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Ice Queen

#AromanticProblems

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It pisses me off when people don't know that there's a difference between being an allo who has a need to be careful and go slow, and being on the aromantic spectrum, and start labeling themselves as aromantic when they just have a need to be careful and go slow. And I don't know whether the ToS permits me even to vent with that kind of sentence not directed at anybody on Arocalypse.

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@One-Eyed Jack Well, "has a need to be careful and go slow" in a romantic context could describe a demi-romantic person (for whom romantic feelings and/or the comfort level required to express them might need time to develop). If so, wouldn't a demi-romantic person, by definition, be on the aromantic spectrum? (I'm assuming that 'aromantic specturn' here refers to anyone who is not more-or-less 100% allo-romantic...)

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49 minutes ago, NullVector said:

@One-Eyed Jack Well, "has a need to be careful and go slow" in a romantic context could describe a demi-romantic person (for whom romantic feelings and/or the comfort level required to express them might need time to develop). If so, wouldn't a demi-romantic person, by definition, be on the aromantic spectrum? (I'm assuming that 'aromantic specturn' here refers to anyone who is not more-or-less 100% allo-romantic...)

 

I don't see the following as being on the aromantic spectrum:

- "I'm eight and my boyfriend wants to kiss but kissing is gross, so I must be aromantic."

"A guy wants me to be his girlfriend but I'm afraid of getting pregnant, so I must be aromantic.'

"Every guy who wants me to be his girlfriend is unemployed or a druggie, and I don't have feelings for any of them, so I must be aromantic."

'I hate men so I must be aromantic."

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I know not everyone gets this, but I think it belongs here

 

*stereotypically attractive person flirting with me*

Romance-repulsed side:  OH NO

Allosexual side: OH YES

One day, the warring factions may reach a ceasefire. lol jk time for a lifetime of internal conflict

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55 minutes ago, James said:

*stereotypically attractive person flirting with me*

Haha, my reactions would be a bit different... kinda like:

Voice in my head 1: Ooh, a person, talking to me

Voice in my head 2: Noooo, not a person, talking to me! Leave me alone!

Voice in my head 3: Wait, why is this person being so friendly? Do they want to be my friend? Did I do something weird? Are they plotting something?

 

(2 hours later): Oh, right, that person was obviously flirting, I totally didn't notice... *facepalm*

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17 hours ago, James said:

I know not everyone gets this, but I think it belongs here

 

*stereotypically attractive person flirting with me*

Romance-repulsed side:  OH NO

Allosexual side: OH YES

One day, the warring factions may reach a ceasefire. lol jk time for a lifetime of internal conflict

Even if I notice the flirting how can I possibly work out if they just want romance or might be open to anything more meaningful?

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18 hours ago, James said:

I know not everyone gets this, but I think it belongs here

 

*stereotypically attractive person flirting with me*

Romance-repulsed side:  OH NO

Allosexual side: OH YES

One day, the warring factions may reach a ceasefire. lol jk time for a lifetime of internal conflict

Ace/Aro version-

 

*ANY person flirting with me*

Romance-averse side: Oh dear lord.. is this flirting? Or just.. friends? CAN WE BE FRIENDS?

Sex-repulsed side: DON'T TOUCH ME (except hugs, I like hugs)

All of the factions united to form a super akward cringe reaction which leaves me looking like i'm enduring torture.. or pooping. Flirting personally usually leaves at this point

 

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Hah, what you guys wrote about flirting is pretty funny :D

 

I think I'm generally totally oblivious to it, a bit like @SoulWolf said, but if I actually pick up on it my reaction is probably more like @James's.

 

giphy.gif

 

 

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On Tuesday, June 13, 2017 at 11:46 AM, James said:

I know not everyone gets this, but I think it belongs here

 

*stereotypically attractive person flirting with me*

Romance-repulsed side:  OH NO

Allosexual side: OH YES

One day, the warring factions may reach a ceasefire. lol jk time for a lifetime of internal conflict

All of this. 

 

But then agree 3 weeks of banging, I'm then repulsed by them. Conflict.

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Me at pretty much every music with words ever: "The music is so good...but the lyrics are so alloromantic...what do?" #AroMusicNerdProblems

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On 6/16/2017 at 2:36 PM, Dodecahedron314 said:

"The music is so good...but the lyrics are so alloromantic...what do?" #AroMusicNerdProblems

I basically gave up on music with words. Classical is my only music-friend.

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5 hours ago, James said:

I basically gave up on music with words. Classical is my only music-friend.

I've found some that don't get romantic, but those are almost exclusively about social issues.

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8 hours ago, James said:

I basically gave up on music with words. Classical is my only music-friend.

I mostly gave up on music with words too. Except I moved to electronic (mostly chiptune) instead of classical. Although, I never really listened to overly romantic music in the first place so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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I've been mostly listening to really obscure music since forever, so I literally have no idea how much romance there is in the 'popular' stuff, which I mostly ignore.

