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  1. I feel like people only ever ask about progress for romantic relationships. Every time I meet with a friend I have to go through the obligatory update of their dating progress. Don't get me wrong, I'm rooting for them and hope they find someone, but it's annoying that they don't seem to find any other relationship worthy of discussion. For example I've recently moved in with a friend (who I've not been particularly close with), cause I needed somewhere temporary to live while I'm selling my apartment, and I don't get any questions about our friendship and how it's working for us to live togeth
    9 points
  2. I'm looking at you, YA authors (and TV/movie producers, and basically everyone apparently)
    7 points
  3. I remember that feeling. Discomfort, telling myself that there was no REAL reason for me to feel this discomfort, trying to pretend I didn't. That lasted for a bit over a month before I wisened up and realized that the discomfort itself was the only answer I needed. The push that finally made me break up was realizing I started wanting to avoid my friend, and if I was to retain any warm feelings, then the romantic side of the relationship had to go, before all my affection had been replaced by that ever present discomfort. You asked to do this to try it out, and from the sound
    6 points
  4. Recently I've been feeling my family's (especially my father's) expectations regarding my dating life, which ideally is supposed to lead to the birth of grandchildren, getting stronger. I'm 26 y.o. and I guess my family is getting worried, because others are starting families of their own and I have yet to even introduce someone to them. Just a few weeks ago I randomly used a guy from university as a reference, when talking about my courses (don't even really know the guy) and now my family is always asking about him as if I had a crush on him, bc. why else would I have talked so enthusiastic
    6 points
  5. Sorry you had to hear that. I can be wrong but I think in this context it was more "she misses something if she doesn't date you" rather than "if she doesn't date women". Which is still confusing. We can have meaningful relationship with people without dating them! When someone says that, I try to think about analogy. I do think that people who don't love Harry Potter (books or movies not the character ha ha) are missing something. Are they less than me for that? No they are not. And they probably have other interests that I don't have and think I'm missing something to
    6 points
  6. I'm 26 too. My parents are not as annoying (pardon me I couldn't find a better word), but it's clear that they are frustrated that neither me or my brother have never dated (my brother is 30, don't know if he is aro or not, he says he doesn't see the point of having a girlfriend if they always fight... yeah my parents fight a lot). My father always complained about the fact we are not dating, in particular everytime my brother has a new job he asks if there is women who have the same age as him, if they like the same things as him... Lucky me, he doesn't do that with me... for now at
    6 points
  7. You seem to have a great idea, nothing about that sounds hurtful to me. Don't know if it will work with your story, but I think one thing that is exclusive to aroace is thinking that we are bi or pan because of equally lack of attracted in all genders make us think we are equally attracted to them both, instead of unattracted. On the other hand, some aroaces know very young they are not into relationship at all. It depends. But it sounds different than what I heard from allo aros, who can confuse their sexual attraction with romantic attraction. Something you can think about too i
    5 points
  8. For me, I suppose it's the notion that autistic people lack self awareness? I guess some people conflate my inability to understand social cues (like how certain types of emotional closeness, mainly in the form of disclosing personal details between a male presenting person and a female can be perceived as romantic intent, not to mention that due to my cultural background and despite being read as "female" by society, many people are threatened by me for no good reason) to mean that I couldn't possibly know if I'm feeling romantic attraction to someone or not, because autistic people are only
    5 points
  9. I would not say it that way (this way, it's like saying asexuals are not human... that's probably not what you meant, but it hurt a bit). I think it all depends on the person. If the person they date know from the start they are for short-time relationship, then everything is clear and I don't think it's a bad thing, just their way of being. If the partner complain about that even if he/she/they were told from the start, for me the one to blame is the partner, not the one who explained it in the first place. Now, if the person didn't say anything, it all depends on the intentions
    5 points
  10. I’m 37 and I’m in the process trying to figure things out. I’ve just recently, this month in December read about asexuality and aromanticism in the books “the invisible orientation” by Julie Sondra Decker and “ace” by Angela Chen. If has a been very mind blowing and emotional read. I wanted to learn more because I want to learn more about every lgtbq+ Orientation of course. I’m Christian and work in church (I’m swedish) I don’t work much with lgtbq+ including work at the moment but I really want to, so I need to learn more. And I’m always interested learning about different people on
