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The Aro <-> Romantic Q&A Thread

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4 hours ago, Naegleria fowleri said:

Alloromantics: Do you feel there is an age at which someone is "too young" to have a crush? I've heard people talk about having their first crush at age 10 or so, or realizing their sexuality before hitting high school (age 13), and my instinct was always, "What? You're too young!" However, I've also heard the term "kid crush" used when referring to the crush-like behaviours of younger children. Do you consider kid crushes to be legitimate crushes, or do they sort of "not count" because the child is too young to really know what they're feeling?

This kind of conflates romantic and sexual attraction.
In many societies there is no notion of "too young" when it comes to romantic attraction, whereas there is when it comes to sexual. If anything romantic behaviour can be encouraged amongst children.
I suspect that many people do have some understanding of their romantic and sexual orientations before they are 10. Though may lack the vocabulary to express it.

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can i just say, i took that quiz, tried to be generous, and got 12--some were about my feelings for my best friend and some were about my past experiences with my ex (like trying to make myself love him), but i was very disturbed by the questions and the notion that many people would answer 'yes' to many of them.  i've always been bothered by how jealous, possessive, and irrational allos seem to be, but it just continues to shock me.  sorry if this sounds offensive, if anyone disagrees with my perception, feel free to tell me why.

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Another question for the romantic people: What does it feel like when someone is interested in you, but you aren't interested back? I've wondered if the feeling is similar to what aros experience in these situations (keeping in mind that there is wide variety among aros alone). However from what I've observed, it seems like the uninterested party can go along for the ride, just to see if anything is there (ex. They can kiss the person to see if sparks will fly). Is this a difficult thing to do? How big of a barrier is the absence of attraction at the first point of contact?

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Okay so I haven't read all the answer to this thread at all because I'm lazy I guess but I just want to step in to actually defend that test. Because if you read the test in absolutely no way they say having a high score is a good thing because you have access to romantic love. They actually denunciate this. Don't get offended it's clearly good to have a lesser score. I think the results should have been worded differently. Because it associate codependency to the feeling of romantic love but it does it in a bad way tho. I mean maybe it's my aro mind speaking but to me it clearly seems like having a higher result is really bad from the POV of the person doing this test.

I mean: 

 

AUTHOR

    James Park is an existential philosopher and author of 
New Ways of Loving: How Authenticity Transforms Relationships, 
the first chapter of which is called 
"Romantic Love is a Hoax! Emotional Programming to 'Fall in Love' "

__________________________

It's pretty obvious. The test is supposed to be really hard and the question are supposed to be hardcore because the good result (in the mind of the author) is to have the less yes possible. Don't do this test it's clearly not neutral at all. I'm sure there's some better out there that doesn't associate experiencing romantic attraction to automatically being codependent and irrational. 


@aro_elise Well yeah, allos can be a bit irrational sometimes but I really think that test don't put them in a good light at all. It's clearly from the point of view of someone that is against romantic relationship and think in the extreme situations. It's making allos seems crazy. It's like if we were to took a test made by really romantic centrist allos that are completely obssessive and dependent and romance we would seem like cold, depressed, sociopath. We're clearly not. But it's easy to make people seem crazy depending on your point of view. This test is really unreliable and I really don't think it should be used as reference for aros to understand allos. 

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