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Zemaddog

The Asexual Thread

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On 7/20/2016 at 3:06 AM, Zemaddog said:

I should also mention that dodgy and I bought 2L of icecream beforehand like the true aros we are

What kind of ice cream? :D

On 7/30/2016 at 9:32 PM, Nai said:

I'll jump into this thread too I suppose. I spend more time on AVEN than I do here for...reasons. :P

 

Agree that AVEN has its issues, but at least it's not as bad as Tumblr. <_<;;

I spend more time here than AVEN. Mainly as I identify more with being aro than ace. And AVEN can be a little trying at times. SO MANY DEFINITION DEBATES!

On 7/13/2016 at 0:02 AM, Quinoa said:

There was a tumblr post floating around recently about aro aces really being in their own category. I couldn't find it, but I read it and really liked it. It's hard for me to separate what makes me aro and what makes me ace, and how each of them affects me. 

I don't suppose you remember where you found this one, do you?

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1 hour ago, Pufflehugs04 said:
On 20/07/2016 at 11:36 AM, Zemaddog said:

I should also mention that dodgy and I bought 2L of icecream beforehand like the true aros we are

What kind of ice cream? :D

The best kind: Cookies and cream ice cream :P

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1 hour ago, ArodynamicallyFavored said:

none of the friends i've made on Aven or here are close enough to me. Most live in Europe xD

Most of my friends on here are in the US :(. Luckily one of them goes to the same uni as me though.

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1 hour ago, ArodynamicallyFavored said:

none of the friends i've made on Aven or here are close enough to me. Most live in Europe xD

I'm in the same boat. All but @Simowl are in different countries :( 

4 hours ago, Zemaddog said:

The best kind: Cookies and cream ice cream :P

I agree

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6 hours ago, Zemaddog said:

Most of my friends on here are in the US :(. Luckily one of them goes to the same uni as me though.

(;

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On 9/17/2016 at 4:07 PM, Pufflehugs04 said:

I don't suppose you remember where you found this one, do you?

 

Unfortunately, I can't find it. I tried to dig it up, but I couldn't. Sorry!

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I got a new ace ring the other day xD. It's made of stainless steel. I'd totally send a picture but my phone is still getting repaired (it's been like 3 weeks :/) so I can't :(. The problem is that the joints on my fingers are wide compared to the rest of my fingers, so the ring is really hard to get on, but it's really loose once it is :/. I use my other ace ring which is made of rubber to hold it in place so it doesn't move as much. What irks me is that the ring fits way better on my index finger because the joint on it isn't as wide, while the rest of my index finger is wider. But I can't wear it on there because then it wouldn't be an ace ring anymore :(.

 

Also, my university asked me to complete a survey on sexual harassment. The kind of survey where it makes to sense ask for the person's sexual orientaton. Anyway, they included asexual! Other than that, I think my response will appear as a bit of an anomaly, what with me being an asexual who hasn't experienced nor seen sexual harassment...

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On ‎7‎/‎8‎/‎2016 at 5:55 AM, aussiekirkland said:

 

Some not cool things...

- Discoursers refusing to acknowledge we exist, calling asexuality and aromanticism mutually exclusive modifiers

- Amatonormativity (or is it allonormativity? Can someone explain the difference please?)

-Personally, I think that asexuality and aromanticism are modifiers unless you're 100% aroace. Gray-ace says nothing about who I'm attracted to. Sapphic does. That's why it's my orientation.

-Amatonormativity doesn't exist and neither does allonormativity, so there is no difference :) I'm not rewarded for feeling attraction when the attraction I do feel is toward other women. I will never be rewarded for having sex (if I decide to) when:

  • I face stereotypes about mentally ill women, especially hypersexual women, being wild in bed
  • As an autistic woman, there's a 1 in 2 chance I will be raped in my lifetime (as opposed to 1 in 6 for the general population of women)
  • If I'm having sex with a woman, I face homophobia and sapphobia
  • I face sexual fetishization as a nonbinary person
  • I face misogynistic slut shaming and body shaming
  • As a hypersexual person, I face ableism because of my mind's fixation on sex

 

 

Anyway, I'm kind of repulsed by sex and kind of just don't care, even though I get turned on by damn near everything, have sexual fantasies, feel some sexual attraction, and get intrusive sexual thoughts.