    5 points
  11. I understand your frustrations. Having a part of your own identity not being recognized by people close to you can be hard to deal with. I also ended up testing the waters with my dad when I was doing a pretest for a study about LGBTQ+ positive advertising. I ended up explaining some things to him and he was blocking it off as us just making it unnecessarily complicated. He didn't say it explicitly, but in his view, everything that isn't heteronormative goes against our human "nature". Just like you tried with your mum, I have arguments against that, but If someone isn't open to change, you mi
    5 points
  12. I think it was somewhere around either late highschool or early uni? Might be early uni actually, but it's hard to tell because I had a long time I considered myself pan, then panromantic demisexual, then ace, then aroace. It has to be at least 3-4 years by now given I definitely had known it about a year at least before I switched to my current tumblr blog. And on the topic of how early is too early with labeling yourself as aro, I would say pay attention to how your view of romance might differ from your peers, and if their description of crush fits for you? Because I sure do remember t
    5 points
  13. I really wish that stuff wasn’t expected of people. It sucks that we can’t just say: I don’t want to do this, and others think we have to or whatever
    5 points
  14. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I feel this loneliness too. I accept and embrace my aro-ness, and it's not something I would change about myself, but it is hard. I want similar things that you mentioned and it can be so frustrating because it feels so much more difficult to have this as an aro person. Whenever I feel like this, I try to tell myself that it's not myself I wish were different but more that I wish society were different so that we could more easily have the relationships we want. Maybe that's a way to look at it? I do still hope and try, though, to form meaningful relationship
    5 points
  15. technically the gender-neutral form of "boy" or "girl" is "kid" but I'm not sure that "kid" really fills the lexical gap you're looking at. I guess "Pal", "Buddy" or, "Friendo" could be used in a similar way, but you'll sound like a TV dad from the 1950's so pick your poison I guess.
    5 points
  16. This is mainly just to get this off my chest. A few days ago my mom and I were talking and I don’t remember how it came up but I said something like, “ Don’t worry, just because I’ll never get married doesn’t mean I’ll live at home forever. “ She asked, who said I’d never get married and I said me. I was being light hearted with the conversation, kind of testing the waters because I’ve never specifically said anything like this. I said getting married wasn’t my thing and I didn’t want to. She said it’s not like I’ve had a bad example of marriage (her and my dad have been married for 32 years a
    4 points
  17. Pretty much... Source: r/aromantic
    4 points
  18. sometimes i really wish i wasn’t aro. i’m so lonely all the time, and i’ve always found myself wanting a relationship. maybe i want a qpr, i’m not certain. i just wish i could feel romantic attraction, it seems so much “easier” to form meaningful relationships that way. i want someone to live with, to hold my hand, hug, and cuddle me when things get rough. someone to read books to and make hot drinks for. someone for me to support and to support me. someone who will notice when i’m not feeling well. someone, anyone, so that i won’t die alone. i don’t know what to do. i’d love to
    4 points
  19. 1. There are a lot of aros who still want to be in relationships/like relationships in theory, so the lack of attraction but desire to be with somebody still makes you aro! (also, squishes (platonic crushes) are pretty common for aros to have and often get confused for crushes) 2. Although those things can be considered romantic-coded in context, there also present in a lot of non-romantic relationships! I say as long as your friends are ok with that level of affection, theres nothing wrong with expressing your platonic love that way 3. I go back and forth on this, but I would
    4 points
  20. Eh, I wouldn't really call sex a need, tbh... And I think there's a lot of reasons people go through a lot of romantic relationships in a short span of time.
    4 points
  21. Why does romance have to be forever to be meaningful? Maybe they like brief romantic relationships same as someone else might like brief sexual ones. As long as they're upfront about their preferences I don't see anything amoral about that. However if they are staying they want their romantic relationships to be "forever" maybe they need to explore their pattern. Do they jump to quickly into a romantic relationship perhaps, mistaking the high of a new connection for romantic love. Do they have a need for approval which they feel the need for romantic love to satisfy. Are they a serial mo
    4 points
  22. Anything’s fashionable if you don’t give a shit about silly societal standards about aesthetic. I for one think multiple rings look kickass. The more the better!
