Have you ever been in a relationship?

[aro_elise]

On 4/3/2016 at 9:02 PM, PhysicsOwl said:

I dated a guy for about 8 months because I didn't know I was aro yet. Being in that relationship was actually how I realized I was aro, because I was previously lumping a lot of my aromanticism in with my asexuality and thought I could have a romantic relationship. Once I was in the relationship, I realized I felt trapped and uncomfortable and I'm not into physical affection, but I took me a long time to break up with him because we should have been really good together and I wanted it to work. He's great and we're friends again now, but it was really hard after a while for me to force myself to spend time with him and be a 'good girlfriend' even though I wasn't really sure I liked him.  

this is totally me except that i'm not ace.  we were friends, he was pretty hot, i was questioning (*cough* denying) being aro, i thought dating him was the answer.  it was not.  in retrospect it was one of the worst experiences of my life but i could hardly have asked for a better one, you know, considering.  really.  i think i kind of needed it, to help me sort stuff out.  and yes, i do feel terribly for what some might call 'using him' but i'd never hurt him or anyone intentionally and he doesn't begrudge me.

[Lia]

I just broke up with my boyfriend after two weeks(!) because I was feeling trapped in the relationship and I kinda already knew that I didn't really want a romantic relationship but just went along with it because I felt like I was supposed to be happy because it was finally happening... Well I felt terrible, he was all cute and really nice and everything I could have wanted (if I wanted a romantic relationship to begin with) but it just wasn't and I'm just really happy it's over and I can be happily single again

[Emerald pride]

We should do what makes us happy and follow our hearts instead of social conventions. Having a "partner" is the social norm, but what's "normal" to begin with and who defines what's normal? To me, not being engaged in a relationship is what's normal, and it makes me happy. I've never been in a relationship. It's ironic because guys always end up asking me out. They think I'm fun to be with and "flirtatious" but I'm not, I just deal with them the way I do because I see them as "close friends" but they don't seem to understand this

[omitef]

I just got into an open relationship with someone that I'm very romantically attracted to. It feels amazing to be around them, there's just constantly a logical detachment while I'm around them, where I physically and emotionally feel happy, but mentally think that the situation is absolutely ridiculous. I'm intensely aware of the feeling that I've lost control over my own heart. I'm romance-repulsed by my own feelings, and it makes me uncomfortable. But I want to work through the uncomfortable feelings for them. 

 

[Aro-tistical]

Right now I’m in a queer platonic relationship and the person knows I’m aro/ace. But as far as dating goes I’ve never had a romantic partner.

[Blue Kafka]

I had a relationship with a guy for about 1 year relationship (middleschool to highschool). I feel like an ass since i'm the one who attracted to him first and pursued him. He responded to me by asking me out. We've dated and  at first i thought i felt really happy cause my "crush" like me back guinenely. But no, turns out i felt suffocating. I don't understand why he wanted to meet up with me every weekend, why i must be with him every single day at lunch time at school and so on. I lost interest with him and broke up with him after trying to maintain our relationship for a year.

 

The second one was my best friend in college. We're really close, people thought we were dating but we're not. At first it was amazing because he was always there for me, we hang out, watched movies, he understand me more than anyone that i've know. but i suddenly he change and i don't know how when it started, but suddenly i was aware that he had feeling for me and it made so scared and uncomfortable. so i back out from him. He was angry at me at that time and we stop talking for along time. Now we've keep in touch. He still my friend tho not as close as before. And i'm happy that he have married someone suitable for him. 

 

Maybe because i'm an aro, i always freak out whenever guys approaching me so i always find my way to back out from them. Lol. Even now, I feel more comfortable being a single even though i'm already 29. 

[Jot-Aro Kujo]

I was in a relationship once, when I was about 13 - 15. It was an online thing. We were both part of the same web forum, and we were really good friends who got along well and really clicked together. At some point, someone made a "platonic marriages" thread, and we were the first to get married. Somewhere along the line, people started shipping us, and one day one of us confessed, I don't remember who. From then on, we were "dating".

We were really affectionate, and talked a lot about getting married IRL in the future and moving in together, and everyone thought we were just the cutest couple. We were everyone's OTP. It lasted a good long time! But gradually I realized that I didn't really like her that way. The whole thing started to feel like a drag, and I'd get so uncomfortable with things like saying "I love you" or calling each other "wife", but... I didn't say anything for a long time, because I didn't want to hurt her feelings, and I didn't want to ruin everyone's "OTP". I thought all my friends would hate me. But eventually it got to the point that I didn't like even talking to her, and I'd avoid her on purpose, so eventually I admitted the truth.

