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  2. In this case, this allo that "just don't love his friends" would certainly not like to be forced any "aspec" label onto him. But if this person have other traits such as some kind of neuro-divergence or social awkwardness or anything that prevent him to have the "official" love relationship (according to the idea that platonic bonds plays a role in many sexual and or romantic relationship), he may start to consider it. To me, there are some bridges that can be made between my aroace identity and aplatonic identity. When I tell people that I spent 2 month alone during the quarantine and that it was fine, I have almost the same reactions than if I say that I never dated anyone in my 26 years long life and that it is fine. By contrast it would be different reactions if I said that I only dated mens or if I came out as a woman. Thats not the same kind of queerness. Other exemple : platonic dynamics plays a role in gender socialization, take as exemple male groups that are expected to behave kinda like a wolf pack, if you are not part of the pack, your experience to masculinity is different. That's not to say that aplatonics always are gender misfits but it can change your gender experience. Hence some links with agender folks for certain aplatonics. I believe that there is no need to talk here about the links between gender construction and romance and sex. And for some allo aces and some allo aros there is no common experience between their allo aromanticism and their allo asexuality so maybe being part of something called "aspec" is not very relevant to them. And I can see that there are already many words that exists to talk about common interrest with other minorities (LGBTIAA+, MOGAI, Queer,...). All of this to say that the blurness of the border of "aspec" could play the same role as the blurness of "grayromantic". I don't care if some grayro are not "really aros" according to a arbitrary line since it's a concept that helps them and all of the aro comunity to better reflexions.
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  4. That's the question though, would an alloromantic allosexual have any reason to want to identify with the ace & aro umbrellas like that? I mean, if someone's like "I don't love my friends," I don't see what that necessarily has to do with me. I'm not preemptively ruling it out, just asking what the rationale is supposed to be. So you're talking about like... questioning-aro and questioning-ace?
  5. The way that I have used and thought about aspec is as encompassing a lot of identities and issues that get brought up in the ace and aro communities (I am not agender and so do not have a close tie to that community, and can't speak to that side of things). For example, we often talk about different kinds of attraction, relationships, etc. For folks I know who are questioning their identities and figuring out what labels might be right for them, the idea of "aspec" has been really helpful. It can be hard at first to completely tease apart what exactly is sexual and what is romantic attraction. Someone who is questioning their identity might find a community and some sense of identity with "aspec" even if they don't have very specific labels yet (or ever). Even for me, I have identified as aroace for ~6 years and sometimes still have a hard time parsing what parts of my experience would fall under aromanticism and what parts would fall under asexuality. For me sometimes they are impossible to distinguish between, but I know that they are "aspec" experiences. The "aspec" term also allows for the overlaps in experiences of the ace and aro communities. While they are not exactly the same, there are a lot of things that our communities have in common, and a lot of people who identify with both. The bottom line for me is that this term has been and continues to be very useful for a lot of people, and questioning the legitimacy and validity of the term stands to do more harm than good, especially for folks who are new to these communities.
  6. I'm highlighting aspec related research and content on twitter for pride this month @aspec_stardust! We're only 5 days in but plenty more coming that I think you'll be interested in including. I'll have a round-up post on my blog (aspecofstardust.wordpress.com) at the end of the month too. I also have most if not all of the pdfs for the articles I mention so if there's a resource you'd like to have let me know and I can send it to you.
  7. Positive framing of police brutality taken too far, but it's nice to have aspec representation as a main character who find fullfilment in something else than sex or romance.
  8. They're here For a while, I've been working on a spreadsheet to compile research and experiences of asexuality, and I've just started one for aromanticism as well. If there is anything I could add to any of these, let me know and I'll take a look.
