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Ice Queen

#AromanticProblems

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There's a similar thread on AVEN, and I haven't found any about aromantic struggles here yet :p. So let's start:

 

Someone (guy in my case) is outgoing towards you, you think it's about a new potential friend, but at some point due to some circumstances you're not sure whether there's an ulterior motive (aka crush).     #aromanticproblems

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Starting to befriend someone of the opposite gender, and then you second-guess their intentions and sabotage the friendship for fear that they want something else.

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Friends (in my case often couples) always try to set you up with someone even though you explicitly told them you don't mind being single.

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When you're in cinema, watching a film neither good nor bad and you can see oh so distinctly where it leads (on the romantic part) but you're praying it will not.

But then, your prediction come true and as the protagonist kiss quite passionately his/her you shout very loudly 'NO ! FUCK YOU, FILM !' (true story, I thought the the lady next to me would rip my skin of my bones and play xylophone with it...)

 

I'm not against romance in movies... but not in almost EVERY MOVIE and with a little more plot and complexity, that would be great

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10 minutes ago, sarcastic kitten said:

When you're in cinema, watching a film neither good nor bad and you can see oh so distinctly where it leads (on the romantic part) but you're praying it will not.

But then, your prediction come true and as the protagonist kiss quite passionately his/her you shout very loudly 'NO ! FUCK YOU, FILM !' (true story, I thought the the lady next to me would rip my skin of my bones and play xylophone with it...)

 

I'm not against romance in movies... but not in almost EVERY MOVIE and with a little more plot and complexity, that would be great

I couldn't put my finger on why it is that in all films they "love" each other after just a night of... you know. I need a film which portrays real love as it is and builds in time, so yes, I DO want half of the film to be about how they befriend each other and interact and discuss xD.

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Just now, Ice Queen said:

after just a night of... you know.

You can say it,sweetie ' a night of very sweaty sex that would not even be fantastic' ;)

 

But yeah a little bit of talkin' and social interacting would be SUPER great. Or not romance. Just a guy and a girl's friendship. THAT would be awesome !

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1 minute ago, sarcastic kitten said:

You can say it,sweetie ' a night of very sweaty sex that would not even be fantastic' ;)

 

But yeah a little bit of talkin' and social interacting would be SUPER great. Or not romance. Just a guy and a girl's friendship. THAT would be awesome !

 

The range is wide. Or a queerplatonic relationship developing. :-? 

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How society says relationships work:

 

Romance => Sex => Friendship

 

How I think relationships should work:

 

Friendship => Sex =>(?) Romance*

 

WHY IS EVERYTHING BACK-TO-FRONT?! O.o 

#aromanticproblems

 

*To me, 'Romance' implies some kind of merging of independant existences. Why on Earth would I desire that, unless I knew that person really, really well? How could I 'trust them with my existence' otherwise?! Even then, I still might not want it...

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20 minutes ago, NullVector said:

How society says relationships work:

 

Romance => Sex => Friendship

 

How I think relationships should work:

 

Friendship => Sex =>(?) Romance*

 

WHY IS EVERYTHING BACK-TO-FRONT?! O.o 

#aromanticproblems

 

*To me, 'Romance' implies some kind of merging of independant existences. Why on Earth would I desire that, unless I knew that person really, really well? How could I 'trust them with my existence' otherwise?! Even then, I still might not want it...

Friendship => Sex =>(?) Romance (for alloromantics)

Friendship => Queerplatonic, with sexual attraction occurring at any point after the two know each other to some degree (if one of them is aromantic)

Or, for asexuals, sex is just off the list. 

 

I thought I was the only one with this logic xD. 

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17 hours ago, sarcastic kitten said:

When you're in cinema, watching a film neither good nor bad and you can see oh so distinctly where it leads (on the romantic part) but you're praying it will not.

But then, your prediction come true and as the protagonist kiss quite passionately his/her you shout very loudly 'NO ! FUCK YOU, FILM !' (true story, I thought the the lady next to me would rip my skin of my bones and play xylophone with it...)

Rather depends if it just romantic or if there's sexual passion there, IMHO. Even worst would be subtle hints of romance without anything physical.

 

17 hours ago, sarcastic kitten said:

I'm not against romance in movies... but not in almost EVERY MOVIE and with a little more plot and complexity, that would be great

Including being in many where it makes no sense at all! Even in cases where actual plot may have been cut to allow  time to fit it in.

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This is the only one that makes sense to me:

Friendship => Stronger Friendship => Even Stronger Friendship => ... etc

I'm not even sure at what point a friendship even becomes a QPR or whatever. :P

 

On 05 May 2017 at 3:47 AM, Ettina said:

Starting to befriend someone of the opposite gender, and then you second-guess their intentions and sabotage the friendship for fear that they want something else.

