Jump to content
Cassiopeia

Early signs that you were aro

Recommended Posts

16 hours ago, Iamwilliame said:

I liked the companionship and we were close friends but I was always looking for ways to be alone. I was looking for a friend and she was looking for a life partner. Also, I have never been completely ace so there was that part of the relationship that was working. Out of ignorance, I tried to make it all work. And to answer your question, my partner did notice the indifference to romance. She thought she could change me and I thought I could change. Thing is, I didn't really want to change. The day my divorce was final, was one of the happiest days of my life. It wasn't because I hated my ex. It was because I was free to quit pretending.

Interesting. So it seems she didn't think you were just “normal” and didn't really love her, she felt you were “different” and fixable.

 

If I can read correctly your sexual orientation says “homo” ... now I'm a bit puzzled.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 hours ago, DeltaV said:

Interesting. So it seems she didn't think you were just “normal” and didn't really love her, she felt you were “different” and fixable.

 

If I can read correctly your sexual orientation says “homo” ... now I'm a bit puzzled.

 

Trust me, I'm puzzled as well. At the time when she and I were together, we both identified as bi-sexual. You have to understand, this was quite a few years ago. I was confused with my true feelings and very much in denial. I have always been less attracted to women in a sexual way and preferred their friendship more than anything. I am rarely attracted to anyone sexually. However, when I am, they are most often male. I do not act on those feelings but since I still feel them, I identify as aro and not aro/ace. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I remember asking my parents to arrange a marriage for me when I was young, since I couldn't see the point of marriage aside from taxes and reproduction, and I thought they could find me a wealthy partner. There was also me playing with Barbies and instead of sending Barbie and Ken on dates, I had the women competing for the harem very Highlander style with intense battles but no romance ever. Weird kid, I know. 

 

In highschool I kept getting Accidental Boyfriends too; I'd go with someone to a dance or something, and instantly we were dating. The most "romantic" relationship I got into in highschool was a political ploy to become the leader of a social group.

 

I...may not have had the healthiest trip into aromanticism.

  • Like 7
  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 6/3/2016 at 3:45 AM, lindi said:

I had a couple of crushes in my childhood, but way less than my peers, so I just made up stuff about supposedly liking some boy to not be an outsider, when others talked about their crushes.

Found a diary under my bed recently from when I was in elementary school (like 20 years ago???) and there's an entry about thinking I had a crush on one of my friends.  I can actually remember writing that entry as a child and knowing that I was lying to myself as I wrote the words, but thinking that everyone around me was saying I was supposed to have a crush so I HAD to pick someone.

 

 Amatonormativity, people.  Yeesh.

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 4/17/2017 at 8:52 PM, starstuff said:

Found a diary under my bed recently from when I was in elementary school (like 20 years ago???) and there's an entry about thinking I had a crush on one of my friends.  I can actually remember writing that entry as a child and knowing that I was lying to myself as I wrote the words, but thinking that everyone around me was saying I was supposed to have a crush so I HAD to pick someone.

 

 Amatonormativity, people.  Yeesh.

I relate to this so hard. I remember doing the exact same thing, almost trying to convince myself that I had a crush on some random kid just because I thought I had to. -_-

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There was a boy in my elementary school who asked me to meet him on the playground and then told me he "liked" me.  I had no clue what to do when he asked... I guessed what it was about, panicked slightly over it to by best friend, but went anyway since I he wasn't one of the boy's I actively disliked.  Then his friends made fun of us and that was the end of that (fortunately... I have no clue what I would have done if it had continued).

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
21 hours ago, Star Girl said:

There was a boy in my elementary school who asked me to meet him on the playground and then told me he "liked" me.  I had no clue what to do when he asked... I guessed what it was about, panicked slightly over it to by best friend, but went anyway since I he wasn't one of the boy's I actively disliked.  Then his friends made fun of us and that was the end of that (fortunately... I have no clue what I would have done if it had continued).

Oh man, same.  To this day when people hint at "liking" me I just freeze up and have no idea how to react.  My brain just does a cross between flatlining and absolute, gibbering panic.  

