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  3. "That's just how the world is".... god, people just don't have any respect for us, huh? What's the point of playing a game if we're just forced into the same shitty reality we're already living? I'm sending strength for you to talk to them about it!
  4. Yesssss. I guess I just assume that everyone in my RPG group knows that all my DnD characters are aroace because I am and my friends know that. But then my best friend who has just started DMing a new game was like "Oh your character WILL be flirted with at some point, FYI" and I kind of tried to hint that I didn't want that, but she was like "Ok, but that's just how the world is." And my other friend is playing a bard and he IS going for the stereotypical flirty-bard angle and while I shut his character down immediately, it was still somewhat uncomfortable. I am still working on getting up the courage to point out that DnD is supposed to be an escape from reality and that it's supposed to be a space where I feel safe from have to deal with that sort of thing... 😞 I feel your pain @Oatpunk.
  5. IME perioriented people tend to conflate romance and sex. Often without being aware of it. There can also be conflation between romance and interest in other romantic coded activities. In theory allo-aces get this. Though practice not so much. Also worth noting that someone's feelings towards performative romance can differ from how they view romance in fiction or popular culture. Often "relationship" and "romantic relationship" are seen as synonyms. Thus there's little cultural context in terms of what a non romantic relationship (sexual or not) might look like. These don't work for everyone. I'm not sure any relationship is "no-strings-attached" more "no-romantic-strings-attached". Even for a non romance repulsed aro that "more" could equate to "less". This is where romantic privilege comes into play. Part of this is likely to be that whoever ended the relationship it's likely to be seen as the aro's fault. This assumes that a) all aros want casual sex. b) all aros can easily find people who they find attractive and are interested in casual sex with them. Which can also be expressed as "aros are satisfied with (platonic) friends". There's a lot of social interaction which is romantic coded. Someone being a romance-favourable aro does not mean that they know how to roll play being an allo. It's not that hard to find existing examples of non-sexual romantic relationships. Even involving allo allos Whilst it's hard to find examples of non-romantic sexual relationships.
  6. Hi all, I go here by the name Beukennootje. I am a 23 years old student from the Netherlands. I identify as aromantic and asexual. I came to the asexual realisation first a few months ago, and then I realised there was more than just asexual. I am also aromantic. I try to discuss it with some people and I notice I get reactions I don't have proper answers on. One of the people that I told I was aromantic and asexual was like: "but this also can be not true. I mean, you may have a boyfriend in 2 years. I also had periods I didn't found anyone attractive when I was emotionally numb." So I told her I definitely wasn't emotionally numb from puberty till now, if I ever have been emotionally numb. But she still was like: but you can also just say: at this moment I don't feel attraction to people. And at that moment I didn't know anymore how to respond. The person I talked to is biromantic and sexual herself, so I couldn't make the comparison with the gender she isn't attracted to. I also talked to someone that at first seemed understanding. But then started to ask like all weird questions possible about how I looked at people, how it came I never had crushes, everything about my sex life, if I masturbate and if so, what I think about when doing that etc. Like everything, which was quite uncomfortable. And after that he concluded that I maybe just have to experiment more with people/relationships/sex etc.. So I explained to him there is nothing to fix or solve, because there is nothing broken. And he went like: hmm yea that is right. But continued with that he still advised to experiment more. So I don't know what I have to tell him to make him realise that he doesn't have to 'solve' it, because there is nothing to be solved. How do you handle these kind of people? What do you say to them?
  7. Quiet lab geek exceeds expectations by spending his nights cleaning up the streets of Miami. Tosses multiple garbage bags with every trip!
  8. you know it's funny, as much as there's a tiny goblin in my head who's very sure that romance is made up and everyone is in on it, i fucking adore (good) romance stories. one of my favourite movies is pride and prejudice (2005). the complex relationship between miranda, james flint, and thomas hamilton in black sails is *chef's kiss*. i'm writing a queer poly romance story right now! t's a weird little juxtaposition, and it also reminds me of aspec people's tendency to feel a certain attraction towards fictional characters.

  9. 1. Thanks lol love the profile pic. We stan a pretty setter 2. I was wondering about qprs, they sound like something I might be interested in but at the same time I’m still worried that whoever I’d over up the idea to, would be offended or upset that I wouldn’t be able to feel for them in the exact same way. Idk, life’s complicated. I’ve still got things to leave about my comfort levels. All I can do is do whatever feels right in the moment. (Which is way easier said than done but it’s the thought that counts lol) It is nice to actively know that people have felt close to what I’m going through That’s exactly what I’ve been wondering for a while!! I still don’t exactly know. It does sound nice but, in the one relationship I was in, I felt off. I assumed it was because I didn’t know this person enough to actually like them yet but I honestly don’t know if that’s really it. Of course, logically I know that there are tons of people in this community that can relate to things I feel but it can be hard to genuinely feel it. This is nice though, I really appreciate you and all the others for taking time out of your day to reassure me and make me feel valid. ❤️ It wasn’t a mess lol don’t worry
  10. Thanks @nisse! I'm thinking I'll start posting them in the Aromantic Discussions topic as I write them for people to share their thoughts on as well. They're for practicing writing more than anything (if my 0 followers doesn't tell you I'm not after clout, I don't know what does lol) but if enough people ever actively enjoyed them, I'm always happy to do more or take requests!
