that there were so many songs about love and my reaction was kinda: "Why can't people write about anything else? Love is so boring. You can write songs about literally anything, and the one thing people choose is love 90% of the time!"

"is it something I did wrong when you were younger?" (@my mum) - seriously, mum, we had this exact same conversation when I came out to you as a lesbian five years ago, its still.not.a.childhood.trauma. please chill "but if you'd fall in love sometime in the future, you would try to be in a relationship with them, right? You are not giving it up right? There is hope" (@my mum) - Yeah. Sure. And If I were a dog, I'd probably chase my tail all day like dogs do. But I am not, , and I am also not alloromantic, so why are we even talking about this? I'm not giving up romantic love. I just don't have it in the first place. "how can one be LGBTQ+ AND aromantic? Omg, you are oppressing the LGBTQ+ people by dragging arospec people into the same group?! You are straight and just wanna be in the ⁓special queer club⁓" (@some confused and furious alloromantic lesbian online) - oh girl, do you seriously think I'm so bored that I'd be playing oppression olympics online? seriously? I have loads of ideas about what to do with my sparse free time, I don't have time for your gate keeping nonsense "you are just a heartbreaker and/or unfaithful and/or cold hearted &@#?!, I hope karma will finally find you and then you will learn." (@some online troll) - I have no idea who hurt you, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't me. I don't go around lying to about my identity to "trick" people. what do you think I am??? but you did look like you were soooo in love with your ex. (@ my friend) - ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) wut? you could get therapy, you know. I know this shrink... (@ some acquaintance) - just out of curiosity, should I like, also pray the gay away while I'm at it? will you also recommend a 2 in 1 deal at some white trash faith healer? o___0

Maybe you have commitment issues? Perhaps your standards are too high, just give people a chance!

Every time I see a cheesy, cliche, or badly written love story in movies and am torn between constant facepalming and trying not to fall asleep. And then some of my alloromantic friends keep going on about how cute the story is and I am just so confused sometimes.

YMBAI you wanted a relationship, but when you started trying it just felt wrong and boring to you

YMBAI you never understood the point of marriage. (Seriously, why would you stay with the same person your whole life and then make it harder and more expensive to get out of the relationship if things go bad?) YMBAI you always thought that books and movies exaggerated romantic attraction, but apparently they don't? YMBAI you were in a romantic relationship and you felt unhappy and wanted to get out of the relationship the constantly. YMBAI you were uncomfortable or displayed signs of anxiety in a romantic relationship.

Never experiencing crushes.

I'm not sure we want Voldemort as a figurehead for aromanticism… Kind of gives a bad image.

YMBAI you are annoyed that straight people of the opposite sex don't want to accept being "just" friends.

just thought of another few that really bother me: "but you're so emotional!" that has nothing to do with it "don't sell yourself short!" im not "if you keep that up, you'll never get [significant other of the ~opposite gender~]" thats the point

It's just a fancy made-up word for being single because no one wants to date you and you're just trying to make yourself sound special.

For those times when you suddenly realised not everybody around you was aromantic. So we were watching a video on Youtube in French, but before it played an ad popped up. It was one of those ones you could skip after five seconds, but instead we ended up watching the whole minute of this random love story between a guy and a girl in highschool. It eventually turned out to be a Coca Cola ad... because those two things are related somehow?

If anyone ever discounts your aromantacism because of your age, point 'em in my direction. I'm 40. Yeah, older aros exist! We know our own minds and what works for us. We're strong enough to do what feels right to us despite all. of. gawddamn. society. pushing romance down our throats. Just the fact that we continue to be resolutely ourselves despite that relentless social pressure means that we're very strong. You mayn't always feel very strong, but you are.

No, this is a very real problem, lets talk about it. Heck, even I feel awful and predatory and all sorts of horrible sometimes because of this, and I'm also a girl. No wonder hetero guys started the voluntary celibacy topic. Wanting only sex from someone isn't predatory or misogynist or a bad thing. If you communicate honestly. respect your partner, respect boundaries and ask for consent, then there is nothing wrong with that. Just because you cannot give them your everlasting romantic love, you not going to treat them like a piece of meat... (Not like romantic love ever stopped them anyway? Respect and common decency aren't results of romantic affection?!)