 

And romantically, I like women.

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6 minutes ago, Miles said:

Amatonormativity doesn't exist and neither does allonormativity, so there is no difference

Please explain.

 

6 minutes ago, Miles said:

Gray-ace says nothing about who I'm attracted to

Why does it have to? And wouldn't it make more sense to use "sapphic" and other such terms as clarifiers, such as "sapphic grey-ace" in that case?

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3 minutes ago, Kaiger Pufflehugs IV said:

Please explain.

 

Why does it have to? And wouldn't it make more sense to use "sapphic" and other such terms as clarifiers, such as "sapphic grey-ace" in that case?

I already explained. Experiencing homophobia is not a privilege. It should be obvious that I, a nonbinary, mentally ill, autistic, gnc wlw, am completely unable to be rewarded in any way for my attraction and that it will never be normalized.

And actually, no. When someone asks me who I'm attracted to, my telling them "I'm gray-ace!" says nothing. When I say "I'm sapphic!" it does. Gray-ace says how I experience attraction, whereas sapphic says who my attraction is toward.

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Just now, Miles said:

And actually, no. When someone asks me who I'm attracted to, my telling them "I'm gray-ace!" says nothing. When I say "I'm sapphic!" it does. Gray-ace says how I experience attraction, whereas sapphic says who my attraction is toward.

That's up to you :) 

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1 minute ago, Kaiger Pufflehugs IV said:

That's up to you :) 

This makes no sense. I'm a woman-aligned nonbinary person who is attracted to women. Therefore, I'm sapphic. I can't just opt out of that.

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Just now, Miles said:

This makes no sense

What I meant by that is that people can choose to express themselves as they wish. If you wish to call yourself sapphic as opposed to grey-ace, then you can. No one will stop you.

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Just now, Kaiger Pufflehugs IV said:

What I meant by that is that people can choose to express themselves as they wish. If you wish to call yourself sapphic as opposed to grey-ace, then you can. No one will stop you.

I can call myself both. I call myself a lot of things. I'm a witch. I'm a teenager. I'm in college. I'm, I don't know, allergic to paprika.

 

What all of those traits have in common with asexuality is that I'm not oppressed for any of them, and that they don't describe who I'm attracted to even though they impact my life.

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I am completely lost on the point you're trying to make here @Miles. You started by saying that grey-ace is a modifier for your orientation, and now you're having a go at kaiger for saying you can identify how you want? What?

 

Identify however you want, but don't tell others that their asexuality is just a modifier for their orientation when they don't see it as such.

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Just now, Zemaddog said:

I am completely lost on the point you're trying to make here @Miles. You started by saying that grey-ace is a modifier for your orientation, and now you're having a go at kaiger for saying you can identify how you want? What?

 

Identify however you want, but don't tell others that their asexuality is just a modifier for their orientation when they don't see it as such.

Just because I can identify however I want doesn't mean I'm oppressed for every identity I have, and it doesn't mean that every identity I have is an orientation. What is my orientation is who I'm attracted to: women and woman-aligned nonbinary people. Therefore, I'm sapphic. That's my orientation. Not gray-ace.

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1 minute ago, Miles said:

Just because I can identify however I want doesn't mean I'm oppressed for every identity I have, and it doesn't mean that every identity I have is an orientation. What is my orientation is who I'm attracted to: women and woman-aligned nonbinary people. Therefore, I'm sapphic. That's my orientation. Not gray-ace.

I never said you were oppressed for every identity you have. I'm not sure what gave you that idea.

 

So you're saying that being grey-ace isn't an orientation for you? That's cool and completely up to you. I'm just not sure why you think projecting yourself onto others like this is acceptable.

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No, it's just straight up...not an orientation. Like at least with asexual that does describe who you're sexually attracted to, if not who you're attracted to overall. But with gray-ace, you're still by definition sexually attracted to someone. If someone said their orientation was asexual, it's entirely possible that they might not be attracted to anyone. Gray-ace doesn't even say who I'm sexually attracted to, just my relationship with sex.

