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metelyk

"What does it mean to be in love?" (video)

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I found this video, with title "70 Women Ages 5-75 Answer: What Does It Mean to Be in Love?": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U2oD2sZlQlw

 

I thought, it will be fun to see how far I can watch the video and still relate to what they are saying. I can relate to the children ages 5-9, and after that it feels like the tone changes. Suddenly there is talk about butterflies and wanting to be with the person all the time. A lot of the descriptions I do not experience at all, but a lot of others, I do not understand why they have to be romantic? A lot of the time it just sounds like these people are describing close friends. Like 18: to be happy and feel like you are safe. Why should this only be one person, your partner??? Why it is not a friend? I am confused.

 

That is what is most interesting for me in this video, that I can relate to a lot. I feel a lot of these things, like being vulnerable with people, understanding and being understood, feeling safe, etc. I just do not feel them as romantic. I wonder if these are actually NOT romantic, but just closeness with people, but when allos start having crushes they put all those feelings of closeness on one person instead of sharing them with many people outside of romantic relationships (like little children do, I think). So society begins to associate them with romantic love. And then when aros say we are aro, allos assume that we do not feel that same closeness because they think "closeness = romantic love". But in fact they are two different things. Does this make sense?

 

(Also, I know that not all aros feel or want to feel the things I mentioned, and that's okay :) But I do feel them, which is why I consider it is interesting to discuss them.)

 

What do you think? Can you also relate to some of the video, or is it all strange to you?

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I can relate to most of the things, except the odd "butterflies in your stomach" and such, but I agree with you!

Why do these things have to be romantic???? Can't I just feel that way about my friends????

 

Also, I love the lady who was for 31 years, she's one of us!!!

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1 hour ago, Fynnlee said:

Also, I love the lady who was for 31 years, she's one of us!!!

 

Yes! I love her, and the 9 year old who said "mmh, I guess it's a mystery". Also the 26 year old who said "knowing you are with good peeps, it doesn't have to be romantic" :)

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Just now, metelyk said:

 

Yes! I love her, and the 9 year old who said "mmh, I guess it's a mystery". Also the 26 year old who said "knowing you are with good peeps, it doesn't have to be romantic" :)

Yess! I was so happy that at least a couple people realized that love doesn't have to be romantic!

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7 hours ago, metelyk said:

I thought, it will be fun to see how far I can watch the video and still relate to what they are saying. I can relate to the children ages 5-9, and after that it feels like the tone changes. Suddenly there is talk about butterflies and wanting to be with the person all the time.

Is this the point at which alloromantics start to prioritise (even experience) romance.
Which would be interesting given that younger children certainly can understand philia and storge. Probably philautia, agape and ludus.

 

8 hours ago, metelyk said:

IA lot of the descriptions I do not experience at all, but a lot of others, I do not understand why they have to be romantic? A lot of the time it just sounds like these people are describing close friends. Like 18: to be happy and feel like you are safe. Why should this only be one person, your partner??? Why it is not a friend? I am confused.

I've never really understood the singular part of this. (Even without the romance part, as is the case in some QPR definitions, the soulmate/other half idea is something I'm at best indifferent to.)
 

8 hours ago, metelyk said:

That is what is most interesting for me in this video, that I can relate to a lot. I feel a lot of these things, like being vulnerable with people, understanding and being understood, feeling safe, etc. I just do not feel them as romantic. I wonder if these are actually NOT romantic, but just closeness with people, but when allos start having crushes they put all those feelings of closeness on one person instead of sharing them with many people outside of romantic relationships (like little children do, I think). So society begins to associate them with romantic love.

This sounds like "romantic coding" feelings.

 

8 hours ago, metelyk said:

And then when aros say we are aro, allos assume that we do not feel that same closeness because they think "closeness = romantic love". But in fact they are two different things. Does this make sense?

The other side of the coin is that having or seeking "closeness" can be interpreted as "romantic love"...

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