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Showing content with the highest reputation since 12/23/20 in Posts

  1. I feel like people only ever ask about progress for romantic relationships. Every time I meet with a friend I have to go through the obligatory update of their dating progress. Don't get me wrong, I'm rooting for them and hope they find someone, but it's annoying that they don't seem to find any other relationship worthy of discussion. For example I've recently moved in with a friend (who I've not been particularly close with), cause I needed somewhere temporary to live while I'm selling my apartment, and I don't get any questions about our friendship and how it's working for us to live togeth
    9 points
  2. You seem to have a great idea, nothing about that sounds hurtful to me. Don't know if it will work with your story, but I think one thing that is exclusive to aroace is thinking that we are bi or pan because of equally lack of attracted in all genders make us think we are equally attracted to them both, instead of unattracted. On the other hand, some aroaces know very young they are not into relationship at all. It depends. But it sounds different than what I heard from allo aros, who can confuse their sexual attraction with romantic attraction. Something you can think about too i
    6 points
  3. I remember that feeling. Discomfort, telling myself that there was no REAL reason for me to feel this discomfort, trying to pretend I didn't. That lasted for a bit over a month before I wisened up and realized that the discomfort itself was the only answer I needed. The push that finally made me break up was realizing I started wanting to avoid my friend, and if I was to retain any warm feelings, then the romantic side of the relationship had to go, before all my affection had been replaced by that ever present discomfort. You asked to do this to try it out, and from the sound
    6 points
  4. For me, I suppose it's the notion that autistic people lack self awareness? I guess some people conflate my inability to understand social cues (like how certain types of emotional closeness, mainly in the form of disclosing personal details between a male presenting person and a female can be perceived as romantic intent, not to mention that due to my cultural background and despite being read as "female" by society, many people are threatened by me for no good reason) to mean that I couldn't possibly know if I'm feeling romantic attraction to someone or not, because autistic people are only
    6 points
  5. yup, i've had mental health professionals try to tell me i'm depressed because i don't have romantic relationships, even after i explain that being aro and romance repulsed meant that the romantic relationship i did have caused one of the most terrible periods of depression and unease of my life and i've felt so much happier and freer since accepting who i am and living in a way which is fulfilling for me. i really can't see how i could go on with life if i had to enter a lifelong romantic relationship/marriage, especially with kids--just imagining the horrible dread of knowing that was my ev
    5 points
  6. I would not say it that way (this way, it's like saying asexuals are not human... that's probably not what you meant, but it hurt a bit). I think it all depends on the person. If the person they date know from the start they are for short-time relationship, then everything is clear and I don't think it's a bad thing, just their way of being. If the partner complain about that even if he/she/they were told from the start, for me the one to blame is the partner, not the one who explained it in the first place. Now, if the person didn't say anything, it all depends on the intentions
    5 points
  7. I’m 37 and I’m in the process trying to figure things out. I’ve just recently, this month in December read about asexuality and aromanticism in the books “the invisible orientation” by Julie Sondra Decker and “ace” by Angela Chen. If has a been very mind blowing and emotional read. I wanted to learn more because I want to learn more about every lgtbq+ Orientation of course. I’m Christian and work in church (I’m swedish) I don’t work much with lgtbq+ including work at the moment but I really want to, so I need to learn more. And I’m always interested learning about different people on
    5 points
  8. technically the gender-neutral form of "boy" or "girl" is "kid" but I'm not sure that "kid" really fills the lexical gap you're looking at. I guess "Pal", "Buddy" or, "Friendo" could be used in a similar way, but you'll sound like a TV dad from the 1950's so pick your poison I guess.
    5 points
  9. Pretty much... Source: r/aromantic
    4 points
  10. 1. There are a lot of aros who still want to be in relationships/like relationships in theory, so the lack of attraction but desire to be with somebody still makes you aro! (also, squishes (platonic crushes) are pretty common for aros to have and often get confused for crushes) 2. Although those things can be considered romantic-coded in context, there also present in a lot of non-romantic relationships! I say as long as your friends are ok with that level of affection, theres nothing wrong with expressing your platonic love that way 3. I go back and forth on this, but I would
    4 points
  11. Eh, I wouldn't really call sex a need, tbh... And I think there's a lot of reasons people go through a lot of romantic relationships in a short span of time.
    4 points
  12. Why does romance have to be forever to be meaningful? Maybe they like brief romantic relationships same as someone else might like brief sexual ones. As long as they're upfront about their preferences I don't see anything amoral about that. However if they are staying they want their romantic relationships to be "forever" maybe they need to explore their pattern. Do they jump to quickly into a romantic relationship perhaps, mistaking the high of a new connection for romantic love. Do they have a need for approval which they feel the need for romantic love to satisfy. Are they a serial mo
    4 points
  13. Anything’s fashionable if you don’t give a shit about silly societal standards about aesthetic. I for one think multiple rings look kickass. The more the better!