  11. Oh boy, I feel you. I'm also 17, and while I consider myself also asexual, I can totally understand your feelings about relationships. Right now, I'm trying to figure out whether it's cuz society expects me to have a relationship, or because I actually want one. Whatever you decide to label yourself as, just know you're not alone! I'm going through the same thing and it's really freakin hard, but I'm glad that I have this community and countless others on the internet. And in the end, it's ok to not use labels either! You wouldn't be less aro if you decide that maybe you don't want to identify with any specific microlabel. (wow, this post was a mess, sorry for the rambles)
  12. Yesterday
  13. i just read it there and - yes, yes yes. you nailed it!! for sure bookmarking your blog for future musings - i've missed having the same kind of blogs and articles to read about identity within romantic stuff as there exists about gender and the complexities of that.
  14. Personally, I canon Gypsy from the show Flash as aro allo, but that's personal. She is there only in a few episodes of season 3 and 4, and is the girlfriend of one of the main character, Cisco. In season 4, they break up because they realized they don't want the same thing. The way I interpret it, Cisco wanted a long-term romantic relationship. But Gypsy enjoys his company, she enjoys having sex with him, but she is not in love and she doesn't want a real romantic relationship. Their break-up scene is very touching for that : it shows that though Cisco did nothing wrong, Gypsy just can't love him, she felt broken for that but as Cisco says to her, there is nothing wrong with her. Another version of that is : a man (usually it's a man) who have sex with a lot of women but never fall in love. Until the female character arrives and "fixes" his behavior.
  15. @Oatpunk @nisse I have always theorized that it's because the concept of not having sex isn't new to allosexual people. NOW, I KNOW that asexuality does not equate to not having sex. BUT it seems easier for allosexuals to make the jump from "some people don't have sex" to recognizing asexuality because they have what they view as a jumping off point. For example (AND I KNOW THESE AREN'T ASEXUALITY) things like people in certain religious roles not having sex, concepts of abstinence and celibacy, etc. There are few to no such jumping off points for alloromantics to understand aromanticism. Also yes lack of in-person aro community is a s t r u g g l e. Not to plug my Tumblr twice in one day but I did write an article/thoughtpiece-y thing about that exact topic. It's pretty short and you get the gist pretty quick so check it out if you're interested!
  16. Hi all, I'm new here! I've been on AVEN for a little while and I'm pretty sure I fall somewhere on both the asexual and aromantic spectrums, but I still feel very confused as I've not had a relationship so feel I can't be entirely sure until I've tried (I was, and then a friend who until then hadn't had any relationships either and felt somewhat similar started online dating and quickly realised she was both romantic and sexual, which made me realise how much things can change). I'm trying online dating again with my ace status out there this time, but still not massively keen on it, something in me just seems to go 'ugh, no' and it feels like a chore. This forum seems really helpful for finding out more about aromanticism, which may help my confusion? Maybe? Outside orientations, I'm a woman from the UK who loves horse riding, reading, walking, wildlife/nature, cooking, very amateur singing in choirs and dance. Not sure what else to put here really, except hello and looking forward to 'meeting' you
  17. For me, personally? Yes and no. Would I like someone who I get along with well, who I know would generally be open to having sex, without any fear of it being romantic? Sure. Would I want to have an actual committed Relationship, even a sexual-only one? Ehhhh, not really. I don't like being tied down and I don't wanna tie anyone else down either. If someone decides they don't wanna have sex with me anymore they should be able to just be like "Eh, no thanks" without having to formally Break Up With Me, and I would like the same for myself.
  18. aaah amazing, ty! i'll remember i have you and Leton to hit up when the Gender Wave hits me again. and big agree on the expectation of sex not being a part of my life!!
