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Our attitudes to AVEN

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1 hour ago, Untamed Heart said:

I find it a really odd topic for a thread, on an asexuality forum of all places (given that many are also aro and we do face some common issues). It's like if someone posted an 'annoying things aces say' thread here (not a suggestion lol).

I mean, AVEN itself also has an "annoying things aces say" thread for...some reason? I figured it wasn't going to go anywhere good and so didn't venture into it myself, but it's definitely a thing that exists.

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1 hour ago, DannyFenton123 said:

Yeah, that is a super weird thread. Sure, being able to make fun of yourself is good and all, but this doesn't feel so much like it. It's one thing when a romantic person gushes about romance, because those comments are everywhere, all the time, but quite another for an aro to affirm that they don't want romance, that the word 'love' doesn't just refer to romantic love, that one day our friends are most likely going to up and leave us for a partner and that's terrifying... you don't hear that nearly enough for it to be annoying.

 

I dunno, something about that thread rubs me the wrong way :P

For me, the problem is that amatonormativity is a thing that exists and causes a lot of aros problems; there's no societal structure or power behind aros venting about it in the form of things that alloromantics say to them. Allos venting about aros is more like picking on people who don't have the kind of societal support or validation of their feelings; the whole of mainstream media agrees that not feeling romantic attraction is weird, bad, and/or fake.

Sure, any person, aro or not, can be annoying, and poking fun at yourself is fine and if the person who started the thread there was aro I might be being too hard on them, but it seems mean-spirited to do so to a group that you aren't part of and who have their own problems.

 

tldr: it's the difference between punching up and punching down.

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17 minutes ago, Confidential_Con said:

 

For me, the problem is that amatonormativity is a thing that exists and causes a lot of aros problems; there's no societal structure or power behind aros venting about it in the form of things that alloromantics say to them.

Yes, that's exactly it. Especially the fact the OP isn't aromantic; it feels more like a thread to laugh at us than with us.

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2 hours ago, Confidential_Con said:

tldr: it's the difference between punching up and punching down.

That is exactly what that thread felt like, punching down rather than punching up. It was pretty mean spirited, but a lot of aros invaded the thread with some lighthearted self deprecating jokes.

 

Here's the thread in question

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Literally read one post and I'm already dying inside. When the very first posting calls you a psychopath that doesn't bode well.

 

Also I expected this thread to be like. Old. Nah it's from two days ago. Yikes.

 

EDIT: On the other hand, the aros coming in for the kill bring me joy and remind me why I love this community.

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That thread sounds like the Thinking Asexual/Aro in thread form. >:(

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Oh god, yes. When I first found that thread yesterday, it made me appreciate Arocalypse so much more~

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"I don't really have a reason to stay here." "I don't really care for aven tbh"

/never leaves

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On 23/01/2017 at 3:34 AM, RubyDelvai said:

"I don't really have a reason to stay here." "I don't really care for aven tbh"

/never leaves

Are you referring to me?

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25 minutes ago, Ace of Amethysts said:

Are you referring to me?

no? tbh idk much about you. we don't interact much.

but hint is: I'm pretty sure the people I'm referring to dont have accounts here
*searches* yep. they dont

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19 hours ago, RubyDelvai said:

"I don't really have a reason to stay here." "I don't really care for aven tbh"

/never leaves

That was me the other day. I hadn't been on aven for months until I heard about that post. I guess drama is a guilty pleasure for me 😂

 

But really thats me with tumblr

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I sorta wouldn't mind getting a life and taking a break from there, but since I'm a mod there as well, I sorta can't.

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I read that thread and now I'm not sure what to think. I get people from all communities like this can say annoying things, that's a given, but some of that really was just, how can I put this? Someone objecting to the stuff aromantics say in response to what 95% of other people tell them about how they feel? (e.g. "romantic love is the only love that exists/matters" and "you're a psycho robot with no feelings,"). 

