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Cassiopeia

The Sapphic Thread

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I know there aren't many of us on this forum just yet, but maybe later on it will get busy as well. Let's try to keep this thread open minded and inclusive.  So, bi girls, pan girls, lesbians and other women who are some way or another are with other women please talk about your experiences, chat, create communities, talk about books, friendships, sexuality, feminism, movies, music, events...:arolove::aropride:

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I'm definitely sapphic, and might be a lesbian!

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Lesbian here! ^w^

 

Wanted to ask in here, because I feel like y'all might understand: anyone have any advice for coming to terms with your sexual attraction to girls instead of feeling predatory for it? Kelsey on tumblr has written about this before, and I've been struggling recently with the baggage of feeling like sexual attraction to girls = predatory, unlike the Perfect Pure Innocent Romance....that I will never experience and am disgusted by. :/ I feel like I'm really, really gross and wrong for liking girls in that way, instead of my idealized image of romantic attraction (or, even better, no liking girls at all! let's have perfect pure innocent romance feelings for boys! except for the part where girls are super duper pretty and sweet and hot and make me go :arolove:when i see them and most boys squick me out. the reality of who i am, and my goal to actually accept and love myself: such an inconvenience for my internalized self-hate). Amatonormativity and homophobia is a hell of a combo, and I'm curious if anyone else here has gone through a similar feeling and can relate or give advice on how I can combat those thoughts.

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6 hours ago, Jade said:

Wanted to ask in here, because I feel like y'all might understand: anyone have any advice for coming to terms with your sexual attraction to girls instead of feeling predatory for it? Kelsey on tumblr has written about this before, and I've been struggling recently with the baggage of feeling like sexual attraction to girls = predatory, unlike the Perfect Pure Innocent Romance....that I will never experience and am disgusted by. :/ I feel like I'm really, really gross and wrong for liking girls in that way, instead of my idealized image of romantic attraction (or, even better, no liking girls at all! let's have perfect pure innocent romance feelings for boys! except for the part where girls are super duper pretty and sweet and hot and make me go :arolove:when i see them and most boys squick me out. the reality of who i am, and my goal to actually accept and love myself: such an inconvenience for my internalized self-hate). Amatonormativity and homophobia is a hell of a combo, and I'm curious if anyone else here has gone through a similar feeling and can relate or give advice on how I can combat those thoughts.

 

I also have a constant struggle with this myself.

Spoiler

This is one of the reasons why we desperately need aro spaces where sexuality can be discussed without the risk of upsetting sex repulsed ace people. Don't get me wrong, sex repulsion should be totally respected, but its quite hard to not feel dirty and resolve that self hate while every positivity post has five content warnings on it. And vica versa, I'm really sick seeing aro and/or ace people silenced because the moment someone starts to talk about being romance or sex repulsed someone will shout (internalised) homophobia.  Would be nice to have more than half-half acceptance...and not just the "you are valid uwu" copypasta.

I'm not sure what would be the right course of action, we are already walking on eggshells but still somehow manage to step on each others' toes.

 

I remember like ten years ago, I tried to embrace being 'dirty and impure' or whatever else we are supposed to be. It did work in a way, because it gives you the freedom to experience sexual feelings but it is also quite stigmatizing. Internalising all that negativity to allow yourself to feel is just not healthy.

The other thing that is said to make you a bit more comfortable with your sexuality is surrounding yourself with positive reassurances and representation? But how? There is almost nothing. Queer cinema and literature is mostly romance. It took me several days to finish watching Blue Is the Warmest Color and half of the movie wasn't even romance, just sex. Other movies are even more intense. I'm not going to be able to learn to be comfortable with anything if I have to take 30 min brakes because the thing itself upsets me...

 

And in addition to feeling dirty, there are the feelings of inadequacy, the fear of people falling in love with me and not being able to reciprocate.