  9. Hello, With some friends we are thinking about organizing a movie/debate event in our social center about Aromanticism, Asexuality, Bisexuality and other erased/unknown identities. The public whould be composed mostly of anarcho-compatible people, so kinda educated about feminist and mainstream LGBT issues. The format we would like is using a short or medium fictionnal or documentary movie (not just a short educatonnal youtube video if possible) related to the subject and then have a debate about it. The goal is to increase visibility and conciousness about these issues in our community as many, even in the queer and feminist scenes don't know about aros, aces and differentiated attractions being a thing. The movies have to be in french or english or at least have french subtitles available. For the ace part, there are a few short movies that could fit the format, some of them are listed here. I was thinking about it's not you, its not me (CW : romance, unfinished ice cream*, sex scene and emotionnal coertion into sex) as it have an interesting (and mandatory) cross-discussion about consent. But maybe you have better ideas. So my main problem is that I don't really know any movie that have aromanticism as a topic that would fit. As a last resort, maybe I could project a simple youtube video defining aromanticism, then use that awfull Fr2's show from 2017 (in french. CW: highly concentrated arophobia while a greyro is present at the discussion table) as a medium to introduce what arophobia looks like (since only hardcore slutshaming is missing on the bingo). The first seconds of the show litterally says : I'm pretty sure the audience won't fall for the psychanalitic BS so I think it's kind of safe to debate intelligently about these awfull stuffs. It could be interresting to speak about parallels and differences with other lgbt+phobias. Does anyone have any better idea ? Even if it's not the same format or something. *I know ice cream is very important to some people in the aro comunity.
  10. If some of you remember this game, then I'd be damn amazed. This is Threads of Fate (aka Dewprism) which is a SUPER underrated square game from the late 90s-early 2000s. It's an RPG platformer about a boy and a girl on a quest to find a magical relic. What's really fascinating about this game, is that despite picking between a boy and a girl, they aren't meant to be blank slates at all. They are actually their own characters with their own stories and motives. (which is good because then it's less pressuring for us that are gender nonconforming) When I grew up with this game, I imagined some romance was implied but it wasn't something I particularly cared for. The boy character Rue lives with a woman named Clair who takes him in and they live together. She ends up getting murdered and the reason he wants the relic is to revive her. If you've been through stories like this over and over, of course you'd think there'd eventually be a romantic plot going on with this. The thing is tho, is that Rue has always considered Clair as his friend and someone who was more like an older sister to him. That changes everything. The girl character you play as, get this, is a princess. BUT both her and her sister Maya are actually not required to be with a prince AT ALL to be queen. Basically, it's a more goofier storyline where she's the bratty princess character who wants the throne for herself and world domination. Everyone in her kingdom thinks she's full of shit and straight up tells her that her younger sister is far more qualified to be queen. They base it all ENTIRELY on responsibility and behavior and she's like a total rebel who fights against it, which I look back on this and think this writing is way more feminist than the shit they pulled with Kairi in Kingdom Hearts. (They make her a princess with her own keyblade and then push her back from getting any redeemable character development) A huge CW tho, Rue's story might be pretty triggering because he's a shapeshifter who can turn into monsters. I feel like that's enough of an allegory for us to interpret him as aromantic even more. One of the characters he rescues in the beginning of the game calls him "Polly", one of the monsters he can transform into that's like a pollywog type creature. He then begins to question himself if he actually is a monster which is really depressing and even relatable for us with internalized arophobia. I'd also like to think the shapeshifter part of him could backup a genderfluid interpretation as well, I'm genderfluid and often think of myself this way. So why didn't anyone play this game? Idk, I guess because there wasn't a sliver of romance to be found.
  11. Personnaly I think that agenders and aplatonics should both be included and not included in the aspec thing. Let me explain, as a person that dont feel gender as a thing on the emotional level, there is a big corelation for me between this experience and my apl, aro and ace ones. It feels kind of the same. It is such comon feeling for aro people to feel that way that we even have a word for it, arogender. Just look at the submissions for the carnival of aro of march about aromanticism and gender. But probably, not all agenders and aplatonic would find comunity with aro and aces pertinent for their life experience. So why not just keep the boundaries voluntaryly blur, like the queer thing ? Aspec could be a word about the aspec experience, just like that. It could be a feature and not a bug.
  12. Of course you can ! There is often a confusion between : romantic drive, romantic attraction, romantic favorability/neutrality/aversion desire for a romantic relationship with a person in particular, and dating said person. These are four different things and it's totally possible to enjoy/feel one without the others. It is not mandatory to behave as the archetypal aro person. Let's not replace amatonormativity with some arbitrary aronormativity. If, at a time, you find out that romantic relationships are not for you, maybe you can be interested by the concept of queer-platonic relationships. Good luck !
  13. So I’ve known I was asexual for quite some time, but recently I’ve stumbled across the term aromantic and started to identify as that. But I’m not sure if I am because I show platonic love in ways society views as romantic (cuddling, holding hands, one on one “dates”, etc.). Also, I’m very physical in my friendships like cuddling and stuff. Anyways since the way I show platonic love is so similar to how most people show romantic love, I was wondering if dating would be a possibility? Similarly to how some asexuals I know can be in a sexual relationship while still being asexual. Could I be in a romantic relationship while still being aromantic?
