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Cassiopeia

Genders and platonic attraction?

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This is a bit of a yes and no thing for me. I'm usually attracted to female bodied people, sometimes regardless of their gender identity. Recently however, I've found some transfeminine people attractive, as well as one or two people that appeared feminine.

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I tend to make friends with girls easier, being one.  :U   

I guess that makes me... homoplatonic?  I'm not against the idea of making friends with guys per se,  but in my experience (and I know it's a little unfair and that there are some great boys out there)  girls are... safer to get close to?  I've met assholes of all genders, but when a girl doesn't like you she spreads Mean Rumours and when a boy means you harm it's ended much worse all the times I've seen it :I  I've seen girls misinterpret people's desire to be friends with them and they generally laugh and brush it off or get understandably embarrassed and at worst never talk to you again.  I've witnessed guys be much more... explosive, short and long term.

I guess my school is just filled with too many Straight White Boys(tm), or something.

 

Aside from that, I do feel a sort of pull to girls, platonically and aesthetically and I don't really know why :^U  oh well, I'm not complaining they're pretty cool.

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It does and I hate it.

 

Same here ¬¬

 

I define as panplatonic, generally. But due to date/flirt culture I tend to make friends with men easier than women since I am an adult. In those friendships, I am more of a buddy, though, despite being feminine. I have never been friends with girlish women, the women I am friends with are not very conforming. Apart from that, there are some genderqueer/trans persons, but no mtf. 

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I spent a period of time last year analysing the nature of my platonic attraction (in order to figure out if I was aromantic) and it heavily depends on who I spend the most quality time with.

 

A lot of my school friends were girls and they were all extremely surface friendships, with only two genuine friends I kept after graduating. One of those girls I ended up getting a squish on earlier this year.

 

While I haven't had as many guy friends (thanks heteronormativity) I usually develop a much closer bond with them and we have a lot more in common. While I've had some trouble with guy friends developing crushes on me, I sometimes end up getting a squish on them.

 

I think I'd probably classify as demipanplatonic though I don't find that extremely useful, but within this context it gets the point across pretty well. I use squish as an umbrella for platonic, aesthetic and sensual attraction because the other two are far rarer and it's difficult to analyse any sort of pattern for them.

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Most of my close friends are women, if that's what you mean. And I'd rather have a QPR with a woman, or just anyone who isn't a cis man. I feel like they'd be able to understand me better.

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Interesting question. I don't really identify with a gender, but I have female parts, and I've just kind of always gotten along better with guys, because I tend to have more common interests with them. I don't have any interest in stereotypical 'girly' stuff... actually I don't really even know what that is. I hate make-up and dresses, etc. Guys just generally make more sense to me. Then again, I'm talking about people who fit gender norms... for people who don't fit any of those norms, anything goes pretty much. I just haven't met a whole lot of people like that IRL yet. But on the rare occasions that I do, it seems we get along pretty much instantly.

 

Most of my male friends are gamers, and mostly just thought of me as 'one of the guys'. I didn't have too many problems with them being attracted to me, although it has happened a few times. It probably helps that I don't really look very feminine. I even managed to make peace with their near-constant perverted jokes and commentary... much of which I didn't entirely understand anyway. :P

 

I have this weird thing where I tend to feel really protective of people I care about... and in the context of me being a small female-ish person with generally much stronger guy friends, it doesn't really make a lot of sense. Not sure what to make of that one yet.

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I tend to bond more easily with women and AFABs than with men, but it's not absolute. 

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I don't get squishes and I'm not really 'attracted' to people on any level- I can form relationships just fine, but it doesn't seem to be the immediate fixation or interest in a particular person that other people seem to have. *shrug* I can make friends just fine, so it's never really bothered me.

 

With all that said, gender has never really made much of a difference to me when it comes to platonic relationships- never drawn to any particular people, but never having a harder time with anyone either. Just from the usually shared life experiences I've found it's easier for me to form connections with other NB people, but beyond that, I've seen no real difference- some of my friends are male, some are female, some are NB. It's never been a big thing. Even growing up, I didn't really have a preference, though teasing from other kids meant that I had to stick with mostly other afab kids or else be pestered about my 'boyfriends'. Bleh.

 

So... does that make me a- everything, or pan- everything?

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I find I just don't generally have much interest in men - I've never had a proper, really good guy 'friend', mostly casual acquaintances or boyfriends. I prefer being friends with other women - more relatable to me and I tend to have more in common with them too, especially tomboy types. I seem to have a platonic attraction to really warm, outgoing older women as well - the 'cool, single aunt who loves everyone' type of person, if that makes sense? I'm technically heteroromantic, homoplatonic, I guess?

 

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I generally prefer girls (and AFAB transgender people) but I've gotten squishes on both genders (and even on animals - most of the time, when I get a new kitten, I squish on the kitten at some point in their life with us).

 

Actually, there's a stronger preference for autism than for gender. The only human I've squished on who hasn't been autistic was my younger brother (also one of the earliest squishes I can remember). He's BAP, meaning he has some autistic traits but not enough to be on the spectrum.

