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Asexuals and aromantics don't have heterosexual privilege

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I just wrote this blog entry, and would be interested to hear your thoughts on it.

 

http://abnormaldiversity.blogspot.ca/2017/01/do-asexuals-and-aromantics-have.html?m=1

 

Basically, I found an educational piece for allies about LGBT+ people, which included a list of 16 heterosexual privileges. I decided to calculate how many of those are available to heteroromantic asexuals, aromantic heterosexuals and aromantic asexuals.

 

As far as I could tell, heteroromantic aces have consistent access to 7 of the privileges (slightly less than half).

 

Aromantic heterosexuals have access to 3 of them (most of the points they missed out where about lack of recognition of QPRs, as well as singlism).

 

And aroaces have only 1 of the privileges listed.

 

Of course, individual differences will affect how you experience discrimination. For example, I haven't noticed employment discrimination because of my orientation, because my disability has a much bigger impact on my employment opportunities. And things like whether you want a QPR and with whom, whether you want kids (a lot of singlism is directed at single parents or parents-to-be), whether you're romance or sex-averse, indifferent or favourable and what gender you're perceived as make a big difference to how you'll experience these issues. And different communities have different degrees of prejudice. My community has been pretty positive about LGBT+ people, including aroaces, but others are less so. (Racism, on the other hand, is higher in this community than where I used to spend most of my time, likely as a reaction to high Asian immigration combined with not enough jobs for non-oil workers.)

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Interesting comparison. Could we perhaps compare among ourself and see how the privilege may vary.

 

For me as an aro graysexual:

1. Having  role  models  of  your  gender  and sexual  orientation [edit: and romantic orientation] No
Since I've lived most of my life not realizing I was aromantic I never seen that as a category. Now that I know I have been realizing I was searching for it growing up, at least in fiction.

2. Learning  about  romance and relationships  from  fiction,  movies,  and  television No
Definitely not.

3. Living with  your  partner  and  doing  so openly to all No
My goal is to live with a few close flat mates which is difficult because most housing arrangement is not adapted to this and most people do not seek this sort of living arrangement or see it as a valid permanent way of living.

4. Talking  about  your relationship  and  the projects,  vacations,  and  family  planning steps  you  and  your  partner  are  working  on. No
Most people take for granted that everyone wants a partner and is planning their life after this. The idea of someone having other priorities often makes this kind of talks more difficult.

5. Expressing pain when a  relationship  ends, and  having others  notice  and  attend  to  your pain No
Pain of potential or current friendships ending is not seen as especially valid by most people.

6. Not  having to lie  about attending  LGBTQIA social  activities,  or  having  friends  in  that community DK
I don't know about that one.


7. Kissing/hugging/being  affectionate  in public  without  threat  or  punishment Yes
That's a good point what you wrote about physical displays of affection being coded as romantic or sexual. For me personally I haven't had this problem but I could see it being one for others.

8. Dating  the  person  of  the  gender  you  desire in  your  teen  years No
Dating without romance probably wouldn't have been acceptable. Big risk of being publicly shamed as promiscuous or weird. Also I think feeling the pressure that one should date even if one doesn't want to is part of this category as well.


9. Dressing  without  worrying  what  it  might represent  to  someone  else DK
I always wanted people to find me attractive so the concern of it is no different from any female I suppose.


10. Increased  possibilities  for  getting  a  job  or being  promoted Yes
I'd say my chances of finding a job and getting promoted is higher than for a romantic person because I don't have to take any partner into account and can therefore adapt my life better to suit my chosen job.

11. Receiving validation  from  your  religious community,  and  being  able  to  hold  positions in  your  religious  leadership  ranks DK

I'm pretty sure my church would not care if I was aromantic if I wanted to take up some position in it. I've never tried though so I can't say for sure.


12. Adopting or foster parenting children No
That would be more difficult without a romantic partner.

13. Being employed as a K-12  teacher without fear of  being fired for “corrupting  children” Yes
Maybe some parents would have a problem if I was a teacher and openly talked to the children about aromanticisim. Because it's kinda tied to sex. But otherwise I don't think it would be a problem. What could the parents complain about? Me being single?


