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Cassiopeia

Aromanticism and depression

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I wanted to make this thread for a long long time, but I have always chickened out so far...its just one of those topics where people are likely to start an argument and I really wasn't up for that.

 

But lets talk about it because I think we have to.

 

As the rest of the LGBTQ+ community, we have to declare pretty often that our orientation isn't a health condition, again and again and again. I do not want to pathologise anyone's identity, I'm sure there are lots of aromantic people who aren't struggling with their mental health.

 

But some of us are and its not easy to talk about these feelings, especially when most people seem to think a relationship would fix all my problems. While I'm 100% sure that romantic love does not cure mental illnesses, I wonder what it would be like if I would not have something that messes with my feelings all the time. I have had depression since my early teens, so I can only guess.

 

Not developing crushes, not feeling like someone is extra special and magical, when you generally don't feel motivated by anything anyway kind of seems to fit into that pattern. When you have to force yourself to have any kind of social interaction, to actually get out of bed, put a smile on and be interested takes lots of effort.

Its not so easy to distinguish romance repulsion and general misanthropia caused by depression and/or anxiety.

 

tl,dr I just feel like crap, and I have no idea what would be  the so called "normal".

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Cassiopeia, thanks for sharing. I don't know firsthand what chronic depression is like. Are there any activities that you look forward to and enjoy? If so, then you can understand what it's like to desire an activity. To lack the desire for a romantic partnership, it might be related to depression, or it might just be part of your personality. You have the capacity to enjoy things, and know what you like. It sounds like you just don't enjoy the company of people.

 

Even if your aromanticism is related closely to your depression, that doesn't invalidate your lack of romantic attraction. Do you feel like you want to want it and that depression is blocking that?

 

That sounded kind of confusing, but maybe it will help?

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I've been struggling with my mental health for some years now (though I've only recently admitted that), and while it's not severe it's there and it makes my life harder.

 

I have no idea how it relates to my aromanticism, but I know I was aromantic long before everything in my home life happened. Sometimes I joke that depression and anxiety are contagious cause I'm pretty sure I caught them from my mum some years ago haha

 

So I'm inclined to think that in my case, my mental health is tied to my home life more than it is my complete lack of interest in romantic relationships :P

 

Also while it's a lot of effort to get out of the house some days, I force myself to see my best friend every week because she always makes me feel better, so in some cases (though certainly not all) socialising actually helps my mental health. 

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Here's a hug, if you want one... :hugs:

 

I'm like an eternal optimist in some ways, and hardly ever get depressed... or if I do, it's not for long. So I don't know what it's like to be depressed all the time. I also don't seem to get excited or motivated as easily as other people. I find it odd when someone gets incredibly excited by something... I just kind of look at them like they're weird.

 

I've hidden this bit because of my unconventional views about the cause(s) of depression, open at own risk: O.o

 

Spoiler

I have spoken to a lot of depressed people (a different forum I'm on), and one thing most of them seem to have in common is a depressing, stifling, negative or oppressive environment that they don't feel like they can get away from. I do also know one person who has depression & anxiety with no external environmental cause as far as I can tell... so I'm pretty sure there are internal brain things that can cause depression too. I just think that most of the time, the cause is actually external, so that makes depression a symptom rather than an illness itself (most of the time). I mean, it's not like society is some kind of utopia or anything... it's largely the opposite. Even the non-depressed people aren't usually particularly happy. 9-5 grind and all that... Sometimes I think I'm the weird one for not being depressed...

 

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This is absolutely something I wonder about myself, especially because the last two relationships I tried to fit myself in and "fix" myself with turned toxic and one was quite emotionally abusive. 

 

So I do know that for a couple of years, actual romance repulsion at everything was likely because that shit would cause me anxiety. 

 

I'm not so sensitive to it now, but I too have suffered severe depression off and on since I was a teen. So it's hard to know how much of that did shape how I see humans and relations to them. 