How do you know you haven't met "the one"?

YMBAI you originally thought that everyone was faking their romantic feelings or crushes, until you realized they weren't and that you just didn't feel the same way as other people.

I was wondering what you guys really can't seem to understand about romance. I guess we all have difficulty understanding the basic stuff like what crushes feel like and whatnot, but what about everything that encompasses this whole romantic culture we live in? I, for one, can't possibly understand how a lot of people seem to find extreme jealousy romantic. I just saw a post where a guy said that if a girl wanted to marry him she'd have to cut off all contact with other boys and everyone was gushing about how the fact that he was so protective was romantic and cute... No it's not, it's abusive. And I'm not saying everything romantic peeps are like that (thank god!) but I see that a lot and it's driving me crazy. Something else I don't understand is this rule of "you can't date someone that your friend used to date". I mean, if you're friends, it means you have stuff in common, so it's not that surprising that you'd fall for the same person, and I don't see why you're expected to never date one of your friend's exes AFTER they broke up. If you caused the breakup or if you openly thirsted after the person, then I can understand, but if the breakup had already happened and there's no way they're ever getting back together, then where's the issue? Why have I witnessed multiple persons cut off one of their friends because that friend started dating one of their exes??? This makes no damn sense.

I've always been aro, I always was waiting for those feelings and they never came, and at one point I stopped waiting for the future and identified as how I feel now and I'm never gonna stop!

You're too young to know that! Give yourself some time (or) Just wait until college/some other arbitrary threshold. You'll definitely start to feel something by (insert arbitrary point when you are considered "mature")! You're just gay and closeted!

I thought that was a thing when flowers smell good? So like does that mean you love yourself more than anyone else? and the worst by far: Oh I'm so sorry for you THERE'S NOTHING WRONG

Somebody asks you what a non-platonic relationship would look like and you genuinely have no idea because it's just not something you can really conceptualize.

Additionally: When we are watching a play or something with romance for class. A bunch of people are sitting and going "awwwww that's adorable" or "they're so cute" and I just sit there wondering why they're wasting their time kissing while they could be addressing the problem/plot.

I had that moment when I once discussed love with my friends. In contrast to them, I'm very cynical when it comes to love, and said that romantic attraction only last for a maximum of three years- and if you haven't established other forms of bonds with that person your relationship is likely to fall apart. My alloromantic friends didn't agree with me of course and one of them said "No, not true, my boyfriend and I are still going strong even after two/three years! Just wait until you fall in love!" I didn't start an argument, because I think it's better to be a "happy fool" sometimes. She did however break up with him a few weeks after for the same reasons I mentioned. Sidenote: I think the couples that do last for decades have formed "family bonds" and have strong platonic love for each other.

