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How Aromanticism affect Asexuality.

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As a romantic asexual, I find that a lot of people assume that I'm aromantic (or in some cases panromantic) because I'm asexual. Which really drives me to think that sexuals make romantic relationships with the intent of having sex. So if you don't want sex, what's the point of having a relationship? Or you can have a relationship with anyone because you're not interested in the sex.

 

Any other romantic asexuals get mistaken to aromantic?

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It's funny because I've gotten the opposite. I was talking to someone who knows that I'm asexual. Anyway, they think that being asexual was perfectly acceptable. However, when I told them I was aromantic, they didn't believe me and said that everybody experiences romantic love, even asexuals. They just couldn't comprehend the existence of aromanticsm, even though they are perfectly accepting of asexuality. So while what @The singleton says is true, some people who are sexual and romantic can believe that sex and romance are two separate things.

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On 7/6/2016 at 5:58 PM, Zemaddog said:

However, when I told them I was aromantic, they didn't believe me and said that everybody experiences romantic love, even asexuals. They just couldn't comprehend the existence of aromanticsm, even though they are perfectly accepting of asexuality.

 

I got something like that once, except it wasn't "aromanticism doesn't exist", it was something along the lines of "you can't be aromantic and asexual." I wasn't even sure what to say.

 

On 7/6/2016 at 5:58 PM, Zemaddog said:

So while what @The singleton says is true, some people who are sexual and romantic can believe that sex and romance are two separate things.

 

... and some believe that aromanticism and asexuality are mutually exclusive.

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I kinda agree with what @Just like Jughead is saying -  people in general tend to see sexual and romantic orientations as one and the same, with all aces being aro, all lesbians being homoromantic, etc. People don't even think of a romantic orientation as something that exists, where a person's romantic orientation is assumed to be the same as their sexual one, can't understand how it can be different. While I'm aro/ace, I have straight/ace, pan/ace, etc. friends who exist just as much as I do (though when I mention being aro, it's seen as something I can "overcome", not a part of me).

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Romantic orientation is practically unheard of, especially in mainstream media. Heck, I've been on Tumblr for 3 and a half years and I only heard of it once before becoming friends with @aussiekirkland. I think it's very true that lesbians/gays are assumed to be homoromantic and bisexuals are biromantic etc. by the majority of the world's population, since they are unaware that romantic attraction and sexual attraction are completely different things. It just goes to show that there's a lot of things the public needs to learn if we want to have an ideal world.

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11 hours ago, brsajo said:

Romantic orientation is practically unheard of, especially in mainstream media. Heck, I've been on Tumblr for 3 and a half years and I only heard of it once before becoming friends with @aussiekirkland. I think it's very true that lesbians/gays are assumed to be homoromantic and bisexuals are biromantic etc. by the majority of the world's population, since they are unaware that romantic attraction and sexual attraction are completely different things. It just goes to show that there's a lot of things the public needs to learn if we want to have an ideal world.

I think ideally aro/ace awareness would help a lot of people. Aro and ace people would realise they have another option, some allos would realise it's okay to not be in a romantic relationship sometimes and that it doesn't define you or make you sad and they wouldn't put so much pressure on themselves. Other allos would realise it's okay to be close with your friends and might drop the "no homo" crap. Maybe they might find comfort in a QPR.

 

Really I think awareness would just broaden people's perception of human relationships and allow them to be themselves and not feel like they have to follow social scripts to a t.

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I really try to make it clear when I talk to people about this that asexuality and aromanticism do NOT necessarily go together--even though I happen to be both. I do think people assume I'm aro because I'm ace, which is right in my case, but not always. 

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I think it's natural to assume someone is aromantic if they tell you they are asexual. When someone tells you that they are bisexual, or heterosexual, you assume that they are also biromantic or heteroromantic respectively. It doesn't mean that it's right, but I definitely don't blame people for assuming so. Especially if they are unfamiliar with the aro/ace communities.

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15 minutes ago, Dodgypotato said:

I think it's natural to assume someone is aromantic if they tell you they are asexual. 

Funny thing is, when I found out @aussiekirkland is ace, I still assumed she was heteroromantic, because I know one person who is ace and she was in a relationship at the time so I didn't even think the term asexual was alongside other titles like pansexual and lesbian.

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1 hour ago, brsajo said:

Funny thing is, when I found out @aussiekirkland is ace, I still assumed she was heteroromantic, because I know one person who is ace and she was in a relationship at the time so I didn't even think the term asexual was alongside other titles like pansexual and lesbian.

Lmao you poor thing :aropride:

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While I am an aromantic asexual it does not bother me if people automatically assume that if I am one I must be the other, but I do agree this this mentality is harmful to romantic asexuals who are looking for/ in relationships. It still annoys me how sex and romance are automatically linked to one another in the majority of people's minds. 

