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DannyFenton123

What You Thought You Were Before You Identified as Arospec

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I actually never thought about romance or crushes at all until I discovered the term asexuality. I had a couple platonic crushes, but I never confused them for crushes. And I guess my friends just never talked about their crushes around me, as I could never contribute much to the conversation, or told them who mine was. I heard of asexuality through a GSA assembly at my high school. Asexuality was squished in on the last slide of their presentation, which had two others above it. I still didn't think much of it until that summer though, when I had enough free time to look into the term.

 

Briefly, in between the period that I heard of asexuality, and to when I actually spent time to look it up, I thought I might be gay. Then I considered that I might be bi, but I knew that I had never had a crush. And since I had heard of the term asexuality from the GSA assembly, it fit. And probably an hour after researching asexuality, I had adopted the term aromantic as well. Both labels fit well, and I had no problem using them. I accepted them pretty quickly. 

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My overall process of labelling my romantic orientation was straight => bi => pan => queer => aro

At first I was used to the default at first then I realized I felt the same towards both girls and boys with no concept of nb so I used bi. Once I had heard about pan being attracted to everyone regardless of gender, I used that label because it I felt the same for everyone. Up until that point I was sure I was a romantic person. I liked seeing healthy versions of it in the media and I liked the idea of having a bff for life. I didn't realize people felt romance separately from platonic attraction and the feeling was distinct. After I had a serious life crisis and thought there was something wrong with me because I didn't feel love like "I was supposed to". That was when I called myself queer because at that point it was so confusing. I knew about aromanticism before but I didn't think that applied to me until I finally came to term that I was not able to feel romance. Everything is so much clearer.

 

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When I first came on AVEN I thought being asexual meant aromantic as well, then I realised I was aromantic. Then I thought maybe grey-A, demi and now I'm not sure however I'm still more confident I'm aromantic or at least demi. Before all this though I thought 'straight'.

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Asexual, bi, pan.... I realized I was heterosexual because I couldn’t imagine myself being sexually with other women and I thought I couldn’t be straight since I wasn’t big on romantic relationships with men.... but liked the idea of having sex with them... really confusing journey that took awhile for me to figure out... esspecially since it took me awhile to figure out romantic and sexual differences 

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There was a bit in highschool where I thought I was aromantic without realizing that was an actual thing. It was just something I came up with on my own.

 

Me finding out I was demi didn't so much change how I saw myself as much as it changed how I saw others. I just thought everyone was like that. I thought people dated people they weren't attracted to all the time and due to societal pressure both people just went along with it as part of an unspoken agreement to pretend like they were. So I guess this was just a long winded way of saying I thought I was a normal straight person and then realized the world was different than how I thought it was.

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