14. Raising children  without  threats  of  state intervention Yes
Because I'm a woman. So me being a single parent would not be questioned.


15. Receiving equal  benefits  for  you  and  your partner No
Like you wrote in your article:
"QPRs are not legally recognized, so aromantic people either have to get married to a non-romantic partner (if they can) or else miss out on benefits."

16. Legal marriage, which includes: No
Public recognition and support of your relationship
Joint child custody  
Sharing insurance policies at  reduced rates Access to a hospitalized loved one 
Social expectations of longevity and stability for  your relationship 

There is little opportunity of getting any of these outside the standard romantic relationship.

 

So I got 4 privileges and 3 don't-knows. Not so much from 16. 

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This is interesting. I actually hadn't really looked into the privilege stuff before.

 

For me as an aro agender ace who values friendship highly:

 

Having  role  models  of  your  gender  and sexual  orientation

lol nope. I was just the weird tomboy growing up.

 

Learning  about  romance and relationships  from  fiction,  movies,  and  television

It confused/frustrated me more than anything else

 

Living with  your  partner  and  doing  so openly to all 

I live with a close friend and people just assume we're in a relationship and I got tired of correcting them. So it's kinda "open" but also kinda not. When I do try to explain the situation, sometimes people think I'm being cruel for friend-zoning him... so I generally avoid talking about it.

 

Talking  about  your relationship  and  the projects,  vacations,  and  family  planning steps  you  and  your  partner  are  working  on.

N/A? I don't plan on having kids

 

Expressing pain when a  relationship  ends, and  having others  notice  and  attend  to  your pain

Ugh, this drives me mad. I can't talk to people about how much it hurts to lose a friend because people will assume that "obviously" that means I have romantic feelings for that person. And I used to believe them!

 

Not  having to lie  about attending  LGBTQIA social  activities,  or  having  friends  in  that community

Haven't had any issues with this - I wouldn't lie if I was involved with anything like that. If anyone has issues with my LGBTQIA friends, they can go F off.

 

Kissing/hugging/being  affectionate  in public  without  threat  or  punishment

This doesn't really apply to me... at least not yet? I actually don't like doing things like that while people are looking anyway.

 

Dating  the  person  of  the  gender  you  desire in  your  teen  years

N/A for me. Although people were suspicious because I wasn't interested in dating anyone at all.

 

Dressing  without  worrying  what  it  might represent  to  someone  else

I've never really worried about that, honestly. I don't wear "sexy" or fashionable outfits anyway, I just wear what I want, based on comfort or my own idea of what looks good on me (which probably differs from most people's ideas anyway).

 

Increased  possibilities  for  getting  a  job  or being  promoted

N/A: I like being self-employed and not having to deal with any of that stuff.

 

Receiving validation  from  your  religious community,  and  being  able  to  hold  positions in  your  religious  leadership  ranks

Nuns might like me. But otherwise, no.

 

Adopting or foster parenting children 

N/A - don't wanna

 

Being employed as a K-12  teacher without fear of  being fired for “corrupting  children”

They'd think I'm corrupting the children for entirely different reasons, most likely. :P  Not that I plan to be a teacher at any point ever. Not even if they pay me a lot of money.

 

Raising children  without  threats  of  state intervention

N/A

 

Receiving equal  benefits  for  you  and  your partner

I've always been frustrated about friendship not being taken seriously in a legal context.

 

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This is pretty interesting.

 

As a questionably cis female aroace:

 

Having  role  models  of  your  gender  and sexual  orientation

Nope.

 

Learning  about  romance and relationships  from  fiction,  movies,  and  television

Nope.

 

Living with  your  partner  and  doing  so openly to all 

I want to live permanently with a friend or QPP, and I don't think that would be taken seriously. So no.

 

Talking  about  your relationship  and  the projects,  vacations,  and  family  planning steps  you  and  your  partner  are  working  on.

Nope. See above.

 

Expressing pain when a  relationship  ends, and  having others  notice  and  attend  to  your pain

Nope, nobody cares when you end a platonic relationship. They just tell you to move on.

 

Not  having to lie  about attending  LGBTQIA social  activities,  or  having  friends  in  that community

Friends I don't have to lie about. But I would have to lie about attending any sort of event if only to stay in the closet. So this one's a no.