  19. Good point. i feel that a *lot* in fiction, somewhat. It begin by a sexual non romantic relationship , but it's always depicted as "not good enough" to "bad" so the "only" good ending possible is to make it romantic This is of course more of a big deal when it happen in real life. Because fiction is one thing, but the stigma is very present I was thinking about that
  20. Hello! An official introduction! It's nice to meet you! I'm all about using queer as a catch-all term. Romantic orientation? Queer. Sexual orientation? Queer. Gender? Queer. Also nonbinary, and I have been identifying as such since i was about 16 so feel free to talk to me about it. @emmafriendly I think part of it may be that we don't really have an issue with sex since many aros don't want a relationship? Sex is not something that is ever on my mind since I stopped dating, because no one is expecting me to have sex with them anymore. I'm not reminded of my asexuality or made to feel guilty about it in the way that aces who want a relationship are. Friends and acquaintances don't randomly ask me if I've had sex recently. But they do bring up dates and romantic partners and talk about the future as if marriage is inevitable. I more often feel "othered" because of my aroness and thus it's a label I cling more firmly to.
  21. @emmafriendly yes!! it's extremely interesting, and something i've wanted to bring up for a while - but none of the spaces i've been involved in have really been appropriate for it. but here it would be! i've a feeling it is partly what Oatpunk mentioned in their newbie post - the fact that being aro is seen like an extra step in the weird direction, from aceness. not to say misunderstandings of asexuality and harrassment doesn't happen there, but i believe people are more willing to respect no sexual attraction, over no romantic attraction. also the fact that asexuality, for me, was MUCH easier to figure out than aromantic. romantic attraction is extremely hard to define (you know.... parts of me don't wholly believe in it, lmao. that's the dark corners of my mind, tho), while sexual attraction is so physical and easy enough to identify. i do have a lot of thoughts about this, and not having any (AFAIK) aro friends irl is a bit hard sometimes, more so than not having ace friends. i've said elsewhere, but i'm sure my allo-rom friends don't understand me - which is fair, bc i don't understand them
  22. @Jot-Aro Kujo thank you for such an in-depth answer! this is extremely helpful, in part because i gotta be honest, i've wondered about those questions too - and i've caught myself many times having a hard time separating sex from romance, despite finding it not at all difficult separating romance from sex (in the case of aces who have romantic relationships). that is also partly why they are allosexual - i want to challenge that ingrained thought in myself and in others. if i can ask a somewhat personal question - which you are of course free to not answer! - would you personally, ideally want one or more long term sexual partners, if you could be guaranteed no romance would be involved? again thank you so much, this was very helpful, not in the least to help me solidify the character a bit!
  23. Is it just me or is aroaces IDing more strongly with aro a common thing? I feel like every aroace person I meet has this same attitude and it's very interesting. I have had some theories as to why but never the time to explore them... Anyway welcome!! I also love (no romo) arospecific spaces like a lot
  24. I would like to see an allo aro character who's romance repulsed. One thing that both aroaces and allo-allos don't get is that sex is so heavily tied to romance that if you're not willing to at least perform romance for someone else's benefit, you're going to have a really hard time with any sexual relationships. How do you even find sexual relationships without first dating someone romantically, if you're not someone who's interested in the usual things like nightclubs or dating apps? Or, let's say you are open to those things. How do you sort out the people who are willing to have a no-strings-attached sexual relationship from the people who expect it to develop into something """more"""? What do you do when your partner """catches feelings""" and it's seen as your responsibility and your fault, and you're expected to reciprocate out of obligation? What do you do when they spread rumors about you being a bitch for refusing to date them, even when you both agreed at the start of your relationship that it was going to be purely sexual? What do you do when your partner wants to kiss you, or call you pet names? How do you find smut you can enjoy reading, when the best written stuff always ends in an "I love you for real"? So many people think being allo aro is as simple as "Well you just have casual sex". It's not, especially if you're romance repulsed. And sometimes I see people treat us as like, Alloromantic Lite- Basically the "aro" part ends at "well they don't have a long-term partner", without thinking about how our lack of romantic attraction affects our lives. I'm sure you understand how much it hurts to live in a romantic society as an aromantic, right? That happens to a lot of us, too. Sure, some aros might be romance-favorable, but we're not necessarily totally unfazed by the existence of romance just because maybe we're ok with kissing sometimes.
  25. I'm happy to find someone who agrees! The "We're not cold, we can still love" mindset is too common for me to be entirely comfortable in certain ace spaces. Also, I saw this poll on AVEN where some people had filled in that aces are a part of the lgbtq+ community but that aros are not. Like.......what. You would expect a community that gets so excluded to be less ignorant. ayyy, we're having a big validation party here! And yes! Love is what makes us human. Everyone knows this! Who needs consequential thinking or passion or creativity since none of those things defines me as a person :))) Without love I might as well just wither away. Disappear on the spot because I don't actually exist.
  26. @Leton. thank you! i do find comfort in the flag for what it represents, but aesthetically i'm not big on it. please forgive me, aro gods 🙏 haha and awesome, i may hit you up one day!
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