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It takes me a long time to understand that I was aromantic because I'm not at all romance repulsed... as long as it doesn't concerne me

 

Yes I can understand why you're happy with this person, yes I can find a couple being in love cute and so on, yes I'm happy when you're happy, yes sometimes I'm shipping ( but it's more QP relationships than romantic and I keep this to myself), yes I can be 'romantic' (cuddles, kisses, little gifts... but not the 'candles, red wine and roses' kind) if I'm in a relationship because I care for that person (I wouldn't be with her otherwise, duh)

 

But now, looking back, there were some tell-tale signs :

  • Like many of you, I picked a crush on someone because that was everyone in elementary and middle school was doing. I couldn't care less about those thing but I was afraid to be rejected at the time.
  • When a boy says he likes me, I panicked...Not because I've never had someone who said they liked me (but it was indeed the first time ) but because I felt nothing but physical attraction and respect for the boy. And because I didn't want to hurt his feelings, I agreed to date him. Bad idea : he fell in love and I felt cold and annoyed, because he was asking for something that I already said that I couldn't give. 
  • I don't understand relationships since I was a little kid... I don't understand human's interaction in general (even if I can easily play along), but more importantly I JUST DON'T understand relationships ! Sure I know how to manage a successful romantic relationship (by pure logic but whatever), but all the reasons and the results behind it left me more confused and appaled than everything.
  • Romance in pop songs and movies left me with a sour taste in my mouth. Just ugh. I love Disney, but I cringe everytime I heard those cheesy songs or I see a character fell in love.  There is a reason why Inside Out, Big Hero 6 and Zootopia are my favourites of all the Disney cinematographic (There also Hercule and the Hunchback of Notre Dame but it was really for their fantastic villains... and the music)

Humans... Why have you to be so frustrating O.o ?

  • Like 6

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I, too, made up crushes when I was younger. 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 25/04/2017 at 10:50 AM, sarcastic kitten said:

Humans... Why have you to be so frustrating O.o ?

The only good Humanz are the new album by Gorillaz

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, Louis Hypo said:

The only good Humanz are the new album by Gorillaz

 

Ah, I see you're a man of culture as well  :D

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I thought that  the expression "falling in love" was euphemistic for becoming sexually attracted to someone. :-?

  • Like 5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Starting when I was around 13 or 14, I would just start faking romantic attraction toward people who told me they were attracted to me (those people are and always have been few and far between, but still) because I would always hope that maybe this next person would be the one who actually makes me feel something if I just tried hard enough. 

 

That hasn't really worked out. 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
45 minutes ago, launchpadtriumphant said:

Starting when I was around 13 or 14, I would just start faking romantic attraction toward people who told me they were attracted to me (those people are and always have been few and far between, but still) because I would always hope that maybe this next person would be the one who actually makes me feel something if I just tried hard enough. 

 

That hasn't really worked out. 

Same, kind of. I do get crushes, but if I start a relationship I usually can't feel a whole lot towards the other person and end up feeling anxious and trapped. I tried to force the little shreds of feeling I had for my ex to sort of coalesce and grow into something I could sustain, but I just ended up feeling really ill. Like, anxious, confused and so depressed my boss called me to the office one morning to ask what was wrong, a few weeks before I got the courage to end it. He was truly lovely, but man, I've never been so relieved to break up with someone.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Untamed Heart said:

Same, kind of. I do get crushes, but if I start a relationship I usually can't feel a whole lot towards the other person and end up feeling anxious and trapped. I tried to force the little shreds of feeling I had for my ex to sort of coalesce and grow into something I could sustain, but I just ended up feeling really ill. Like, anxious, confused and so depressed my boss called me to the office one morning to ask what was wrong, a few weeks before I got the courage to end it. He was truly lovely, but man, I've never been so relieved to break up with someone.

I get where you're coming from; that's happened to me so many times I feel that it's best to just stay detached and try to get laid whenever I can to at least fulfill that part of my life.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

everyone is saying they picked a crush... like damn did I pick a crush. I had a 'crush' on this boy for two years just because i found him aesthetically attractive... two years when i'd moved to a different school and never had to see him. (just looked him up on fb and he's okay, but young me was freaking stunned at this draco-malfoy pretty boy)

 

Young me seemed to think that crushes weren't things you act on, merely objects to be admired from afar.

Last year me was considering asking someone out to see if dating was fun ( am still kind of considering it even though i know it's not a good idea. i hate the idea of not being able to give what they need... I JUST NEED A QPR  OKAY

 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 I never understood those over-the-top stuff, all those declarations, wanting to be with them literally 24/7, RUSHING THINGS, etc. When I was 14, I started picturing what kind of relationship I'd like with a guy. I imagined we'd be like best friends, with all the ingredients necessary (respect, trust, loyalty, being there for each other etc.). We would be affectionate (hugs, cuddles, hand grips) as a representation of out strong bond which took time to form, and we would do all kinds of activities that best friends do, like coming to each other's house, having soft/energy drinks, eating junk food, playing games, laughing, discussing, watching/searching for random stuff on websites. We wouldn't give up on our own friends and hobbies, we'd find a balance between that and our relationship. I guessed when we're old enough we'd have sex, too (a monogamous sexual relationship, of course), as a way of having fun and make each other feel good, and when we become totally independent from our parents nothing would change except that we'd share everything: the house, the money, the responsibilities, the life. (Thank God I found the word "queerplatonic" when I was 18 :o)

  • Like 7

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As a child, I had a very good (male) friend who was 3 years younger - we'd known each other ever since he was 1 or 2 as we lived in the same block for quite a while. We kept in touch after he moved out. We'd sleep over at each other's place now and then.

