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Robin

Common Misconceptions About Aros

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What questions or misconceptions about the aro spec do you hear? This may be useful for future FAQ sections on flyers, websites and such.

 

  • Does that mean you don't love anyone, not even your family?
  • Don't you mean asexuality?
  • You probably just came out of a bad relationship.
  • How can you tell if you haven't dated?
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  • Do you (still) have sex?
  • (When) will you get married?
  • You're probably just bitter (because of x breakup or x friends in relationships or whatever)
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  • I thought that was a thing when flowers smell good?
  • So like does that mean you love yourself more than anyone else?

and the worst by far:

  • Oh I'm so sorry for you

THERE'S NOTHING WRONG

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  • You had a crush on someone, though! (As lots of aros make up crushes or were just simply confusing them with squishes like me)
  • But you watched a rom com the other day/romantic book etc.
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  • Maybe you have commitment issues? 
  • Perhaps your standards are too high, just give people a chance!
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   - "Do you want to be alone for your entire life?"    As if my aromanticism was a choice I'd made, instead of the way my brain happened to work. 

  - "Well it's probably because you have emotional issues." 

  - "Or daddy issues" 

 

1 hour ago, 46odnetnin said:
  • Oh I'm so sorry for you

I think my favorite is "I would rather tear my own skin off than live life without feeling love!!1!"

Which was so overdramatic it turned hilarious. 

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just thought of another few that really bother me:

 

"but you're so emotional!" that has nothing to do with it

 

"don't sell yourself short!" im not

 

"if you keep that up, you'll never get [significant other of the ~opposite gender~]" thats the point

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  • How do you know you haven't met "the one"? 
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  • You're too young to know that! Give yourself some time (or) Just wait until college/some other arbitrary threshold. You'll definitely start to feel something by (insert arbitrary point when you are considered "mature")!
  • You're just gay and closeted!
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1 hour ago, Spud said:

You're just gay and closeted!

And alternatively, "you're just straight and confused!"

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My friend keeps getting confused and thinks that I'm asexual xD 

It's an every day struggle man.

Most other people just thinking I don't want a relationship right now but I'll change my mind when I find the perfect person to blow me away. I'm just pretending or something to seem cool. (?)

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Also, aromantic does not equal sociopath. I've seen that one enough times on the lovely internet ¬¬

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1 hour ago, Spud said:
  • You're too young to know that! Give yourself some time (or) Just wait until college/some other arbitrary threshold. You'll definitely start to feel something by (insert arbitrary point when you are considered "mature")!

It annoys me to no end when people assume that you can't think for yourself because you're not older than 20.

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  • "is it something I did wrong when you were younger?" (@my mum) - seriously, mum, we had this exact same conversation when I came out to you as a lesbian five years ago, its still.not.a.childhood.trauma. please chill

 

  • "but if you'd fall in love sometime in the future, you would try to be in a relationship with them, right? You are not giving it up right? There is hope" (@my mum) - Yeah. Sure. And If I were a dog, I'd probably chase my tail all day like dogs do. But I am not, , and I am also not alloromantic, so why are we even talking about this?  I'm not giving up romantic love. I just don't have it in the first place.

 

  • "how can one be LGBTQ+ AND aromantic? Omg, you are oppressing the LGBTQ+ people by dragging arospec people into the same group?! You are straight and just wanna be in the special queer club" (@some confused and furious alloromantic lesbian online) - oh girl, do you seriously think I'm so bored that I'd be playing oppression olympics online? seriously? I have loads of ideas about what to do with my sparse free time, I don't have time for your gate keeping nonsense

 

  • "you are just a heartbreaker and/or unfaithful and/or cold hearted &@#?!, I hope karma will finally find you and then you will learn." (@some online troll) - I have no idea who hurt you, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't me. I don't go around lying to about my identity to "trick" people. what do you think I am???

 

  • but you did look like you were soooo in love with your ex. (@ my friend) - ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) wut?

 

  • you could get therapy, you know. I know this shrink... (@ some acquaintance) - just out of curiosity, should I like, also pray the gay away while I'm at it? will you also recommend a 2 in 1 deal at some white trash faith healer? o___0
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One specific person i told about my aromanticism just flat out didn't believe that it was real, telling me that everyone has to experience romantic love ¬¬.

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54 minutes ago, Cassiopeia said:
  • "is it something I did wrong when you were younger?" (@my mum) - seriously, mum, we had this exact same conversation when I came out to you as a lesbian five years ago, its still.not.a.childhood.trauma. please chill

My mom thinks the same way...please, I am the way I am because I'm the way I am. It's not the result of something traumatic that happened.

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On 4/11/2016 at 10:36 AM, eddie said:

It's just a fancy made-up word for being single because no one wants to date you and you're just trying to make yourself sound special. 

 

Y'know for the longest time I refused to consider I could've been arospec, because I thought I was just insecure and self-sabotaged all my romantic relationships because I felt like I didn't deserve anyone. Nah, I self-sabotaged because dating felt icky.

 

"Oh, so you mean you like to play hard-to-get."

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  • Oh, you'll find someone/fall in love one day

I had one or two others, but I forgot them, for now.

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Since many people do not even know asexuality, and think that being asexual means not wanting a relationship, I lead them to believe that usually. Others, whether confronted with the term "aromantic" or not, responded something like:

"Oh, that is so sad, you miss the most beautiful thing in life!" (an asexual person, btw)

"When the right man (!) comes along....." (I grow fed up with telling people that if there was a right person, their rightness would consist in not even wanting to be in a relationship with me)

"I know exactly how you feel, there were times when I didn't want a relationship either and I really enjoyed being single!" (Glad for you, happily married! Still, that's not what I mean)

"Is this your latest quirk?" (No comment)

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  • "You say that now, but what if you meet the most perfect guy? *gives knowing look* Bet you'll change your mind then ;)

 

5 hours ago, Lume said:

"I know exactly how you feel, there were times when I didn't want a relationship either and I really enjoyed being single!" (Glad for you, happily married! Still, that's not what I mean)

 

Ah yes, I've gotten this one before too.  It was nice that they were trying to relate, but they definitely missed the point.

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On 11/04/2016 at 9:25 PM, Spud said:
  • You're too young to know that! Give yourself some time (or) Just wait until college/some other arbitrary threshold. You'll definitely start to feel something by (insert arbitrary point when you are considered "mature")!

Possibly you could get "OK, you were right all along!" as an epitaph.

So you don't want (a) relationship or "emotional connection" with anyone.
But everyone wants that...

 

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Apologies for derogatory terms/names

 

"Oh you are just a slut." - um, like no? So what if I still like sex/feel sexual attraction doesn't mean I'm a slut, literally stop slut shaming people especially aromantic people.

 

"Wow such a cold hearted bitch." - just because I don't want to date or get into a romantic relationship with you or anyone else,  doesn't make me cold hearted. Someone sounds bitter and it isn't me.

 

"So what, your like a robot?" - Ah yes, you have found out my secret, I am a robot hiding in a flesh body, incapable of any feeling or emotion because romantic emotion is the only emotion any human being is capable of.

 

"But romance is what makes us human!" - As an anthropology major, I can tell you what makes us human is not romance. It is actually our bipedalism, culture (though this topic is highly argued), laguage and our thirst for knowledge. Other animals are highly romantic and is not a determined factor that makes humans human. 

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3 hours ago, eddie said:

@Syao sometimes I'd rather people think I'm a robot rather than a human. Have you met humans?

Same, whenever we manage to transfer concousness into a robot body I'm down for volunteering.

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