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  1. Today
  2. welcome fellow aro ex scene kid i also used to own kandi bracelets myself back in the day LMAO
  3. I know this comment is like, 4 years old already... but I've been really relating to this. It's how I see myself as an allo aro in fact. My experiences coming out as polyamorous immediately defaults me as a loveless slut. I'm still in the midst of processing being on the aromantic spectrum at all. One half is like "hey, this makes sense" but then on the other it's like "NO YOU'VE BEEN TRYING TO DESEXUALIZE YOUR POLYAMOROUS IDENTITY FOREVER NOW" and then also "hey... what if my therapist is right? What if I'm not aro at all and I'm actually just monogamous for my girlfriend?"
  4. well this one fits two categories as it is French, and it may not (yet) be explicitly stated within the show, the creator of Miraculous Ladybug has tweeted about the characters. I don't actually follow the show, but apparently fans are not surprised but they also seem to not think will actually be named in the show. https://alexseanchai.tumblr.com/post/616144855708696576/omg-astruc-just-said-on-twitter-that-max-is-rather
  5. I'm scrolling through tumblr and I see a post that says "If this gets x notes I'll tell my crush I like them" I smile and absentmindedly like it, I think 'I should do that!' then I remember- I don't have a crush. I'm reminded of the time I dated someone because everyone told me I should want to date someone- and I did- dating someone sounded great, all I'd heard was happiness and getting presents and so one. The I realized how miserable being in a relationship was making me. It's hard because I wish I had a crush because it's always described as the best thing ever- everyone wants to meet their prince charming, their cinderella. It's hard because I don't want a crush- the very idea is unpleasant to me.
  6. For me, my pansexuality is far less important than my aromanticism for the same reasons that @nonmerci described. Being pansexual doesn't really impact my life as much as being aro. Having sex is just another activity for me, but who I want to spend more than a day with is far more important. Also, more on the topic, I like to use my label of aromantic because it holds more weight for me than my sexuality. Being aromantic makes me choose more things than being pansexual, like how I speak around people I barely know, cuz then they can think I am flirting, which is annoying.
  7. You know how alterous attraction is often described as something in between romantic and platonic attraction? well, I feel physical attraction, I'm sure of that, and I know is not of the sensual type as I'm even repulsed by kisses, hugs and all that stuff, but I don't think the attraction I feel, as I feel it could be accurately classified as either sexual or aesthetic, I think it's a mix of both. Do you think it's possible to experience a physical attraction that's in between aesthetic and sexual attraction? Is there a name for that?
  8. 1. "It's ok, you are depressed af now, but you don't need to fix someone before you. So get your arse to fix yourself first" 2. "Yes, that boy in summer camp was the first sign that you where aro" 3. "You don't need to fix someone. I repeat, you. do. not. need. to. fix. someone. Mate, you are a mess and that is ok. No need to shame yourself for giving up, you did your max" 4. "That time you cried your heart out of the shower was what you needed at the moment. Trust me, you needed to let it out before it made you kill yourself. So yeah, it is always ok to cry." 5. "No great city was built in one day, it takes work and dedication. So take care of your body, one day at a time" 6. "Look up for aromanticism and pansexual, it will save you years of your time. Also, let go of that squish of middle school. She literally doesn't deserve your time, you know it's not gonna work ever. She is alloromantic and you know that she wants romance, so let go and save yourself the grief."
  9. Yesterday
  10. Hi izzyruth92! I don't know what stage of planning the TAAAP is in for these discussions, but do you know when/how they're planning to host these discussions? Like if they're considering Discord or Zoom or something on their website. I saw that there was a question about how people responding to this questionnaire would be able to participate, so I understand that they might not have decided on the particular method as of yet. Just curious about the range they're considering.
  11. I never heard of either of these terms, but they ring true to my experiences. Especially disenfranchised grief. When you lose a friend it's often like you can't even talk about it, as if the pain can't be comparable to losing a romantic partner. And maybe it's because I'm aro, but breaking up with a romantic partner never hurt me as horribly as losing a friend. So while it's possible to avoid some grief in not getting into romantic relationships... If you make connections with people, chances are you'll experience loss in some form anyways.
  12. Thanks for sharing, Mark! I've been trying to look up sources for where the assertion that love doesn't appear in Western society until recently is from, since I want to have a solid foundation when I try to explain it to the people around me, but I'm having mixed results when I try to look up love in anthropological studies. Do you have any links or titles of books/aticles that you can point me to that explore that idea? Hey aro_elise! If you wanted to read the book and have someone to discuss each chapter with, I'd be all for discussing it here!! Sorry about the late reply, Qim ^^;; Like Mark said, you could buy it off Amazon. I'd like to add that most libraries also take requests for books to add to their collection, so you could try requesting it if your local library doesn't already have a copy. With COVID-19, I know libraries are closed in most--if not all--areas right now. I'm pretty lucky to live in an area with robust library services, like an online e-book collection, and I recognize that not everyone has that. If you don't want to spend money on it, and if it's not possible to get it through the library right now, it might just be a title to add to a reading list for now. Hope you're doing okay!
