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Have you ever been in a relationship?

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owl   

And if so - why? Are you grey-aro and you felt romantically attracted to them, were you just confused about your feelings, did you just want to "fit in"? I'm just interested in your experiences with romantic relationships. If you haven't - did you ever feel different because of it?

 

I've never been in a relationship before and always felt "left out"... It wasn't too bad when I was younger (primary school) because most people weren't in one but as I got into secondary and people started dating, particularly my friends... Even though most my friends now aren't in a relationship, they'll still go on about their crushes, or their ex(s), or the "perfect guy"... I hate it, really.

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Natkat   

What do we count as relationship here? do we speak of romantic relationships or is queerplatonic and so also included?

 

honest I dont think I ever been in a "romantic relationship" I had those people in my life I really liked and was close with, but I was never offisial out as in "a relationship" like facebook puts it.

 

still translation the bond I had with those people were really difficult. sometimes I would call them friend, othertimes it would be boyfriend, its like when you talk to strangers there isnt really a word that fit because you know friend does not covers it but neither does boyfriend, and back then I didnt knew about qpr.

 

 

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pearl   

I have been in a relationship. It was long distance but I thought that the strong friendship would bring up feelings of love. It didn't. It was how I figured out I was aro. I didn't think I was before because I was sexually attracted to people and my ex. And that is how I figured out I was bi aro.

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I'm nearly 27 and I've never felt inclined to be in one. I've never felt like I'm missing out on anything. It actually gets annoying when people insinuate that I am missing out on something when I don't particularly care in the first place.

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Nope, I've never been in either a romantic relationship or QPR.  I never even considered dating, to be honest.  I would have no freaking clue what to do in a relationship. The idea of me dating seems ludicrous.  At times, it has certainly felt isolating.  Now that I'm in my 20s, people find it particularly odd that I have never been in a relationship nor do I desire to be in one.  Oh well.

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I was in a relationship for about 3/4 of a year. Looking back I realize I only agreed to it because it was just a thing you were supposed to do. It was a lot of mental effort, probably because I was trying to like him romantically and wasn't particularly attached to him platonically.

 

Somewhat unusual, but I am open to a romantic or sexual relationship, as long as my partner understands that I will never love them romantically. I'm not at all repulsed by romance, and the idea of being committed to staying with each other sounds very nice, especially with the idea that all my friends are going to get married and leave me.

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Rythian   

I'm aro-flux myself but I barely identify as full alloromantic, as I'm normally somewhere on the aro spectrum. Myself, I am currently in a romantic relationship but we have it in a way that we are both very open to talking about my romantic limits as sometimes I do identify as romance repulsed. 

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I entered relationships in middle/high school in hopes that if I dated someone long enough that I would fall in love with them (in almost a "fake it until you make it" kind of way). I also internalized the "friendzoning people is bad" mentality and felt somewhat obligated to enter said relationships. I eventually wizened up and realized that there was nothing I wanted from romance that I couldn't get from friendship, so it wasn't worth the extra negatives that I had to deal with. I decided to only date if I fell in love and genuinely wanted a relationship regardless of feelings of obligation. Spoiler: I haven't dated since.

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i've been in two relationships -- both because they asked me out first and i have a hard time saying no to anything. they ended in pretty quick break-ups, because i eventually couldn't stand being around the two, due to being overwhelmed with guilt for 'leading them on'. while i do want to eventually enter a relationship, i'm not sure if i'll be able to find one where the attraction is mutual??

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piplup   

i had an online relationship & i said yes b/c the guy wouldnt stop asking & i wanted him to shut up

 

this was before i even knew aromanticism existed & the relationship only lasted for a month b/c i lost interest but i remember saying affectionate things & now that i think about it i didnt even mean them i only said them b/c thats what i saw in movies & tv shows :/ but dont get me wrong i did care for the guy

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I dated a guy for about 8 months because I didn't know I was aro yet. Being in that relationship was actually how I realized I was aro, because I was previously lumping a lot of my aromanticism in with my asexuality and thought I could have a romantic relationship. Once I was in the relationship, I realized I felt trapped and uncomfortable and I'm not into physical affection, but I took me a long time to break up with him because we should have been really good together and I wanted it to work. He's great and we're friends again now, but it was really hard after a while for me to force myself to spend time with him and be a 'good girlfriend' even though I wasn't really sure I liked him.  

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George   

I'm in one now! It was super confusing and weird for the first few months of talking. I had no idea what romantic feelings actually felt like because all past relationships had been societal expectations mixed with thinking they were cute. This one's going pretty well, but I keep getting caught up in conflicting thoughts about being in a relationship and my romanticism.

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Peanut   

I was in a relationship but I was quite young and only did it out of curiousity. My partner on the other hand, had 'genuine' feelings for me. But in that short period of time I realised I am not the type of person who can partake in a romantic relationship and be able to handle the other's emotions as well as mine. It was too much work and rather exhausting.  I have not been in another relationship ever since that one. If I could I would experience it again but my thoughts about it are still pretty much the same. I feel that the only relationship that I have to consider in my life is with my parents and my friends. I am pretty contented with that alone. I don't think I am missing out on much right now. 

