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Have you ever been in a relationship?

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On 4/3/2016 at 9:02 PM, PhysicsOwl said:

I dated a guy for about 8 months because I didn't know I was aro yet. Being in that relationship was actually how I realized I was aro, because I was previously lumping a lot of my aromanticism in with my asexuality and thought I could have a romantic relationship. Once I was in the relationship, I realized I felt trapped and uncomfortable and I'm not into physical affection, but I took me a long time to break up with him because we should have been really good together and I wanted it to work. He's great and we're friends again now, but it was really hard after a while for me to force myself to spend time with him and be a 'good girlfriend' even though I wasn't really sure I liked him.  

this is totally me except that i'm not ace.  we were friends, he was pretty hot, i was questioning (*cough* denying) being aro, i thought dating him was the answer.  it was not.  in retrospect it was one of the worst experiences of my life but i could hardly have asked for a better one, you know, considering.  really.  i think i kind of needed it, to help me sort stuff out.  and yes, i do feel terribly for what some might call 'using him' but i'd never hurt him or anyone intentionally and he doesn't begrudge me.

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I just broke up with my boyfriend after two weeks(!) because I was feeling trapped in the relationship and I kinda already knew that I didn't really want a romantic relationship but just went along with it because I felt like I was supposed to be happy because it was finally happening... Well I felt terrible, he was all cute and really nice and everything I could have wanted (if I wanted a romantic relationship to begin with) but it just wasn't and I'm just really happy it's over and I can be happily single again

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We should do what makes us happy and follow our hearts instead of social conventions. Having a "partner" is the social norm, but what's "normal" to begin with and who defines what's normal? To me, not being engaged in a relationship is what's normal, and it makes me happy. I've never been in a relationship. It's ironic because guys always end up asking me out. They think I'm fun to be with and "flirtatious" but I'm not, I just deal with them the way I do because I see them as "close friends" but they don't seem to understand this :/

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I just got into an open relationship with someone that I'm very romantically attracted to. It feels amazing to be around them, there's just constantly a logical detachment while I'm around them, where I physically and emotionally feel happy, but mentally think that the situation is absolutely ridiculous. I'm intensely aware of the feeling that I've lost control over my own heart. I'm romance-repulsed by my own feelings, and it makes me uncomfortable. But I want to work through the uncomfortable feelings for them. 

 

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Right now I’m in a queer platonic relationship and the person knows I’m aro/ace. But as far as dating goes I’ve never had a romantic partner.

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I had a relationship with a guy for about 1 year relationship (middleschool to highschool). I feel like an ass since i'm the one who attracted to him first and pursued him. He responded to me by asking me out. We've dated and  at first i thought i felt really happy cause my "crush" like me back guinenely. But no, turns out i felt suffocating. I don't understand why he wanted to meet up with me every weekend, why i must be with him every single day at lunch time at school and so on. I lost interest with him and broke up with him after trying to maintain our relationship for a year.

 

The second one was my best friend in college. We're really close, people thought we were dating but we're not. At first it was amazing because he was always there for me, we hang out, watched movies, he understand me more than anyone that i've know. but i suddenly he change and i don't know how when it started, but suddenly i was aware that he had feeling for me and it made so scared and uncomfortable. so i back out from him. He was angry at me at that time and we stop talking for along time. Now we've keep in touch. He still my friend tho not as close as before. And i'm happy that he have married someone suitable for him. 

 

Maybe because i'm an aro, i always freak out whenever guys approaching me so i always find my way to back out from them. Lol. Even now, I feel more comfortable being a single even though i'm already 29. 

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I was in a relationship once, when I was about 13 - 15. It was an online thing. We were both part of the same web forum, and we were really good friends who got along well and really clicked together. At some point, someone made a "platonic marriages" thread, and we were the first to get married. Somewhere along the line, people started shipping us, and one day one of us confessed, I don't remember who. From then on, we were "dating".

We were really affectionate, and talked a lot about getting married IRL in the future and moving in together, and everyone thought we were just the cutest couple. We were everyone's OTP. It lasted a good long time! But gradually I realized that I didn't really like her that way. The whole thing started to feel like a drag, and I'd get so uncomfortable with things like saying "I love you" or calling each other "wife", but... I didn't say anything for a long time, because I didn't want to hurt her feelings, and I didn't want to ruin everyone's "OTP". I thought all my friends would hate me. But eventually it got to the point that I didn't like even talking to her, and I'd avoid her on purpose, so eventually I admitted the truth.

Luckily, she was fine with it, and I don't remember if we told anyone else, but nobody seemed bothered anyway. It took me a long time to get comfortable with her again, but I'm happy to say we're still close friends to this day. It feels so weird looking back, tbh, but... Yeah, it was pretty miserable.

