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timidcat

Asexuality Confusion

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Just to be clear I do know what Asexuality means and that there is a whole spectrum of asexual identitis.  What confuses me a bit is when asexual people say that one of the signs was that they never felt the need to date or get married. Wouldn't that mean that they are both asexual and aromantic? I've actually seen that symptom mentioned multiple times to identify if someone is asexual. I just think it's bad publicity especially since we want people to believe and accept our orienations. 

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I think not wanting to date or get married should be more of a personal choice & not connected to a person's sexual orientation.

People who say that could just be talking about the sexual aspects/attractions that can naturally be described in wanting to date or marry someone.... At least that's how it was explained to me.

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I think it might be true that there's a higher percentage of the ace population that's aro (not sure whether that's a majority or not, I'd have to look at the very limited statistics available from the AVEN census, which isn't representational probably), and so for a lot of those people it might seem that those two identities are inseparable from each other and so they would describe them similarly? I would agree, though, that it sounds like in this case either the person being quoted or the person quoting them is conflating asexuality and aromanticism. 

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2 hours ago, Dodecahedron314 said:

I think it might be true that there's a higher percentage of the ace population that's aro (not sure whether that's a majority or not, I'd have to look at the very limited statistics available from the AVEN census, which isn't representational probably), and so for a lot of those people it might seem that those two identities are inseparable from each other and so they would describe them similarly? I would agree, though, that it sounds like in this case either the person being quoted or the person quoting them is conflating asexuality and aromanticism. 

 

The percentage of people who are ace and aro is reported to be about 20%, according to the 2014 AVEN Census.  It's certainly not a majority, but there are enough aro aces that asexuality and aromanticism do get conflated sometimes.

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18 hours ago, timidcat said:

What confuses me a bit is when asexual people say that one of the signs was that they never felt the need to date or get married.

It could be to do with the social context those people experience these things in? Maybe because of that they feel that they have to experience sexual attraction as well in order for dating and marriage to be viable. I would agree that these things in an number of societies and social contexts are more connected to romance these days, but I imagine their connection to sex might be strong enough to put some people off them or make them feel intimidated. (Obviously this is all just conjecture on my part)

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I think it could be possible that there was a mix-up and they misunderstood the definitions of aro/ace when they first found about asexuality?O.o

 

As asexuals tend to first learn about their asexuality on the internet(i.e. AVEN), if they're also aros, that's usually the moment they realize they're aromantics too. (I mean, discovering both definitions at the same time)

 

So, they perhaps thought that their general lack of attractions was due to their asexuality, having a hard time splitting two different attractions(romantic and sexual), both of which they've never felt in their life. 

Afterall, it might be that they encountered the split attraction model for the first time.

 

Although later on, they may be able to realize that 'not feeling the desire to date' is actually aromantic traits, not necessarily that of asexuals. 

 

But then it's just my take on this. xD 

 

**side note: I also found about asexuality due to my aromanticism traits. I vaguely assumed that asexuality meant 'not interested in anybody', before I actually looked into the definition.

 

So I used to think that my general disinterest in dating people was due to being asexual. Of course, I later found out that I'm both aro and ace, but I'm being "aro" regarding the dating and marriage things in particular.  9_9

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People equate dating with having sex. Don't fool yourselves into thinking that's not the end goal for the majority. I completely understand what they are saying when they say not wanting to date was a sign for them. 

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Yeah, that sign is not one of asexuality, but aromanticism.

 

ALTHOUGH, you CAN be heterosexual, heteroromantic, or whatever, and still have no wish to get married nor date. It is a sign, but does not automatically mean that you are aromantic. Just like red skin is a sign of a burn, but does not necessarily mean you have one! xD

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Once again for some of us who equate sex with dating like the majority does not wanting to date can be a part of our asexuality. I simply do not want to date anyone because I know eventually sex will come up. I will describe myself and how I feel in my own way and in my own words. I do not have to adhere to Internet definitions and words. I talk to people outside of these websites and I will use words and phrases they understand and will not use insider language with them. 

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On July 1, 2016 at 4:59 PM, SwankyPants said:

TBH romance and sex are often considered the same thing. it's just how it is, no fault in that. 

 

I see them that way. That's how I experience things. 

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