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  2. I definitely relate. Sometimes I wonder if I actually want a partner or if I just want someone who cares enough about me to prioritize spending time with me. You described my feelings almost exactly. I want a relationship that means as much to the other person as it does to me. I would do almost anything for my friends, but I always feel that sinking feeling that you described when they get a significant other. Like, yes, I'm happy for them, but I always brace myself to be pushed aside. DM me if you want to talk more. I think I understand you, and I'm still learning on how to deal with the feelings myself.
  3. Today
  4. Don't worry so much about what's gonna happen next. Just chill out, enjoy it while you can. Savor your platonic relationships with others. Treat your friends, care for them, life is short. Most importantly: things will get better. Don't leave this world. You have no idea how many people you will affect if you go now. Stay alive.
  5. How do alloromantics deal with this wildly unrealistic portrayal of romance??? It's on par with Hollywood hacking, but most people aren't hackers. Most people are allos, though, which makes it really surprising. Even if a romantic relationship is shown to begin realistically in a normal boring setting and not when fighting an alien invasion, the other tropes which are used are still insane. Except for comedy the romantic interest is ... mostly ... super, super special. E.g. the mysterious alternative, artistic, sophisticated, charisma demigodess, intellectual French girl who lives a bohemian lifestyle and is so deep that everything she says opens up new vistas of thought. Most French women HUMANS aren't that interesting. Even the person with the most fascinating personality, dazzling intellect, ... on this planet needs some time to recharge and can't hold up that level 24/7. ... do allos see their romantic partners in this way? I've bothered so much trying to understand romance but there are still new disturbing questions coming up!
  6. Yes omg I think going on badass adventures with would be cool! Definitely doesn't have to involve romance like it always does in books/movies smh. Though I don't really mind a romantic undertone in action or adventure if it adds another layer rather, than feeling forced and slowing down the plot People on here are super accepting and positive! It's not something easy to find in other communities and it's pretty neat not feeling abnormal for once
  7. Yesterday
  8. Oldest child, one of my brothers is gay.
  9. I relate to what you're saying. Media venerates romantic relationships and make them out to be some grand, amazing thing that everyone wants, and then people are bashed for not wanting a romantic relationship. I used to think I was romantically attracted to people, too, because literally everybody else around me was obsessed with romance. So, I thought, "meh, I must be romantic, too." I also relate to fantasizing about going on adventures with my friends. I'd think about what it'd be like to fight off a zombie apocalypse with my closest friends, stuff like that. But none of it was ever inherently romantic. I'm glad though that I am a part of communities that accept both my asexuality and aromanticism. It's nice to have a family like this.
  10. I've spent so long wishing for a relationship that I didn't realise romance actually kinda sucks. I thought a romantic partner would be cool, but I only ever fantasised about scenarios in which we'd be rebellious and go out and do crazy stuff bc that's all romanticised in movies, never just lying around cuddling in bed (the weird ideal allos seem to obsess over) which, first off just sounds sweaty n gross, and also so boring I'd probably be forced to jump out the window in search of an escape lmaoo. I'm a stimulation seeker not looking for romance haha, so after the beginning with the hormones havin a rave is over i'd lose interest. Thinking about it i'd be the WORST boyfriend; I hate people being clingy, I lose interest in things way too quick, I hate being touched in 90% of cases, and my personality changes monthly p much, so chances are one of us nopes tf out. Ik I sound like an awful person but i'm actually a p decent guy rip (blame my adhd) Also I haven't been on here in a while so i'm sorry if this is the wrong place to post this, I just wanted to get some thoughts out
  11. Hid posts in this thread due to a discussion about the validity of sensual/platonic/aesthetic attraction. We do not debate the validity of other people's identities.
  12. I was sorta there for that, but I seemed to have missed it, and can't really remember much of the details.
  13. Two issues I run into being straight-ish and alloaro: 1. As @NullVector describes, I'm wary of whether I'd be welcome in queer spaces solely on the basis of being aro. (Setting aside my ongoing journey with gender identity, and complications with sexuality described below.) I know logically that it's all bullshit but I've internalised, to some extent, the ideas that "a straight person who prefers being single doesn't count as queer", and that I don't share experiences of being discriminated against to the extent other queer people have, and therefore I'm not "queer enough" to really belong. Those are my own hang-ups to deal with, but what I really fear is that if I try to involve myself in queer spaces I will run into people who do genuinely believe these arguments and will tell me I'm not welcome on that basis. 2. There doesn't seem to exist language or terminology to describe what my sexuality is. I don't know how much of this is an alloaro thing, but sexual attraction for me is entirely about bodies, and has nothing to do with gender. (Often, it even has nothing to do with personality!) And all of our terminology about sexuality seems to be defined exclusively in terms of gender. I don't seem to have a way to say that there's only one kind of genitalia I'm interested in getting intimate with, without sounding or being transphobic. And I do feel like the fact that sexual attraction for me is so utterly separate from any notion of love or even like for a person or their identity is probably a factor in this. It's possible that this is also related to my "I fundamentally do not experience gender as a significant part of my identity" thing but like I said, ongoing journey.