I could understand if the OP was surrounded by aromantics at every turn, but that's unlikely. Never heard of aros telling greys they're indecisive, though, so I guess I'll give it that. 

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Well AVEN people are getting all uppity lately about 'annoying things x people say' threads. The aces and aros versions of these threads are just results of sexuals and romantics trying to show aros and aces how they feel having those threads about them. What they don't realise is that we get that every day. We are living that thread. I don't think there's a problem with having a tiny space in this huge world for us to rant about stupid things people say to us. They are taking it completely personally - no one ever said that every sexual/romantic is a terrible person and we hate them all.

 

So yeah that's why that thread appeared. I just find it confusing as to why majorities can't deal with minorities having even one tiny space to themselves.

 

EDIT: So the OP asked how aros were oppressed so I showed them that bachelors thread. About how people not wanting relationships have historically literally been discriminated against in the past. Then they accuse me of 'derailing the thread'. This is exactly the thing about AVEN, right? A lot of people on there are just so extremely rude and dismissive. Not all of them, of course. There are some wonderful people on there. But in general, it's just not a welcoming nor friendly community. Open discussion is just not an option a lot of the time.

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@aussiekirkland Couldn't agree more tbh

 

AVEN's not all bad of course but like with anything the condescending, rude, dismissive people far overshadow the good people. I don't really see the use in AVEN anymore. It doesn't feel useful for education purposes or for any sort of positivity. It's just a chaotic mess and it never really felt welcoming to me at all.

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6 hours ago, Ace of Amethysts said:

@Dodgypotato There`s this one lesbian user who literally got me kicked from the site. :(

That sucks, I don't know what happened though.

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8 hours ago, Ace of Amethysts said:

@Dodgypotato There`s this one lesbian user who literally got me kicked from the site. :(

I don't even know the situation but I can bet who you're talking about

Also sorry that happened : <

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I'm not exactly sure why the OP of that thread appeared to be expecting something other than what happened. One does not simply start that kind of thread about a literal societally disadvantaged minority and then get butthurt when said minority takes it personally because members of said minority already deal with that sort of thing on a daily basis. I have to say that its sarcasm-dripping fate was a thing of beauty, though. 

 

(Also, I'd say that The Thinking Asexual/Aro is still better than this thread, because there have been some really good posts on that site about QPRs and relationship anarchy and amatonormativity, in my personal opinion at least, though I could see how the sort of abrasive style might alienate some people.)

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11 hours ago, Dodecahedron314 said:

Also, I'd say that The Thinking Asexual/Aro is still better than this thread, because there have been some really good posts on that site about QPRs and relationship anarchy and amatonormativity, in my personal opinion at least, though I could see how the sort of abrasive style might alienate some people.

Agreed. I enjoyed their QPR posts, and didn't know of any issue with them until @Ace of Amethysts brought it up. And anyway, I would say that (without excusing their actions) the OP of the thread was probably just having a bad day or something. I refuse to believe that (with small exception of course, particularly colossal transphobe Milo Yiannopoulos) there are people who are completely bad. And even Yiannopoulos and his ilk tend to do it for a reason that they see as "good".

 

I just like to remember that with the exception of the aformentioned Death Eaters, such as Yiannopulos...

Quote

"The world isn't split into good people and Death Eaters. We've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are." - Sirius Black

 

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On 22/01/2017 at 11:16 PM, Confidential_Con said:

For me, the problem is that amatonormativity is a thing that exists and causes a lot of aros problems; there's no societal structure or power behind aros venting about it in the form of things that alloromantics say to them. Allos venting about aros is more like picking on people who don't have the kind of societal support or validation of their feelings; the whole of mainstream media agrees that not feeling romantic attraction is weird, bad, and/or fake.

From my POV it seems that AVEN is primarily for allo aces addressing how they are disadvantaged in comparison to allo allos.
Most of whom don't really comprehend that aro allos are also disadvantaged and whilst there is some commonality aro aces are disadvantaged in somewhat different ways.

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