 

Kissing/hugging/being  affectionate  in public  without  threat  or  punishment

I don't really do this but if I did show affection toward anyone in public it'd probably be interpreted wrong which is annoying and amatonormative so no.

 

Dating  the  person  of  the  gender  you  desire in  your  teen  years

I desire none of the above and I've gotten shit for that so no.

 

Dressing  without  worrying  what  it  might represent  to  someone  else

Nope.

 

Increased  possibilities  for  getting  a  job  or being  promoted

Questionable, as I haven't tried.

 

Receiving validation  from  your  religious community,  and  being  able  to  hold  positions in  your  religious  leadership  ranks

This one's complicated because my family is Roman Catholic and I feel really unwelcome there but on a personal level I don't consider myself part of any specific religion? I'll call this one a no because most if not all religions would look down on aro people.

 

Adopting or foster parenting children 

Questionable. I don't want children anyway, but I don't imagine it would be a problem?

 

Being employed as a K-12  teacher without fear of  being fired for “corrupting  children”

Questionable. How would schools view aroaces? Anyone have any thoughts?

 

Raising children  without  threats  of  state intervention

Again, I don't want children, but I don't think this would be a problem.

 

Receiving equal  benefits  for  you  and  your partner

If I lived with a friend or QP we'd have no benefits unless we got married so this is a no.

 

1 privilege, 3 questionable.

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I was going to do the questionnaire but I'm honestly not sure how to answer it, since I was aro ace for a long time and recently developed an attraction/relationshippy thing with a girl.

 

From what I can tell, most of these depend on your cultural context. If you live in a highly homophobic country you're going to get a far different result from someone who lives in say, the United States.

 

Not only that, but the idea of straight passing privilege is often used as an excuse to be biphobic as well as discriminatory to a lot of other lesser known queer people, so I kind of hate it. I agree that it shouldn't be applied to aros, aces or anyone else who isn't actually straight.

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On 2017-01-23 at 3:18 AM, aussiekirkland said:

From what I can tell, most of these depend on your cultural context. If you live in a highly homophobic country you're going to get a far different result from someone who lives in say, the United States.

 
I agree. In a very unliberal society it would most definitely be much harder to be homo- or transsexual than aromantic or asexual. I was answering the questions from the context of my country. So basically just social norms rather than actually laws or threats to my life.

If I were to guess what my lesbian friend were to answer for these questions I'd think she'd only put No on
" Having  role  models  of  your  gender  and sexual  orientation"
" Learning  about  romance and relationships  from  fiction,  movies,  and  television"
"
Dating  the  person  of  the  gender  you  desire in  your  teen  years"

 

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Aro lesbian from a mostly-liberal area of the US reporting in!

 

Having  role  models  of  your  gender  and sexual  orientation [edit: and romantic orientation 

Nope.


Learning about romance and relationships from fiction, movies, and television

Nope.

 

Living with your partner and doing so openly to all.

While people may not take it seriously (or assume things about it), "I live with my best friend" is not that uncommon of a roommate situation, and once I'm old enough to do that sort of thing I'm not going to want to hide it.

 

Talking  about  your relationship and the projects, vacations, and family planning steps you and your partner are working on 

Not sure. I wouldn't want to hide it, but realistically I'd probably be uncomfortable talking about it since it'd be an unconventional scenario.

 

Expressing pain when a relationship ends, and having others notice and attend to your pain 

This is probably the worst part of being aro for me. :( Nobody cares about ~just friends~ ''breaking up''.

 

Not having to lie about attending LGBTQIA social activities, or having friends in that community.

I've lied to my mom about attending a LGBT+ social group. So, uh, that one's a solid no. Although I am very open about how all my friends are gay and so am I. :P

 

Kissing/hugging/being  affectionate  in public  without  threat  or  punishment 

I'm a very affectionate person, so hugging/being affectionate definitely; but kissing is a no.

 

Dating the person of the gender you desire in your teen years.

Guess who has two thumbs and has never dated a dude? This girl!

...so, yeah, this one's a yes!

