UncommonNonsense Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 I'm not good at these introductory posts... I never know what to say. I'm asexual, agender, apothisexual, atheist, and autistic... I guess that covers the As pretty well. I'm on AVEN too, but even though there are a lot of aros there, sometimes I get the feeling that we're kind of second class... with a lot of the focus there being on romantic aces and on 'normalizing' asexuality by statements like "But aces still want relationships/can still have sex!'. I want neither of those things (especially that second one!), so that kind of statement feels kind of invalidating and erasing for me. I suppose I joined here in hopes of finding a place where that part of my identity is just as accepted as the ace part of my identity. I live in southwestern Ontario, Canada. I work in private security. My elderly mother lives with me, and we have a cat (Artie) and a dog (Rikki). I like reading, audiobooks, spooky stories, horror movies, making crafts, drawing, graphic novels, musical theatre, animals, documentaries, word-play, and researching esoteric topics late into the night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dodgypotato Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 Hi! Welcome to the dark side. I get the same feel from AVEN. That normalising statement you quoted there is probably my biggest pet peeve about romantic aces. As if we're somehow lesser for not wanting them? I'm Baam over on AVEN, I've seen you around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paporomantic Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 Welcome to the dark-green side, UncommonNonsense! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kojote Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 Hey there, welcome to Arocalpyse! I've fled Aven for the same reason, though I wasn't there for long anyway *g* So far I'm feeling very welcome here. I hope you will, too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Louis On Air Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 Welcome! I find aromanticism to be a day to day focus because you only have sex when you have sex but romance is an airborne virus so knowing there's an escape from it (this website) is great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassiopeia Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 welcome to the dark side Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Natkat Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 hello and wellcome. I also love to draw, and read graphic novels, and draw those as well^^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aihpen Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 Hi, I've seen you on AVEN before. Personally I prefer Arocalypse over AVEN, since my aromanticism is a bigger issue in my life than my asexuality. But anyway, welcome to Arocalypse! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ace-TheTimelordsCompanion Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 Welcome to Arocolypse Uncommon I think you will like it here I haven;t so much run away from AVEN, as expanded my online life to include arocolypse. I still feel welcome in both places, but I do feel that there are vastly different experiences and challenges for alloromantic and aromantic aces. In particular I feel like I have to limit the number of rants I have on aven about being happily single. Anyway, welcome, I hope you find what you are looking for here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DannyFenton123 Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 Hey, it's nice to see you on Arocalypse! I hope you have a great time here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PerformativeSurprise Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 Welcome! I completely get where you're coming from about AVEN. Hopefully you find what you're looking for here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quinoa Posted June 18, 2016 Share Posted June 18, 2016 Welcome to Arocalypse! Have some ice cream! I also started on AVEN and came here to discuss aromanticism more. It seems like the aro community is just getting started, and is mostly within the ace community, but the ace community still doesn't talk about it much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owl Posted June 18, 2016 Share Posted June 18, 2016 Welcome to Arocalypse! I feel the same way about AVEN, people seem to talk a lot about romance.. Hope you enjoy being here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UncommonNonsense Posted June 18, 2016 Author Share Posted June 18, 2016 Thanks, everyone! I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels conflicted about AVEN.. I thought I was just being too touchy, but I guess I'm not. And I kind of feel guilty for that... I mean, AVEN gave me the vocabulary I so desperately needed to define myself. Pre-AVEN, I felt freakish, wrong, damaged, alone, alien in this sex/romance-fixated world. AVEN gave me an identity that finally fit me and made me feel complete and whole and secure and much less alone since there was a community of others at least somewhat like me. But over the years, the focus on romantic aces (dare I say, *hetero*-romantic aces?) and the attempts to make asexuality more acceptable to non-aces with the aro/repulsed-erasing "but aces still fall in looooove/want romance/can have sex" comments have worn on me and made me kind of feel like I don't fully belong. This place, on the other hand, seems to be a place where I can be openly both ace and aro, and neither part of my identity will be discounted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PerformativeSurprise Posted June 18, 2016 Share Posted June 18, 2016 1 hour ago, UncommonNonsense said: And I kind of feel guilty for that... I mean, AVEN gave me the vocabulary I so desperately needed to define myself. Pre-AVEN, I felt freakish, wrong, damaged, alone, alien in this sex/romance-fixated world. AVEN gave me an identity that finally fit me and made me feel complete and whole and secure and much less alone since there was a community of others at least somewhat like me. But over the years, the focus on romantic aces (dare I say, *hetero*-romantic aces?) and the attempts to make asexuality more acceptable to non-aces with the aro/repulsed-erasing "but aces still fall in looooove/want romance/can have sex" comments have worn on me and made me kind of feel like I don't fully belong. This place, on the other hand, seems to be a place where I can be openly both ace and aro, and neither part of my identity will be discounted. I feel exactly the same way. AVEN was hugely helpful to me when I was figuring everything out; I'll always have a fondness for it for that. But I often feel on the sidelines there, whereas I don't here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Posted June 19, 2016 Share Posted June 19, 2016 On 17/06/2016 at 7:05 PM, UncommonNonsense said: I'm on AVEN too, but even though there are a lot of aros there, sometimes I get the feeling that we're kind of second class... with a lot of the focus there being on romantic aces and on 'normalizing' asexuality by statements like "But aces still want relationships/can still have sex!'. I want neither of those things (especially that second one!), so that kind of statement feels kind of invalidating and erasing for me. I suppose I joined here in hopes of finding a place where that part of my identity is just as accepted as the ace part of my identity. I'm not on AVEN, since I saw it purely as an ace site. Most likely not even all romantic aces actually want amantonormativity. I want "relationships" but my concept there is very much of a solo poly and relationship anarchy mashup. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlexisS Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 Hi Uncommon! Welcome I came from AVEN too, and because of the 'But we can/want love' atmosphere like you said, I much much prefer Arocalypse.. I'm also in a Korean ace community(the only one out there) and it's also quite full of romantic aces... Which sometimes makes me feel left out and feel like I'm being swept under the carpet of whole romance/sex positivity movement Hope Arocalypse becomes a safe haven to you as well Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sooty Owl Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 Welcome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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