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Robin

Common Misconceptions About Aros

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"You never know what the future holds." -My grandfather

Counter: YOU can never know what the future holds, either.

 

[roughly quoting] "When you grow old, you'll have a wife and six children." -My grandmother (talk about social constructs.....)

Counter: With the way the earth's population is headed right now, having six children doesn't sound like a wise idea. Plus, I don't think I'd be a very good father.

 

 

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Guest Chandrakirti

I used to get the 'robotic' quote...usually in recent work situations because I could concentrate on my actual work and not be distracted by 'attractive people'.

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All my friends don't believe that being aromantic and asexual isn't real they think its "just a phase". They say that I'll like someone romantically one day I just "haven't found the right person". What some people don't get is that this "phase" is something some people stay with forever.

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On 6/4/2019 at 11:53 AM, Bri said:

What some people don't get is that this "phase" is something some people stay with forever.

Not that you need to 'sell' your aromanticism to them, but maybe you could try making an anaology with sexual orientation? I've not been sexually attracted to a man so far, but I suppose I cannot absolutely rule out that my heterosexuality is "just a phase" (i.e. who's to say I don't see a man tomorrow and feel sexual attraction towards them). And yet, most people don't talk about sexual orientation in this way. So, why do it with romantic orientation? (or maybe your friends think that everyone is actually latently bisexual to some degree? at least that would be consistent of them!)

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"You're misanthropic" - my friend

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Guest Chandrakirti

PS @Azxre, the angry face means I'm angry at your friends comment ...not you.

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On 6/4/2019 at 11:53 AM, Bri said:

All my friends don't believe that being aromantic and asexual isn't real they think its "just a phase". They say that I'll like someone romantically one day I just "haven't found the right person". What some people don't get is that this "phase" is something some people stay with forever.

Yet, curiously, the term "just a phase" rarely gets applied to alloromantics.
They might just get bored with it or realise that they were only into it because it's expected in an amantonormative society.

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4 hours ago, Chandrakirti said:

PS @Azxre, the angry face means I'm angry at your friends comment ...not you.

(I actually didn't see the reaction until now), I know dw

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When I told my aunt I was Aro she said, and I quote,

"Are you sure it's not a side effect of the medication your on?" 

Like, yes auntie, my insulin (which everyone naturally produces), made me Aro. Sure we could take me off it, then you wouldn't have to worry. I'd be dead. ಠ ೧ ಠ

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"You're only fourteen, kids your age aren't even supposed to date." - kids my age have been having romantic feelings since first grade. 

"So you need to start seeing your counselor again" - for the 263825th time, aromanticism is NOT a mental illness!

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1 hour ago, Cake-Loving Dragon said:

"You can't be asexual, you're not a plant."

 

"You're just a late bloomer."

 

 

Fight me.

¡Let the psychological warfare commence!

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that aromanticism is a choice and that we identify as aro just because we can't find someone who'll date us

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"Oh, so you just want to live with 15 cats when you're older?" Well that does sound lovely

 

"You have to date before you can be sure" I didn't sleep with a man and a woman and yet you still immediately believed me when I told you I am bisexual

 

"By the age of 30 you will start to wonder what's wrong with you" I already went through that process and I came to the conclusion that nothing is wrong with me

 

And of course the "you just have commitment issues"

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- so you don't feel love

 

-i feel bad for you

 

- you will find someone some day

 

- your just faking it

 

 

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i've seen some misconceptions on the internet:

 

•that we're all young and haven't been in relationships yet, so we don't know that we aren't interested.

 

•we're actually gay, but due to heteronormativity we don't realize that our feelings for our close same-sex friends was more than just platonic. so we think we just don't like anyone.

 

 

 

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On 6/5/2019 at 3:25 PM, Azxre said:

"You're misanthropic" - my friend

I mean, yes I am a misanthrope... but that has nothing to do with my romantic feelings or lack thereof... 

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The one I get the most comes as a string of questions from guys I’ve just met.

 

1) Are you married?

No.

 

2) Oh, so then you have a boyfriend?

No.

 

3) Do you have a girlfriend? (This questing is asked about 30 to 40% of the time)

No.

 

4) Next question is a mix of why and if I want to go out with them.

Sorry, but I don’t date.

 

They will spend the next few hours (this normally happens at work so I can’t leave) trying to convince me to give them a chance.

 

I have tried everything to end these conversations from being honest about being aro to admitting to being a lesbian (which I’m not so I always feel guilty if I go this route).  If I tell the truth they try to convince me that it has to be because I had a bad relationship and/or just haven’t met the right man yet.  And of course, they happen to be the right man. 😑

 

Oh, there’s also the slut shaming.  Apparently, being sexually active but not interested in romance makes me a slut.

 

Aaaand that turned into a bit of a rant.  Sorry.

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14 hours ago, Chimera said:

The one I get the most comes as a string of questions from guys I’ve just met.

 

1) Are you married?

No.

 

2) Oh, so then you have a boyfriend?

No.

 

3) Do you have a girlfriend? (This questing is asked about 30 to 40% of the time)

No.

 

4) Next question is a mix of why and if I want to go out with them.

Sorry, but I don’t date.

 

They will spend the next few hours (this normally happens at work so I can’t leave) trying to convince me to give them a chance.

 

I have tried everything to end these conversations from being honest about being aro to admitting to being a lesbian (which I’m not so I always feel guilty if I go this route).  If I tell the truth they try to convince me that it has to be because I had a bad relationship and/or just haven’t met the right man yet.  And of course, they happen to be the right man. 😑

 

Oh, there’s also the slut shaming.  Apparently, being sexually active but not interested in romance makes me a slut.

 

Aaaand that turned into a bit of a rant.  Sorry.

Oh my God, so much this.

 

No, I will not date you.

Yes, I'm happy right now and don't mind being alone. (OMG, did something happen to you?!? Were you abused? I'll be the best boyfriend ever!)

No, you are not "the one" who will make me love being in a relationship.

 

And why the fuck should I date you in the first place, if you obviously don't listen and don't give a fuck about my responses?

You ain't special. 

 

Is it just me or is the dating culture fucking creepy, once you remove the odd urge to be with someone from the equation?

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12 hours ago, NoMansGirlfriend said:

Is it just me or is the dating culture fucking creepy, once you remove the odd urge to be with someone from the equation?

Even with the odd urge, such attitude is creepy. Like the fact you are single means you are forced to give them a chance. What these people say sounds like harrassment to me. Let's be honest : even if you were looking, you would never date such guys, that force it into you and don't listen to you at all.

An these guys call themselves "nice guys"...

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