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Louis Hypo

Siblings and Cousins

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This thread is about discussing coming or being out (or not) to family members who are your age, your generation, what that is like and how you go about it. My sister and closest cousin (most of my cousins are adults and I'm not out to them) are happy for me and my identity and fully understand what it means (which shouldn't be hard but somehow is to a lot of people) and while my 20 year old cousin doesn't fully understand aromanticism, he still accepts it and doesn't deny its existence which is a-ok. I haven't come out to the few distant relatives my age who I only see once every 3 years because it's not worth the trouble but if there were more close relatives my age I'd definitely mention it if it felt right to say.

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While I'm not out to anyone in my family regardless of age, there was one moment where I almost came out to two of my cousins. We were at a family gathering and one of my cousins asked if I was interested in any girls. I tried to dodge the question but he wouldn't have any of that. So I just had to tell him that no, I wasn't interested in any girls. His sister then asked me if I was interested in boys. Again, I replied no. The cousin who asked the initial question then said, "I'm trying to figure you out..." and that was the end of that conversation. I was feeling pretty anxious during that conversation and for a few minutes afterwards.

 

I do plan on coming out to all the people I know in real life soon though. I've decided to do it over facebook so that I can avoid any awkward one-on-one interactions.

 

EDIT: I should mention that the cousins I was talking to are very close in age to me (the one who asked the initial question is 3 months older than me, the other is 2 years younger than me)

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My brother is usually not prying at all. We are close and I think he does worry, but he usually never prys about anything, he just let's me do my things.

But one day, when we were having an Easter fire at my parents, he asked about me being alone. He said he worries about me being all alone/having no one. I told him that it wasn't easy for me, so he kept insisting until I finally said that I "honestly don't fall in love with anyone" at which point he readily replied "That doesn't matter, love takes all kinds of forms. Just find something for yourself". 

 

I'm still not sure if he knows I'm aro from this, or if "love takes all kinds of forms and no love is inferior to another" is just his core believe, but I was still very thankful to him back than. So not sure if you could call it "coming out" though. 

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I really would like to come out to my brother, I think he'd take it well.  For what I can see he'd pretty uninterested in relationships at the moment, so even if he isn't aro/ace himself, I would guess he'd understand what it's like.  I've never had the courage to actually do it though, because I'm trying very hard not to be out to my parents, and I don't want to risk them finding out through him.

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I've got two cousins my age, but I'm not really close to any of my family so none of them know. I really have no idea whether they would understand or no, but I just can't think of  a time when it wouldn't be weird to tell them.

 

I do always wonder whether my family, who knows I've never had a date in 24 years, still thinks I'm straight. Both my cousins have been in longer relationships, after all and this isn't a family that will punish people dating.

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I'm not out to my family. My siblings couldn't care less about orientations and my parents are content with not knowing. I am considering coming out to my cousin if the topic ever comes up, though. She's my age, lives in a (probably) much more liberal country than I do, and is pretty up to date with general sexuality stuff and you know, things that college-age people are probably interested in (is there a word for this actually). The only problem is that I'm not actually sure she's heard of asexuality/aromanticism. She's really invested in her boyfriend right now and idk it's just weird and I haven't had an opportunity, but I'd like to come out to her if I get the chance.

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I'm anxious about coming out to my brothers because every single subject has strong potential to become an argument. We have so so so many ideological differences I somehow doubt they would understand. One of my brothers is even a pastor. I've thought about just blurting it out one day during a family meal like if we're talking about romance or marriage or something and I say "I don't have to worry about that since I don't feel romantic love" :D

 

Just, you know. Casually like that. Subtle-like.

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I'm out to my important family and friends, and while they may not fully understand it, they do respect that it's who I am, and my life to live as I choose. I live with my best friend though, who is homosexual, and gray romantic, and we are attached at the hip, so honestly, a good majority of both of our families just think we're together, which I'm fine with. I may not be capable of that type of romantic love, but I do love her in the best way I can imagine. It doesn't matter to me how others view it.

 

My siblings and best friends have been particularly supportive. I'm so grateful for them. I'm proud of my orientation, but it is a little difficult to just bring up in conversation with people I've just met. They'll be talking about having kids and getting married and I'm just like, "LOL, no." xD

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My twin was one of the first people I came out to in regards to romantic/sexual orientation and gender, and she's always been super cool about this stuff. She has very strong feminist/sex-positive views and takes no crap when people are less than cool about LGBT+ issues, so she's far more vocal than I ever would be.

 

I come from a huge extended family, but very few of my cousins are close to me in age, and the only one that immediately comes to mind lives really far away and was never an important figure in my life. I'm going to have to come out as trans to the extended family sooner or later, but I have no real interest in discussing my orientations if I don't need to. (Most people can tell that I'm basically trying to marry my career anyways.)

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I came out to my brother but that was mainly because I felt like if I didn't he would be hurt/angry.... and I had already come out to my mum so it would be easier if I could openly talk at home

 

my relationship with my brother is complicated. 

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I have told my younger brother, who is about four years younger than me. I was driving him home from school one day and ranting about how I hate that when I tell people that I like the avengers their first response is often "Who's the hottest Avenger?". I said that it was sexist that they assumed a girl only liked the Avengers for the "hot men", and that I'm not even into big, muscular guys, which is the who the Avengers is mainly made up of. My brother asked me what kind of guy I am into, and I gave an awkward laugh and responded "None of them". There was a short, awkward silence, and then my brother asked me if I'm gay. I said "No, actually I'm asexual. I'm not into guys or girls." My brother went "Huh. I get that," and then went back to playing his video game.

Maybe I didn't do the best job of explaining. I didn't talk about the difference between romantic and sexual attraction, or genders other than male and female, but I got my point across.

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While this isn't about coming out as aro- I did come out to ONE cousin my age as transgender. 

I have no idea how that went tbh ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ she didn't say anything except for "ok" and then we moved on. 

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I haven't stated outright that I'm Aromantic to my brothers, but I've said several romance non-comforming things; not wanting to marry for romantic reasons, not wanting to date, the whole bit. My brothers are chill with it. Though it's not surprising considering they're pretty chill with all my identities.

 

The only other people in my family that are relatively close to my age are my cousins from my mom's side. Even then they're like 10+ years older than me. I don't interact with them much so there's no reason or point to come out to them or discuss much of anything.

 

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I always WANT to come out to my family, but it never feels right. It just doesn't feel like something that we would talk about.

I would come out to my older sister, and I actually really want to, but I just don't think it's worth the risk of making things weird between us? It's not that I think she wouldn't be accepting, just that it'd be weird. Maybe some day.

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I don't know yet about cousins. But I'm out as are to my three siblings. They are ranging from 25 to 34. I think all three are pretty much cool with it. My brother just accepted it right away, and didn't ask any questions or anything. Makes me wonder if he knows someone else who is are. My oldest sister thought I was ace, but she got it when I explained further. She took the scientific approach though, asking if I lacked the "love" chemical (I don't know....). I was most nervous telling my other sister. Her boyfriend of 10 years left her around christmas, and she is just getting into the whole newly-single-tinder-is-amazing-I'm-getting-sooo-much-attention-from-guys-it's-amazing fase. Her first reaction was "that's so sad", then when I explained further, she was actually one of the people who took it best. Makes me glad I have a fairly accepting family :) 

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