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9 hours ago, SoulWolf said:

I've hidden this bit because of my unconventional views about the cause(s) of depression, open at own risk: O.o

 

  Reveal hidden contents

I have spoken to a lot of depressed people (a different forum I'm on), and one thing most of them seem to have in common is a depressing, stifling, negative or oppressive environment that they don't feel like they can get away from. I do also know one person who has depression & anxiety with no external environmental cause as far as I can tell... so I'm pretty sure there are internal brain things that can cause depression too. I just think that most of the time, the cause is actually external, so that makes depression a symptom rather than an illness itself (most of the time). I mean, it's not like society is some kind of utopia or anything... it's largely the opposite. Even the non-depressed people aren't usually particularly happy. 9-5 grind and all that... Sometimes I think I'm the weird one for not being depressed...

 

This is sort of what I had in mind though I couldn't quite articulate it. At least in my case, I feel like depression and anxiety were a direct response to a stressful home life. 

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On 20/09/2016 at 9:35 AM, SoulWolf said:

Here's a hug, if you want one... :hugs:

 

I'm like an eternal optimist in some ways, and hardly ever get depressed... or if I do, it's not for long. So I don't know what it's like to be depressed all the time. I also don't seem to get excited or motivated as easily as other people. I find it odd when someone gets incredibly excited by something... I just kind of look at them like they're weird.

 

I've hidden this bit because of my unconventional views about the cause(s) of depression, open at own risk: O.o

 

  Hide contents

I have spoken to a lot of depressed people (a different forum I'm on), and one thing most of them seem to have in common is a depressing, stifling, negative or oppressive environment that they don't feel like they can get away from. I do also know one person who has depression & anxiety with no external environmental cause as far as I can tell... so I'm pretty sure there are internal brain things that can cause depression too. I just think that most of the time, the cause is actually external, so that makes depression a symptom rather than an illness itself (most of the time). I mean, it's not like society is some kind of utopia or anything... it's largely the opposite. Even the non-depressed people aren't usually particularly happy. 9-5 grind and all that... Sometimes I think I'm the weird one for not being depressed...

 

I relate to this so much! (Apart from the part about not getting excited easily. I do get excited, I just don't express it very visibly). I totally get what you mean about feeling weird for not being depressed when seemingly everyone else on the internet is.

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I've been extremely aro since long before my depression showed up, but the two never had any correlation with each other until I got to college and realized how lonely it could get being 1100 miles away from everyone you've ever known and not having anyone to really connect with, at which point I started feeling kind of broken and alone because this happened at around the same time that other aspects of college and life in general got extremely difficult. Thankfully that's pretty much gone away (though it definitely came back this summer when I lived in an apartment with two friends who were very deep into their relationship with each other), but I know all too well how easily it is to slip back into that state.

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On ‎09‎/‎19‎/‎2016 at 2:24 PM, Cassiopeia said:

Not developing crushes, not feeling like someone is extra special and magical, when you generally don't feel motivated by anything anyway kind of seems to fit into that pattern. When you have to force yourself to have any kind of social interaction, to actually get out of bed, put a smile on and be interested takes lots of effort.

Its not so easy to distinguish romance repulsion and general misanthropia caused by depression and/or anxiety.

Just wanted to say I really relate to this. When I first found the term aromantic, it applied to me perfectly and I thought it would come with feelings of relief of having this part of my identity validated, but instead I just started seeing how the bigger picture in all this is that I'm a person who doesn't have qualities worth being awake to live. There's nothing in me that wants anything. I wonder if there's a god, what kind of god would put someone on Earth who shouldn't be here.

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Thank you all for the kind words. It's not so much that I question how I feel, just looking for answers. (And also the fact that people around me desperately want me to feel better. And you have guessed, their number one idea of what would do that is me finding a partner.  And I appreciate the thought and the effort  but finding someone who doesn't want the whole romo part of the relationship is not easy...9_9

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I don't really have too much to add, but I'm in a similar situation.  I've been suffering from anxiety and depression on and off since middle school, and I am also aromantic.  I'm almost certain that these two things aren't connected, because even during the periods in my life where I wasn't as effected by anxiety and depression, I still felt as aromantic as ever.  It can be a difficult thing to navigate though, when so many people out there think aromanticism is a mental illness.

