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How are You a 'Bad' Aromantic Spectrum Person?

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6 minutes ago, breaddd said:

Well, being either aro or ace means that you'll probably have at least two labels anyway. I often feel the same way, and in LGBT environments I'll usually leave out part of my identity in case it seems like too much.

I know the feeling :) I feel people who worry about people having 'too many labels' don't realise that people aren't based off being perisex cis white men who are heterosexual, heteroromantic, neurotypical, not disabled, etc. To be fair, it took until the 'Female black gay Muslim Link' fiasco for me to realise that I was also doing that too. Now I'm quite happy having multiple labels, because people are collectively weird and complicated and I like that about us.

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I'm a bad aro because:

  • I don't have an issue with romance in fiction, per say, rather if it dosn't make sense in terms of plot.
  • I like physical affection, kissing, cuddling, stroking, hand holding.
  • I'd like to be able to go on "dates". So long as there is no expectation of romance or exclusivity involved. (Unfortunately it would have to be in the "askee" role which seems virtually impossible for someone of my age and gender within my society.)
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  • I'm very physically affectionate
  • I'm very sexual! a lot of people are surprised that aromantic =/= asexual
  • the combination of those two means that I would enjoy kissing, hand-holding, and sex in a lot of my relationships (even though I don't do any of those because most of my friends don't like doing them, especially with someone they're not dating :/)
  • I've never faked crushes, or dated someone out of a feeling of obligation
  • I never doubted the strength and existence of romantic feelings
  • I'm okay with kissing scenes in movies, and with well-written romantic subplots
  • My feelings for my friends and especially my QPR are often assumed to be romantic because of the strength of the feelings and how I don't see any particular actions as inherently romantic
  • I do feel like I'm missing something because I'm aro, and being aro made me sad, not relieved
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Apparently I'm an awful aro because

  • I've really enjoyed the company of certain people in a distinct way.
  • I write a fair bit of fictional romance - not the genre, but just as a part of the lives of fictional characters I create.
  • Through the above, I can actually understand a lot about romantic feelings.
  • I like flirting and being charming and catching the attention of a certain calibre of person.
  • I occasionally like to humour the idea of dating.
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I couldn't spot a romance if it was the only thing I could look at and heck, same even applies to QPRs or any connection (I'm such a lone wolf)

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My experience as an aroflux person certainly has me constantly questioning if I'm a "bad" aromantic person.

 

Because I sometimes do experience some levels of romantic attraction, and sometimes for a long period of time (days, weeks...). There are days that falling in love sounds exciting, and how it'd be awesome to spend my life with a person or people the way a non-aromantic person does.

 

It's a confusing experience. By the end of the day I'm probably feeling guilty and/or unworthy of the aromantic title.

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12 hours ago, Namakemono said:

My experience as an aroflux person certainly has me constantly questioning if I'm a "bad" aromantic person.

 

Because I sometimes do experience some levels of romantic attraction, and sometimes for a long period of time (days, weeks...). There are days that falling in love sounds exciting, and how it'd be awesome to spend my life with a person or people the way a non-aromantic person does.

 

It's a confusing experience. By the end of the day I'm probably feeling guilty and/or unworthy of the aromantic title.

The fact that you feel that way gives you full entitlement to the aromantic community and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

Aromanticism gets blamed for infringing on LGBT+ unless you have another claim and we would never dream of repeating history with """impure""" aromantics.

I give you all my green hearts 💚💚💚💚💚💚💚

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On 2016. 05. 25. at 11:35 PM, Jade said:
  • I'm very physically affectionate
  • I'm very sexual! a lot of people are surprised that aromantic =/= asexual
  • the combination of those two means that I would enjoy kissing, hand-holding, and sex in a lot of my relationships (even though I don't do any of those because most of my friends don't like doing them, especially with someone they're not dating :/)
  • I do feel like I'm missing something because I'm aro, and being aro made me sad, not relieved

 

  • yep, me too. sometimes I feel like I embody that aroallo stereotype, being quite gay for all my female friends. But its really hard to communicate these things, so I keep it to myself.
  • and I also often have the feeling of being left out of something...the queer thing also made me sad. I guess its natural to mourn that impossible dream of allonormative and heteronormative idyll, because we all were conditioned to aspire to have that...until you realize how limiting that concept is.

 

  • some of my fav music is romance themed. as long as the melody isn't cheesy, I'm fine with it. I actually have developed such a selective hearing, that I have to be reminded of the lyrics. I just tune them out so well, I do not comprehend the meaning, regardless of the language.
  • I watch romantic movies because I want to see representation.
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12 hours ago, Louis Hypo said:

The fact that you feel that way gives you full entitlement to the aromantic community and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

Aromanticism gets blamed for infringing on LGBT+ unless you have another claim and we would never dream of repeating history with """impure""" aromantics.

I give you all my green hearts 💚💚💚💚💚💚💚

Hahah, it's hard for me to think that way sometimes, especially in the tumblr-sphere. But that's a whole 'nother monster. In any case, thank you for the kind message, it means so much!

[takes the hearts and runs] :^D

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34 minutes ago, Namakemono said:

Hahah, it's hard for me to think that way sometimes, especially in the tumblr-sphere. But that's a whole 'nother monster. In any case, thank you for the kind message, it means so much!