  14. I suppose it depends on the person. But for me, there was a time where I would not interact with a boy without being forced to. I also find it very difficult to say "I love you" to my friends, even though they say it to me. The only time I didn't is when we specified "I love you platonically" but I fell out of touch with that friend unfortunately. Also, most of the people at my school tend to use the term a lot towards even people they don't know very well.
  15. What is the Hide switch for?  At the bottom of posts I make--next to the Submit Status button--is a switch that says Hide.  Why make a post then not let anyone see it?

    1. Momo


      It's not very useful there, but you can also hide posts after you create them by using the drop down options menu as a psuedo-delete option. We don't let people delete posts for moderation reasons but we do let people hide their own posts so that other regular users can't see it anymore if that's something they want to do.

  16. Welcome sounds like arocalypse should be a good place to look at that confusion. hope you find what you are looking for.
  17. Hi, welcome. with all those things it sounds like you are keeping yourself busy. also, stressful but interesting, honestly that's a great description.
  18. @DeltaV alluded to this, but i'm going to try to expain it as briefly and accurately as possible, checking some sources again--forgive me if i'm not super successful. the person who coined the (translated) term 'platonic love' was not plato, but marsilio ficino, in the 15th century. he did base it on a concept by socrates referenced in plato's symposium: forms of love exist in a ladder/hierarchy where love of a particular beautiful person (which we can interpret as an instance of sexual attraction and which i would argue doesn't belong in a classification of love at all, but anyway) is at the bottom and 'love of beauty itself'--heavenly beauty--is at the top. according to ficino: "the passion of a lover is not quenched by the mere touch or sight of a body for it does not desire this or that body, but desires the splendour of the divine light shining through bodies, and is amazed and awed by it." i can't tell whether this vision of love necessarily excludes sexual attraction or activity, or romantic, actually, but i'd guess not. (also consider that romantic love wasn't as big a thing in society back then.) it is believed that couples of the time who considered their love an example of ficino's concept prioritized the romantic aspect over the sexual. in the 17th century the concept was called neoplatonism. james howell decribed 'platonick love' as "a love abstracted from all corporeal gross impressions and sensual appetite, but consists in contemplations and ideas of mind" (so excluding sexual attraction). some people found this pretentious, and relationships which included sex more 'natural'. later, platonic lovers were described as choosing celibacy, not necessarily lacking sexual or romantic attraction to each other. in 1846, george henry lewes defined 'platonic love' as "the love of a sentimental young gentleman for a woman he cannot or will not marry". in all of this it's hard to distinguish what we (particularly we aros) currently understand as sexual from romantic, and romantic from platonic. now, the casual way people use the term 'platonic' is pretty much at the opposite end of the spectrum of importance compared to the original definition. word detective alluded to this in 2003, saying that the phrase 'platonic relationship' "turned up in english around 1630 and various people have claimed to be in 'just platonic' relationships ever since. they are, of course, almost always lying." i myself am not exaggerating when i say i'm in platonic love by the centuries-old definition with my best friend, and i'm going to use the term even if it doesn't communicate what i wish it would. i remember this being discussed here before, and i agree. i refuse to call my current sexual partner my fwb because i don't consider him a friend--not that i don't like him as a person, you understand, just that i'm not that emotionally close to him, at least not as of now--i say we're acquaintances with benefits. as i mentioned in another post, my roommate has what i'm sure we'd all agree is an actual friend with benefits. the other day we were wondering whether there was a term we could both use for our partners and i somewhat jokingly suggested 'lovers' (as @Rolo mentioned); my roommate found that hilarious so now that's what we call them (not in front of them 😆). of course i have to come back to the point that i don't actually think it makes much sense since we don't love our respective lovers, or they, us. it's probably another word whose meaning has changed over time. no kidding, now that's funny. like "j'ai passé hier soir avec mon sex friend"? my study of french has been too academic to cover that one. it sounds awkward in english, but maybe it wouldn't so much if it was commonly used. hmm, would i hypothetically describe a relationship as both platonic and sexual? yeah, because there are cases where i describe my attraction to someone as platonic and sexual (two different types which happen to exist at the same time). would i call it a qpr? man, idk, it's kind of hard to imagine having sex with someone i'd consider a qpp. i guess it's like the idea from so long ago, that pure, heavenly love, incompatible with sexual attraction. summary: language is...hmm. i'm just gonna go on saying whatever, you know? whatever feels right.