    4 points
  14. Update: After a few months we broke up, but are remaining as friends! I guess I'm ok with that since I was starting to lose interest in the relationship and he probably was too. I don't know, I tried being "romantic", but it just didn't work out. i do feel sad, but I can't tell if its because of the breakup or if I just...secretly wish I was "normal". I still suffer majorly from internalized arophobia despite being a supporter of other ace/aro people for years. I guess its different when you have to deal with it yourself. Anyway, I appreciate the support you all gave me nonethel
    4 points
  15. In the car with my mom, driving to sports or something, and love song after love song kept on playing on the radio, so I asked “Why is every song about love? Isn’t there anything else to sing about” and she just answered by saying that it’s a powerful thing or something like that- along the lines of “you’ll understand when you’re older” and even back then I was disappointed by that answer; even at a young age I knew that there was so much more to life than just romantic love and relationships. I write poetry/songs now and yeah, love is a recurring theme, but I make a point to write about
    4 points
  16. I'm not sure if I have, for me the concept is really tied up with my neurology and getting obsessions. I occasionally will find someone I really want to befriend and will go down a very intense rush to know them, like. I want to learn everything about your interests and impress you with what you enjoy and know all the things you like and complain about the things you hate and this has to stop this has to stop. At that point I have to calm myself down and be like, lets just talk calm and develop a friendship alright. I'm not sure if it fits the idea of a squish or is just friendship p
    4 points
  17. A few thoughts It is hard to disentangle whether you want a romantic relationship due to desiring romance or because strong societal pressures push you towards one or make you feel unworthy if you are not in one. Also it might be that a lot of your sadness from that relationship you talk about is tied up in the way they turned you down. If I wanted to be around some one or respected by them and they told me they asked me out out of pity I would be very unhappy. working out what sort of relationship you would or would not be interested in is the thing I think would be helpful here. Be
    4 points
  18. yees, i've had one or two squishes i think. for me at least, the difference between a squish and a crush is not the "symptoms," but the desires. Like, i feel the same butterflies and yearning and fuzzy feelings and obsession and interest and tenderness and excitement and jealousy, but i don't feel a yearning to kiss or f*ck them. I just want to hold hands platonically and marathon all the movies and make them pancakes and have inside jokes and talk on the phone all night. It's a strong desire to be very close friends. I think a squish can be just as emotionally intense as a crush (m
    4 points
  19. Well, since I use the term myself, as an aroallo, I guess I'll chip in with my two cents. I don't personally see the term allo as anything more than a neutral identifying word, just like "cisgender." And much like "cisgender", it's used to label something that, for the most part, is a societal given. Usually identity terms exist to label things that deviate from societal norms, such as lesbian, gay, transgender, asexual, aromantic, etc. But there's nothing inherently wrong with having a label for something that is already widely accepted. I'm allosexual and I see nothing wrong with that
    4 points
  20. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I feel this loneliness too. I accept and embrace my aro-ness, and it's not something I would change about myself, but it is hard. I want similar things that you mentioned and it can be so frustrating because it feels so much more difficult to have this as an aro person. Whenever I feel like this, I try to tell myself that it's not myself I wish were different but more that I wish society were different so that we could more easily have the relationships we want. Maybe that's a way to look at it? I do still hope and try, though, to form meaningful relationship
    4 points
  21. I love (re)playing Skyrim (as well as other TES games), also The Sims 4 when I feel creative. If I want something relaxing, I'll probably go to Journey or Sky: Children of The Light.
    3 points
  22. I did the same thing haha. I remember reading "aromantic means you lack romantic attraction" and not connecting that to "hey you've never liked anyone ever". When I first learnt about it - I think I was also around 19 - there was so little information beyond that. Then two years later I think?? I read some story with an aro character explaining what aromantic meant and was like as an experience and suddenly I could relate. For those two years I was IDing as panromantic. For the classic reason lots of aros do lol "I feel the same way about everyone therefore it's all and not nothing". The
    3 points
  23. immediately i thought to myself that the answer to whether you felt any sort of affection/attraction to people would be a pretty good indicator, and as you said you had "strong feelings" and "a lot of love" for your friends, it's clear that your mental health issues aren't affecting that, so why would they impair your romantic attraction specifically? as to your not being sure whether certain feelings you had were romantic, i think that in itself is a good indicator--how many alloromantics (people who do experience romantic attraction) struggle with such an uncertainty or seriously consider t
    3 points
  24. not sure but from what you say you sound aro to me. That point about enjoying being alone and not wanting to be around one person every day is something I totally relate to. being 22 with only 3 instances where you think you might have had a crush sounds very much like you fit somewhere within aromanticism. certainly most people I knew growing up were firstly quite certain of their crushes and secondly seemed to have quite a few even when in their teens. Anyway, welcome, hope you figure yourself out.