  13. Even if a label technically describes you, you shouldn't feel pressure to actively use it, and it's okay to prioritize other labels. Especially when it comes to discourse, I understand that it may feel tiring to constantly see debates about your identity. But whatever your reasoning is, it's okay. Not everyone has the same relationship with their asexuality or aromantism. I am arospec and non-binary, but I don't feel a strong connection to those labels and choose to use them because I know they accurately describe my feelings and experience. And I choose to post on this forum just because I enjoy being around like-minded people, but I don't engage with the LGBT+ community aside from it. (ah, sorry for using the word 'label' so much)
  14. Use whatever labels work for you! It might be helpful to think about sexuality in the model proposed by the AVEN Triangle: The top line represents the Kinsey scale, the left being homosexual, the right being heterosexual and the third dimension, leading to the bottom point of the triangle, represents sexual attraction. Asexuals lie in the bottom regions of the triangle, which is why you might see the two-toned triangle having only the bottom corner black. AVEN chooses to display the triangle as a gradient, which allows room for demisexuals and grey-asexuals. It signifies that there really is no clear cut black-and-white; it is a continuum. Basically, that who you are attracted to can be thought of as one axis, and how you experience that attraction is another.
  15. Personally, I just don't care about the ace part. My reaction when I read the definition of asexuality was "wait, this is just that? then I am!", and after a few reasearches it was just "yeah, whatever". On the contrary, being aro leads to more questioning and denial at first. I think it's link of how I view sex and romance. For me, sex is just an activity, and if I don't do it, I don't care. But I see romance more as a way of life : it implies to live together, to make plan together, etc. So I see the lack of attraction for that has more impact in my life than the lack of sexual attraction. I suppose allo aros and allo aces don't think like that because society link sex to romance anyway, and if I lived in a society where I was expecting to have sex while not in couple, I would probably think differently too. Also, I know that their are aro aces for who this is as or more important than romantic attraction for them. Because you still have the pressure of society to feel sexual attraction, that some people talk about it all the time... And I'm not saying it has no impact on my life neither. But if I compare to what aromanticism is for me, well, asexuality is less important.
  16. There are the Mosuo. Who have something called "walking marriage" which is radically different from either arranged or romantic marriage. Though they may have acquired monogamy from other Chinese cultures recently. Decline in marriage is't specific to Japan. Here's articles about it happening in China, The UK, Australia and The US.
  17. I got 58% aromantic and assexual and 17% not aromantic but the proposed answers were not very lith-friendly. I still do not understand how I can have such a high score while still having sexual and romantic attraction. Maybe using material relationships isn't the best way to diagnose a lack of attraction ...
  18. Your mom is demisexual and did that to you? That's massively messed up. I'm new to the aro community and it makes me really sad to see the conflicts happening with aces. I really hope that she'll come around to accept you because that's just totally unacceptable. I'm a lesbian, but as someone who used to ID as bi and pan, I know how to feels to be slut shamed. In fact, even if I am a lesbian I don't think I'll ever stop being slut shamed. Not only because I just realized that I'm also aro, but because I'm polyamorous too. My parents especially made me feel very miserable for being the stereotypical polyamorous queer. (Even tho sex was always so hard to access) Being queer overall leads to a lot of sex shaming, that we're all perverted deviants. It's something that a lot of us unfortunately can't escape. I wouldn't blame you for having internalized biphobia for this, your bisexuality is valid and you have the right to own your sexual autonamy. You are also free to present yourself however you like! Altho if it feels unsafe doing it around your mom and other family, you can always look into safe spaces where people won't judge you for something like that.
  19. Hey, as someone who has BPD I may be able to explain what's going on with you. A lot of borderlines experience something called a "favorite person" (FP for short) it's when you obsess over someone so much, you basically dedicate all your time and energy into them. Favorite people aren't always romantic or sexual interests, they can legit be anyone you know. You are not evil for experiencing this, I can't sit here and armchair diagnose you with BPD but I just want to let you know that. People with this condition are often stigmatized as being evil or monsters, and it's pretty messed up!! Of course there are times where our behavior can be pretty problematic, this is why we need to get the treatment and the help we need for this. Having a favorite person can be quite exhausting, not just to the people, but also ourselves. It's like you can never get this person out of your head, you're constantly messaging them and doing whatever it takes to get their attention, no matter how over the top. You basically burn yourself out too and it's not healthy for either one involved! We also experience pretty bad abandonment issues and other types of trauma. DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) is a type of treatment that was made for people with BPD. I personally do EMDR and it helps me understand the root of my obsessive behaviors a lot! BTW, hypersexuality is one of the symptoms for BPD! (this can also play into manic as well for people with bipolar)
  20. 42% demisexual....33% aromantic, 8% the other two options... Hm. Kinda off. This quiz made little sense. Couldn't wrap my head around some of the options at all, none of them corresponded with my thoughts or experiences. Or they did and the wording was confusing.
  21. Thank you. I appreciate this comment a lot- sorry it's been a whole month before a response, but I'll keep all this in mind.
  22. Just laying around. Might be mutually playing video games or saying something now and then.
  23. Thanks @nonmerci I will check it out and hope it fits. Don't worry about finding videos. I prefer to find my own anyways because I want as high quality as possible to start from.
  24. Thanks for sharing. I'm curious what makes people identify more with their aromantic side than asexual and vice versa. Aside from being met with disrespect from some of the community like you were @Greeley I guess that if I went on Aven I would find several aro ace that states their asexual identity is more important to them. Personally I also don't really feel Ace. Even though I've not had sex for nearly a decade now and don't miss it. I think it's because I still feel sexual feelings sometimes. And I'm also positive to sex, I like seeing sex on tv and movies. So I suppose I feel very different from aces who find sex gross.
  25. It's a John Mulaney reference!
  26. I don't have a ring sizer so I prefer to try before I buy, but if you know of stores local to you maybe think about giving them some information on what you want and get them to hunt because they probably know many more contacts/products. I got an ace ring from a local fashion shop, I told her what I wanted and she had stock in storage. Apparently not on display because it was 'too simple'.
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