 

I hope that you find the answers you're looking for  *offers hugs*

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On 10/16/2016 at 6:26 AM, Cassiopeia said:

Thank you all for the kind words. It's not so much that I question how I feel, just looking for answers. (And also the fact that people around me desperately want me to feel better. And you have guessed, their number one idea of what would do that is me finding a partner.  And I appreciate the thought and the effort  but finding someone who doesn't want the whole romo part of the relationship is not easy...9_9

 

Besides the fact that finding a partner of any sort is not a magic bullet that cures mental illness. I'm so fucking annoyed that people think this nonsense. 

No manic pixie dream boat of a person is going to make everything in your head all better, wtf, romcoms aren't a substitute for therapy. 

This is definitely a part of life that amanormativity has shit all over.

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I wonder if modern society perhaps would makes Aros more prone to psychological unwellness (not that I know if we are, I'm just going by your speculation)

In our society people tend to be rather isolated and not have many close relationships. The closest relationship is often that of a romantic partner. Someone to share your everyday routine with, to confine in, have physical contact with (not just sex but any kind of physical interaction). I think that earlier in history we used to have that with more people than just the significant other. I don't mean to write some sociology paper. It's just something I've been reflecting upon. Do you feel like you're missing close relationships in your life?

 

I actually feel like my aromanticism is linked to a very healthy outlook on life. I don't know how to sum it up exactly. Maybe that my happiness is not dependent on another persons action.

 

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15 hours ago, Holmbo said:

I wonder if modern society perhaps would makes Aros more prone to psychological unwellness (not that I know if we are, I'm just going by your speculation)

In our society people tend to be rather isolated and not have many close relationships. The closest relationship is often that of a romantic partner. Someone to share your everyday routine with, to confine in, have physical contact with (not just sex but any kind of physical interaction). I think that earlier in history we used to have that with more people than just the significant other. I don't mean to write some sociology paper. It's just something I've been reflecting upon. Do you feel like you're missing close relationships in your life?

It can be difficult to find many of these kind of things outside of a romantic relationship, at least in the modern world.
I suspect that even in the fairly recent past what we now call Queer Platonic Relationships would have been more socially acceptable. Thus even aros would have opportunities to form mutually beneficial relationships.

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i've never thought they were related.  part of dysthymia (the type of depression i have) is dull emotions, feeling empty a lot.  but one of the few things which does bring me strong emotion is the love i have for my friends.  it's overwhelming sometimes.  so i'm not a sociopath, yay.  i do love and care for people, just not romantically, and i don't see why that would matter.

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On 13/10/2017 at 3:10 PM, aro_elise said:

i've never thought they were related.  part of dysthymia (the type of depression i have) is dull emotions, feeling empty a lot. 

 

Hmm. Although I've never had anything approaching serious depression, nothing that has ever required any intervention, I do identify with some descriptions of dysthymia that I've read. Like taking less joy in things than I used to, relying more on coping behaviors and just generally feeling a bit numbed-out and "flat", you know? For me I think the combination of a few things lead to me feeling this way, but one of them was probably something like what @Holmbo touched on above,  about society not really being set up for aros and a big network of friends being less readily and casually available as I got older (so in that sense being aro may have contributed, for me). Is there a time you remember emotions feeling less "dull" @aro_elise? I think that's the case for me, but not really sure what to do about it? :/ (I am trying to change some things to gradually move away from full time work and rebalance my life more around the sorts of friendship interactions I had more of back at university, but that'll take time)

 

I suppose I'm "coping" fine, really, but there ought to be more to life than just "coping", right? I was reading the novel Station Eleven recently and this part really stopped me in my tracks (and could it describe a dysthymic person?):

 

 

He was thinking of the book, and thinking of what Dahlia has said about sleepwalking, and a strange thought came to him: had Arthur seen that Clark had been sleepwalking? Would this be in the letters to V? Because he had been sleepwalking, Clark realised, moving half asleep through the motions of his life for a while now, years; not specifically unhappy, but when had he last found real joy in his work? When was the last time he'd been truly moved by anything? When had he last felt awe or inspiration?