If you look for a one night stands, then the fear of leaving a trail of broken hearts behind, feeling selfish and worrying if you are using them or not. I'm  also kinda bad at telling if someone has a crush on me or if they are just being friendly. It has to be spelled out for me, and by then its just too late. Every time someone has feelings for me I blame myself for disappointing them.

If you go for the other option and look for a longer term partner then the fear of never being more than a compromise, emotionally depriving the other person. Like why would anyone want someone who can't love them when they can easily get the full deal from someone else, without having to worry about my weird af boundaries. A person in love is intense and overwhelming and what I have to offer just...not enough? Especially wlw tend to be so instantly and head over heels into each other and I just can't live up to that expectation. Why would anyone be content with just my friendship and some sex when they can have all that? Maybe for a while, but what about later on?

 

 

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OMG I feel the same way jade, cassi. like. I see a cute girl and I look at her ten times and she notices and looks confused and kinda annoyed and then I go. fuck. I'm staring aren't i. fuckfuckfuckufck *hidesself* *dies of embarrassment* *ghostsaway*

 

i get a crush on a friend. and it's so awk being around them. I am sure that my face goes red just for seeing them. I am sure they notice my stuttering, awkwardness. I then avoid them. then they go, oh, guess she's not my friend then, oh well, *hurt* and I'm like, wah :(

 

and the more I try to deny it of myself. the more it fights back, it wants out.

 

lol I feel too embarrassed to talk about it that I underplay it... :facepalm: talk about cute things like hiding from a crush. instead of the internal hate for myself I get just for feeling mildly curious about what another girl might be like in an intimate moment... 

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Hey I know this forum isn't that active anymore, but if anyone wants to help me I'd like to create a discord server for aromantic sapphic people! I just think it would be super cool to have one, but I'm pretty new to Discord so if anyone could help me I'd really appreciate it!

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@Asta Um, I don't really know what Discord is, but you could try asking some of the people in this thread for help:

Or maybe join the arocalypse discord server (which apparently is a thing!) and go from there?

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On 4/25/2017 at 0:41 PM, Asta said:

Hey I know this forum isn't that active anymore, but if anyone wants to help me I'd like to create a discord server for aromantic sapphic people! I just think it would be super cool to have one, but I'm pretty new to Discord so if anyone could help me I'd really appreciate it!

Hey! There's an official arocalypse discord which is very popular which could give you a starting point, or you can PM me and I'll help you set up the server--I'm pretty experienced on discord and admin/mod several discord servers. I don't have time to really be active in it right now, but if you need help starting or advertising this would be a space I'd love to have.

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On 10/31/2016 at 6:08 AM, Cassiopeia said:      

This is one of the reasons why we desperately need aro spaces where sexuality can be discussed without the risk of upsetting sex repulsed ace people.

AVEN has a sex talk forum, maybe we should do the same here.

I'll also say that as a sex-repulsed ace myself, I personally take full responsibility for managing my own comfort level. Don't feel like you need to censor yourself for my sake.:)       

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Hi, everyone!

I'm collecting video interviews from non-straight women and transgender and non-binary people on their relationships with their femininity.

If anyone is alright with me interviewing them, please let me know! If you know anyone who might be alright with being interviewed, put them in contact with me!

I'm going to be asking everyone questions like "how does wearing a dress make you feel?" and "do you like being described as feminine?" and I plan on asking questions specific to people's orientations and gender identities as well, such as "how do you respond when people say 'you don't look like a lesbian'?" or "as a trans-girl, do you feel obligated to wear make up to indicate to other people that you are a girl?" or "do people expect you to be available to men as a woman, even after you tell them you are aromantic?"

I'm going to edit all the interviews I get into one cohesive film and then show it in a theater at my school for a suggested donation of about a dollar. I'm going to donate all proceeds to the Urgent Action Fund for Women's Rights, an organization that grants money to activists for women's rights and LGBT+ rights, especially their intersection.

I need to have this finished by March of 2019.

Thanks for your time!

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