  14. Sorry for the confusion! My mind was mostly focused on how awful it felt seeing the conversations in here about arospec specifically. People were talking about gender already and so I thought it was a good time to add in my thoughts.
  15. @yurihands I am really confused by your logic? are you still talking about agender being included in a-spec at the end of this? Like, I understand the point made in each main paragraph but the last bit seems ambiguously phrased in and of itself and the connection to previous parts doesn't seem clear. *** I categorize agender under nonbinary, not a-spec, a-spec is ace & aro spectrums.....hmmm maybe should draw out how picture the umbrellas or something. Agender is under the "A" in the acronym but I don't think it should be included in a-spec and I believe including it in the term a-spec would really take away from the term as it is the only single word that can be used to describe ace & aro, which is commonly useful due to the organizational overlap between the two communities.
  16. I think a lot of the debating that went on in here about those who feel like "aspec" shouldn't even be a thing... reminds me a lot about the issues we deal with in the trans community. It is SUCH an overwhelming issue when nonbinary people are gatekept from the trans community due to pretentious opinions like "you need this, this this and this in order to be trans" "you're either male or you're female, pick one" or even "sure nonbinary people are real but being trans is totally different." Despite me being new to the aro community, the stuff I've seen so far isn't nearly as bad as how we deal with this in the trans community. Trans people are extremely hypervisible now to the point where if a conservative trans person makes a youtube channel, the majority of transphobes will watch them just to validate their own transphobia. The reason why a lot of trans people are so aggressive like this is due to their own internalized transphobia. This, and they want to be accepted by cis people so much that they will do anything to be seen as valid. They struggle with being trans so much, that they view people who are nonbinary or don't transition as like a major threat to them and even to their own transition. They experience so much pain being trans, that anyone who identifies as such but are different than them don't TRULY understand how they feel. It's a reason why terms like "truscum" or "trutrans" exist, it's because they believe that only they can be the real, true, trans person. But we argue that nonbinary people have always been a part of the trans community. It's not an ahistorical concept, the white stripe is even used in the trans flag in order to include us. Sure one of it's meanings can represent transition, but it could also represent people who lack gender or blur the lines between gender. Which brings me to my next point, look at our own aromantic flag. Even if some of you think there's no such thing as greyromanticism or it should be separate from being aromantic, then why is the grey stripe included on the flag? The flag that's used on this very site? Not to mention the people who run this forum specifically made it so that people who are grey or on the spectrum can feel included too and be able to explore themselves without any fear of judgement. If you believe that gender can be this giant colorful spectrum, and that trans and nonbinary can both be overlapping umbrellas, then why can't it be like that for the aspectrum?
  17. useful new sources: Article by Dr. Bella Depaulo, the author who has written about singlism: https://blogs.psychcentral.com/single-at-heart/2020/05/people-who-are-aromantic-are-they-targets-of-bigotry/ (mentions aromantic people being targets of bigotry) Article about Peridot from Steven Universe being aromantic asexual: https://www.cbr.com/steven-universe-crystal-gem-confirmed-asexual-peridot/ (might have to carefully phrase this one based on the extent of it being confirmed, but this seems like reasonable source to be using for it).