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@NullVector yeah, that sounds about right.  i mean, sometimes it is really bad, like i feel broken and despairing, rather than empty, and it's not just mood; it's hard to do anything.  school stuff, basic self care, even fun stuff, it's like i'm too tired for life.  but that's pretty typical of all types of depression.  i was diagnosed about a year ago but i've had these symptoms for about 3 years.  i've known i was aro for over 2 years.  and fun fact: one of the worst times in my life in terms of depression was during my first and only relationship, when i was basically trying to convince myself i wasn't aro.  it was...not good.  last year was pretty bad, too--my first year of university--i was used to not having trouble with school and everything being the same, i guess, and then nothing was familiar or easy and i just kind of lost it.  i've tried therapy and medication--variously--but didn't notice any significant change, so i currently have neither.  this year...i'm not far enough into it to tell, but it's relatively ok so far.

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@aro_elise Thanks for sharing. "it's like i'm too tired for life" is relatable to me, but it's like I only catch a flavour or hint of that feeling rather than the full blown thing. I don't want to trivialise other people's experiences of depression by comparing them with my (much milder, I think) feelings. 

 

4 hours ago, aro_elise said:

this year...i'm not far enough into it to tell, but it's relatively ok so far.

That's good. I hope things can keep getting better for you. I don't know if this is a thing for dysthymia in general, but for me I've noticed that changes are very gradual. I feel like I'm slowly getting back to my old "normal", but over a period of years, not weeks or months. Perhaps with "major" depression the changes are more sudden? I just kind of one day noticed I wasn't as happy as I used to be - but a bit like the parable of the frog in the pot, the change in emotional state was too gradual for me to notice at the time (again, I don't know if I have dysthymia / some quite mild and manageable form of it, and don't want to trivialise your experiences with it. I was just sharing in the hope of saying at least something helpful or useful)

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7 hours ago, NullVector said:

like the parable of the frog in the pot, the change in emotional state was too gradual for me to notice at the time

I can support that notion. It is even harder to notice the changes when you do have strong but fleeting moments of good emotions yet the downward spiral continues. Not nice. 

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On 9/19/2016 at 9:24 PM, Cassiopeia said:

As the rest of the LGBTQ+ community, we have to declare pretty often that our orientation isn't a health condition, again and again and again.

If we look at DSM-V definition of mental/psychiatric disorder:

 
         A     a clinically significant behavioral or psychological syndrome or pattern that occurs in an individual
         B     is associated with present distress (e.g., a painful symptom) or disability (i.e., impairment in one or more important areas of functioning) or with a significantly increased risk of suffering death, pain, disability, or an important loss of freedom
         C     must not be merely an expectable and culturally sanctioned response to a particular event, for example, the death of a loved one
         D     a manifestation of a behavioral, psychological, or biological dysfunction in the individual
         E     neither deviant behavior (e.g., political, religious, or sexual) nor conflicts that are primarily between the individual and society are mental disorders unless the deviance or conflict is a symptom of a dysfunction in the individual
 

… aromanticism seems to check all the boxes, if one wants to. For example (point B), it's easy to feel some kind of distress because of aromanticism.

Even more critical is “impairment in one or more important areas of functioning”. Social functioning is one of the important areas of functioning – but what on earth should “correct” social functioning include? Romantic love? Then even the most happy, sociable, well-adjusted aromantic could be pathologized.