 

Dressing  without  worrying  what  it  might represent  to  someone  else 

This one's weird to me and I don't really get it? The main thing I think of when I get dressed is "oooh this shirt is really soft" and "I have worn this hoodie for the last 5 days without washing it but it's got cat ears so I'm going to wear it again"

 

Increased  possibilities for getting a job or being promoted

No way. Although with my mental issues, this one would be even more ableism than it'd be aphobia/homophobia. Can't exactly stay closeted when one of the criteria is "Causes significant impairment at work/school."

 

Receiving validation from your religious community, and being able to hold positions in your religious leadership ranks. 

Not religious, so N/A. But I am kinda spiritual (I read tarot and do some magic), and I doubt being an aro lesbian would stop anyone from letting me read their cards? IDK.

 

Adopting or foster parenting children

Probably not. Hopefully this will be fixed by the time I'm old enough...

 

Being employed as a K-12 teacher without fear of being fired for “corrupting children” 

I don't think this would be an issue where I live but it depends somewhat on the school; if I move it might become more or less likely.

 

Raising children  without  threats  of  state intervention

Nope. 

 

Receiving equal  benefits for you and  your partner

This one makes me smile, actually, since I can get married to my partner if I want now! And then we would receive equal benefits! We probably won't, because aromantic, but it's nice to not have my homosexuality be a factor in this one.

 

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Trans aro ace from the south coming in hot!

 

Having  role  models  of  your  gender  and sexual  orientation [edit: and romantic orientation]

Nope; can't say I can name role models of either of them. Maybe Jeffrey Marsh for the gender?

 

Learning  about  romance and relationships  from  fiction,  movies,  and  television

Heck no.

 

Living with  your  partner  and  doing  so openly to all 

No... My QPP and I living together would definitely raise eyebrows; we'd probably be mistaken for a lesbian couple (which would horrify my romance-repulsed self) and wouldn't be too great of a thing to be seen as down here. Plus legal rights and taxes wouldn't recognize us... geeze, this is a can 'o worms.

 

Talking  about  your relationship  and  the projects,  vacations,  and  family  planning steps  you  and  your  partner  are  working  on.

Not really; I've found that referring to my QPP as my partner generally isn't worth the trouble of explaining that yes we're in a relationship, no its not a romantic relationship, etc.. As an aro ace, any talk about my family planning would definitely confuse a lot of people and its not something I really want to endure questions on.

 

Expressing pain when a  relationship  ends, and  having others  notice  and  attend  to  your pain

No; people usually don't get why I'd be so upset over "just a friendship". A friendship isn't "just" anything, damn it!

 

Not  having to lie  about attending  LGBTQIA social  activities,  or  having  friends  in  that community

I definitely have had to lie about what I go on Thursday nights to my roommate, but that was primarily because she wasn't too cool with trans people and I couldn't let her know I was one; I have no idea what she'd have thought of me being aro ace.

 

Kissing/hugging/being  affectionate  in public  without  threat  or  punishment

Not really, though again, that has more to do with me and my QPP being mistaken for a lesbian couple than anything else.

 

Dating  the  person  of  the  gender  you  desire in  your  teen  years

Not applicable for me.

 

Dressing  without  worrying  what  it  might represent  to  someone  else

I definitely do worry, though for me it's about figuring out how to present well and be read as the gender I want to be rather than anything to do with being aro ace.

 

Increased  possibilities  for  getting  a  job  or being  promoted

No; being trans is the primary worry with that, but I sincerely doubt being aro ace would help me get a job.

 

Receiving validation  from  your  religious community,  and  being  able  to  hold  positions in  your  religious  leadership  ranks

As a Reform Jew, I've actually been pretty lucky with this. My rabbi and congregation's been very accepting of me, and if I was willing to go for it (and was a bit older) I could probably hold leadership positions myself.

 

Adopting or foster parenting children 

Probably not.

 

Being employed as a K-12  teacher without fear of  being fired for “corrupting  children”

Nope; down here, plenty of people have a problem with trans people being a 'danger'; even if the school was cool with it, I'd be afraid of a parent finding out and starting to freak out.

 

Raising children  without  threats  of  state intervention

Doubtful.

 

Receiving equal  benefits  for  you  and  your partner

Nope. :(

 

So... mostly no, one yes, and one n/a.