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Mikasa   

Nope, never. It used to really upset me, I felt very left out and wondered what was wrong with me. It still kind of sucks sometimes, especially when other people ask me about my love life. 

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I had a girlfriend for a few months once but I couldn't seem to reciprocate her feelings. I started to feel lack of freedom, and stifled. So, I broke it off. I met her on Match.com since I had never felt strongly about asking anybody out in person. My reason for doing it was because everybody else does it, and I figured it must be nice. But my experience taught me that I really didn't want it after all. I kept trying to date for many years after that, not ever accepting that it was simply OK to just be single. Fortunately, I figured all this out about aromanticism and now I'm at peace with it.

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katicha   

I once had boyfriend! And I really, really tried to get into it and all, but I simply couldn't find the interest- it felt so boring and I hated kissing and always holding hands and always having to be close and touch and everything. And the moment I realized I didn't love him, I left him, and that was that. It felt so suffocating, frankly. Later on, I also realized I was trying to convince myself I loved him. 

 

So yeah basically I got myself into this because I thought I had feelings for him, or more that I was supposed to have feelings for him because he was the perfect person. (Advice: don't do that)

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arotrash   

I was in 2 relationships before I realized being aromantic was a thing. The first of which I've written at length about on my blog, here. tldr: I got into it because I thought everyone inevitably got married at some point and my friend was already 'in love' with me so he was the most convenient option and I hated the idea of casually dating to find a husband. 

 

My second relationship I got into pretty much because I was trying to prove to myself that I was really bisexual. My thought process was "it doesn't matter what you feel, Loren, if you can't successfully have a relationship with a woman you're not really bisexual you're just a confused straight girl". (surprise I'm not straight or a girl or capable of having a romantic relationship with one!) Amatonormativity in the lgbt spaces I was in had me wrecked. It wasn't until 2 years into my very unhappy second relationship that I realized I was aromantic and that being in a romantic relationship was a big part of what was making me so unhappy.

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Spud   

I've never been in a relationship, although I don't know if I would agree to be in one or not. I'm still fairly confused on my romantic orientation and stuff, so I don't know if I'm completely aromantic or if I'm gray-aromantic, or something else entirely. As of right now, I think any inklings feelings I may have had for anybody are gone, and I feel rather… aromantic right now. So I think, for the sake of simplicity, I'm going to call myself aromantic. Maybe in the future I'll start feeling romantic attraction, but for now, I don't, and I have no desire to really date anyone.

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Ehem... *barely makes an audible noise* I "dated" a guy in middle school. He was a close friend of mine since kindergarten. He told me back in seventh grade that he liked me and all I remember was saying something about giving me time to process that. I don't even remember him telling me that he liked me! All I know is that he did so. It is all so blurry that my memory of it starts from the day I told him that I think I might have feelings for him too. This idiot right here mixed up 'feelings' with flattery. It was middle school so I don't like to consider it a relationship. We hugged and held hands a lot and he wrote me tons notes and texted me 24/7. It wasn't for me and that stuff, at least with him, made me uncomfortable. Thank God we never kissed! My friends broke up for me; I broke his heart. ._. 

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aihpen   

Never. I always felt bad for the guys who asked me out, but I wasn't interested at all and I didn't see the point in getting into a relationship that wont work anyway. 

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breaddd   

Relationships...*dies*

 

So I was in a relationship with a girl for a couple months...I was curious to see how it played out. She asked me out and I basically said, "why not?"

(I didn't know I was aro back then)

The entire time I was wanting to be out of the relationship and I sort of tried to force myself to try to like her romantically...when it ended I was relieved. I really don't know what I was thinking xD I'm basically an idiot.

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deltaX   

I was in a romantic relationship for about a month in my sophomore year of college.  I had a small squish on this guy (although I didn't know what it was called at the time), and he developed a crush on me.  We he asked me to be his girlfriend, I said yes- partly because I though that my squish was a crush (or that if it wasn't a crush stronger "crush" feelings would develop in the relationship), partly because it was expected of me to have been in a relationship by that point.

 

Once the relationship started I discovered that I can be incredibly romance-repulsed; even the things that were fun to do with this guy as friends felt gross and uncomfortable once it was done in the context of a relationship.  Sometimes it would get so bad that I'd have panic attacks before dates with this guy, even if the date was something completely un-romantic in nature.  I was able to tolerate it (barely) for about a month, until finally I broke up with him.  I felt awful about it because I didn't understand why I couldn't love him the way he loved me, and thought I was just being a bitch for breaking up so soon.

 

At the end of the day though, I guess I'm glad it happened, because it was the confusion from that relationship that made me start to question things, and made me curious enough to start researching asexuality and romantic orientations when I saw a mention of them.

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