Jump to content
Cassiopeia

Early signs that you were aro

Recommended Posts

On 11/24/2018 at 5:14 PM, lonelyace said:

My freshman year of high school I thought I had a crush on a guy, although in retrospect it's pretty obvious that I just wasn't used to having a squish or whatever on guys. Anyway, I was excited because I finally didn't have to get all evasive whenever my friends asked me who I liked. Then my best friend at the time asked the guy to a school dance. Everyone was enraged on my behalf, like how could she do that, she knows you like him!! I didn't really think it was that big of a deal. If she liked him, she could have him, it wasn't worth ruining a friendship over.

similar thing happened to me in grade 9.  i had what i call an aro crush--squish + sexual attraction--on this guy, evan, and my friend sylvia liked him.  eventually he asked her out and she said yes, and when she told me rather nervously, i was like, 'that's nice'.  then my other friend asked me how i was taking it and i was like, 'uh, fine?'  and she said i was a good friend and i'm like, 'thanks, i guess...what's the big deal?'  i didn't care because i didn't want to date him.  we were friends, like, throughout high school, and it never occurred to me to be upset that he didn't want to be anything else, because i didn't really.  they would make out in front of everyone, and any annoyance/weirdness i felt, i would have felt the same about any other such couple.  btw they were such a preposterously bad couple, on-and-off multiple times a week, that another friend got sylvia a bracelet where one side said 'single' and one said 'taken' so we'd know what the situation was that day.  it was like, kind of a joke but kind of not.  anyway, the next year, they were done for good, and a different friend (man, i had more friends in hs than i do now) asked me whether i still liked evan and i said something along the lines of "not like before but i'll ask myself 'ok, do i not like him then?'" and she supplied "and you can't say no," and i said "exactly."  in retrospect, what i meant was that i still liked him as a friend and thought he was hot--i couldn't disagree with that--but the aro crush had just petered out; it just wasn't really relevant.  but yeah lmao whenever i had squishes on girls, i figured i just thought they were cool/wanted to be their friend, and i was right--i was/am so straight that no alternative crossed my mind (even if i admired their looks)--but then with guys, sometimes it was the same and sometimes there was the added element of sexual attraction, so i never knew where to draw the line, like, do i have a crush on this guy or not?  so that was weird.  a lot made sense later.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 6/3/2016 at 12:46 AM, Zemaddog said:

Am I the only one who just really didn't like the word love when I was younger? The word just didn't sit right with me, and I don't think I actually ever said it until I was at least a teenager. Even then, I was hesitant about using it. Maybe it was due to  society associating the word to romance, or the fact that I don't feel like I have ever experienced it (except for maybe my pets). Am I alone in this thinking or are the others who felt the same way?

I totally relate to this! I can use the word love casually, like if I'm talking about food or a song, but I feel really weird when I say I love people. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The major sign that I am aro was that I have never had a crush. So of course I was always the odd person out whenever discussions of who liked who came up. As I got older people would ask me if I would this person or that person and I could only ever respond with “I don’t know.” That was never a good enough reason so I would be pressured to give a better answer but I never could because I had no idea what would make me want to date someone. At one point I told myself that the reason I didn’t date was because no one asked out. But as soon as I found out someone liked me I would instantly want to avoid them. So by the time I made it into high school, still thinking that I needed to have a relationship at some point in my life, started wishing I could just have an arranged marriage. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Early signs that I was aro

  • In fourth grade, my tutor once asked me what type of guy I would be interested in. I basically gave her a description of a future room mate who can either clean, cook, or be responsible as possible. When she gave a second question of what I would do if he was tired from chores, I replied that I would help him. The tutor laughed.
  • The first time I was asked if I had a crush in my elementary days, I assumed it was about who I liked interacting with or thought was funny rather than who I want to date or marry. As I grew older and have that question repeated, I said, "no" and gain various reactions from shock to being called, "cold" or "prudish" for not seeking a romantic relationship.
  • During my high school to mid-college years, I've had teachers, classmates, etc. who tried to ship or convince me to date my best friend since middle school and I've hated it.
  • Every time I'm told someone has a crush on me or been confessed to, I wish they haven't.
  • Whenever I play a game that's supposed to be about romance, I view it in a third person/detached perspective and will easily lose interest if the gameplay is not fun no matter how attractive the character is. (May or May not have been an indication)
  • In fiction or not, I'm not jealous of what the partner does but I will feel neglected/hurt if our friendship is treated with less value.
  • I don't understand weddings and find it boring despite the impressive details.
  • Last but not least, I thought people were joking about being possessive over fictional characters or others before.
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 12/13/2018 at 2:25 AM, eatingcroutons said:

lmfao I was backing up posts from my Tumblr to Dreamwidth and I literally posted this almost a year before I'd ever heard the word "aromantic":

 

CvEy3Ju.png

To me the number one perk of not desiring monogamy or children is that I'll have so much more time for my career. I feel like it's such a big advantage.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

as a young girl, my "fantasies" of marriage were more compatible with having a roommate than a lover.

most of my "crushes" were either strictly sexual or just an admiration for the person (i've had some squishes over my lifetime too)

for a good part of my life i believed that the happy ever after™ cliché was just a fictional concept and that no one would actually look for it in real life

sometimes i would daydream about having a "boyfriend/girlfriend", never were those dreams romantic (it was more like a really close friend that was nearly always in my house)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When I was 12 a boy from my class tried to confess to me. Long story short, he told me to wait for him after the last period. I felt so nervous and uncomfortable, I pretended to be unwell and asked the teacher to let me leave 15 mins earlier. On my way home I was hitting my hand against every tree and pole that was in the way. I wanted to break my arm and not have to go to school for a couple of months. I wasn’t able to do it. But next day it turns out the boy got the message.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 5/13/2019 at 1:08 PM, ShySpider said:

When I was 12 a boy from my class tried to confess to me. Long story short, he told me to wait for him after the last period. I felt so nervous and uncomfortable, I pretended to be unwell and asked the teacher to let me leave 15 mins earlier. On my way home I was hitting my hand against every tree and pole that was in the way. I wanted to break my arm and not have to go to school for a couple of months. I wasn’t able to do it. But next day it turns out the boy got the message.

No one has time for that. I wouldn't have any problem rejecting someone but I also don't understand the whole confession process either (tfw some romantic anime/movie cliche can be real is still bizarre to me). Why anyone would wait for a confession is beyond me 🤔

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...