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So, in typical arocalypse fashion, this has turned into a quiz. Here's my answers. 

 

Having  role  models  of  your  gender  and sexual  orientation [edit: and romantic orientation]     

 

Not until I was 15 or so, and the first ace I heard of was an agender intersex individual (autism activist Jim Sinclair). I suspect xe is aro, but to my knowledge xe hasn't identified with a romantic orientation. It was only very recently that I've encountered openly aroace people. 

 

Learning  about  romance and relationships  from  fiction,  movies,  and  television

 

Nope, never seen a fictional QPR openly acknowledged as such. 

 

Living with  your  partner  and  doing  so openly to all    

 

My closest relationship is with my brother, and while it won't raise too many brows for us in early adulthood, I'm guessing people will think it's strange for me to live with my brother long-term, especially as we both get older. (Not sure if he'll want to, either, but that's another matter.) So, kind of? Then again, it's more accepted for a disabled person to live with a sibling lifelong, but it comes with icky assumptions about my brother being my 'caregiver', when our relationship is more one of equals.  

 

Talking  about  your relationship  and  the projects,  vacations,  and  family  planning steps  you  and  your  partner  are  working  on.                  

 

When I tell people I'm planning to have a child, they assume that I'm married, and if I correct that assumption, I have to get into an explanation of how to be a single mother by choice. I have had one person express negative views of sperm donation, and another who I'm afraid to discuss it with because I know she's homophobic. So I'd say no to this. 

 

Expressing pain when a  relationship  ends, and  having others  notice  and  attend  to  your pain

 

No. I don't think people get why I'm so sad about having moved away from my friend, even 5 years after I moved. And if my brother decided to live far away from me, I doubt people would understand why that would be so upsetting for me.      

 

Not  having to lie  about attending  LGBTQIA social  activities,  or  having  friends  in  that community       

 

I haven't lied about attending Pride, but I deliberately don't mention it to the homophobic people I know. So kind of?

 

Kissing/hugging/being  affectionate  in public  without  threat  or  punishment 

 

My brother and I actually had someone in our church report us to the police because whoever it was thought he was sexually abusing me. My best guess is that they were freaked out by how huggy we are? The police called us in, interviewed us, and dropped the matter. And my brother and I were left really freaked out. 

 

Dating  the  person  of  the  gender  you  desire in  your  teen  years  

 

No interest in dating. Finding friends was just about impossible, but that was mostly because of my autism. 

 

Dressing  without  worrying  what  it  might represent  to  someone  else 

 

As I mentioned in the blog entry, I worry about whether my clothes make me look sexy. I don't want guys thinking I'm sexually attractive.

 

Increased  possibilities  for  getting  a  job  or being  promoted

 

Autism affects this so profoundly that I can't really see any impact from my orientation.

 

Receiving validation  from  your  religious community,  and  being  able  to  hold  positions in  your  religious  leadership  ranks 

 

I'm atheist, but I attend an Anglican church with my parents. I haven't really sought out validation or leadership positions. But I have agonized over whether it'll be a safe environment for my child when I have one, because I'll be a single mother by choice.                 

 

Adopting or foster parenting children 

 

It's a lot tougher to adopt as a single person. My disability also interacts with this - my autism would probably be much less of an issue if I was married to a neurotypical guy instead of living with my parents and brother.  

 

Being employed as a K-12  teacher without fear of  being fired for “corrupting  children”

 

I did actually get driven out of a volunteer position, but that was more because I refused to misgender a trans teenager than because of my identity. So I won't count that. 

 

Raising children  without  threats  of  state intervention

 

Autism plus singlehood interacts to make this a very real concern for me.

 

Receiving equal  benefits  for  you  and  your partner

 

This is mostly a not applicable for us, because neither my brother nor I work. I have no idea how that would work out, since in theory if we moved out together my brother could claim me as a dependent because of my disability.

 

So 10 nos, three not applicable, two kind of and a yes.

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Having  role  models  of  your  gender  and sexual  orientation [edit: and romantic orientation]     

 

     I don't think I've really found anyone who would count as a roll model except for my cat. All he wants from me if food and cuddles.

 

Learning  about  romance and relationships  from  fiction,  movies,  and  television

 

     Not really.