    4 points
  23. Update: After a few months we broke up, but are remaining as friends! I guess I'm ok with that since I was starting to lose interest in the relationship and he probably was too. I don't know, I tried being "romantic", but it just didn't work out. i do feel sad, but I can't tell if its because of the breakup or if I just...secretly wish I was "normal". I still suffer majorly from internalized arophobia despite being a supporter of other ace/aro people for years. I guess its different when you have to deal with it yourself. Anyway, I appreciate the support you all gave me nonethel
    4 points
  24. In the car with my mom, driving to sports or something, and love song after love song kept on playing on the radio, so I asked “Why is every song about love? Isn’t there anything else to sing about” and she just answered by saying that it’s a powerful thing or something like that- along the lines of “you’ll understand when you’re older” and even back then I was disappointed by that answer; even at a young age I knew that there was so much more to life than just romantic love and relationships. I write poetry/songs now and yeah, love is a recurring theme, but I make a point to write about
    4 points
  25. A few thoughts It is hard to disentangle whether you want a romantic relationship due to desiring romance or because strong societal pressures push you towards one or make you feel unworthy if you are not in one. Also it might be that a lot of your sadness from that relationship you talk about is tied up in the way they turned you down. If I wanted to be around some one or respected by them and they told me they asked me out out of pity I would be very unhappy. working out what sort of relationship you would or would not be interested in is the thing I think would be helpful here. Be
    4 points
  26. I got to agree with @nonmerci that trying to explain aromantism is difficult to say the least, it's part of the reason I'm not out to my family. Getting the dismissive "oh, you just haven't met the right person yet" or "oh you grow out if it eventually" kinda sucks. I know they mean well and that they want me to be happy, but they don't realize that not everyone wants/ needs the same things to be happy. I don't want nor need romance/ romantic attraction/ a romantic partner in my life to be happy and that's valid af. I have not run into the "wanting sex without romance" problem yet due to
    4 points
  27. Not keeping people around. People I know finding lovers and rarely seeing me again, simply because they will value that romance far higher than any friendship (even if it is a train wreck). A close second would be being judged for desiring sex without romance, I realise that even if I treat those I have sex with with respect and good friendship I will still be seen as taking advantage.
    4 points
  28. For me, the most difficult is that this is not well-known. Things get better I think, but a lot of people still don't know what it is. So to coming out to my parents for instance, saying "I'm aromantic" is not nough, I should explain what it means, and probably face their disbelief that it is actually a thing and that I am happy that way. (I'm pretty sure my mother must think I'm a lesbian because she says to my homophobic dad "that's not a problem if your children are homosexual if it makes them happy, and that's better than staying alone".. which of course, is not helping me to come out).
    4 points
  29. For me, one of the worst parts is that I find it difficult to have the kind of meaningful relationships that I want. I tend to feel like I'm more committed to friendships and that I take them more seriously than other people. I sometimes feel like I'm dispensible because I'm "just" a friend. I want to have close long-term platonic relationships, friends that I can make a life with, but some people think that's not normal or that it's silly to have those sorts of relationships. I'm sorry you feel that way. I don't want to give any unsollicited advice/comments so apologies if I ov
    4 points
  30. I'm Ash. I am fairly confident that I am aromantic or cupioromantic. I am 25 and work a regular office job. Hobbies include EGL fashion, art, houseplants, reading sci-fi novels and chess. A few years ago I began to accept that I will probably never live a typical allo life. It is still a struggle for me though. I think putting these feelings into words on this forum will help me further know myself better. Nice to meet you all :)
    3 points
  31. I just came over from AVEN, I've decided this is the year I embrace my aroaceness and find a community that accepts me for who I am! 👋 I don't know anyone irl to talk about LGBT+ subjects with (conservative area, etc.). I like to write YA/New Adult fiction with aro/ace main characters, and talk about writing. My other hobbies include rock collecting, learning survival skills, and researching cool science stuff.
    3 points
  32. To be perfectly honest, one of the things I love most about being aro is partaking in aro culture & humor & memes. It's the best shit lol, never fails to get me laughing.
    3 points
  33. Hey everyone, I've been reading about "squishes" a few times now and gotten a bit curious. To me its a concept that fell out of the clouds. I really had no idea there could be something like that (sorry for being ignorant about it). The way I understood it "squishes" are like "crushes" but actually not, or sth like that? I just wanted to know whether you guys have ever experienced one and if yes, what it was like for you?