  18. ^ I think this is very important for people to understand. That there are people that just...can live without having sex and enjoy life jusst the same way anyone else does. (Bit of a rant here) It is so annoying that people think they are entitled to know parts of my life just cuz they can. It is my life, and I do whatever they (insert bad word) I want with it. It by no means affect your life so shut the (insert bad word) up and leave me alone. If I am having sex, it is my business who I am having it with. If I am not having it, it is still my business. Right now, it has been over a year the last time I had sex, and I haven't died nor I think I am losing anything important in life. (end rant) Like Quim said, it is unimportant to me. Maybe I will have it in the future, but that is up to me and the other part who would be involved to decide. Also I would like to add (this is more of intersection between sexual attraction and meds), for those of us who take meds: antidepressants; anxiolytics; antipsychotics. They do affect how we feel sexual attraction. I do not have a study that correlates them specifically, but from my personal experience I can speak. Getting aroused was easy before being on meds (I could focus on an image and maybe I could start getting in the mood), after I started taking them, my libido is 10km below ground (I had to really put effort in it and the outcome was so little that I just got tired and stopped trying). When changing meds, my cleaning weeks (1-2 week of not taking meds so I can change from one antidepressant to the other) I got my libido back, and then it dropped again 2 days after starting new med. And the combination of meds, is not something pretty but I am fine with it since it keeps me alive. So I guess that what I'm saying is that doctors don't tell you about the secondary effect of basically losing your libido when taking meds, and it may lead on taking life from a different perspective. It is not bad, not having sexual attraction, it just means that we can conquer the world easier :3 (also that we are dragons) Edit: I forgot to mention why it happens. Ok, a bit of anatomy and science. If you have a male body, the penis gets it's erection because of the increased blood flow, so what the meds do here is (not every drug is exactly the same way but the concept is similar) regulate your blood flow and levels of some neurotransmitters (serotonin) and hormones (dopamine). So when you think an image that makes you aroused, your brain see it and treats the rise of blood pressure as something that should not happen so it kinda blocks it, but since it can only block some and not all, you still get an effect, but not the one that originally could have happened. For the female body is basically the same effect, but the blood pressure doesn't play a huge role, what plays the role is that the brain blocks rises of dopamine levels, and this leads to the brain shutting the body of arousal. So yeah, this is a lot more complex but this is somewhat the gist of what is happening
  19. Yesterday
  20. Welcome! Have some icecream
  21. Welcome mate, it is great that you joined in ^^ hope we can help you discover your label. You got some ice cream, so here some coffee (insert tasty coffee)
  22. Of course it's okay, you came at the perfect place for answers to your questions. And finding out your "label" isn't even mandatory if you decide it's not relevant to you. Have some ice cream !
  23. I would say there is dark humour in it. It take trope of romantic movie, but bring them to the point that is no sane at all. Yep, I saw that type of comments in média and this is disgusting. I don't know if this is identification or connection, but I saw some people défendons his actions and... I am concerned about this. I think it is because the show really makes you enter the logic of this character, who see himself as a "nice guy". This is the genius of the show, but also concerning as some people are seeing his actions are romantic when they are not, this is possissiveness and control. I suppose it shows how some alloromantic are quick to forgive things if they are done in the name of what they call "love"... and so it shows how people have not sane ideas about romantic love. And some reactions about season 2 finale tends to show that some of these people also think that it is to the man to protect his love interest, not the contrary. Which shows some archaic view about romance too.
  24. Thanks for the reply! To answer the first question, I honestly just wanted to know what it would feel like to be in a relationship with my best friend, and thus I think what i’m trying to say is that after the r/s started I started to lose all interest in it and felt like exactly what we had before, only just we were “dating.” So the word romantic could be removed, yeah. To me I could easily just move back into what we had (a platonic one). For the 2nd q, I fairly see what you mean. He always raised my anxiety in high levels so those little things could’ve caused me to slowly dislike him but that was only towards the latter 2 months, and for the entire 1 year+ time it wasn’t like that. When I wanted to break up with him only and when I was thinking that it would be a good idea did only I see all of his other mistakes and things I disliked, prior to all I never considered/ did that matter at all. But what does it mean when I realised that I just couldn’t feel any romantic attraction and not just towards him? I 100% prefer platonic friendships over having a relationship and to me I don’t see the point of holding your partner in a higher position than your friendships as to me they are both equal. What I meant when I said I felt labeled as being in a relationship it was because we didn’t really go out and mainly talked online as we didn’t have a safe place to talk. So to me the entire time it felt like he was still my best friend rather than boy friend, where as he saw the opposite. And I never felt a romantic attraction towards him or another guy I dated in the past. I do eventually want to be in a relationship one day and marry; but truthfully the idea of being in a r/s where I can never reciprocate the feelings, feels to me like I’d be leading them on and that scares me.
  25. For pride this month (in the US) I'm highlighting aspec researchers and content creators on twitter! Follow me @aspec_stardust and keep an eye on #AspecResearch and #AspecContent. Round-up will be on my blog at the end of the month (aspecofstardust.wordpress.com)

  26. Lately im thinking way too much on my label i would fit as idk why, i worry so much about it xDDDD

  27. New here, and tbh i dont know yet my "label" but i wanna find it out.. i hope its okay i joined. ♡♡♡
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