http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/119238-a-list-of-romantic-orientations/ Originally posted by Amy Ghost in the link above at AVEN and copied here. Enjoy! Orientations Abroromantic - Is someone who experiences a fluid or rapidly changing romantic attraction to different gender expressions. Acoromantic - Is someone whose negative experiences with romance has alienated them from their allo-romanticism. Adfecturomantic/Affecturomantic/Adfectual/Adfomantic - Is someone whose romantic attraction is affected by their neurodivergency. Alloromantic/Zedromantic - Is someone who experiences romantic attraction to other people. Also commonly just called a “romantic person.” Alterous - Is someone who can't be described as neither being (entirely/completely) platonic nor romantic, & is an attraction best described as wanting emotional closeness without necessarily being (at all or entirely) platonic &/or romantic, & is used in the place of -romantic or -platonic (so say bi-alterous instead of bi-romantic). Someone can be both alterous & romantic &/or platonic & can have varying degrees on attraction, ultimately feel discomfort / unease / or just a sense of inaccuracy in calling it wholly romantic or platonic. More examples: Androalterous/Manalterous* - Alterous attraction to men and/or masculinity. Gynealterous/ Womanalterous* - Alterous attraction to women and/or femininity. Panalterous - Alterous attraction towards people regardless of sex and gender. Polyalterous - Alterous attraction towards people of more than one multiple sexes and gender, yet not all. Heteroalterous - Alterous attraction towards the opposite sex or gender. Androromantic -Is someone who is romantically attracted to masculinity, the male sex and male identifying/presenting people. Apathromantic (The root word being Apathy) - Is someone whose orientation form of "romance indifferent" which can also be used as a title. It does not distinguish if the person does or does not have romantic attraction, but just that they are indifferent in receiving it or acting it out. Apothiroromantic - Is someone who (also known as anti-romantic, or romance repulsion) is an aromantic that does not experience any romantic attraction whatsoever, in any shape or form, and is romance-repulsed. They do not wish to be in any type of romantic relationship. Apresromantic - Is someone who only experiences a romantic attraction after another form of attraction is felt. The original attraction may or may not fade/be replaced by the new attraction. Aroflux - Is someone whose romantic orientation is on the aromantic spectrum & is defined as..... someone who's romantic orientation fluctuates but always stays on the aro spectrum. (ex. one day you're demiro, another day lithro, the next aro, etc) someone who's romantic orientation fluctuates from, experiencing romantic attraction, some romantic attraction, & experiencing no romantic attraction. some people who are aroflux feel as if they are alloromantic at times, while other aroflux people don't feel that way. aroflux people can be romance repulsed, romance indifferent / neutral/apathetic towards romance, or romance positive. & can have any sexual orientation. Aromantic - Is someone who does not feel romantic attraction. Arovague - Is someone whose status as an aromantic is uncertain or affected by mood. Autochorisromantic/Aegoromantic - Is someone who enjoys the idea of romance, but not wishing to be a participant in romantic activities (based off of autochorissexual / a disconnection between oneself and a romantic target or fantasy). Bellusromantic - Is someone who is fine with cute fluffy stuff with anyone but you don't want a relationship at all / not necessarily arospec identity, similar to nonamory. The prefix comes from the Italy “bella” meaning “pretty.” Biromantic - Is someone who enjoys behavior typically associated with dating and love, like cuddling, hugging, gift-giving, love notes, but probably not kissing, etc. and enjoys it with two sexes or genders. Borearomantic - Is someone who has a set romantic orientation but with an exception. Burstromantic - Is someone whose romantic attraction comes and goes but does not specify if it has a reason or not. Caedromantic - Is someone who used to experience romantic attractions, but no longer does due to past trauma. Cupioromantic - Is someone who is described as aromantic (people who never experience romantic attraction) who still desire a romantic relationship. Is a subset of aromantic. Demiromantic - Is someone who only experiences romantic attraction after developing an emotional connection beforehand. Demiromantics do not experience primary romantic attraction, but they are capable of secondary romantic attraction. Frayromantic - Is someone who experiences romantic attraction towards strangers and people you are less familiar with, which fades away when you get to know them more Grayromantic - Is someone whose romantic orientation is somewhere between aromantic and romantic. For example, a gray-romantic may: Experience romantic attraction but not very often. But when so, it is usual strong attraction. Experience romantic attraction, but not desire romantic relationships. Also used as a catch-all for other non aromantic, non alloromantic/zedromantic orientations, like demiromantic and lithromantic. Gyneromantic - Is someone who is romantically attracted to femininity, the female sex and female identifying/presenting people. Heteroromantic - Is someone who is attracted to the oppostite sex or gender in a romantic way. Homoromantic - Is someone who is attracted to the same sex or gender in a romantic way. Hyperromantic - is someone who is extremely or excessively romantic. Hyporomantic - Hypo is from Greek and means low. Quite the opposite of Hyper. And as Hyposexual mean low sex-drive, this is it's romantic synonym. Low romantic drive. Idemromantic - Is someone who does not internally experience romantic and platonic attraction differently; they distinguish between romantic and platonic based on other factors. "Idem" means "the same" in Latin. Idemromantic people categorize their interest in others as romantic instead of platonic based on age, personality compatibility, emotional closeness, ease of living together, presence of sexual attraction, or other factors. However, their feelings toward their romantic interests would not be particularly distinguishable from platonic feelings and may be similar to how they feel for a best friend or beloved family member. They may pursue platonic, quasiplatonic, romantic, or no relationships. Lithromantic/Aporomantic/Akoi(ne)romantic - Is someone who can feel a romantic attraction towards others and also enjoy romantic relationships in theory, but not needing that affection to be reciprocated