Confirmed Bachelor Posted April 16, 2016 Share Posted April 16, 2016 When you're really into a character because they have no romantic interest in anyone and they're happy and living their life and then BAM love interest out of nowhere. And you just sit there with your mouth hanging open thinking, "What the hell!" 21 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 On 03/04/2016 at 2:49 PM, pengu said: I had that moment when I once discussed love with my friends. In contrast to them, I'm very cynical when it comes to love, and said that romantic attraction only last for a maximum of three years- and if you haven't established other forms of bonds with that person your relationship is likely to fall apart. My alloromantic friends didn't agree with me of course and one of them said "No, not true, my boyfriend and I are still going strong even after two/three years! Just wait until you fall in love!" How very arrogant of your alloromantic friends to assume that the way things work for them would work for you. If you are aromantic you'd, obviously, need to have "other forms of bonds" in place from the start. It's not like you can use romantic attraction as a form of "scaffolding". On 03/04/2016 at 4:22 PM, Vega said: Every time I see a cheesy, cliche, or badly written love story in movies and am torn between constant facepalming and trying not to fall asleep. And then some of my alloromantic friends keep going on about how cute the story is and I am just so confused sometimes. Or they end up confused by you treating it as a ludicrous comedy. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 On 03/04/2016 at 9:41 PM, Vega said: ^ Reminded me of another thing movies love to do. "Villain, you will never win because you lack the most important thing of all! Love!" Or really any movie where the bad guys are just evil because they can't fall in love, and the hero wins because of the love of some random woman. It could make sense for this to work when the love in question isn't romantic love. Such things as agape and phila enabling the good guys to work together whilst the bad guys find themselves obstructing each other or abandoned by their minions. On 06/04/2016 at 9:03 PM, Simowl said: Anyone else listen to a song and think "Aw this is really sweet, I'm gonna send this to my friend!" then look at lyrics more closely and "oh they mean love in a romantic way, nevermind" My first though was this song. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 On 06/04/2016 at 10:42 PM, pengu said: Yeah, it baffles me too. It's a big cultural thing that is very harmful I think. In books and tv shows where there's a girl that has to choose between two boys, she always choose the new guy she has an intense crush on, instead of the nice guy who has always been there for her and that she also loves? It's the very idea of "has to choose" which gets me. Especially when there is no sensible plot or character reason excluding these characters winding up in a vee. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dodecahedron314 Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 Perks of getting better at a language: Now you can finally start to understand all those songs in your target language that you downloaded when you first started studying it. Drawbacks of getting better at a language: You now understand some of said songs just enough to realize that they're actually love songs. 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pengu Posted April 17, 2016 Share Posted April 17, 2016 6 hours ago, Mark said: How very arrogant of your alloromantic friends to assume that the way things work for them would work for you. If you are aromantic you'd, obviously, need to have "other forms of bonds" in place from the start. It's not like you can use romantic attraction as a form of "scaffolding". Or they end up confused by you treating it as a ludicrous comedy. They didn't know I was aro at the time. We ended the discussion with them respecting my opinion and I theirs, even though they differed. So it was fine. 6 hours ago, Mark said: It's the very idea of "has to choose" which gets me. Especially when there is no sensible plot or character reason excluding these characters winding up in a vee. Yes, come to think of it, many of these characters might have been polyamaorous if it was real life. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
omitef Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 10 hours ago, pengu said: Yes, come to think of it, many of these characters might have been polyamaorous if it was real life. If only people didn't think that polyamory was cheating. -.- 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owl Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 My friend was talking about this cute guy she met and stuff like "oh he's taking art and plays an instrument, he's the perfect guy!" but then sad she didn't get his number. I knew she was talking about him in a romantic way and the entire time I just felt so confused about meeting someone and instantly thinking about dating them before you even know their name... 