Luckily, she was fine with it, and I don't remember if we told anyone else, but nobody seemed bothered anyway. It took me a long time to get comfortable with her again, but I'm happy to say we're still close friends to this day. It feels so weird looking back, tbh, but... Yeah, it was pretty miserable.

[Abster]

I’ve been in an LTR before.... I’m on the spectrum haven’t found a label yet and even though I felt for this guy and wanted his companionship I found our relationship was just like a really close exclusive friendship only we had sex, held hands, kiss, and cuddled.. (I’m allosexual)

On 2/11/2018 at 5:55 PM, Lia said:

I just broke up with my boyfriend after two weeks(!) because I was feeling trapped in the relationship and I kinda already knew that I didn't really want a romantic relationship but just went along with it because I felt like I was supposed to be happy because it was finally happening... Well I felt terrible, he was all cute and really nice and everything I could have wanted (if I wanted a romantic relationship to begin with) but it just wasn't and I'm just really happy it's over and I can be happily single again

Yeah I sorta feel that way about my LTR I just got out of... I really cared deeply for him but we acted as exclusive friends who cuddled, kissed and had sex we were missing that ‘romantic element’ that screamed LTR if you know what I mean...

[snapesonalane]

I'm 23 and I've never been in a relationship. I tried the whole online dating thing because even though I'm asexual I thought, "well if I love someone I think I could have sex". And I talked to people and it was nice until it started feeling like feelings were being pushed onto me. Like one time I agreed to go on a date with this guy and a couple days before he started getting really mushy. I mentioned that I needed to go to the store because I was feeling under the weather and he would say stuff like, "you have to be well for out date darling," and using petnames and I was just NOT into it. I should have realized then that that was not just me being asexual lol.

I also had what I now recognize as squishes but at the time I thought were crushes. Some of those crushes came close to a relationship but I always bailed when things got romancey. 

I do want a some sort of queerplatonic relationship some time in the future though. 

[eatingcroutons]

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Edited June 21, 2021 by eatingcroutons

[felinelicks]

I have. She asked me out and thanks to amatonormativity i thought maybe i wanted to be with her too, so i said yes. I knew i wasn't ~in love~ or anything, but i liked her a lot and i figured it would develop over time. At the time, i remember being pretty nervous and unsure about the whole thing, but i figured we were just going on one date to see if we were a good match. Imagine my surprise when she referred to me as her SO the next day! We clearly had different ideas of what we were agreeing to in the beginning, but i didn't want to ruin it by disagreeing so i was like "welp guess i have a gf now."

 

I think part of it was a social status thing too -- i wanted to get an SO because my friends all paired off or at least had been in a relationship before, and i was afraid people would think i was a loser who couldn't get a date, instead of just not wanting one. I wanted a girlfriend so i could say i had one, and to prove to myself that i was appealing enough for someone to pick me as "the one" over everyone else they knew. That's not what i was thinking at all when i agreed to go out with her, but i sort of knew i had that mindset and in retrospect it definitely made me more inclined to believe i was falling for her even as it became more and more clear that i wasn't.

 

We were together for about a year and a half, although i felt wrong about the whole thing for most of the relationship. I didn't want to lose her as a friend, so i stuck around a lot longer than i should have. It was incredibly stressful and i felt really guilty for not feeling the way i was "supposed" to feel. Very happy to be out of that relationship, even though she's a great girl. Feels like i can finally breathe right again!

[Abster]

32 minutes ago, brook_worm said:

I have. She asked me out and thanks to amatonormativity i thought maybe i wanted to be with her too, so i said yes. I knew i wasn't ~in love~ or anything, but i liked her a lot and i figured it would develop over time. At the time, i remember being pretty nervous and unsure about the whole thing, but i figured we were just going on one date to see if we were a good match. Imagine my surprise when she referred to me as her SO the next day! We clearly had different ideas of what we were agreeing to in the beginning, but i didn't want to ruin it by disagreeing so i was like "welp guess i have a gf now."

 

I think part of it was a social status thing too -- i wanted to get an SO because my friends all paired off or at least had been in a relationship before, and i was afraid people would think i was a loser who couldn't get a date, instead of just not wanting one. I wanted a girlfriend so i could say i had one, and to prove to myself that i was appealing enough for someone to pick me as "the one" over everyone else they knew. That's not what i was thinking at all when i agreed to go out with her, but i sort of knew i had that mindset and in retrospect it definitely made me more inclined to believe i was falling for her even as it became more and more clear that i wasn't.