 

But if someone's gray-ace, even if they're also aromantic, and both sex and romance repulsed, they're still attracted to someone. They're still gay, straight, bi, pan, ply, andro, gyne, etc.

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3 minutes ago, Miles said:

 

1. Just because you're not straight doesn't mean you experience homophobia. In any discussion about homophobia, you need to realize that same gender attracted people's opinions always come first.

2. Morallygayro censored the T slur because it's offensive. You didn't.

3. Yeah, you're ableist and so is your shit identity.

4. You can sexualize people without wanting to have sex with them??? I'm a lesbian and I've sexually harassed by straight women multiple times, and they assume that everything I do around them is about wanting to have sex with them. They aren't sexually attracted to me, but they still sexualize me.

 

Hi, please refrain from personal insults to other users. I'd also like to issue a general 'play nice' warning as this topic seems to be getting heated.

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1 minute ago, DannyFenton123 said:

Hi, please refrain from personal insults to other users. I'd also like to issue a general 'play nice' warning as this topic seems to be getting heated.

A disabled person calling someone out on ableism, as both morallygayro and I did, isn't a personal insult.

 

And like...instead of telling a bi man and a lesbian, both of whom are apparently mentally ill and autistic (and I also have ADHD), to be quiet about ableism and homophobia, could people just not be ableist and homophobic? Because THAT is a personal insult, not calling someone ableist. I can't just not be gay and neurodivergent. @Thom can be not ableist.

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13 minutes ago, Miles said:

A disabled person calling someone out on ableism, as both morallygayro and I did, isn't a personal insult.

 

And like...instead of telling a bi man and a lesbian, both of whom are apparently mentally ill and autistic (and I also have ADHD), to be quiet about ableism and homophobia, could people just not be ableist and homophobic? Because THAT is a personal insult, not calling someone ableist. I can't just not be gay and neurodivergent. @Thom can be not ableist.

If you disagree with a member, please keep it civil and do not resort to personal insults. As a side note, that argument is several months old and has already been resolved. I'm temp locking this thread now.

If you have a problem with the mod's decision, please take it up in PM with the team. Thanks!

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On Friday, 28 October 2016 at 11:47 AM, Miles said:

No, it's just straight up...not an orientation. Like at least with asexual that does describe who you're sexually attracted to, if not who you're attracted to overall. But with gray-ace, you're still by definition sexually attracted to someone. If someone said their orientation was asexual, it's entirely possible that they might not be attracted to anyone. Gray-ace doesn't even say who I'm sexually attracted to, just my relationship with sex.

 

But if someone's gray-ace, even if they're also aromantic, and both sex and romance repulsed, they're still attracted to someone. They're still gay, straight, bi, pan, ply, andro, gyne, etc.

You don't have to be oppressed in order for your identity to be an orientation? I'm not quite sure what you're getting at.

 

Grey-aces don't have to be oppressed in order for them to be considered legitimately. If grey-ace is not a useful label to you, then don't use it and leave it at that. However it is an extremely good label for other people around here, and I don't think you should try and take that away from them, nor do you have any right to tell people what they can and can not identify as.

 

And no, I am not trying to have a go at you. Do not take this the wrong way, I am not personally against you. Let's keep this thread friendly this time, please? This is a civil discussion.

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On 28/10/2016 at 11:52 AM, Miles said:

A disabled person calling someone out on ableism, as both morallygayro and I did, isn't a personal insult.

 

And like...instead of telling a bi man and a lesbian, both of whom are apparently mentally ill and autistic (and I also have ADHD), to be quiet about ableism and homophobia, could people just not be ableist and homophobic? Because THAT is a personal insult, not calling someone ableist. I can't just not be gay and neurodivergent. @Thom can be not ableist.

 

As a matter of fact, not only is it insulting, using it as an excuse to insult and treat other people like crap is nothing more than flaming and trolling. Being discriminated against is one thing,  using something as a victim card to attack people and to try and gain special treatment is another.

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