  19. oooo this is kinda cool! A word I've heard is homoplatonic, to describe who you experience queerplatonic attraction to. Also, as @aro-faeand @Jot-Aro Kujo mentioned, "angled aroace" and "oriented aroace" could describe u
  20. I hav no idea, i didn't even know platonic had a different definition. The more ya know in my opinion, the meaning of a word should often be the way it's used, rather than the original definition. Words are just tools to express thoughts and reality, the dictionary is not the bible, stuff changes, and i think it's important to acknowledge colloquial language and slang. I understand if folks who are passionate about linguistics might disagree, and honestly i respect that, ya nerds : ) Unless you're misgendering nonbinary people by arguing that singular they is uNgRaMaTiCaL. Then i do not respect you. So if we're in a real-life context, in which most people think "platonic" = "friends," saying "we're queerplatonic" can explain it pretty well. But if some prefer other words, or feels that "platonic" shouldn't/doesn't mean "friends," or wanna explain their relationship a different way, that's also awesome. I personally call my qpp my squishy, since i have a squish on him
  21. Lesbians experience attraction to womxn, and that extends beyond romantic and sexual attraction. As was mentioned above, "oriented" aroaces are those who experience some other attraction that is strong enough to cause them to identify with something other than aroace. Platonic and alterous attractions are commonly at play in those scenarios! "Angled" aroace is a related term for those who are grey-, demi-, or some other aroace-spectrum identity. I'll use myself as an example - I'm greyromantic and grey-ace, but when I do experience attraction its towards any gender, so I'm bi (angled) aroace. In those situations people may also say grey-bisexual or bi/grey aroace.
  22. companionate is a good term for this! Companionate love, what we would call quasiplatonic love, is basically liking someone a lot as a person and wanting a close bond with them, but not without the limerence and infatuation of romance. romantic love on the other hand is infatuation/limerence plus liking someone a lot.
  23. Hey I’m Alex! At this current moment I identify as aroace and gay. I’m also nonbinary, so my pronouns are they/them. I’m in a STEM program at my school, so I’m taking some stressful (but interesting) classes this year. I’ve also run a club after school for the past two years. When I’m not trying to stay on top of school, I enjoy digital art. Just over the summer I started teaching myself animation. I’m also in many fandoms, so geeking out over Doctor Who or Harry Potter might be the way to my heart. Message me! I don’t bite.
  24. question does licking salt off ur hand actually help when u get a rlly bad cramp and can't move ur foot my only other solution is yelling ow over and over

  25. Last week
  26. As someone who was aroace and now isn’t really as ace as I thought I was they are really different experiences but at the same time it’s hard to tell. Before I just never really thought about sex so it made sense that I was ace and didn’t really take long in the questioning. It didn’t feel like my non attraction was one in the same tho but maybe because I understood the difference between sexual and romantic attraction on a very basic level. But as time went on I guess what I want in an ideal relationship changed and I started really understanding the kinds of things alloaros talk about because I was experiencing the same things. Although as someone who’s grey ace it kinda feels like constant questioning like sometimes I’ll think what if I’m actually allo what I feel right now is definitely something that an ace wouldn’t feel, then sometimes I’ll think maybe I am still somewhere in the ace spectrum. I feel like my experience is different from others because I started out as ace then figured out I was aro 2 years later then realized that I actually do have sexual attraction, most people I’ve heard experiences from had a completely different experience as far as discovery. So it’s kinda hard to generalize because every aro is gonna have a slightly different experience regardless of sexuality or not.
  27. Ophelia from Sweet/Vicious is aromantic or gray-romantic bisexual. She prefers hookups and hanging out with friends over committed relationships, there's a comment in the first episode about her being attracted to all genders, and she just really never shows romantic feelings toward anyone. I do absolutely love Juphelia but that's also not canon and I feel like it kind of says something if Ophelia has only just started to fall in love once in 21 years after knowing Jules for several months, and seems to have a lot of trouble figuring that out despite already knowing she's bi. Lauren from Faking it is a straight aro and so is Liam. They're fwb. And Karma is gray-romantic/quoiromantic bi. Also I change my mind about Warrior Nun. Camilla and Lilith are both aro and Mary, Ava, and all of the nuns except Beatrice are bi. Beatrice is a lesbian. Emma and Hook from Once Upon a Time are both aro bi. Zelena is a straight aro and so is Cora. Jason from The Good Place is a straight aro. Tiff from Bonding is a bi aro. All the circus characters from The Greatest Showman except for Anne, Barnum, and Carlyle are aromantic and bisexual (Anne, Barnum, and Carlyle are also bi, but not aro). Also, Charity is bi and Barnum is nonbinary.
  28. My experience of gender, as a nonbinary person, has been that I am more masculine than feminine, and that I want a more traditionally masculine body. I call myself transmasculine sometimes because of the way I feel about myself, which I would consider internal identity, not because of the steps I am taking to change my body. I see my masculinity as more than just a way I choose to present myself; it's about who I want to be, and how I see myself in the future, and who I am now. My expression can change anytime I want; my identity is a core part of who I am.
  29. not invalidating you or anything but i just thought you should know, there are nonbinary trans women who would certainly disagree with that and who would relate more to your experiences than mine even though they're nonbinary and you're not. nonbinary is so varied that i don't think we can really be described as having a single experience of gender.
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