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aihpen Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 Whenever my friends need any kind of romantic relationship advice the first person they come to for advice is me. Why me? I haven't told them about being aro ace, but they know I've never been in a romantic relationship and they never witnessed me having a crush. So out of all their friends I'm the one who has to give advice on this thing that I really don't understand? Doesn't make sense to me. Then I'm just sitting there trying to solve their relationship problems by logical thinking... I'm not sure if I'm any good at this because I don't know if romance and logic have anything to do with each other 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vega Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 9 minutes ago, aihpen said: Whenever my friends need any kind of romantic relationship advice the first person they come to for advice is me. Why me? I haven't told them about being aro ace, but they know I've never been in a romantic relationship and they never witnessed me having a crush. So out of all their friends I'm the one who has to give advice on this thing that I really don't understand? Doesn't make sense to me. Then I'm just sitting there trying to solve their relationship problems by logical thinking... I'm not sure if I'm any good at this because I don't know if romance and logic have anything to do with each other Sometimes, I think we have the advantage because we can be so logical about the whole situation. Or maybe you're just good at advice. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aihpen Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 7 minutes ago, Vega said: Sometimes, I think we have the advantage because we can be so logical about the whole situation. Or maybe you're just good at advice. Yeah, I hope that's it because that would mean I'm actually saying the right things even though I have no clue what I'm talking about 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vega Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 1 minute ago, aihpen said: Yeah, I hope that's it because that would mean I'm actually saying the right things even though I have no clue what I'm talking about It's possible. I mean, I think we all have some experience with romance, if it's only through media and other people. And we can look at the whole situation objectively so maybe we can give another perspective. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aihpen Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 4 hours ago, Vega said: It's possible. I mean, I think we all have some experience with romance, if it's only through media and other people. And we can look at the whole situation objectively so maybe we can give another perspective. If this is true, how about we all become couple therapists? Sounds like we could make good money, because we would be a lot better than all the other therapists Ok nope, I think I still prefer becoming an illustrator over that... I today saw this really weird train commercial... Long story short, it ended by basically saying that going by train is a lot more comfortable than by car and you have more time for yourself. That statement was followed by a short clip of a couple kissing on a train and that was it. I would honestly rather be stuck in traffic for many hours in a car than on a train kissing someone... 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vega Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 7 minutes ago, aihpen said: If this is true, how about we all become couple therapists? Sounds like we could make good money, because we would be a lot better than all the other therapists Ok nope, I think I still prefer becoming an illustrator over that... I today saw this really weird train commercial... Long story short, it ended by basically saying that going by train is a lot more comfortable than by car and you have more time for yourself. That statement was followed by a short clip of a couple kissing on a train and that was it. I would honestly rather be stuck in traffic for many hours in a car than on a train kissing someone... I would rather be in a car than on a train watching some couple make out. Happened on a bus once. 10 minutes of trying not to burst out laughing was difficult. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aihpen Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 4 minutes ago, Vega said: I would rather be in a car than on a train watching some couple make out. Happened on a bus once. 10 minutes of trying not to burst out laughing was difficult. I once sat next to some guy on the bus (he was on the window side) and then his girlfriend or whatever entered the bus and stood on my other side and I was basically right in the middle of their couple conversations... You never know what to expect on a bus (I'm pretty sure I once had a drunk bus driver... ) 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Natkat Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 Maybe not an aro moment. someone from my class were super happy one day so people asked why. people: "what is going on with you?" her: " I just got a boyfriend" people: "congratulation" a few few days later after class I saw her sitting with a guy from the class. "hmm it's nice to see they have became really good friends." *suddenly start kissing* me: "wait didn't she have a boyfriend?" friend: " your idiot this is her boyfriend!" 4 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vega Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 19 minutes ago, aihpen said: I once sat next to some guy on the bus (he was on the window side) and then his girlfriend or whatever entered the bus and stood on my other side and I was basically right in the middle of their couple conversations... You never know what to expect on a bus (I'm pretty sure I once had a drunk bus driver... ) haha so awkward. The bus is nothing compared to the trams, each one has at least one drunk person on it (if not more). 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassiopeia Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 5 hours ago, Vega said: Sometimes, I think we have the advantage because we can be so logical about the whole situation. Or maybe you're just good at advice. Lol, they also come to me with bf or gf issues. I don't know why though. I'm literally the worst person to ask for relationship advice. Yeah, I can look at it with a cool head, but somehow 90% of my advice is "dump him". I guess because all romantic relationships seem uncomfortable and suffocating to me, that seems to be the rational thing to do. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aihpen Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 13 minutes ago, Vega said: haha so awkward. The bus is nothing compared to the trams, each one has at least one drunk person on it (if not more). But drunk drivers? It was honestly the scariest thing. I was so happy when I made it out of that bus alive, because he was driving that terrible. Anyway, that got a bit off topic... 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vega Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 Arocalypse just died on me. D= Drunk bus drivers sound terrifying. haha, yeah. It's similar for me. "I'm not happy with this aspect of the relationship." "Just leave him, then!" "But I love him!" Though I suppose aros can also sympathize with those kinds of feelings, since we can also feel way too dependent on friends sometimes. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pengu Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 21 hours ago, omitef said: If only people didn't think that polyamory was cheating. -.- I agree. I've seen many people become super sad and confused when they start having feelings for another person while still loving their partner. As long as you don't act on those feelings without your partners ok, it's not cheating right? Usually crushes go away after a while anyway if you don't "pursue" them ( I think) or maybe it works differently if you're polyamory.... This might not have been what you meant? 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassiopeia Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 22 minutes ago, pengu said: I agree. I've seen many people become super sad and confused when they start having feelings for another person while still loving their partner. As long as you don't act on those feelings without your partners ok, it's not cheating right? Most monogamous couples would consider that a reason to split up I have just watched my friend break up with a boyfriend because of this issue (the boy did not even really talk to the other girl). 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PerformativeSurprise Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 I also get asked for relationship advice fairly often, which I've always found odd. I mean seriously, what on earth gave anyone the impression I know anything about the topic? I guess it is just that I approach it so rationally (since I have no other way to approach it). Also, my BA is in Psychology, so that could have something to do with it. Ha. I don't usually mind, but sometimes it's a little awkward for me, particularly if the person is emotional about it, and I have to try to be sensitive. So today in one of my language classes the lecturer was going over possible topics for our upcoming oral exam. On the day of the exam, we'll each randomly pick a topic from the pool, and we have to discuss it for about 10 minutes or so. One of the possible topics we could get is "dating and marriage," since we had a unit on it this term. With my luck, that'll be the topic I select 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
omitef Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 5 hours ago, pengu said: I agree. I've seen many people become super sad and confused when they start having feelings for another person while still loving their partner. As long as you don't act on those feelings without your partners ok, it's not cheating right? Usually crushes go away after a while anyway if you don't "pursue" them ( I think) or maybe it works differently if you're polyamory.... This might not have been what you meant? I'm not polyamorous, but I am lithromantic, and do experience romantic attraction quite intensely up until the other person reciprocates. For me, not acting on crushes actually intensifies my romantic feelings. It's like, the longer you try to hold onto a secret, the more you want to tell someone about it. I think it really just depends on the person, and less on their orientation. 5 hours ago, Cassiopeia said: Most monogamous couples would consider that a reason to split up I have just watched my friend break up with a boyfriend because of this issue (the boy did not even really talk to the other girl). Uuuuuuugh. That's so sad. I wish people wouldn't think that, just because their partner likes another person in addition to them, means their partner likes them less. I mean, if you get a new dog even though you already own a dog, you're not going to love your old dog less. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pengu Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 17 hours ago, Cassiopeia said: Most monogamous couples would consider that a reason to split up I have just watched my friend break up with a boyfriend because of this issue (the boy did not even really talk to the other girl). That's sad... I think really bad self-esteem could perhaps be part of the issue for many people as well..... I guess you would start thinking "Am I not good enough?" if your gf/bf confessed they had a crush on someone. 12 hours ago, omitef said: I'm not polyamorous, but I am lithromantic, and do experience romantic attraction quite intensely up until the other person reciprocates. For me, not acting on crushes actually intensifies my romantic feelings. It's like, the longer you try to hold onto a secret, the more you want to tell someone about it. I think it really just depends on the person, and less on their orientation. Yeah I agree that's probably the case. I had a crush that lasted for a very long time for example, but I wasn't in love with anyone (as in having a partner) so I could !!!!unwillingly!!! devote my whole focus on that person. I crushed that person hard 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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