 

We were together for about a year and a half, although i felt wrong about the whole thing for most of the relationship. I didn't want to lose her as a friend, so i stuck around a lot longer than i should have. It was incredibly stressful and i felt really guilty for not feeling the way i was "supposed" to feel. Very happy to be out of that relationship, even though she's a great girl. Feels like i can finally breathe right again!

Bless you, friend! Honestly this perfectly describes my last relationship... felt I had to go out with him cause ‘why not?’ And well ananormativity made me stick in that relationship longer than I should’ve 

[Topaz]

No. My body cannot physically take the stress of a relationship, nor can I ever trust people enough to get close to them.

 

There was a girl in high school named Emily who claimed she liked me, only to reject me for friendship because she had a boyfriend. She then proceeded to spread violent rumors about me and made two years of First Robotics a living nightmare. She spread violent rumors about me, one claiming that I would beat up her boyfriend and another one claiming that I would kill my whole team on a robotics trip. The mentors ignored me, Emily's friends taunted me, and the whole team shied away from me. One of the catalysts that made me an aromantic.

 

Plus, I've got a cat and few plushies. Why would I waste my time and energy on a relationship?!

[Tagor]

I had a one romantic relationship. I already suspected I was aromantic, but when she asked I thought maybe the feelings would come once we are in a relationship. Obviously, they didn't, but the relationship wasn't really bad, I just did what I thought she wanted. It worked quite well as I'm not romance repulsed and we have pretty similar characters. After a while the relationship developed into being more of a burden but I didn't want to hurt her by ending it. Thankfully she "cheated" on me with somebody else so she ended it and we're still friends.

I think the point where I knew I was aromantic was when rumours about her and her new boyfriend began spreading, my reaction was "this isn't that bad, I just want to be sure what's going on so I can react accordingly". It basically was the best possible outcome: I didn't have to end it and knew I was aro.

 

Right now I'm thinking about telling her that I'm aromantic as I think she has a right to know, would get it and wouldn't be too upset. Does anyone have any experience with that?

 

By the way, why does the facebook relationship status matter so much? I don't even have a facebook acount?

[aroseisarose]

I've never been in a romantic relationship before.  I've been asked out many times in my life.  Most of them were friends.  And I ended up immediately feeling uncomfortable with each one of them, and started avoiding them.  It was after the last one that I realized that I was aromantic.  

[Lovely]

I’ve been in 3 relationships, I’m greyaro. My first relationship was a small mixture of romantic attraction but mostly platonic because it was my bestfriend. My second relationship didn’t have any forms of romantic attraction , and if so it was only once. I had strong aesthetic attraction towards them. My last relationship was very strong aesthetic attraction and I’m not sure if it included some romantic attraction because I’ve never really felt it. We did some romantic things sometimes but most times I felt uncomfortable 

[NotHeartless]

Yes. That's why I definitely know it isn't for me and I don't feel the way alloromantics do.
That's also how I found out I'm not able to live monogamous.

[Joaquina]

I had two boyfriends in my life

I met a guy who was nice and good looking, we had similar interests so I tried to force myself to feel something for him, but it didn't work. We were a couple for only 1 mont and when i broke up with him, his friends hated me. My friends were also dissapointed and some of them told me that i was cold, selfish and toxic

I'm currently in a relationship but I don't feel romantic love for him, I just apreciate him a lot and i like pass time with him. When we kiss or hug, i don't feel anything. I feel traped in something I don't like. I asked my friends for advice and they told me that i have to let my feelings flow and don't be so "cold"

[momokoala]

On ‎4‎/‎3‎/‎2016 at 3:41 PM, Mezzo Forte said:

I entered relationships in middle/high school in hopes that if I dated someone long enough that I would fall in love with them (in almost a "fake it until you make it" kind of way). I also internalized the "friendzoning people is bad" mentality and felt somewhat obligated to enter said relationships. I eventually wizened up and realized that there was nothing I wanted from romance that I couldn't get from friendship, so it wasn't worth the extra negatives that I had to deal with. I decided to only date if I fell in love and genuinely wanted a relationship regardless of feelings of obligation. Spoiler: I haven't dated since.

 The "friendzoning people is bad" mentality is real. ack. I am only just now having the self-respect and courage to reject people. I actually isolated myself for a while just because I knew that I couldn't handle "friendzoning" someone without feeling like the scum of the earth. 