 

I generally like this proposal more. It's good to have “significant” to be added to “distress”. And especially F and G seem to be very sensible:

 

         F     that has diagnostic validity using one or more sets of diagnostic validators (e.g., prognostic significance, psychobiological disruption, response to treatment)
         G     that has clinical utility (for example, contributes to better conceptualization of diagnoses, or to better assessment and treatment)
 
J seems also a good consideration:
 
         J     when considering whether to add a psychiatric condition to the nomenclature, or delete a psychiatric condition from the nomenclature, potential benefits (for example, provide better patient care, stimulate new research) should outweigh potential harms (for example, hurt particular individuals, be subject to misuse)

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On September 19, 2016 at 2:24 PM, Cassiopeia said:

I wanted to make this thread for a long long time, but I have always chickened out so far...its just one of those topics where people are likely to start an argument and I really wasn't up for that.

 

But lets talk about it because I think we have to.

 

As the rest of the LGBTQ+ community, we have to declare pretty often that our orientation isn't a health condition, again and again and again. I do not want to pathologise anyone's identity, I'm sure there are lots of aromantic people who aren't struggling with their mental health.

 

But some of us are and its not easy to talk about these feelings, especially when most people seem to think a relationship would fix all my problems. While I'm 100% sure that romantic love does not cure mental illnesses, I wonder what it would be like if I would not have something that messes with my feelings all the time. I have had depression since my early teens, so I can only guess.

 

Not developing crushes, not feeling like someone is extra special and magical, when you generally don't feel motivated by anything anyway kind of seems to fit into that pattern. When you have to force yourself to have any kind of social interaction, to actually get out of bed, put a smile on and be interested takes lots of effort.

Its not so easy to distinguish romance repulsion and general misanthropia caused by depression and/or anxiety.

 

tl,dr I just feel like crap, and I have no idea what would be  the so called "normal".

 

I've had chronic depression spanning many decades, I had it since I was eight, it never really went away until I really didn't "give a f***" about other peoples' feelings. Despite my training in psychology and psychiatry, it's a different animal when you're dealing with it on a personal basis and peoples' own comfirmation bias is unknown or if they do know about it, they're avoiding examination therein. What that all means is, that I grew tired of, "having to explain myself to others". I no longer do it, my chronic depression disappeared

amount instantaneously. The causal link to my depression was that I was never good enough because, I'm not like them, as they call

themselves normal. Although, I would correct them and state there is no such thing as normal, only society defines what they consider normal but it doesn't make it right, nor sane.

 

I've always been considered an outcast by society, people making all kinds of crap up about me without an actual thing I did wrong other than not being like them. They believe that what I am is a choice and not an actual orientation. I figured, that vast majoirty of

the public are too stupid to figure out the truth of what I am, let alone just let me be, to work on their own problems instead of inventing new ones or starting fights with others. With that being said, you can't argue with idiots, they'll beat you with experience; meaning it's not about what's right, it's what's popular, that wins the argument.

 

Besides, I spent an inordinate amount of time in my youth up until thirty eight years old and tried to fit in; it was all in vain, of course. When someone tears me down, I proceed to use my skills to annihilate my aggressors. Psychoanalyzing their behavior when they

don't want it, is the best revenge. The problem these days, people tell you to avoid conflict, that doesn't work anymore. The

people in an older generation, that makes sense for those people of their age group but not when you run into people that have

malignant narcissism. They keep bugging the crap out of you until you deal with them accordingly. The "grey rock" priniciple works

good for individuals that are in between sub-clinical to a clinical case of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD, for short). However,

once they are of clinical NPD, they're different beast to deal with. Everyone has narcissism, most of the time, it's healthy or beneficial

narcissism. The one thing that I've noticed is that people with a clinical case of NPD tend to have multiple cellphones, tablets and anything they can get that allows them to take photos of themselves, their objects of their desires and mass use of social media.

Before this time, NPD was fairly rare in the entire population and when someone was diagnosed, it was even more rare for the 

cases to be really bad, granted, that did happen. Now, I'm seeing a sharp rise in Cluster B personality types and associated disorders.

NPD is a part of the Cluster B diagnosis. The one thing they have in common, they only care about themselves. If you try to pry their

masks off that they so carefully put in place to prove to the world they're not ill / sick. You're in for a real fight. However, people that

are narcissists hate and I do mean hate people that are different from them, especially if you don't agree with their line of thinking. 