 

Aesthetically, I prefer women, children, and slim feminine-looking guys. I'm OK with soft fat people (my mother is like that so I know people like that feel really comfy to cuddle with), but I really don't like the look of heavily muscular people.

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I get friends of all genders but I always felt I prefered a QP with a guy or someone identifying on the masculine spectrum.

I just think somehow I relate more to men than women.

and also I REALLY hate to be seen as "straight" and having "a normal relationship" (sorry for terrible wordings here)

 

like if I show affection to my female friends and people comment on it like urg!!! + I also hate having to fit into a gender box on "you are the man so you are supposed to do bla bla bla"

 

I have no idea if it fits with my sexuality? my sexuality preference is kinda wierd.

 

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Most of my friends tend to be male, and have been pretty much my whole life, although I have had a few female friends. I'm asexual, so they don't match.

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I have found my platonic attractions and friendships are all based on personality and whether or not the person creeps me out when the friendship is just starting. So I am mostly friends with females, homo males and males who were in relationships when we met. Unattached males tend to creep me out with some sort of romantic advance which kills the platonic attraction pretty fast in a budding friendship. or they cut off contact when they are rejected. I guess I am panplatonic yet the one group I might be sexually interested in sabotage themselves? 

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On 12/12/2016 at 10:48 PM, Untamed Heart said:

I find I just don't generally have much interest in men - I've never had a proper, really good guy 'friend', mostly casual acquaintances or boyfriends. I prefer being friends with other women - more relatable to me and I tend to have more in common with them too, especially tomboy types. I seem to have a platonic attraction to really warm, outgoing older women as well - the 'cool, single aunt who loves everyone' type of person, if that makes sense? I'm technically heteroromantic, homoplatonic, I guess?

 

 

I'm exactly the same. I dunno what it is about guys, but I've never been good friends with any guy. There are some that I hang out with in groups and stuff, but not really alone. I also get along better with my sisters than my brother. So yeah same except I'm aromantic :D.

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For me it's always about personality, which can in part be influenced by gender. I feel platonic attraction most clearly for kind, friendly people, often with a good sense of humour

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59 minutes ago, SamwiseLovesLife said:

For me it's always about personality, which can in part be influenced by gender. I feel platonic attraction most clearly for kind, friendly people, often with a good sense of humour

Me. The concept of a platonic attraction by gender feels strange and arbitrary. 

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13 hours ago, SamwiseLovesLife said:

For me it's always about personality, which can in part be influenced by gender. I feel platonic attraction most clearly for kind, friendly people, often with a good sense of humour

 

Yup I agree : I don't really care about the gender. If I got along with them, then who care if they are a female, a male or a horse or whatever else ? Altough, most of my platonic attraction and frienship are with guys, but if I have one with a girl, it will be much more deep, I don't know why O.o I've got that same pattern for 10 years so....

 

And for the QPR part, well... someone who's nice and is crazy enough to want to be in a QPR with me xD ?

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Not really any particular gender trends for me, but I do know that somehow, basically nobody whom I wind up being really, really close friends with is cis (my QPP is a trans guy and my other two best friends are a trans girl and a genderfluid person).

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10 hours ago, sarcastic kitten said:

Yup I agree : I don't really care about the gender. If I got along with them, then who care if they are a female, a male or a horse or whatever else ? Altough, most of my platonic attraction and frienship are with guys, but if I have one with a girl, it will be much more deep, I don't know why O.o I've got that same pattern for 10 years so....

 

And for the QPR part, well... someone who's nice and is crazy enough to want to be in a QPR with me xD ?

Neigh..

 

Also agree on the QPR thing, same rules but someone good at snuggling. I can be any spoon, not picky :D

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18 hours ago, sarcastic kitten said:

but if I have one with a girl, it will be much more deep, I don't know why O.o 

I sadly have made the same experiences. But I've made some successes to deprogram male socialization, which makes deeper friendships difficult (emotional closeness is reserved for romantic partners??). Of course for me it's different because friendships with women are opposite-sex-friendship where there is always some paranoia that it's in reality about something else (which I find absurd, because that seems far too much work to me!) and that's a serious drawback.

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53 minutes ago, DeltaV said:

Of course for me it's different because friendships with women are opposite-sex-friendship where there is always some paranoia that it's in reality about something else (which I find absurd, because that seems far too much work to me!) and that's a serious drawback.

Yeah, why is this anyway? People are weird about stuff. Often if you politely diffuse by saying you're not interested in them that way or they're not your type, they get offended! There's no way of winning.

I always assume everyone means things platonically then get shocked as hell if I find out there are ulterior motives. I just like to be divergent I guess :rofl:

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i'm heterosexual, but gender has no effect on my platonic attraction.  I can be attracted to a guy in both ways (what I call an 'aro crush', which I used to mistake for an actual crush), but it would be incidental, unrelated.  I currently don't have one but I have a squish on a female internet friend.

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