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Philbo Wiseroot

I could use some gender help. Do you think I'm agender?

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I could use some help. For the last couple of months I've known I'm nonbinary and I've gone through various identities to try and finetune it if I can. I've hit a wall: I've tried demiguy, bigender, and agender, and none seem to fit. 

 

My feeling when I think of my gender is like my brain returns a 404 error.

 

Does this mean I am agender and need to come to terms with that, or are there other explanations or identities that could fit better?

 

And if you're comfortable, I'd welcome any personal stories around finding your genders. Thanks :) 

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If agender doesn`t feel right, then I don`t know... maybe "don`t care"? :P

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I'm kind of the same, I guess. I've come to the conclusion that because I honestly believe that gender is stupid and harms our society more than helps it, I probably just can't conceptualise me having one. It doesn't affect me at all, other than other people's perceptions of me. It's deeper than disliking stereotypes, I'm not 'not a woman' because I don't like gender roles. It feels wrong to be called a woman, there's nothing that makes me a woman. There's nothing that makes me a man. There's nothing that makes me anything. I suppose if I could pick a sex, I would choose male, and to be perceived as a man. But in the end I just really don't care because it's just so meaningless.

 

I don't know if that line of thinking will help you at all... I hope it does. Your 'My feeling when I think of my gender is like my brain returns a 404 error.' Does sound similar to what happens to me. : P Not sure for a long time if I was a man, a woman, agender, neutrois, bigender, or some demigender. I decided not quite that I don't care, but it doesn't matter (for the reasons I put in the first paragraph).

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I consider myself a cis female but I don't have a clue why I do. I know I'm not overly "feminine" but I'm really not masculine, either. Though weirdly, I honestly don't care if people occasionally mistake me for a guy xD I do find the whole "what is gender/why is it important to know?" discussion really interesting, though. 

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21 minutes ago, Untamed Heart said:

I consider myself a cis female but I don't have a clue why I do. I know I'm not overly "feminine" but I'm really not masculine, either. Though weirdly, I honestly don't care if people occasionally mistake me for a guy xD I do find the whole "what is gender/why is it important to know?" discussion really interesting, though. 

That somewhat describes me as a cis male (I'm also white if anyone has a privlige-ometer) but no-one confuses me for female (why are tomboys more common than tomgirls?). Also what does gender feel like (I don't know what romance feels like so I don't expect any answers)?

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1 hour ago, Untamed Heart said:

I consider myself a cis female but I don't have a clue why I do. I know I'm not overly "feminine" but I'm really not masculine, either. Though weirdly, I honestly don't care if people occasionally mistake me for a guy xD I do find the whole "what is gender/why is it important to know?" discussion really interesting, though. 

 

Yeah, I'm pretty much like this too. I have no problem identifying as female, but I'd honestly be fine with anything, I think.

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I go with agender because nothing really fits. The concept of 'feeling like' a gender doesn't make any sense to me, I have no idea what that feels like. I don't think I've ever felt gender-y. I just put up with people calling me a woman and such because I got used to it and arguing with it didn't make any sense either... it's not like I'd rather be called a man. Although when that happens (people calling me 'he' over the internet), it doesn't really bother me much either. It seems about the same level of 'wrong' as being thought of as a woman does... but I guess it's more amusing because it happens less often.

 

I don't know what you should do though. :P

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While I feel like the binary definition of "girl" doesn't really fit me completely and feels like an uncomfortable box I'm forced into, and as such I often don't feel entirely female, I choose to still call myself a cis girl because being referred to as a girl does not bother me, although I don't really have a problem being perceived as anything else. There are words that I've toyed around with that might fit better, but the knowledge that they exist is enough for me without actually using them as labels for myself for the sake of ease.

 

My advice to you is to think long and hard about your gender, which I'm sure you've already been doing; and it's important to keep in mind that it is entirely plausible and in fact pretty likely that there isn't one word out there that feels like it fits you completely and that feels useful to apply to yourself. Remember that labels are a tool, not a hard and fast rule, and that at the end of the day you don't have to label your gender at all if you end up finding it's easier not to.

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On 12/25/2016 at 11:08 PM, SoulWolf said:

I go with agender because nothing really fits. The concept of 'feeling like' a gender doesn't make any sense to me, I have no idea what that feels like. I don't think I've ever felt gender-y.

Exactly my feeling. I've never really felt a particular gender, just ascribed "man" in the past because I'm not a woman.

 

On 12/25/2016 at 10:18 AM, Dodgypotato said:

It doesn't affect me at all, other than other people's perceptions of me

SO TRUE. Now I think of it, the only time I've ever thought of myself as a man is when people tell me I am because binary and gender roles. Like what @SoulWolf said:

 

On 12/25/2016 at 11:08 PM, SoulWolf said:

I just put up with people calling me a woman and such because I got used to it


Agender is seeming like a good fit so far. I'll look through the similar threads I posted on Reddit and AVEN and report back later on.

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I've settled on agender thanks to @Dodgypotato clarifying some things with their own personal concept of gender. Thanks everyone!

 

I was contemplating locking this thread, but I've decided I'll leave it open for others to ask questions and things later on.

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@Philbo Wiseroot I'm Agender too, and came to this conclusion a little while ago. Do you mind me asking (feel free to PM if private), do you feel that your body reflects your gender or does it oppose it for you? I am trans, as I am taking steps to 'neutralise' certain gendered aspects of my body, and I am curious If you feel the same or differently? I'm AFAB so I would be curious to know as an (I'm assuming) AMAB Agendered person, what your thoughts on your body are?

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Hi, everyone!

I'm collecting video interviews from non-straight women and transgender and non-binary people on their relationships with their femininity.

If anyone is alright with me interviewing them, please let me know! If you know anyone who might be alright with being interviewed, put them in contact with me!

I'm going to be asking everyone questions like "how does wearing a dress make you feel?" and "do you like being described as feminine?" and I plan on asking questions specific to people's orientations and gender identities as well, such as "how do you respond when people say 'you don't look like a lesbian'?" or "as a trans-girl, do you feel obligated to wear make up to indicate to other people that you are a girl?" or "do people expect you to be available to men as a woman, even after you tell them you are aromantic?"

I'm going to edit all the interviews I get into one cohesive film and then show it in a theater at my school for a suggested donation of about a dollar. I'm going to donate all proceeds to the Urgent Action Fund for Women's Rights, an organization that grants money to activists for women's rights and LGBT+ rights, especially their intersection.

I need to have this finished by March of 2019.

Thanks for your time!

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On 11/25/2017 at 1:59 PM, shotinthehand said:

I need to have this finished by March of 2019.

OH quiznack I'm late. 

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