 

Living with  your  partner  and  doing  so openly to all    

 

      Everyone knows my cat and I are sleeping together.

 

Talking  about  your relationship  and  the projects,  vacations,  and  family  planning steps  you  and  your  partner  are  working  on.                  

 

     No. Not interested.

 

Expressing pain when a  relationship  ends, and  having others  notice  and  attend  to  your pain

 

     No.

 

Not  having to lie  about attending  LGBTQIA social  activities,  or  having  friends  in  that community       

 

     I'm not a member, but no one I associate with would judge me if I was involved with the LGBT+ in any way, shape, or form.

 

Kissing/hugging/being  affectionate  in public  without  threat  or  punishment 

 

     PDA makes me sick.

 

Dating  the  person  of  the  gender  you  desire in  your  teen  years  

 

     I never dated as a teen.

 

Dressing  without  worrying  what  it  might represent  to  someone  else 

 

     Kinda, There are some ace and aro shirts that i want but I haven't gotten them because I'm nervous of how people will react to them.

 

Increased  possibilities  for  getting  a  job  or being  promoted

 

     No benefits whatsoever. 

 

Receiving validation  from  your  religious community,  and  being  able  to  hold  positions in  your  religious  leadership  ranks 

 

     I am not religious.

 

Adopting or foster parenting children 

 

     No thanks.

 

Being employed as a K-12  teacher without fear of  being fired for “corrupting  children”

 

     Nope. 

 

Raising children  without  threats  of  state intervention

 

     No.

 

Receiving equal  benefits  for  you  and  your partner

 

     What partner?

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1.) Having  role  models  of  your  gender  and sexual  orientation [edit: and romantic orientation]     

 

No.

 

2.) Learning  about  romance and relationships  from  fiction,  movies,  and  television

 

Not in a way that would've been helpful.

 

3.) Living with  your  partner  and  doing  so openly to all    

 

If I were in the type of relationship I want to be in (QPR)? Doubtful.

 

4.) Talking  about  your relationship  and  the projects,  vacations,  and  family  planning steps  you  and  your  partner  are  working  on.                  

 

Again, QPR's aren't really taken seriously.

 

5.) Expressing pain when a  relationship  ends, and  having others  notice  and  attend  to  your pain

 

See above.

 

6.) Not  having to lie  about attending  LGBTQIA social  activities,  or  having  friends  in  that community       

 

Yes, but I'd have that with any orientation with the friends I keep.

 

7.) Kissing/hugging/being  affectionate  in public  without  threat  or  punishment 

 

Not likely to engage in PDA, but if I did it'd be assumed that I'm romantic.

 

8.) Dating  the  person  of  the  gender  you  desire in  your  teen  years  

 

No dating.

 

9.) Dressing  without  worrying  what  it  might represent  to  someone  else 

 

I am female, I would have to worry about this even if I were hetero.

 

10.) Increased  possibilities  for  getting  a  job  or being  promoted

 

I don't think I'd be out to an employer so this likely won't be a problem.

 

11.) Receiving validation  from  your  religious community,  and  being  able  to  hold  positions in  your  religious  leadership  ranks 

 

Don't receive validation from any community.

 

12.) Adopting or foster parenting children 

 

Don't like kids so this is likely to not be a problem.

 

13.) Being employed as a K-12  teacher without fear of  being fired for “corrupting  children”

 

Not interested in teaching, corrupting how exactly?

 

14.) Raising children  without  threats  of  state intervention

 

See question 12.

 

15.) Receiving equal  benefits  for  you  and  your partner

 

In a QPR? Not likely.

 

16. Legal marriage, which includes:
Public recognition and support of your relationship
Joint child custody  
Sharing insurance policies at  reduced rates Access to a hospitalized loved one 
Social expectations of longevity and stability for  your relationship 

 

Not likely for a QP marriage to be taken seriously. Not sure if I'm interested in marriage anyways.