Or even someone of the same gender... or even because you start to worry that your friendliness is making them think that you want something else. :/

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Trying to explain everyone else that the boy I like hanging out with IS NOT my boyfriend or crush.

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1 hour ago, SoulWolf said:

Or even someone of the same gender... or even because you start to worry that your friendliness is making them think that you want something else. :/

Oh yes, both absolutely applies to me.

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Joining another forum and when you manage to start a good conversation on how there are many problems with how society is currently set, what messages are fed to people especially with amatonormativity etc. and of course having that one person who goes "I had an asexual phase for 2 years once, too and I just want you to question why you would be an asexual and aromantic and if it is hormonal or something" as if it is not simply BOTH arophobic and acephobic AND also not even the correct topic to do so.

 

Get you f-ing amatonormativity&compulsory sexuality away from me, asshole.

 

(I know "they mean well", but no not really. This is on the assumption that I didn't question those things for ages now and only seem to be more certain each time that I still do feel comfortable that way.)

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People pathologising my feelings. Apparently I have 'attachment/commitment' issues that "need" to be fixed. Even though I'm open about being happily single and it doesn't actually negatively impact anyone!

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Playing 'truth or dare' and every time choosing 'truth' being asked, which boy do I like the most.

On 6.05.2017 at 1:23 PM, Ice Queen said:

Friendship => Sex =>(?) Romance (for alloromantics)

Friendship => Queerplatonic, with sexual attraction occurring at any point after the two know each other to some degree (if one of them is aromantic)

Or, for asexuals, sex is just off the list. 

 

I thought I was the only one with this logic xD. 

 

I've always thought like this:

Friendship => Romance => Sex

Very dated, I know :P

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17 hours ago, sweetbitter said:

Playing 'truth or dare' and every time choosing 'truth' being asked, which boy do I like the most.

Riiiight and when you say "none" they either tell you to "stop lying" or assume that you like girls :facepalm::rofl:

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Having to give a vocabulary lesson every time you come out to someone

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21 hours ago, sweetbitter said:

Playing 'truth or dare' and every time choosing 'truth' being asked, which boy do I like the most.

This strange  idea that liking people can be somehow ranked...

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"Who are you getting all dressed up for? Why do you need perfume if you're not dating?" 

 

Maybe I fucking like being colorful and smelling nice just because? Can't I enjoy shit without it being about some man I've yet to meet and the quest to attract him? Ffs. 

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Having people who I'm out to decide I'm going to marry someone because "it's cute" and continue to do so even though I've told them I don't like it

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8 hours ago, Shroomie said:

Having people who I'm out to decide I'm going to marry someone because "it's cute" and continue to do so even though I've told them I don't like it

There's the assumption that you want to marry, why?
If they want cute there are far better options than marriage.

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On 05/05/2017 at 7:46 PM, sarcastic kitten said:

When you're in cinema, watching a film neither good nor bad and you can see oh so distinctly where it leads (on the romantic part) but you're praying it will not.

Oh my god ALL THE TIME. Sometimes I even just stop watching..

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# Story Time !

 

* Twin sister rambling about the boy she loved for almost 2 years, who doesn't feel the same way about her *

Me : * subtly rolling my eyes and sighing*

TS : What ? Is there any problem ?

Me : Nah nothing

TS : .... You didn't listen about what I was saying, right ?

Me : * put my very best "you don't say ?!'' face*

TS : Shit ! I can't believe that you care so little about my problem ! You're the only person whom I can talk about it and you can't even help ? How ungrateful of you ...

Me : wut O.o?

TS : * continue to talk about how I am the worst sister in the world and complain that I never help her in anything related to her etc...* ... And you won't even help me to stop having feelings for Gabriel (not his name but whatever)! But even if you wanted to help, you couldn't because you never fell in love and....

Me : * suddenly stop her* Bitch, even if I fell in love, I could not have the slightest idea for YOU to unlove him. That's YOUR feelings, that YOUR shit to deal. And don't dare to say that I didn't help you before in anything romantically or sexually related, you know that's isn't true .

TS : Oh yeah ? Prove it

Me : who help you to deal romantically with the 2 last guys you've dated; even if I 'never fell in love before, so I can't understand it ' like you said? *silence*  And it worked ? * guilty silence* With whom had you the TALK, as in ' what sex really is, how important is protection, what the sexual, romantic and gender orientation' ? * silence* Finally, who make pastries for you every month ? *sileeeeeeeence* That's what I said

 

I took my sister as an example but it happened with others...

 

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