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I’ve been in an LTR before.... I’m on the spectrum haven’t found a label yet and even though I felt for this guy and wanted his companionship I found our relationship was just like a really close exclusive friendship only we had sex, held hands, kiss, and cuddled.. (I’m allosexual)

On 2/11/2018 at 5:55 PM, Lia said:

I just broke up with my boyfriend after two weeks(!) because I was feeling trapped in the relationship and I kinda already knew that I didn't really want a romantic relationship but just went along with it because I felt like I was supposed to be happy because it was finally happening... Well I felt terrible, he was all cute and really nice and everything I could have wanted (if I wanted a romantic relationship to begin with) but it just wasn't and I'm just really happy it's over and I can be happily single again

Yeah I sorta feel that way about my LTR I just got out of... I really cared deeply for him but we acted as exclusive friends who cuddled, kissed and had sex we were missing that ‘romantic element’ that screamed LTR if you know what I mean...

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I'm 23 and I've never been in a relationship. I tried the whole online dating thing because even though I'm asexual I thought, "well if I love someone I think I could have sex". And I talked to people and it was nice until it started feeling like feelings were being pushed onto me. Like one time I agreed to go on a date with this guy and a couple days before he started getting really mushy. I mentioned that I needed to go to the store because I was feeling under the weather and he would say stuff like, "you have to be well for out date darling," and using petnames and I was just NOT into it. I should have realized then that that was not just me being asexual lol.

I also had what I now recognize as squishes but at the time I thought were crushes. Some of those crushes came close to a relationship but I always bailed when things got romancey. 

I do want a some sort of queerplatonic relationship some time in the future though. 

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I did see a guy for a while in my mid-twenties. I guess it would've been a couple of months between when we first hooked up and when I left the country. We never called it a relationship, or called the time we spent together "dates", or talked about being exclusive, or anything like that. I think that was partly because we both knew I'd be leaving the country soon, so were just sort of feeling out how things worked between us, and whether it would go anywhere.

 

This was before I'd ever had a proper FWB, and I think a huge part of why I got into the situation was that I wanted sex. It only took a few weeks before I find myself disliking the whole arrangement - I didn't want to be his girlfriend, or any of the expectations that came along with that, but felt kind of awful because I'd been the one who'd pursued him for a "relationship" in the first place. Thankfully my pre-existing plans to leave the country gave me a convenient excuse to cut things off... I stuck it out for those last few weeks before I left, but after that I think we exchanged maybe a handful of token messages before we stopped contacting each other entirely.

 

I've been actively avoiding relationship/dating type scenarios ever since.

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I have. She asked me out and thanks to amatonormativity i thought maybe i wanted to be with her too, so i said yes. I knew i wasn't ~in love~ or anything, but i liked her a lot and i figured it would develop over time. At the time, i remember being pretty nervous and unsure about the whole thing, but i figured we were just going on one date to see if we were a good match. Imagine my surprise when she referred to me as her SO the next day! We clearly had different ideas of what we were agreeing to in the beginning, but i didn't want to ruin it by disagreeing so i was like "welp guess i have a gf now."

 

I think part of it was a social status thing too -- i wanted to get an SO because my friends all paired off or at least had been in a relationship before, and i was afraid people would think i was a loser who couldn't get a date, instead of just not wanting one. I wanted a girlfriend so i could say i had one, and to prove to myself that i was appealing enough for someone to pick me as "the one" over everyone else they knew. That's not what i was thinking at all when i agreed to go out with her, but i sort of knew i had that mindset and in retrospect it definitely made me more inclined to believe i was falling for her even as it became more and more clear that i wasn't.

 

We were together for about a year and a half, although i felt wrong about the whole thing for most of the relationship. I didn't want to lose her as a friend, so i stuck around a lot longer than i should have. It was incredibly stressful and i felt really guilty for not feeling the way i was "supposed" to feel. Very happy to be out of that relationship, even though she's a great girl. Feels like i can finally breathe right again!

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32 minutes ago, brook_worm said:

I have. She asked me out and thanks to amatonormativity i thought maybe i wanted to be with her too, so i said yes. I knew i wasn't ~in love~ or anything, but i liked her a lot and i figured it would develop over time. At the time, i remember being pretty nervous and unsure about the whole thing, but i figured we were just going on one date to see if we were a good match. Imagine my surprise when she referred to me as her SO the next day! We clearly had different ideas of what we were agreeing to in the beginning, but i didn't want to ruin it by disagreeing so i was like "welp guess i have a gf now."

 

I think part of it was a social status thing too -- i wanted to get an SO because my friends all paired off or at least had been in a relationship before, and i was afraid people would think i was a loser who couldn't get a date, instead of just not wanting one. I wanted a girlfriend so i could say i had one, and to prove to myself that i was appealing enough for someone to pick me as "the one" over everyone else they knew. That's not what i was thinking at all when i agreed to go out with her, but i sort of knew i had that mindset and in retrospect it definitely made me more inclined to believe i was falling for her even as it became more and more clear that i wasn't.

 

We were together for about a year and a half, although i felt wrong about the whole thing for most of the relationship. I didn't want to lose her as a friend, so i stuck around a lot longer than i should have. It was incredibly stressful and i felt really guilty for not feeling the way i was "supposed" to feel. Very happy to be out of that relationship, even though she's a great girl. Feels like i can finally breathe right again!

Bless you, friend! Honestly this perfectly describes my last relationship... felt I had to go out with him cause ‘why not?’ And well ananormativity made me stick in that relationship longer than I should’ve 

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