The Aro <-> Romantic Q&A Thread

[Nai]

On September 26, 2016 at 0:26 AM, justonetempest said:

Huh, so I got a 6 - and I was trying to be generous. Do people who are alloromantic really experience that many of the statements in that test??

Considering I am panromantic and got a 92 on it....yeah.

 

But some of those questions were ridiculous, really. Things like "killing someone for love" and stuff like that.....no, that's not normal, and I would be very afraid of anyone who says that. Being romantic isn't as wild or crazy as that test makes it out to be, for sure.

[Aliyiah]

On 26.9.2016 at 6:26 AM, justonetempest said:

Huh, so I got a 6 - and I was trying to be generous. Do people who are alloromantic really experience that many of the statements in that test??

 

I also got a 6, some of the questions were really weird..

I'm wondering what experiences the one who made the test had to have these answers

[Ettina]

I'd be really interested to know which questions most alloromantics answered yes to and most aromantics answered no to. Because that test is mostly screwy, but it does seem to have some questions that reliably distinguish aros from allos. And maybe if we pruned a bunch of the really unusual stuff out we'd actually have a decent test.

 

So, my question for both aros and allos - would you be willing to list the questions you answered yes to?

 

I'll start, as a cupio-aromantic (scored 15):

Items I said yes to (being kind of generous):

3, 7, 8, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 53, 98, 112, 134, 137, 155, 174

[Untamed Heart]

Well, I don't think I've ever truly been in love, so most of my 'yes' answers are going to be generous lol, but I said yes to:

7, 13, 16, 22, 37, 39, 50 (more because in my last relationship at least, I felt like I was losing my autonomy, even though I'd lost  most of my feelings for him too), 59, 61, 64, 103 (again, similar reasons to Q 50) 122, 124, 143 (kinda), 169, 171 (once), 174, which makes my score 17. 

 

 

 

[DeltaAro]

On 10/21/2016 at 6:26 AM, Nai said:

Considering I am panromantic and got a 92 on it....yeah.

 

But some of those questions were ridiculous, really. Things like "killing someone for love" and stuff like that.....no, that's not normal, and I would be very afraid of anyone who says that. Being romantic isn't as wild or crazy as that test makes it out to be, for sure.

A bit late, but....:

I think this test is great, ok it's “unacademically” written but it works for our purposes. It detects aros very well.

 

And those questions in part V are not so ridiculous, imho. Homicidal fantasies are very common in the population, the majority had at least one. And with all likelihood many of them happen in a romantic context. I mean, a few people actually go through with this stuff.

 

As long as it's just a fantasy, I don't think it's that wrong.

 

“Everyone is entitled to commit murder in the imagination once in a while, not to mention lesser infractions.” (Thomas Nagel)

 

Death threats and the like are not okay, obviously. But are they really abnormal?

 

---

 

Anyway, my result in the test is 2 points. Am I the record holder?

 

174. Do I believe that 'falling in love' is a natural phenomenon?  YES. We see some animal species show similar behavior.

175. Do I reject any suggestion that romantic love is an invention of culture?  YES.

[Ettina]

On 1/27/2017 at 6:57 PM, DeltaV said:

A bit late, but....:

I think this test is great, ok it's “unacademically” written but it works for our purposes. It detects aros very well.

 

And those questions in part V are not so ridiculous, imho. Homicidal fantasies are very common in the population, the majority had at least one. And with all likelihood many of them happen in a romantic context. I mean, a few people actually go through with this stuff.

 

As long as it's just a fantasy, I don't think it's that wrong.

 

“Everyone is entitled to commit murder in the imagination once in a while, not to mention lesser infractions.” (Thomas Nagel)

 

Death threats and the like are not okay, obviously. But are they really abnormal?

 

---

 

Anyway, my result in the test is 2 points. Am I the record holder?

 

174. Do I believe that 'falling in love' is a natural phenomenon?  YES. We see some animal species show similar behavior.

