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I just thought I'd start a thread for any non-binary arospec individuals.

 

I'm curious. Has your gender identity ever effected who you are/were romantically attracted to?

meant this to be a "catch all" thread & just started it with a random question I thought of. Anything can go here!!

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Agender critter here.  I can't really say my NB status ever effected my attraction, since I'm ace, but it sure effects who I feel safe being friends with.  

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Agender polyhedron reporting for duty. Not attracted to anybody, but whenever someone's attracted to me, it gives me pretty bad dysphoria, because I don't pass and so I know the person is expecting assigned gender roles out of me in a romantic context, which is just not OK on any level in existence. 

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Agender here. I actually get very confused about the whole gender concept a lot, because orientation (both sexual and romantic) kind of relies on your own gender identification? 

If you identify as gay, it's not enough to be attracted to men, you yourself have to be male aswell. There's no word for "attracted to male-ish stuff" xD 

 

As someone who is agender in mind, but passes as female in body no matter what I do, I put a small "homo" on my identity chart on the left, but honestly? It feels a bit wrong, since I'd rather not be classified as female =\ So it doesn't so much influence my attraction as it just makes labels confusing xD

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30 minutes ago, Kojote said:

There's no word for "attracted to male-ish stuff"

 

It's called 'androsexual' ('gynesexual' / 'gynosexual' in the case of attraction to women), 'androromantic' etc. The terms were invented exactly because NBs were unsure whether to call themselves gay or straight (neither of these two labels fits).

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Just now, aroMa(n)tisse said:

It's called 'androsexual' ('gynesexual' / 'gynosexual' in the case of attraction to women), 'androromantic' etc. The terms were invented exactly because NBs were unsure whether to call themselves gay or straight.

 

Didn't know that! Will use that! Sounds a bit weird thought, makes me think of a gynecologist xD But good to know. 

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I'm... possibly NB? >.> Still very confused and questioning

I don't think it's had any affect on my (lack of) romantic attraction, though.

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1 hour ago, Simowl said:

I'm... possibly NB? >.> Still very confused and questioning

I don't think it's had any affect on my (lack of) romantic attraction, though.

Same. I have no clue what my gender is, all I know is that I'm not male. Gender is really confusing me.

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I'm an agender or perhaps a gender neutral aro. I'm honestly not sure if my gender is connected to my sexuality. Perhaps. I wouldn't be surprised, looking at the gender stats on AVEN.

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35 minutes ago, aihpen said:

Same. I have no clue what my gender is, all I know is that I'm not male. Gender is really confusing me.

All I know is I'm not female :P 

 

I'm kinda leaning towards trans-masc, personally, but I dunno. 

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1 hour ago, Simowl said:

All I know is I'm not female :P 

 

I'm kinda leaning towards trans-masc, personally, but I dunno. 

I lean towards demigirl, maybe genderflux, but how would I know if I don't understand what exactly gender is (I read so many different explanations, but none of them is concrete enough for me to fully get it)

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I am genderflux, and none of my stages of (a)gender are attracted to anyone :)

I am unsure if there is any interaction. I know my gender in no way influences my lack of attractions. I do wonder to what extent my lack of attraction influences my gender, or at least my gender expression

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1 hour ago, aihpen said:

I lean towards demigirl, maybe genderflux, but how would I know if I don't understand what exactly gender is (I read so many different explanations, but none of them is concrete enough for me to fully get it)

I admit to having the same problem. First working out what I was in the beginning, and even now working out what my gender is on any given day. I still haven't really worked out exactly what gender truly is, but i know what works for me and I'd like to share it, as weird and unscientific as it is. No idea if it will help at all :)
I literally just try out saying aloud(alone) or in my head, different genders. For example "I am a demigirl", and invariably i get a rush of emotion, I will involuntarily smile if it just feels right and I'll frown and feel grumpy if it isn't true. I find it takes me out of my brain and lets my gut instinct take over. 
And to you, or anyone who is unsure, remember there is no wrong way to have a gender(or no gender)
Sorry for the unsolicited advice. I thought I'd just share what works for me :)

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I strongly suspect that in my case, it does. I noticed that my gender perception shifts depending on the hormonal treatment I take, not suddenly, but it takes about a year or more to shift like that. And the first time I took a treatment, after that first shift, I started feeling some romantic attraction, and sexual attraction much later. I noticed that they get stronger or weaker after a "gender shift".

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5 hours ago, aihpen said:

I lean towards demigirl, maybe genderflux, but how would I know if I don't understand what exactly gender is (I read so many different explanations, but none of them is concrete enough for me to fully get it)

You could always start out with just "non-binary", which is quite the umbrella term for every gender identity that doesn't fit neatly into male or female and just take your time, figuring it out =) 

I identify as agender for example, because I never felt comfortable getting any gender assigned to me at all. Kind off the same way being agnostic works for religion. You know it exists, but it holds no meaning for me personally and I honestly couldn't care any less, no matter how hard I try.