 

We hung out with our mums before a sleepover. He was 9, I was 12. After that we walked towards my block and he took my hand. I felt comfortable since I walked holding hands with my good female friends, too, he was a good friend as well, so it was the same for me ;-?. We got in front of our block and I said hello to a neighbour, also younger than me, who was playing outside. As he saw us he burst out into laughter and started the classic "X and Y sitting in a tree" thing, and I didn't understand why he was making such assumptions!!!  

  • Like 6

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
  • I never thought about getting married or my wedding as a kid. I'd tell people I'm never getting married 
  • I never saw the appeal of kissing. My best friend at the time told me that she was addicted to kissing her boyfriend, and I was just like how????
  • When I got to high school (before I knew the label) I just knew I didn't want to date anyone 
  • When I had celebrity crushes, I didn't want to date them or be with them, I just wanted to meet them and shake their hands, maybe hug them. Celebrity squishes lol. I never kissed any posters or daydreamed about them like most teenage girls did at my age. 
  • I made up crushes. Someone would tell me this guy and I would look cute together and *BAM* I started obsessing over them
  • Like 5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 15.05.2016 at 11:25 AM, Cassiopeia said:

I loved Lion King, cos it wasn't as focused on romantic love as the rest of them...

"Hakuna matata" is the best Disney song ever made. I LOVE it. After so many years, I still don't know why people prefer "Can you feel the love tonight".

 

When I was 10 or 11 all of my girl friends suddenly developed a crush on one boy from my class. I couldn't understand why were they acting so weird around him.

 

When I was on a school trip in middle school my friend has made up a fairytale about me and my best friends. At the end of the story she asked as to choose between the perfect boyfriend and something we really wanted. I was the only one not to choose boyfriend (but hey, not everyday you get the chance to get Aston Martin for yourself).

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Off-topic but my favourite song from Lion King is 'I Just Can't Wait to be King' xD I like the love song, but mostly because of the tune lol

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
34 minutes ago, UnicornQueen said:

"Hakuna matata" is the best Disney song ever made. I LOVE it. After so many years, I still don't know why people prefer "Can you feel the love tonight".

 

Also, Timon & Pumbaa's lament at the end of "Can you feel the love tonight" - that they are going to lose their friend to a romantic relationship - is something that a lot of aros can probably identify with. 

  • Like 5
  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 15/05/2016 at 10:25 AM, Cassiopeia said:

I used to hate Disney, and kinda still do.

Well, most Disney. (I loved Lion King, cos it wasn't as focused on romantic love as the rest of them...and also, I used to think Simba was female, it had nice long hair, my first language has no gendered pronouns, and six years old me wasn't too well informed when it came to lions, so...anyway, that's another story:$)

I NEVER understoood the Disney princess films. I mean, who wants to be a princess? Like all you got was to be locked up by someone evil (and badass) to wait around forever until you got rescued by a prince (who you had met once before in a field somewhere..). Why would anyone want to be that person???

I also loved the animal ones :D Lion King is my fave too, the story of Hamlet is genius all round

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My sister just told me this one-

 

Mother: You'll want kids one day

My sister (age 9): I don't! I never want kids

*Roughly 4 year old* me: maybe I'll have kids to do my chores for me.. but I don't want a boyfriend! He can help me get babies then LEAVE.

 

My sister told me this while we were discussing my (lack of) sexuality/Romantic inclination :rofl:

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 15/05/2016 at 0:50 PM, Dodgypotato said:

my dad felt the need to ask me quite frequently if I, 'like any boys at school?'. I would always reply, "No, they're all hideous."

 

That's hilarious xD

 

On 03/06/2016 at 11:00 AM, Elluna Hellen said:

Come to think of it, I never really tell people 'love you' (I do with my pets though. Go figure). Though it's not because i don't like the word.

 

Also this.

 

When I was 12 I was a fan of a singer. Cue some random aunts/family members. "OH, do you have a little crush on him? :D" And I just remember being like "will they just shut up I like the music that's all >_>"

 

Both of these resonate so much with me :')

 

On 11/06/2016 at 11:04 PM, Chronos said:

You people, at what age more or less you just said "f*** it" and stopped waiting for "the right one"?

 

20, I just got tired of trying to feel something that everyone says I should feel :zzz:

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...