This is where being aromantic is a blessing and a curse, I can see the narcissist spooling up to screw with me, my emotions don't

cloud my thinking, I can see they're trying to use romance and other tactics to bring me under their control. The curse is, that these

Cluster Bs know I'm very different than them, it angers and fightens them at the same time. It's like peoples' fear response but on steroids. 

 

The so-called normal people aren't normal at all, if they mess with you, they're not emotionally sound, let alone mature enough to understand, that it's not a good idea to do that. You keep doing you, screw what everyone else thinks of you, be a loud and proud

aromantic, that's just what you are. Just remember this; nothing real can be challenged. The majority of the masses don't actually

believe in what they're saying, they're just parroting a bunch of bullsh*t.

 

Being aromantic doesn't mean you can't find that special someone, it just won't be romantic but in a platonic (friendship) sense. I get

the equivalent of a romantic crush in a platonic way, known as a squish. Romantics fall deep in limerance and aromantics fall deep in friendship. Us aromantics are perfectly capable of giving love to others and to receive it, just incompatible with the romance aspect

which isn't actually love, anyhow. 

 

By the way, the Diagnostic Statistical Manual revision 5 is pretty much a joke, stick with the DSM IV. The 5th revision was designed to 

help the pharmaceudical industry get their foot in the door further to make more money on phantom disorders and syndromes. The

new conditions were created to assist in profit engineering, nothing more. The ICD 10 is quite a bit more accurate and from what I've

seen up to this point, ICD 11 will reflect greater accuracy than DSM V is now.

 

Besides the DSM and ICD series of diagnostic manuals are only as good as the practitioner. It's to be used as a reference point but

not the end all. There is so much that psychologists, psychiatrists, medical doctors (plain MDs not psychiatrists, like NUPs which are MDs, too) and sociologists have yet to learn about the mind, biochemistry and biophysics. Many act as if they know how to cure

everything with a prescription, sorry to say this but that's just managing symptoms, not fixing an actual problem. The social sciences

are based on observation. Who's to say that when the observer comes to a conclusion, will be the correct one. I'll be the first to admit this, we're still operating in the dark on a great many subjects but act like we all know what we're talking about when it comes to psychology, psychaitry and medicine. Sure they're has been some remarkable discoveries along the way but it's a travesty to apply

the same rules to people who don't comform to pseudo-normalcy (social norms), in need of a clinical diagnosis. 

 

Perhaps we've gone too far, I saw videos of what was happening to people in the LGBT community in the 1970s, treating their orientations as psychiatric diseases. Torturing these poor souls; shock therapy, etc. It speaks volumes about my former trade,

instead of learning about new stuff, they apply the same old rules to everyone. Of course they'll appear to be sick, if you do that. However, the true psychiatric illness is applying the same old rules to entirely different circumstances, expecting the same result,

to make someone sane by doing inhumane things to them. Doing the same thing, over and over again, getting a different result

than what's expected, is the very defintion of insanity.

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10 hours ago, Lex Barringer said:

The ICD 10 is quite a bit more accurate and from what I've seen up to this point, ICD 11 will reflect greater accuracy than DSM V is now.

But is there a general definition of mental/psychiatric disorder in the ICD?

10 hours ago, Lex Barringer said:

Being aromantic doesn't mean you can't find that special someone, it just won't be romantic but in a platonic (friendship) sense. I get

the equivalent of a romantic crush in a platonic way, known as a squish. Romantics fall deep in limerance and aromantics fall deep in friendship. Us aromantics are perfectly capable of giving love to others and to receive it, just incompatible with the romance aspect

which isn't actually love, anyhow. 

Probably alloromantics can form friendships. :P It just seems that they are often regarded as “second rate”.

 

I didn't want to suggest that aromanticism in general is pathological, of course. Quite the reverse, that one could pathologize it on the basis of the DSM-V, which shows that its definition of “mental/psychiatric disorder” is problematic.

On 10/17/2017 at 7:33 PM, NullVector said:

I suppose I'm "coping" fine, really, but there ought to be more to life than just "coping", right?