or be in a relationship with the one the feelings are directed towards. Either that, or they may stop feeling the attraction once in a relationship or stop enjoying it. Note: There is a certain level of controversy linked to the prefix "litho." It was first coined referring to Lesbian Butch culture and some lesbians object to it being appropriated to describe a sexuality/romanticism. Nebularomantic - Is someone who has a hard time or cannot tell romantic attraction apart from platonic due to being quoiroromantic or due to their neurodivergency. Noviromantic - Is someone who experiences a complicated romantic attraction (or lack thereof) such that they do not feel it can be described in a single term Omniaromantic - Is someone who feels no romantic attraction whatsoever. In no way, shape, or form do they fall in love or feel any attraction to anyone. They are completely non-romantic, and will not fall in love no matter how long they stay with someone or any other factor that could/would lead to a romantic interest in any other type of aromantic or alloromantic relationships. They do not wish to be in any romantic relationships,are not attracted to anyone. (Excepting experimentation.) They are asensual, have no aesthetic attraction to others, and no squishes. They can experience platonic love or familial love, though not all do so. This term was made to made a distinguish between being on the aromantic spectrum and specify from the common definition of a aromantic person, since saying someone is "aromantic" could mean they could be demiromantic, gray-aromantic, and such other types of aromantics who do feel sensual, have aesthetic attraction and such. Panromantic - Is someone who is romantically attracted to others but is not limited by the others sex or gender. Panromantics will tend to feel that their partner's sex and/or gender does little to define their relationship. Placioromantic - Is someone who feels little to no desire to receive sexual/romantic acts performed on them but expresses interest/desire in performing them on someone else. Not necessarily arospec, but a useful term for the community. The prefix for this term comes from the Latin word “placere” meaning “to please.” Polyromantic - Is someone who experiences romantic attraction towards people of more than one sex or gender, but not all. Unlike panromantic, this term implies that sex or gender is still a factor in attraction, and it does not imply the gender binary as biromantic does. Post rubor - Is someone who quickly gets crushes/squishes/etc on others, but after the initial excitement of said crush/etc vanishes so do their feelings. Proquuromantic - Is someone masculine who only experiences romantic attractions to those perceived as also being masculine. Quasiromantic - Is someone who identifies as quasiromantic may see their attraction as non-traditional or may feel it differs from crushes, perhaps a mix between platonic, romantic, aesthetic, or somewhere completely different and/or it involves other non-traditional aspects, such as rare attraction, or attraction but non-physical, non-platonic but romantic, etc. Queerplatonic - A queerplatonic relationship is a relationship that is not romantic but involves a close emotional connection beyond what most people consider friendship. The commitment level in a queerplatonic relationship is often considered to be similar to that of a romantic relationship. People in a queerplatonic relationship may be of any romantic or sexual orientation. It may include any romantic or sexual elements the people in the relationship feel they want, or none at all. Quoiromantic - Is someone whose romantic orientation is on the aromantic spectrum that describes people who cannot differentiate between platonic and romantic attraction, cannot define romantic attraction and therefore are not sure if they experience it, experience attraction somewhere between romantic and platonic, or want to be in a queerplatonic relationship. It’s also known as WTFromantic or Whatromantic or Platoniromantic. Recipromantic - Is someone who only feels romantic attraction only if the other person feels romantic attraction to them at first. If there is no one around to feel romantic attraction to them, largely recipromantics may feel like simply defining themselves as aromantic describes their experiences just fine. Requi(es)romantic - Is someone who feels little to no romantic attraction due to some mental or emotional exhaustion, the exhaustion might have been caused by bad experiences of romance during that person's history. Sapioromantic - Is someone who is attracted to intelligence or human minds. Schromantic - Is someone who is aromantic and romantic at the same time, or some mix of the two. (A term used here on AVEN) (describing romanticism in terms of Schrödinger’s cat as having the possibility of being romantic and aromantic at the same time). Skilo/Ceteroromantic - Is someone who experiences romantic attraction towards non-binary genders. Note: There is a certain level of controversy linked to the prefix "skolio." It is very similar to "scolio," which means crooked, twisted or bent. Lately the prefix "cetero" has started to be used instead of "skolio." Transromantic - Is someone who experiences romantic attraction to people that they perceive as being transgender. Related Helpful Terms Amatonormativity - A tendency of society to treat romantic relationships as more valuable than non-romantic ones. Aromate - A platonic friend who’s pretty much your soul-mate but in a friend way. you’d totally hold their hand and take them out to movies though. In other words Aromantic partner. Lush - A sensual equivalent of a squish or crush. Nonamory - Not wanting to form romantic relationships no matter one's orientation. Peach Fuzz - When people in queer platonic relationships pretend their partnership is a romantic one to stave off questions from family and friends. Plush - Queer platonic crush, strong desire to join in a qeer platonic relationship with someone. Soft Romo - Low level romance/romantic attraction/crush/etc. Smush - A sexual crush aka Lust. Swish - An aesthetic crush. Squish - In the asexual community, the equivalent of a "crush", but explicitly lacking an interest in forming a romantic couple or having a sexual relationship with the person in question. It does not matter if they are "in a relationship", as long as you two can have a deep connection. A squish is an intense feeling of attraction, liking, appreciation, admiration for a person you urgently want to get to know better and become close with. It is different from "just wanting to be friends" in that there is an intensity about it and a disproportionate sense of elation when they like and appreciate you back. ~From Urban Dictionary~

