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Cereal Tendencies

Aromantic Confessions

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4 hours ago, Ace of Amethysts said:

I confess that I would instantly buy an aro (or ace) T-shirt.

I would buy an ace/aro shirt but I don't have a steady income :(

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7 hours ago, Shroomie said:

 

They do have aro and ace shirts in some places online, I think. And I would buy them if I felt like telling people I was ace/aro xD

I actually have made an aro pride badge out of my volunteering student manager badge even though I have no real intention of saying the words "I'm aromantic".

I7ttydT.png

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On 31/12/2016 at 5:57 AM, Zemaddog said:

I would buy an ace/aro shirt but I don't have a steady income :(

Me neither... :(

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On 12/24/2016 at 11:48 AM, Mark said:

What about the z/zed/zee alternative?

 

I think it may be confusing to some.  I think 'zed' can be easily misunderstood for zero, and that's pretty much like another way of saying aromantic. 

 

Also, if zed was choosen because its on the other end of the alphabeth, that's another can of worms. Other sexualities and romatic orientations are not the opposite of 'a', because that's just not it. Zed to me kind of suggests that its an extreme, its just too all-or-nothing. 

 

There will be people who dislike the term because of some reason, but these words were not really meant for them. They were created by a minority, to talk about minority issues.

 

As @Zemaddog said, people are pissed off because trans people, aro people and ace people rant online, and they took it personally. 

What they don't realise is that no matter how many trans activists post a very mean image with a pastel background that says 'down with the cis', these people will not have and have never had any power to discriminate against cis people. You don't get beat up because you are cis. You don't loose your job, your family, your friends... They aren't saying f.ck the individual people who are happy with the gender they were assigned at birth. They are saying f.ck the concept of being cis, this pressure to live your life a certain way, and the consequences you have to face when you do not conform to the norm. Also the mindless, oblivious herd that maintains amatonormativity, allonormativity, transphobia, racism, etc. without even questioning it.

 

I choose to use these words also to show solidarity, and to empower these groups. It can be way of saying that I'm aware of my privilege, and I don't expect all people to be like me. By normalising the use of these words, we also normalise the people who created them. In a world where it normal that your blogs says that you are cis,  its not taken for granted, maybe trans kids will feel more normal when they choose to be visible. Maybe this way trans people, ace people, aro people will find each other more easily online. 

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2 minutes ago, Ace of Amethysts said:

Allonormativity?! Ugh...

 

Yes. I'm a sexual person, but I'm so done with it.

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9 hours ago, Cassiopeia said:

They aren't saying f.ck the individual people who are happy with the gender they were assigned at birth. They are saying f.ck the concept of being cis, this pressure to live your life a certain way, and the consequences you have to face when you do not conform to the norm. Also the mindless, oblivious herd that maintains amatonormativity, allonormativity, transphobia, racism, etc. without even questioning it.

It seems that supporting (even passively) the status quo is always likely to be easier than challenging or questioning it.
Even in a fairly specific way, never mind the meta concept of there being "one twue way".

 

9 hours ago, Ace of Amethysts said:

Allonormativity?! Ugh...

Typically used in the context of sexual attraction being normative. Equally applicable to the idea of romantic attraction being normative.

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2 hours ago, Mark said:

It seems that supporting (even passively) the status quo is always likely to be easier than challenging or questioning it.

 

Part of the problem is that people would not even think to question it. Unless you are part of the group that is negativey affected by it, you don't really notice when you say or do something that perpetuates these stereotypes. Because lived your entire life in a society that promotes these bs, you think of them as normal, its so pervasive you don't even notice it.

Even after you were told you should question certain things, you slip back into the old routine, and the system benefits you. This is what they mean when they say that all white people are racist. This is what they mean when they say all cis people are transphobic. This is why feminists flip the table when someone starts the not all men discussion again.

 

Getting defensive is not helpful, this isn't about privileged people having to feel guilty or apologising. Sometimes you have to sit back and listen, and consider and admit the fact that you haven't lived through something others in an oppressed group have. Using your privilege to stand up for them is what this is about. Tell other privileged people that their hate is unacceptable. For you its easier to shut down the abuse, because your privilege protects you. This is what being an ally supposed to mean.

 

2 hours ago, Mark said:

Typically used in the context of sexual attraction being normative. Equally applicable to the idea of romantic attraction being normative.

 

And also the act itself. Rape culture and allonormativity are usually a package deal, because they stem from the same harmful misconceptions and beliefs.

No matter what gender you are, you will be ridiculed, mocked, groped, infantilised, etc. if you admit you have not done anything sexual yet or lack any interest to try in the future.

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I confess that sometimes PDA makes me either want to run at the couple waving my arms like a madman so they'll stop and run away, or immediately flee the scene so that I'll no longer have to watch. 

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5 hours ago, Ace of Amethysts said:

@Cassiopeia Don`t forget age!

In relation to what?

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I confess to feeling utterly useless when my best friend called me at 2am to let me know she broke up with her boyfriend 

I also confess that hearing her cry broke my cold dead heart :(

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I confess to spending hours laughing at things my friends have said about romantic feelings

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17 hours ago, Ace of Amethysts said:

@Dodecahedron314 Posted something you regretted? Welcome to me. xD

Neither I nor the post that was formerly an awkward negative paragraph from 3am and is now a single period have any idea what you're talking about... :ph34r: 

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I confess for all the times I have lied about not having a cellphone, being too busy to "talk", having a broken facecam, being "sooo busy" during the weakends, not liking going to [insert potential dating place that is actually interesting if not a date], and many more excuses... ( I don't feel sorry at all)

 

I confess pretending to take any declaration of love as if it was a joke to avoidhaving to give a proper answer.

 

I also confess voluntarily ignoring my friends when they are with their romantic partner just to avoid the general awkwardness.

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I confess that whenever I see my dad with his romantic partner I realise how much I am missing affection.

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I confess I want to do the English thing of writing a sternly worded, open letter to everyone who thinks liths/aros/greys in general have commitment/daddy/whatever issues, to say that using "issues" as a blanket diagnosis is a massive cop out - I get some people do have issues that impact their romantic feelings, and that some people are confused, but there doesn't absolutely have to be anything deep and/or tragic behind someone feeling differently than the majority of people. Some people hate dogs, it doesn't mean they got bitten as a kid or whatever. Sometimes, a spade really is just a spade.

I have been looking into those things, and I can honestly say I don't feel my own discomfort in being in a relationship was caused by stuff that happened in the past. I have friends and family I'd do anything for, within reason - nobody said commitment had to necessarily be romantic in nature, but that's what everyone assumes when you say you're committed to someone.

Also, I know that when I'm worried or anxious about something, I can usually identify what it is I'm worried about, but when there's nothing wrong in a relationship and the guy is perfectly nice, I can't say why I feel the way I do, because there's no tangible cause.

I also confess I deactivated my Facebook account just after Christmas in a ragequit when A) one person on an aro post (replying to an aroace's comment) conflated just hugging in bed with foreplay, and B) some guy asked a woman who said she didn't want to get married if she actually wanted a future. Nobody said she couldn't make it alone!

TL:DR - I just feel a bit annoyed that people assume everyone "different" has issues (or is a liar covering up for something). 

I also confess I realise this seems to have turned into a rant thing that might belong more on some other page :P oops :$ 

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