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Dunno if this is an Aro or me thing but when I say "I ship it", I mean it as "I would take any kind of strong bond between those two characters as long as it is healthy and I can feel the tenderness/affection in the air- be it them being siblings or zucchinis or lovers I simply love seeing them interact and care for each other and all the tender love (not necessarily romantic)" and like I have two "OTPs" in my current fandom and was talking to a friend who actually is not a multishipper and has this One True Love thingy for characters and doesn't feel comfortable with QPR stuff. So after I was blabbering about one of said OTPs she was asking what I thought as "What do you think makes a ship canon" and I was like "???? That depends? Idk man I ship so many non-canon ships too, I am simply here for interesting dynamics and how things can play between characters, so I am probably wrong person to ask this to bc I can't even see that couple in that romance series as romantic but still hc them as QPPs despite it being "canon". " 

 

Idk man I just??? Love character interactions and how things can go and to see two or more characters caring about each other, I would take??? Almost any "ship" in almost any possible way??? And the ones I get obsessed with as "OTP" are the ones I just??? Find most interesting to talk about, not necessarily ones with "more romance points" like that's some sort of a race most people in fandoms make it out to be??? 

 

Eh.

On 17.06.2017 at 0:36 AM, Dodecahedron314 said:

Me at pretty much every music with words ever: "The music is so good...but the lyrics are so alloromantic...what do?" #AroMusicNerdProblems

Video game OSTs and Anime OPs/Endings are like only thing I listen by now so I feel this....... Also OST remix too.

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Being asked who you like and having people not believe you when you say no one. Always being afraid that one of your friends will fall in love with you. Having people think that because you're aro, there must be something wrong with you. Having nobody around you to relate to. Feeling responsible for educating people on your identity. Dealing with a romance and sex obsessed society, then having people complaining about you talking about being ace or aro. Okay that was pretty long. I just needed to vent.

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On 16/06/2017 at 10:36 PM, Dodecahedron314 said:

Me at pretty much every music with words ever: "The music is so good...but the lyrics are so alloromantic...what do?" #AroMusicNerdProblems

Don't listen to the lyrics too closely or try to use some creative interpretation (including parody).
With a fair proportion of songs about "love" there's little or nothing in the lyrics to indicate that this is romantic rather than sexual love.
e.g. "Gimme Gimme" by Abba,  "I Wanna Dance With Somebody" by Whitney Houston, Touch Me by Cathy Dennis, Naked in the Rain by Blue Pearl and Rooms On Fire by Stevie Nicks could be describing a passionate ONS.

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4 hours ago, Coby Asola said:

Being asked who you like and having people not believe you when you say no one.

Having no idea what they actually mean by "like". Because depending on if they actually mean "want to kiss", "want to have sex with", "think looks good", "want to hang with", "want to be like", "want to debate with", "want to go on a 'hot date' with", etc. the answer is likely to vary a lot. Though if they are allo they usually mean something boring like "marry" and assume that everyone must be into that.

 

4 hours ago, Coby Asola said:

Always being afraid that one of your friends will fall in love with you.

Or that they will "dump" you if they find a boyfriend/girlfriend.
 

4 hours ago, Coby Asola said:

Having people think that because you're aro, there must be something wrong with you.

Yes. Even to the point of denying your existence. Since "pairing up" is "natural".

 

4 hours ago, Coby Asola said:

Having nobody around you to relate to.

Most definitely.

 

4 hours ago, Coby Asola said:

Feeling responsible for educating people on your identity.

Whilst being a single individual facing a well oiled amantonormativity prropaganda machine.
 

4 hours ago, Coby Asola said:

Dealing with a romance and sex obsessed society, then having people complaining about you talking about being ace or aro.

Where these are closely linked. Unlinking them, especially sex without romance, being rather taboo.The common assumption that if one is aro one must also be ace (as well as haphephobic, philemaphobic and uninterested in a lot of things that have nothing to do with either romance or sex.)

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My first ex (from when I was 16 = 5 years ago) is chatting to me on facebook and keeps trying to flirt #allthenope #aromanticproblems

I don't even know how to explain I'm Ace/Aro because I dated him (for a whole 2 weeks)

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On 2017-5-9 at 2:44 PM, Shroomie said:

Having people who I'm out to decide I'm going to marry someone because "it's cute" and continue to do so even though I've told them I don't like it

This, along with random sexual jokes. Over and over. I'm not the kind of person to get uncomfortable about this stuff easily but even I've been completely put off by, of all things, some people I work with. 

 

And one of my own - being aro/ace but needing intimacy all the same but feeling trapped between upsetting my allo friends or their partners and an inability to find aro friends near me who might actually understand me.

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On 6/16/2017 at 11:36 PM, Dodecahedron314 said:

Me at pretty much every music with words ever: "The music is so good...but the lyrics are so alloromantic...what do?" #AroMusicNerdProblems

Maybe you should listen to different genres. Like Metal (nothing too soft and no “Gothic Metal” or you'll get loads of songs about love). Probably Industrial is also very safe.

 

I think that in the 16 studio albums of Iron Maiden there are only a handful of songs about love (and only very few where there is something sexually hinted at). So much to listen to!

 

Not a great suggestion? Oh... :D

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On 20/06/2017 at 4:49 PM, DeltaV said:

Maybe you should listen to different genres. Like Metal (nothing too soft and no “Gothic Metal” or you'll get loads of songs about love). Probably Industrial is also very safe.

 

I think that in the 16 studio albums of Iron Maiden there are only a handful of songs about love (and only very few where there is something sexually hinted at). So much to listen to!

 

Not a great suggestion? Oh... :D

@Dodecahedron314 Or classical, no lyrics :D I reccomend Ludivico Einaldi

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Don't Fall in Love by Danko Jones also helped me with that #Aromanticproblem.

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