 

You can also have more than one identity, since some are not mutually exclusive. Take Genderflux for example. It means you feel this one day and that way on another day. It does not mean that you fluctuate between male and female though. It could, for example mean that you fluctuate between agender and demigender. 

 

As for explaining gender... I don't think I'd be of much help xD As someone agender I never quite got it myself. 

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8 hours ago, Simowl said:

I'm... possibly NB? >.> Still very confused and questioning

I don't think it's had any affect on my (lack of) romantic attraction, though.

 

7 hours ago, aihpen said:

Same. I have no clue what my gender is, all I know is that I'm not male. Gender is really confusing me.

I'm in pretty much the same boat as you guys. I started questioning my gender identity before I started questioning my sexual orientation. I won't explain my feelings towards my gender in this post, as I feel that it would require its own thread. For now: I don't identify with any gender identity.

 

In regards to the OP: I don't know if this counts as me being NB or not. But suffice to say, I don't think my gender has any effect on my sexual or romantic orientation. It definitely effects how I view the world, other people, and their gender. But my own gender has no effect on my sexual or romantic orientation.

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My gender identity has never affected my attraction to other real, present people. Always, "in the field" so to speak, I'm pansexual and if I like a person, I like them and neither person's gender has anything to do with it. But if I think about a relationship of any kind, it's pretty much always with a person of my own gender regardless of what it is at the time (so, like fantasy-omnigay).

The romance part is more complex. My romance tolerance starts pretty low. I have pretty much always considered it kind of a waste of time and effort, and as a "girl" I more or less just find it tedious and pointless. But in "guy mode" or even sort of in the middle, it makes me really uncomfortable. To the point that (I think I said in my intro) my ex used to ask me if I was "allergic to kindness" because he would offer to carry my books to my locker, or he would give me candy, or whatever, and I didn't want to accept it. For a long time because of it I had a lot of reservations about IDing as aro because I felt that it "wasn't valid aromantcism" because it was so heavily influenced by social gender roles and dysphoria. But obviously I got older and wiser and now here I am.

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@Ace-TheTimelordsCompanion @Kojote Thanks for sharing. I'll just keep identifying as "not male" until I figure things out (about using nonbinary as an umbrella term, it's not an option at the moment since there still is the possibility of me being cis). I'm not really in a rush anyway, so let's just leave it there because I don't feel like this conversation is going to be short if we keep going and this thread is not about my confusions.

 

Also because I never really replied to the OP, I don't think that whatever gender I am influences my (nonexistent) romantic attraction, though knowing my gender and if my gender changes etc. would probably be helpful to answer the question.

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Do you folks have any tips (besides styles that are labeled specifically as 'unisex') on looking genderless (as a small-breasted human, phew), not like a mixture of a man and a woman? (I'm yet to read the relevant AVEN threads...)

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I know that this might be off-topic, but take attention to your body language, voice and attitudes. Whatever you look like, this is the most important sign of gender expression and people are extremely sensitive to it, even more than to clothes. Does your body language show stereotypical femininity, masculinity or something in between that confuses other people ? 

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7 minutes ago, Rising Sun said:

Does your body language show stereotypical femininity, masculinity or something in between that confuses other people ? 

 

I have no idea because my ASD makes me less observant of the body language :|

 

To begin with, what constitutes stereotypical male appearance (apart from facial hair and excessive hair outside the head) and male manners in the Western culture? Before familiarizing myself with NB genders, I thought that males are expected not to care much about their appearance and that most 'inconspicuous' appearance features would be masculine, not genderless, whereas most 'attention-drawing' features would be feminine. 

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As I see it, your gender identity is a character trait, not an appearance trait. Appearance can help make you be perceived as non-binary (or punk rock, or a hipster, or a businessperson), but it's not what being non-binary is about, at least it isn't to me.

 

Could you redefine your question? Do you want to have tips on gender-neutral clothing or on personality traits and behaviors that could make you non-binary? Do you seek clarification, because you have trouble understanding the concept from an outsiders perspective or advice on how to present yourself as non-binary?

 

(and this is getting off-topic. maybe make a seperate thread?)

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17 minutes ago, Kojote said:

(and this is getting off-topic. maybe make a seperate thread?)

 

Sorry, I didn't notice that it's off-topic because the thread title is too generic and I thought it was meant as a catch-all thread like the 'A(gender)vengers Assemble!' thread on AVEN.

 

I'll try to formulate my questions better in a separate thread after I figure out what exactly I need to ask.

 

( @ArodynamicallyFavored, what's the intended scope of this thread?)

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Now that you said that I'm not to sure D: It's at least not the OP's initial question.... Maybe ask them? 

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