YMBAI when someone expresses concern that you might feel left out or dissappointed because you aren't in a romantic relationship but they and/or others are, you are confused because you're doing just fine as you are and you hadn't even considered it. YMBAI you just sit there indifferently while people around you go in and out of relationships. YMBAI you just ignore Valantines Day every year because it's a couples holiday and you never have a partner on that day, and this never bothers you.

YMBAI you don't understand the concept of online dating or are confused by the fact that people deliberately try to find a partner (and go on dates before they even know them).

- "Do you want to be alone for your entire life?" As if my aromanticism was a choice I'd made, instead of the way my brain happened to work. - "Well it's probably because you have emotional issues." - "Or daddy issues" I think my favorite is "I would rather tear my own skin off than live life without feeling love!!1!" Which was so overdramatic it turned hilarious.

You should have seen me when I was grading the first wave of undergraduate papers for a music appreciation course this semester. They had to create a scene set to instrumental music of their choice (only rule was that it couldn't be an instrumental version of a song with lyrics), and man, so many of them wrote cheesy love scenes. A friend of mine even warned me that you'll always get at least one person who chooses Kenny G because they want to play his music at their wedding, and my friend was right on the money. One of them even wrote a romance between two boys, but it was still ridiculously cliche. Honestly, every time someone wrote about something like a space mission or a cat-and-mouse chase, it was like a breath of fresh air.... Until they started doing things like mistake rhythm for tempo, call cymbals "symbols," use passive voice constantly, choose songs that made my ears feel like they were bleeding, and the general joys of grading undergraduate papers for a class that they took as an easy elective. I even spent my entire Valentines Day grading some of these, so I must have looked like that stereotypical bitter single teacher.

Shipping! That's the worst thing ever!!!!!! I'm shipped with one of my best friends… by my other best friend. Real life shipping is even worse than TV.