    3 points
  25. This is mainly just to get this off my chest. A few days ago my mom and I were talking and I don’t remember how it came up but I said something like, “ Don’t worry, just because I’ll never get married doesn’t mean I’ll live at home forever. “ She asked, who said I’d never get married and I said me. I was being light hearted with the conversation, kind of testing the waters because I’ve never specifically said anything like this. I said getting married wasn’t my thing and I didn’t want to. She said it’s not like I’ve had a bad example of marriage (her and my dad have been married for 32 years a
    3 points
  26. Oh jeez. I relate to basically all of these posts. 😂 Also, YMBAI you didn't date anyone until you were 16/17 and then felt nothing and/or relieved after breaking up with them... (This is my personal experience that made me question my orientation and then discover and identify with the words "aromatic" and "asexual")
    3 points
  27. I'm Ash. I am fairly confident that I am aromantic or cupioromantic. I am 25 and work a regular office job. Hobbies include EGL fashion, art, houseplants, reading sci-fi novels and chess. A few years ago I began to accept that I will probably never live a typical allo life. It is still a struggle for me though. I think putting these feelings into words on this forum will help me further know myself better. Nice to meet you all :)
    3 points
  28. I've been struggling on this for sometime. I've been thinking of a QPR/sexual relationship of some sort, but it feels super difficult to find one that is amenable to what I want out of a relationship. I don't want to try anything with an alloro person, as frankly the stress of them potentially generating romantic feelings for me would just turn me off of the QPR completely, but it seems as if there's no way to find another aromantic and/or aroallo person easily. As I'm autistic it's double hard for me to form meaningful relationships with people/make friendships with those who aren't neurodive
    3 points
  29. Where do you live? Are there any groups for aromantics there? For example on facebook. You could start by posting there. Don't post about looking for a sexual relationship, that might seem too much upfront. But instead maybe say you'd like to meet other aroallos and talk about the difficulties you face. Then if you get contact with someone you could see if you too find one another sexual attractive, it might lead in that direction, or else you'll have some platonic connections. If there aren't any aromantic groups, try LGBT+ settings, or polyamourus or relationship anarchy groups. You can
    3 points
  30. Hey everyone, I've been reading about "squishes" a few times now and gotten a bit curious. To me its a concept that fell out of the clouds. I really had no idea there could be something like that (sorry for being ignorant about it). The way I understood it "squishes" are like "crushes" but actually not, or sth like that? I just wanted to know whether you guys have ever experienced one and if yes, what it was like for you?
    3 points
  31. sometimes i really wish i wasn’t aro. i’m so lonely all the time, and i’ve always found myself wanting a relationship. maybe i want a qpr, i’m not certain. i just wish i could feel romantic attraction, it seems so much “easier” to form meaningful relationships that way. i want someone to live with, to hold my hand, hug, and cuddle me when things get rough. someone to read books to and make hot drinks for. someone for me to support and to support me. someone who will notice when i’m not feeling well. someone, anyone, so that i won’t die alone. i don’t know what to do. i’d love to
    3 points
  32. 1. You're right - my wording was wrong and I am sorry. I didn't mean to hurt or erase asexual people. 2. Dating a person doesn't necessarily mean you're also in a romantic relationship with them, right? Isn't it just like hanging out in order to get to know them better? In any case, what I meant is that I can't wrap my head around situations where someone claims they love their romantic partner with all their heart, and then they repeat the exact same words to someone else only a brief while later.. I mean, if you truly loved the person you've just broken up with, can you really come to
    3 points
  33. It's something alloromantics really cannot know beforehand. And I don't even think it's AMORAL to break somebody's heart. Of course, if they have strong empirical evidence that their romantic relationships just last 3-6 months on average, they perhaps could warn their prospective partners. But when does this ever happen? That's 100% aro-logic, "Dear Alice, my romantic relationships don't last very long. Don't expect more than 3 month. 6 would be my record. With Love, Bob". Realistically it doesn't work that way. Virtually never. Not showering with over-the-top declarations of love and giv
    3 points
  34. idk friend, some people "catch feels" easily (for lack of better words.) I don't think you can control who you are romantically attracted to, or not. Or even how frequently you're attracted to people, or not. If someone is truly interested in people, but that romantic attraction fades and redevelops quickly. It's kind of out of their control, and I don't think shaming them is helpful. Also, I think there's nothing really wrong with casual or short-term dating. Sometimes, it really is just a fun thing to do (not that I have any experience lol) I think the key in any relationship is to comm
    3 points
  35. I have no idea of the exact age that I was, but it was sometime during 2015 I think, which was when I was about 17-18. I know that when I joined these forums I was firmly identifying as aro so it was definitely at least a few months before then. It's amazing how far I've come in those past 5 years tbh. I was so far inside my own shell back then; I barely talked online at all, and I never felt like I belonged anywhere. This forum helped me feel like I belonged for the first time in my life, and also helped me realise a lot more about myself that would have taken a lot longer for me if this