    3 points
  34. 1. You're right - my wording was wrong and I am sorry. I didn't mean to hurt or erase asexual people. 2. Dating a person doesn't necessarily mean you're also in a romantic relationship with them, right? Isn't it just like hanging out in order to get to know them better? In any case, what I meant is that I can't wrap my head around situations where someone claims they love their romantic partner with all their heart, and then they repeat the exact same words to someone else only a brief while later.. I mean, if you truly loved the person you've just broken up with, can you really come to
    3 points
  35. idk friend, some people "catch feels" easily (for lack of better words.) I don't think you can control who you are romantically attracted to, or not. Or even how frequently you're attracted to people, or not. If someone is truly interested in people, but that romantic attraction fades and redevelops quickly. It's kind of out of their control, and I don't think shaming them is helpful. Also, I think there's nothing really wrong with casual or short-term dating. Sometimes, it really is just a fun thing to do (not that I have any experience lol) I think the key in any relationship is to comm
    3 points
  36. For me, with romance repulsion, I don't mind if other people are doing things like PDA or talking about their SOs IRL. It's not in relation to me, so I'm pretty much indifferent, and very much supportive. When romance is directed towards me, can't handle it at all, IRL or online. It makes me super uncomfortable and if it's really up there can even make me panic. I get this mixed feeling of awkwardness & guilt, because I really don't like hurting people and it's stressful af, and an overbearing sense of "RUN". So yeah lol. In fictional media, it's a lot more fluid. Music? Literally don
    3 points
  37. This is a sign of a good writer. Someone who puts their ideas in their writing in hopes of bettering at least one person's life with something they need, rather than pleasing the crowds with what they want.
    3 points
  38. I was recommended to this by Erederyn and I definitely would like to join! ive just recently, couple of weeks back realised that I might be ace and aro. I’ve read about it and recognized myself and now Im taking the next step to learn more through interacting with people so this is perfect for me :) Im in Sweden so I’ll be have to figure out what time it will be over here but I’d it’s 7 pm UK time it should be 6 pm over here. Right? :P Sorry, I’m just so confused about time zones xD Is was January 10th right? It will work perfectly for me. is it through google
    3 points
  39. Thank you so much for sharing! This is so helpful!
    3 points
  40. Hi! So romance repulsion is definitely a thing, for aros, and alloromantic people. Personally, I fluctuate between romance (and sex) positive, indifferent, and adverse for other people's relationships. I still am happy for my friends. Sometimes, I even enjoy hearing about their relationships. However, every now and then, I'll be talking about romance and get the urge to just get out of the situation. I don't really get why, it just is how it is. And when romance is turned on me, it's the same. Just one big "NO" and feeling super uncomfortable. As for what's helped me, I would recomme
    3 points
  41. Hello! I go by Cinnamon and it’s nice to meet all of you. I found arocalypse through constantly lurking on r/aromantic. I’ve been questioning being aroace for a long time, but since I’m in my mid teens I’m not too sure about if I’m a late bloomer or now or to identify with it irl. When I was little, romance was always the thing that happened in movies and romance was just a thing expected of adults. I never had crushes and never even thought enough about them to think I was out of the ordinary until I was 12 and got told I was lying because I had never had a crush. That night I remember thinki
    3 points
  42. Ha no. I would never hear the end of it. The trick with my mom is that you can't directly attack her or her reasoning, or she'll just double down on things. I have to ask questions and provide evidence until she contradicts herself. Then she doesn't bring it up anymore (her way of accepting defeat). I just need to subtly pick apart her logic and remember what she conceded so I can remind her.
    3 points
  43. That can be really frustrating! I've had similar experiences. I come from a very family-oriented culture, so I've had a lot of pressure to be romantically involved/get married and have children from my family ever since I've turned 20ish. It was really difficult at first and I would get into arguments with my parents, but I kept standing my ground. I haven't come out to them, but I've been firm about not wanting to get married/have children. I know they get disappointed and frustrated and they find it really sad that I won't be giving them grandchildren. My brother has taken care of that haha,
    3 points
  44. Personally, I do enjoy romance in fiction (of written well, bit like everything I watch if I can say). A lot of aros don't like it yes, because they can't relate I guess (if not repulsed), but that's not an obligation to identify as aro. 😄
    3 points
  45. Well, there are some issues with the colours in the theme after the latest update to Invision. I'll see what I can do about them as soon as possible.
    3 points
  46. mid twenties now and discovered it a few months ago. I feel a bit old now.
    3 points
  47. I don't think your content was offensive- But I do think it would be important for you to learn about religions other than white conservative Christianity. You seem to be equating "religion" with white conservative Christianity, and while I do agree that that particular type of religion has done a lot of harm, it is by far not the only type of religion out there. To use "religion" as a synonym for white conservative Christianity is another form of glorifying white conservative Christianity, as it implies that other religions are not real religions or simply do not exist, and white conservative
    3 points
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