On ‎2‎/‎5‎/‎2019 at 10:02 AM, Joaquina said:

I had two boyfriends in my life

I met a guy who was nice and good looking, we had similar interests so I tried to force myself to feel something for him, but it didn't work. We were a couple for only 1 mont and when i broke up with him, his friends hated me. My friends were also dissapointed and some of them told me that i was cold, selfish and toxic

I'm currently in a relationship but I don't feel romantic love for him, I just apreciate him a lot and i like pass time with him. When we kiss or hug, i don't feel anything. I feel traped in something I don't like. I asked my friends for advice and they told me that i have to let my feelings flow and don't be so "cold"

I am also in a relationship and feel the same way. We have only been super serious for about 4-5 months. Before that we were kind of on and off, casual FWB for 2 years. Every day I feel less and less like myself. He is awesome and I appreciate him as a person and I feel connected to him, but this is not a good dynamic for me and I don't want to be the type of person who just stays in a relationship because it is convenient or because I fear hurting the other person.

[Kalina1528]

I was in some kind of romantic relationship once, it was not official but it sure felt as one. It ruined everything. 

We started as just friends, we were on the same class, I think the guy liked me since the very beginning but I'm not sure... 

We became real close, the main reason for this was that a lot of people excluded me so I ended up spending a lot of time with the same persons. Many people shipped us and I don't liked it but at the end I didn't cared. 

Our relationship didn't seem romantic until the very end, one week before the school year was over we went to a trip to a nearby city, I can't remember how it happened but we ended up holding hands and doing stuff like that, my 'friend' seemed confortable but I wasn't. I completely messed up, I hate myself for every single word I said that day. I lost almost all my friends:

I stopped talking to the guy I was in a "relationship" with. 

One of my other friends became jealous because the guy liked me and basickg ruined my reputation. 

I didn't want to go back to the same school so without warning anyone I changed to another and stopped talking with all my friends. 

Now I understand why all that happened, it took me one year after that to discover the term aromantic. I never want to try a romantic relationship again. 

 

 

On 2/5/2019 at 12:02 PM, Joaquina said:

I had two boyfriends in my life

I met a guy who was nice and good looking, we had similar interests so I tried to force myself to feel something for him, but it didn't work. We were a couple for only 1 mont and when i broke up with him, his friends hated me. My friends were also dissapointed and some of them told me that i was cold, selfish and toxic

I'm currently in a relationship but I don't feel romantic love for him, I just apreciate him a lot and i like pass time with him. When we kiss or hug, i don't feel anything. I feel traped in something I don't like. I asked my friends for advice and they told me that i have to let my feelings flow and don't be so "cold"

Wow, how rude from your friends, you should tell the guy you are dating (if you still are lol) that you don't like kissing and hugging and all that. I think you should also tell him you want the relationship to be platonic, if you don't it will hurt you both. 

[Emerald Cheetah]

 I came really close to being in my first relationship when someone asked me out but a few hours later I broke it off due to the stress (we're still friends and there's no hard feelings. He knows I'm aromantic now.) so I honestly don't count it as a relationship because nobody knows to this day that it ever actually happened. I've just never desired to be in an actual relationship. There was someone else who confessed wanting to be in a relationship with me but it didn't go anywhere and we just stayed friends. Besides that, I've just had friendships and I've never sought out relationships. Ever since I got into junior high and high school, I always saw dating and whatnot as really awkward, and honestly, doomed to fail (or at the very least,  something that had a very very small success rate so why even try?)

[Guest Chandrakirti]

I found myself in 6 relationships along the years, mostly because I was too polite to say no and just went along with the normative angle.

These days I won't give an inch...

[The Angel of Eternity]

FUCK no! And I wouldn't want to, either!

 

Listen, if anyone tried to ask me out, this song explains it all. Or this song (especially this song!).

 

 

[Theridiidae]

I am bisexual woman and probably grey aro. I've been in 8 relationships. 6 guys 2 girls. I always conflated lust feelings with romantic interest (a nasty personality is a huge turn off). I never hated being in romantic relationships. With the guys, I never felt a disconnect from what they were feeling and what I was feeling (close friendship with sexual attraction). With the girls though, there's been talk of butterflies and stuff like that. I started asking my close friends what butterflies feel like and everything they've described, I've never really felt.

I enjoy the closeness of being in relationships but I've never had what others say is romantic feelings for these people...

[Bloodywraith]

I've personally had 6 relationships(5 girlfriends and one partner), my first started because of peer pressure when I was 14, though I didn't mind being in one, it just ended poorly. The next 2 also ended up like this, usually through loss of interest. After which I found out about aromanticism. The best relationship was one where we're weren't boyfriend girlfriend, but partners.