Greetings, all!

[Lady Thecla]

Hi,

 

I'm an introverted law student. I like dreaming about gaming, writing, and reading. I found out I was ace six years ago, senior year of high school, and that I was aro around my junior year of undergrad. I am currently pursuing my JD (Constitutional Law is amazing). I'm a gigantic nerd who did her undergrad in history (women's, mainly, but also European stuff because foreign policy is fascinating and both World Wars were horrible). Beyond that, I really like reading, writing, and loathe public speaking though apparently no one can tell I'm nervous when I am doing it. As to my identity, it was strangely straight-forward (ish).

 

So, I came of age during an administration that really pushed a vision of straight as the norm. My friends were all dating in high school, and though I wanted to join them, I literally could not and I didn't know why. I had no romantic attraction to anyone, though plenty of folks bet that I was gay. I also lacked sexual attraction. Given the focus of sex in high school (I was voted "most innocent" by the school paper in my senior year), I came into my asexual identity first. I found AVEN around 2009, when I was a senior, and the shoe fit me pretty well. I found out I was aromantic around my sophomore or junior year of undergrad. And my parents didn't believe me either time. Though progressive, they still had staunch ideas about relationships and specifically how people should mature in a society as focused on families as this one is. I think I've worn them down by now.

 

As an aromantic asexual, it is really strange. On the one hand, the asexual community pushes romance as the norm because a majority of asexuals are romantic. On the other hand, the many aromantics experience sexual attraction, which I do not. Being caught in between both is odd and frustrating at times. But, I thrive on conversation and look forward to learning what I can when I can. It is finals season, so this is just a little blip from me to say hello and then it's back to flash cards. So, hello! I'll be around, I'm sure, and this place looks awesome (love that header up there, that is snazzy).

[Star Girl]

Hello, and welcome! 

Try out the emojis , try out the different theme colors (changeable at the bottom of the page)(dark green is awesome)!

 

I also found here through AVEN (although there may have been an intervening step), and I have found that I like it better here... (none of the numerous "aaaaaah, I'm in a romantic relationship but my partner wants to sex and I don't" (and the like) threads.)  In my experience there isn't an equivalent to the "but we asexuals can experience love too!" here.  It tends more towards discussions of how society slut shames and demonizes allo aros, which can be very interesting.  Additionally, as an introvert, I appreciate that there are fewer people here too, (although that may be more due to the fact that I can feel very socially awkward, even online.)

 

Good luck on your finals!  (I'm a first year college student and mine are coming up soon, too.)  (Ugh, flashcards!  The reasons I love physics...)

[omitef]

Hey, well, you're in luck--especially on our Discord server, the majority of folks are aroace. If you're into group chat, you should definitely check us out

 

It's funny because I'm speaking as if I'm "caught in the middle" when I actually used to identify as aromantic pansexual (I found out I was ace the hard way, i.e. by actually doing the thing and then realising I physically could not experience any attraction at all). To me, being aromantic pansexual felt more like being caught in the middle than anything else. I felt like I was living up to so many of the "soulless sex fiend" and "bad promiscuous pansexual" stereotypes. I couldn't seek out sex without being told that I wasn't "being serious." I couldn't seek out friendship without putting my sexual needs aside. And I was accused of being a committment-phobe, when really, I was just seeking a different type of committment--a platonic committment.

 

Now that I'm aroace, and my romantic and sexual orientations align, finding friendships that work for me has gotten a lot easier. The downside is, I feel like I've been permanently relegated to relationship purgatory, where all of my platonic relationships are rendered socially invisible. Because people take sex seriously. And people take romance seriously. And when you don't have either? You're effectively thought of as nothing. And when people do see your platonic intimacy, they pigeonhole it into either sex or romance--and it's like, that's the only way people will ever take you seriously--based on their misperceptions. 

 

But we are who we are, y'know? And we are not responsible for fitting into schemas that other people force upon us.