On 10/18/2017 at 7:55 AM, NullVector said:

That's good. I hope things can keep getting better for you. I don't know if this is a thing for dysthymia in general, but for me I've noticed that changes are very gradual. I feel like I'm slowly getting back to my old "normal", but over a period of years, not weeks or months

I'm sure that I don't suffer from depression. It doesn't get worse than having a tendency to feel emotionally blunted, or suffering from slightly melancholic dissatisfaction. The changes in this “psychological undercurrent” are also, like you experience it, slowly cyclic.

 

I don't know if that's a good coping mechanism (well, if we exclude the “wine” part –  obviously xD):

 

You have to be always drunk. That’s all there is to it — it’s the only way. So as not to feel the horrible burden of time that breaks your back and bends you to the earth, you have to be continually drunk.

 

But on what? Wine, poetry or virtue, as you wish. But be drunk.

 

– Charles Baudelaire

 

But it kind of makes sense to me. :gasp:O.o:/ Damn…

On 10/18/2017 at 3:44 AM, aro_elise said:

  i've tried therapy and medication--variously--but didn't notice any significant change, so i currently have neither. 

It's interesting that medication had no effect. There are so many people who claim that antidepressants have completely changed their lives. I don't have enough knowledge on the matter to form a decided opinion but it seems safe to say that their effectiveness is … still a matter of ongoing controversy.

 

Not that getting medicated doesn't have on average a strong, measurable effect; it's just that the placebo tends to have a very strong effect, too. Studies like this make me question that they are really the “life saving wonder drug” as it's often claimed.

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15 hours ago, Lex Barringer said:

I've had chronic depression spanning many decades, I had it since I was eight, it never really went away until I really didn't "give a f***" about other peoples' feelings. Despite my training in psychology and psychiatry, it's a different animal when you're dealing with it on a personal basis and peoples' own comfirmation bias is unknown or if they do know about it, they're avoiding examination therein. What that all means is, that I grew tired of, "having to explain myself to others". I no longer do it, my chronic depression disappeared

amount instantaneously. The causal link to my depression was that I was never good enough because, I'm not like them, as they call themselves normal. Although, I would correct them and state there is no such thing as normal, only society defines what they consider normal but it doesn't make it right, nor sane.

How did you reach this conclusion? It seems quite radical.
I often feel I have to try and explain myself or risk even more social exclusion.Especially if I'm confronted in some way.
 

15 hours ago, Lex Barringer said:

I've always been considered an outcast by society, people making all kinds of crap up about me without an actual thing I did wrong other than not being like them. They believe that what I am is a choice and not an actual orientation.

Similar.

 

15 hours ago, Lex Barringer said:

Being aromantic doesn't mean you can't find that special someone, it just won't be romantic but in a platonic (friendship) sense. I get

the equivalent of a romantic crush in a platonic way, known as a squish. Romantics fall deep in limerance and aromantics fall deep in friendship. Us aromantics are perfectly capable of giving love to others and to receive it, just incompatible with the romance aspect which isn't actually love, anyhow.

I've always found the "special someone"/"soulmate" thing just weird. Even taking away the romantic bit does not make it any less weird or remotely interesting/attractive to me. I'd still much rather have a diverse friend group.

 

5 hours ago, DeltaV said:

Probably alloromantics can form friendships. :P It just seems that they are often regarded as “second rate”.

It wouldn't surprise me if there's a minority who can't, but can handle romantic relationships.

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On 10/18/2017 at 2:06 AM, Zorcodtoa said:

I remember there was an aro-phobe on AVEN who made a whole thread about how "bad it is" for her on how there're not only a lack of asexual men there but especially a lack of men who want a date and make the first move

Well, it's hardly the fault of the aro-aces that she can't get a date. That pool of ace-alloromantic men must be pretty small, relatively speaking, not to mention spread out over the globe and the number of them she'd even be mutually compatible with is even smaller. That's just how it is and no amount of complaining and gross shaming/coercion attempts from her will change that.

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