    3 points
  36. I would love to join as well. About the meet-up: Can anyone partake in it?
    3 points
  37. There wasn't really a set point in time where I figured it out, since I had been questioning my (at the time) panromantic label for a few weeks before. I had considered that I might be aro at the same time I thought I might be ace, but the fact that I still was interested in relationship with people kind of threw me off. It felt like it described me, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it wasn't romantic attraction that I felt, it was more like queerplatonic attraction than anything. There was a specific moment that I finally accepted the aromantic label though. It w
    3 points
  38. This is a sign of a good writer. Someone who puts their ideas in their writing in hopes of bettering at least one person's life with something they need, rather than pleasing the crowds with what they want.
    3 points
  39. I was recommended to this by Erederyn and I definitely would like to join! ive just recently, couple of weeks back realised that I might be ace and aro. I’ve read about it and recognized myself and now Im taking the next step to learn more through interacting with people so this is perfect for me :) Im in Sweden so I’ll be have to figure out what time it will be over here but I’d it’s 7 pm UK time it should be 6 pm over here. Right? :P Sorry, I’m just so confused about time zones xD Is was January 10th right? It will work perfectly for me. is it through google
    3 points
  40. Thank you so much for sharing! This is so helpful!
    3 points
  41. Hello! I'm the mom of a 13 year old Aro/Ace girl. My daughter told me she was Aro/Ace two years ago. I'm 100% supportive of her. I do, however, need help understanding something, and I'm hoping you can enlighten and educate me. She says she is repulsed by all topics on relationships, and is repulsed by seeing or talking about other people in relationships. In my mind, I think like this... I'm straight, but I would never be repulsed or upset at someone for telling me they are gay. I would celebrate with them when they found their soul mate. I would think that similarly, a
    3 points
  42. Yeah, I think it's really difficult to understand why someone doesn't want something when it's all you want. Like chocolate. If someone says they don't like chocolate, my brain immediately goes to 'are they allergic or something? How do you not like chocolate? Everyone likes chocolate!" So I guess I just try to remind myself that it's just a lack of understanding sometimes, not a deliberate thought that someone can't dislike 'chocolate.'
    3 points
  43. Hello, it is great that you are so supportive of her. I'm sure that knowing you have her back is already a great comfort for her. I can only speak from my own experience as a 26 y.o. aroace. In my case I feel strongly repulsed by any form of public affection and intimate topics, meaning that even holding hands or just stroking each others back in front of me can already make me feel uncomfortable. This does not mean, however, that I do not support other people's relationship. I am still genuinely happy for them and congratulate them. Just, maybe from a bit further away. When I was
    3 points
  44. Hi! So romance repulsion is definitely a thing, for aros, and alloromantic people. Personally, I fluctuate between romance (and sex) positive, indifferent, and adverse for other people's relationships. I still am happy for my friends. Sometimes, I even enjoy hearing about their relationships. However, every now and then, I'll be talking about romance and get the urge to just get out of the situation. I don't really get why, it just is how it is. And when romance is turned on me, it's the same. Just one big "NO" and feeling super uncomfortable. As for what's helped me, I would recomme
    3 points
  45. I got to agree with @nonmerci that trying to explain aromantism is difficult to say the least, it's part of the reason I'm not out to my family. Getting the dismissive "oh, you just haven't met the right person yet" or "oh you grow out if it eventually" kinda sucks. I know they mean well and that they want me to be happy, but they don't realize that not everyone wants/ needs the same things to be happy. I don't want nor need romance/ romantic attraction/ a romantic partner in my life to be happy and that's valid af. I have not run into the "wanting sex without romance" problem yet due to
    3 points
  46. Sorry you had to hear that. I can be wrong but I think in this context it was more "she misses something if she doesn't date you" rather than "if she doesn't date women". Which is still confusing. We can have meaningful relationship with people without dating them! When someone says that, I try to think about analogy. I do think that people who don't love Harry Potter (books or movies not the character ha ha) are missing something. Are they less than me for that? No they are not. And they probably have other interests that I don't have and think I'm missing something to
    3 points
  47. I really wish that stuff wasn’t expected of people. It sucks that we can’t just say: I don’t want to do this, and others think we have to or whatever
    3 points
  48. If you have thought your squishes were crushes or have had to make up crushes to fit in.
    3 points
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