175. Do I reject any suggestion that romantic love is an invention of culture?  YES.

So far, yes. The next lowest score I've seen is 3.

[SamwiseLovesLife]

The answers to section V are terrifying D::::::

 

Being generous, and including all my past squishes/puberty/etc, I got 6

These applied when I was a teenager and didn't know it was possible to not feel romantic attraction/didn't know what it was: 5, 39, 49, 75

Quite honestly, three of those sound very much like someone who doesn't experience love but wants to. (for me, past tense)
These were with Squishes- 15, 160

 

I guess I'm not particularly romantic

 

[Queen of Spades]

Alloromantics: if both research and your own experience(s) have proven to you that romantic attraction is involuntary and ephemeral, then why do you keep chasing it? :-?

[Ace of Amethysts]

21 hours ago, Ice Queen said:

Alloromantics: if both research and your own experience(s) have proven to you that romantic attraction is involuntary and ephemeral, then why do you keep chasing it? :-?

Are you implying all alloromantics seek out romance all the time?

[Queen of Spades]

7 hours ago, Ace of Amethysts said:

Are you implying all alloromantics seek out romance all the time?

Not all of them. What I meant it that there are some who keep chasing it despite knowing it is ephemeral by nature. In other words, they think that only because they're not in love with their partner anymore, then something must be wrong and thus they walk away.

[Mark]

7 hours ago, Ace of Amethysts said:

Are you implying all alloromantics seek out romance all the time?

It can sometimes look that way, from the aro POV.

[Nai]

On May 22, 2017 at 6:03 AM, Ice Queen said:

Alloromantics: if both research and your own experience(s) have proven to you that romantic attraction is involuntary and ephemeral, then why do you keep chasing it? :-?

Because it feels nice pretty much. Maybe it's kinda like: Why would you eat a cookie if you know you're going to finish it soon? Because I like the taste of cookies. I'm not going to think about what happens after I finish it, but I know that cookies taste good and I'm in the mood for a cookie.

 

From my own experience, that's what I make it out to be at least. Does this make any sense?

[Queen of Spades]

14 minutes ago, Nai said:

Because it feels nice pretty much. Maybe it's kinda like: Why would you eat a cookie if you know you're going to finish it soon? Because I like the taste of cookies. I'm not going to think about what happens after I finish it, but I know that cookies taste good and I'm in the mood for a cookie.

 

From my own experience, that's what I make it out to be at least. Does this make any sense?

Well, it partly does, but...still...the vast majority of the people want a long-term relationship, too. So this and getting those feelings of ecstasy throughout the whole lifetime are kind of contradictory to each other :-?. So what do you guys want exactly?

[Nai]

28 minutes ago, Ice Queen said:

Well, it partly does, but...still...the vast majority of the people want a long-term relationship, too. So this and getting those feelings of ecstasy throughout the whole lifetime are kind of contradictory to each other :-?. So what do you guys want exactly?

Well, like, in relationships if you want it to be longterm you have to try and keep it exciting. Some consider certain acts romantic, like buying gifts or going on interesting dates. These things can reignite romantic feelings and keep the relationship going longer. If you're doing the same things or not really doing anything at all, then you'd probably grow bored of the person quickly. But if things keep being interesting, then the attraction can last longer.

[Queen of Spades]

3 minutes ago, Nai said:

Well, like, in relationships if you want it to be longterm you have to try and keep it exciting. Some consider certain acts romantic, like buying gifts or going on interesting dates. These things can reignite romantic feelings and keep the relationship going longer. If you're doing the same things or not really doing anything at all, then you'd probably grow bored of the person quickly. But if things keep being interesting, then the attraction can last longer.

It's clearer now. Thank you for enlightening me xD. 

[NullVector]

@Ice Queen 100 posts, nice work!  .

Here, have a contextually appropriate cookie: 

 

@Nai Here's one for you too, lol: 

[Queen of Spades]

23 minutes ago, NullVector said:

@Ice Queen 100 posts, nice work!  .