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On 09/07/2016 at 0:27 PM, Pufflehugs04 said:

people in general tend to see sexual and romantic orientations as one and the same, with all aces being aro, all lesbians being homoromantic, etc. People don't even think of a romantic orientation as something that exists, where a person's romantic orientation is assumed to be the same as their sexual one, can't understand how it can be different.

This can also easily go the "other way" with someone's sexual orientation being assumed from their romantic orientation. e.g. an aromantic person being assumed to also be asexual.

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1 hour ago, mpe0 said:

This can also easily go the "other way" with someone's sexual orientation being assumed from their romantic orientation. e.g. an aromantic person being assumed to also be asexual.

 

Oh absolutely! But I chose that way because the majority don't seem to give romantic orientations a shot when it comes to their existence.

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On 7/16/2016 at 9:47 AM, mpe0 said:

This can also easily go the "other way" with someone's sexual orientation being assumed from their romantic orientation. e.g. an aromantic person being assumed to also be asexual.

I get this all the time and it's really annoying.

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Yeah, I usually come out as asexual first, because I think people can understand aromanticism better if I've already come out as asexual. A lot of people think a relationship without sex would just be a friendship, even though the term "friends with benefits" exists. 

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5 hours ago, Quinoa said:

 A lot of people think a relationship without sex would just be a friendship, even though the term "friends with benefits" exists. 

 

Exactly "benefits" does not equate to "sex", it could mean affection, D/s or something else not generally expected in a (platonic) friendship. IME many people do make the assumption that FWB implies sex.
It almost appears to be the case that alloromantic people will tend to equate FWB with FB (Fuck Buddy: a relationship which is mostly/entirely about sex). Whereas aromantic people will tend to view FWB as being more akin to QueerPlatonic and consider the "friends" part to be of primary importance.

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On 7/6/2016 at 6:58 PM, Zemaddog said:

It's funny because I've gotten the opposite. I was talking to someone who knows that I'm asexual. Anyway, they think that being asexual was perfectly acceptable. However, when I told them I was aromantic, they didn't believe me and said that everybody experiences romantic love, even asexuals. They just couldn't comprehend the existence of aromanticsm, even though they are perfectly accepting of asexuality. So while what @The singleton says is true, some people who are sexual and romantic can believe that sex and romance are two separate things.

I've got that to, from my mom.  She was initially a bit skeptical about my asexuality, but when I said that I'm aromantic too then she flat out refused to believe me.

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On 08/07/2016 at 11:05 PM, xavo said:

I got something like that once, except it wasn't "aromanticism doesn't exist", it was something along the lines of "you can't be aromantic and asexual." I wasn't even sure what to say.

Had their previous experience been with allo aces? Who might have been quite vocal about ensuring they wern't assumed to be aro.

 

On 09/07/2016 at 0:27 PM, Kaiger Pufflehugs IV said:

I kinda agree with what @Just like Jughead is saying -  people in general tend to see sexual and romantic orientations as one and the same, with all aces being aro, all lesbians being homoromantic, etc.

It can also happen the other way around. Most obviously the assumption that all aros are aces.

 

On 09/07/2016 at 0:27 PM, Kaiger Pufflehugs IV said:

People don't even think of a romantic orientation as something that exists, where a person's romantic orientation is assumed to be the same as their sexual one, can't understand how it can be different. While I'm aro/ace, I have straight/ace, pan/ace, etc. friends who exist just as much as I do (though when I mention being aro, it's seen as something I can "overcome", not a part of me).

It's also possible to have romantic & sexual orientations which "overlap" (varioriented allo/allo). e.g. hetero/bi or pan/homo. For these people the assumption that romantic and sexual orientations are the same can sort of work.
It fails in one set of ways for allo/aces; in a different set ways for aro/allo and, most likely, in a different set of ways for homo/hetero & homo/hetero (mutually exclusive allo/allo).

 

Allo/allos are likely to desire a romantic relationship with sex.
Allo/aces are likely to desire a romantic relationship without sex.

Aro/allos are likely to desire (one or more) non romantic (QP) relationships, with sex.

Aro/aces are likely to desire (one or more) non romantic (QP) relationships, without sex.
Mutually exclusive allo/allos might desire non-sexual romantic, sexual QP or both. (Most likely the former, since alloromantics often seem to struggle with non romantic or concurrent relationships.)

Varioriented allo/allos might desire romantic with sex, romantic without sex, sexual QP, etc.

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I'm a romantic asexual myself and also find it annoying that people assume they are the same. Many asexual people are not aromantic (like me) and many aromantic people are not asexual. They aren't the same thing. They just have lacking a certain attraction in common.

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