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Have you ever been in a relationship?

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I have been in several romantic relationship. It wasn't really because I loved them (obviously or I wouldn't be aro XD) but more because it was what was expected of me and I didn't really mind being in one. Anyway they never lasted long and I never exepected them to last so...

 

Now I'm in a QPR and I hope this one last ! I'm more confortable in this one than any of the other 😊

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I technically had 2 high school relationships, but they both lasted a week and ended because they would try to hug me or take me on a date (you know, ~dating stuff~) and I would freak out and dump them. For the most part I would say I've never had a relationship and I've never done ~relationship stuff~. Mainly because I don't want to lol. 

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ive been in a romantic and a queerplatonic relationship, i knew i didnt feel attraction; but i still had a desire for those relationships only,,, as it turned out,,, im not good in relationships.
I get too uncomfortable, i don't show as much affection because it feels to serious and like its something i need to do; rather than want, and don't like getting affection from partners, because it still feels like something im obligated to accept rather than want to. Pretty much as soon as we stopped dating i went back to being overly affectionate with my ex bf.

Every so often i still crave a qpp, i think because on one level i want that commitment; but on another level it doesnt work out for me. :( 

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I have been in multiple romantic relationships and presently attempting a QPR with a homoromantic woman. My past pattern that is on repeat is:

 

have intimate platonic need/feel platonically lonely... start romantic relationship because they are cool or I enjoy their company... ok for the first "best friend" bit but as it gets more romantically intense I start to feel suffocated... break up with them usually badly with no explanation, the usual clueless "it's me not you" argument... after around 6-12 months have intimate platonic need/feel platonically lonely...

I'm starting to feel like a record on repeat 😥. I'm romance-repulsed aro but far from aplatonic unfortunately. I crave the best friend relationships I had back before they were sidelined. 

Basically if I'm with a man I end up feeling like a straight man who enjoys their company trying to function in a romantic relationship with the man. The same in terms of any other gender, with a woman feel like a straight woman etc etc. It never ends well.

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I had one, and got burned pretty badly by him. He simply would not take my "no" for an answer. But idiot that I am, I ended up caving in. He tainted several of my dreams as well- when I said I'd like to be a librarian, he was all, so you can do the hot librarian thing then? (That really hurt.) Also, he all but called me evil the first time I tried to break it off. The straw that finally broke the camel's back was when he said, "We're going to turn those quick no's into slow yeses." I really hope another woman doesn't get stuck with him. It completely put me off getting into another relationship, and is muddying the waters for me as to if I really belong here.

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