 

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As a Cisfemale Gray-asexual-ish Aromantic:

 

Having  role  models  of  your  gender  and sexual  orientation

Learning  about  (a)romance and relationships  from  fiction,  movies,  and  television

Living with  your  partner  and  doing  so openly to all Most likely wouldn't be taken seriously or mistaken for a romantic relationship

Talking  about  your relationship  and  the projects,  vacations,  and  family  planning steps  you  and  your  partner  are  working  on.See above, people would be mistaken or confused

Expressing pain when a  relationship  ends, and  having others  notice  and  attend  to  your pain 

Not  having to lie  about attending  LGBTQIA social  activities,  or  having  friends  in  that community No issues being an ally for my LGBTQIA friends, but in all that time I never heard ace or aro even be mentioned, so as they don't seem present there I will continue in the closet and only be an ally, so this is a maybe?

Kissing/hugging/being  affectionate  in public  without  threat  or  punishment 

Dating  the  person  of  the  gender  you  desire in  your  teen  years assumes you want to date. 

Dressing  without  worrying  what  it  might represent  to  someone  else avoid wearing some things when I am out alone to avoid being hit on. 

Increased  possibilities  for  getting  a  job  or being  promoted Maybe?

Receiving validation  from  your  religious community,  and  being  able  to  hold  positions in  your  religious  leadership  ranks Already isolated from my belief system so this would be a no whatever my orientation was

Adopting or foster parenting children solo foster parents are favoured for emergency placements rather than permanent placements, adoption is also considerably harder for a solo parent 

Being employed as a K-12  teacher without fear of  being fired for “corrupting  children” this is only a yes because I am a cisfemale and androphobia is the biggest issue I have seen. 

Raising children  without  threats  of  state intervention I would maybe be questioned more because they wouldn't be my biological children, and I would probably be solo or with a friend

Receiving equal  benefits  for  you  and  your partner I don't think non-sexual QPRs would even get de-facto priviliges

Legal marriage highly likely to be questioned and the relationship misunderstood as marriage is seen as a romantic thing, not that I believe in it anyway

 

This made me sad. Mostly no, 3 maybes and one yes. But that one yes is for my gender not my romantic/sexual orientations. 

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1. Having  role  models  of  your  gender  and sexual  orientation [edit: and romantic orientation]

NO

2. Learning  about  romance and relationships  from  fiction,  movies,  and  television
NO. Even as an adult it's hard to find relationship depictions I can identify with in writing or drama.

3. Living with  your  partner  and  doing  so openly to all
N/A I've never been interested in doing this.

4. Talking  about  your relationship  and  the projects,  vacations,  and  family  planning steps  you  and  your  partner  are  working  on.
NO There's far too many normative assumptions in here for me anyway.

5. Expressing pain when a  relationship  ends, and  having others  notice  and  attend  to  your pain
NO

6. Not  having to lie  about attending  LGBTQIA social  activities,  or  having  friends  in  that community DK
YES

7. Kissing/hugging/being  affectionate  in public  without  threat  or  punishment

YES Though finding anyone interested in doing these with me is a huge challenge.


8. Dating  the  person  of  the  gender  you  desire in  your  teen  years
NO It was impossible. I was never asked and had no clue how to ask anyone. Nobody to talk to about how I just wanted just the dating, going out, hugging, kissing, sex. But never the "in a relationship", "going steady", etc. 

9. Dressing  without  worrying  what  it  might represent  to  someone  else DK
NO

10. Increased  possibilities  for  getting  a  job  or being  promoted Yes
NO I've seen job adverts specifically specifying couples/coupled. Also sure I have experienced singlism, more in terms of lack of promotion. Though this is hard to prove.

11. Receiving validation  from  your  religious community,  and  being  able  to  hold  positions in  your  religious  leadership  ranks DK

N/A not religious.


12. Adopting or foster parenting children
N/A Not interested in this.

13. Being employed as a K-12  teacher without fear of  being fired for “corrupting  children”

N/A Not interested in this.

14. Raising children  without  threats  of  state intervention Yes
N/A Not interested in this.

15. Receiving equal  benefits  for  you  and  your partner
N/A Not interested in having a singular partner. Though face discrimination as a result of couples discounts etc.

16. Legal marriage, which includes:
Public recognition and support of your relationship
Joint child custody  
Sharing insurance policies at  reduced rates Access to a hospitalized loved one 
Social expectations of longevity and stability for  your relationship 

NO though I face discrimination by the state as a result if legal marriage existing.

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