[takes the hearts and runs] :^D

The tumblr sphere is a bloody doctor who villain though and if they don't accept you, don't accept them

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I'm a bad aro because

 

-I don't really mind romance. Romantic stories *can* be cute. Most of the time I'm just indifferent, though.

-I never faked crushes.

-I don't experience squishes?

-I also don't mind love songs.

 

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On 25/05/2016 at 11:35 PM, Jade said:
  • I do feel like I'm missing something because I'm aro, and being aro made me sad, not relieved

Very much agree with that.

Often wished I could get on board with amantonormative and mononormative thinking so as to fit in better with society.

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I'm a bad aro because:

- I am a fairly unemotional and cold person who doesn't easily form relationships. (Not to say I don't care for the few friends I have, of course.)

- Many of my favorite books are romantic in nature.

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4 minutes ago, Vega said:

I'm a bad aro because:

- I am a fairly unemotional and cold person who doesn't easily form relationships. (Not to say I don't care for the few friends I have, of course.)

 

Same here.

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16 hours ago, Vega said:

- I am a fairly unemotional and cold person who doesn't easily form relationships. (Not to say I don't care for the few friends I have, of course.)

Yep! For me I just don't give a damn about many physical things or feelings. I live in a pure abstract castle in the land of Hypothetica 

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6 hours ago, Louis Hypo said:

Yep! For me I just don't give a damn about many physical things or feelings. I live in a pure abstract castle in the land of Hypothetica 

I very much relate to this. As far as I'm concerned, I might as well be a Boltzmann Brain.

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12 hours ago, Louis Hypo said:

Yep! For me I just don't give a damn about many physical things or feelings. I live in a pure abstract castle in the land of Hypothetica 

 

6 hours ago, Dodecahedron314 said:

I very much relate to this. As far as I'm concerned, I might as well be a Boltzmann Brain.

 

I feel like I don't really have feelings half the time. :P

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I'm a bad aro also cause I'm kind of waiting (and possibly excited) to find out I have a crush. I kind of feel like I'm waiting for it to happen, and I think I'd kind of feel relieved if it did and I knew for sure.

 

Edit: Oh wow this is my 500th post. It's kind of short for the milestone but whatever :P

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I'm a bad aro because

- I often leave out my aro identity and come out as asexual and not interested in order to look less like a special snowflake

- It took two romantic/sexual relationships for me to even consider I was anything other than straight

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-Well, I think I have actual crushes, just no desire whatsoever to act on them, so that makes me a bad, bad "aro" indeed :facepalm:

-I have mental health issues, which someone could argue "explains it all". But they're not the kind that would go away any day soon (well, ever).

-I have no desire for a QPR or intense friendships

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I flirt, I've had one crush, I wouldn't mind a romantic relationship, and I wouldn't mind getting married.
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  • I love cats. I'm totally going to be the stereotypical aro cat lady.
  • I'm really shy, and I don't make friends easily.
  • I can enjoy romantic comedies/romance in fiction.
  • I don't hate being touched; I like hugs and sometimes cuddling with friends, just don't try to kiss me!
  • Sometimes I kind of like the idea of a relationship in theory, just not in practice.
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I'm a bad aro because

 

• I enjoy the hell out of shipping characters in fictions, animes, etc.

(I don't like to imagine romance in first-person perspective though, because if I imagine a romance between myself and them, it's no fun whatsoever. Romantically(?) turned off. Big no-no.-_-

I just like when they have one another 9_9)

 

• I enjoy being physicially affectionate with someone I'm sensually/aesthetically attracted to (briefly, and not to the point of sex). 

 

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On May 17, 2016 at 1:38 PM, Rising Sun said:
  •  
  • I really enjoyed the Doctor's romance with Rose, I found it very cute (please don't hit me, no !). Although I felt really sorry for the terrible way Mickey was treated because he was a great guy and he didn't deserve that.

 

But it's cute ! I find my squishes adorable too ! Like puppies :x That's how I know I'm having a squish !

 

I agree on this for sure. It was done in a believable way for me, and when I hit the episode Doomsday, I'm crying by the end of it. 


So, here's my 2 cents. 

I've experienced romantic/sexual attraction before, to varying degrees. At the time I thought they were crushes, and one was a small amount of romantic attraction, but that faded within weeks. It was 5 years ago so I barely count it toward me being grey-aro. Sexual attraction for me, I feel like it's been even longer. Not that I want to experience it anyway. 

Fictional romance when done right can be awesome. :) 

 

I've also read and enjoyed smut, fluff, and darker stories. (My fictional writing gets DARK.) 

On May 26, 2016 at 10:50 AM, Louis Hypo said:

I couldn't spot a romance if it was the only thing I could look at and heck, same even applies to QPRs or any connection (I'm such a lone wolf)

 

Same. If it's a well done romantic comedy. Ok- my example might be really tame, but I'm a David Tennant fan, so I turned on The Decoy Bride on Netflix for the first time and loved it. It's relatively light on the romance, or is it because it's a Scottish film, that it doesn't seem as "in-your-face" as American romantic comedies. 

Edit- The first time I watched it was in Sept- and for the most part- it's one of my go-to movies for when I have a bad day, unless I'm feeling really romance repulsed, which is rare for me, but it happens. 

 

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That one crush I had? It lasted for about a year and it was really strong. I actually thought about marrying her someday.

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