Here, have a contextually appropriate cookie: 

 

Thank you ^_^. 

[Queen of Spades]

Why do most allos say "I love you" when they actually mean "I'm in love with you"? 

[Ace of Amethysts]

9 hours ago, Nai said:

Because it feels nice pretty much. Maybe it's kinda like: Why would you eat a cookie if you know you're going to finish it soon? Because I like the taste of cookies. I'm not going to think about what happens after I finish it, but I know that cookies taste good and I'm in the mood for a cookie.

 

From my own experience, that's what I make it out to be at least. Does this make any sense?

 

8 hours ago, Nai said:

Well, like, in relationships if you want it to be longterm you have to try and keep it exciting. Some consider certain acts romantic, like buying gifts or going on interesting dates. These things can reignite romantic feelings and keep the relationship going longer. If you're doing the same things or not really doing anything at all, then you'd probably grow bored of the person quickly. But if things keep being interesting, then the attraction can last longer.

Hey Nai! Remember me? Anyway, these actually make a lot of sense when I look at it from a romantic person's perspective.

[Momo]

On 2017-5-24 at 5:55 AM, Ice Queen said:

Why do most allos say "I love you" when they actually mean "I'm in love with you"? 

 

And is there a difference, perceived or otherwise, between the two statements? Seems they mean the same to me, the first is just easier to say.

[NullVector]

On 2017-6-24 at 11:31 AM, Momo said:

And is there a difference, perceived or otherwise, between the two statements?

 

I think there is.

 

To me, saying "I'm in love with you" is you describing your internal psychological state / feelings to the person you are "in love" with (that person may or may not also be "in love" with you).

 

Wheras saying "I love you" is you affirming that you truly act with that person's best interests in mind. 

 

I think that oftentimes people will experience stong internal feelings of being "in love", but will act in ways that aren't in the best interests of the person they are "in love" with.  In which case, they aren't ultimately being truthful, IMO, when they say "I love you"; because true love needs to be externally demonstrated through positive affirmative actions.

[Ettina]

On 5/23/2017 at 9:21 AM, Ice Queen said:

Not all of them. What I meant it that there are some who keep chasing it despite knowing it is ephemeral by nature. In other words, they think that only because they're not in love with their partner anymore, then something must be wrong and thus they walk away.

I don't think those people know romance is ephemeral. Stories about romantic relationships tend to focus on the beginning imply that they should love each other in that way forever. I don't think I've ever seen a fictional romantic relationship that directly discussed limerence fading without implying that the relationship was in serious danger if they didn't get it back.

 

Plus, limerence-seeking can be an addictive behavior for some people.

[[Deleted Account]]

I'm a quoiromantic; I have a couple of times where I may or may not have experienced romantic attraction, I'm not sure, but I do want some kind of a relationship whether that's romantic, a qpr, or just a best friend I can cuddle with. I got 43 points on the test, and I was also being generous. Some of the questions I said yes to I only kind of felt, and there were some questions that say asked if the romantic thing was more important to me than the sex thing, and obviously I said yes because I also happen to be ace. Plus there were some questions that asked if love made me crazy, and I checked that one because I was always crazy, regardless of whether or not I was in love. I'm pretty weird all right.

[hippiecat]

I couldn't get through the test, some of the statements were really annoying. Halfway through I had 0 points.

[Naegleria fowleri]

I scored 6, with a little generosity.

 

3 = kinda

17 and 18 = yes (based on my platonic infatuation for a particular musician)

20, 40 and 174 = yes

 

Alloromantics: Do you feel there is an age at which someone is "too young" to have a crush? I've heard people talk about having their first crush at age 10 or so, or realizing their sexuality before hitting high school (age 13), and my instinct was always, "What? You're too young!" However, I've also heard the term "kid crush" used when referring to the crush-like behaviours of younger children. Do you consider kid crushes to be legitimate crushes, or do they sort of "not count" because the child is too young to really know what they're feeling? Thanks for your response!