Jump to content
nonmerci

What do you want from a friendship?

What do you want from a friendship?  

20 members have voted

You do not have permission to vote in this poll, or see the poll results. Please sign in or register to vote in this poll.

Recommended Posts

Hello everyone!

I sometimes have the feeling that all aros don't want the same thing for a friendship. Some people are looking for something very deep or where they can be vulnerable, some may want people to have fun with, some want people who will listen and help them… I have the feeling that our age or our culture can influence what we put in this word. For instance, in French, we have a distinction between "copains" (or "potes") and "amis", but I have the feeling that both this word are translate by "friends" (to be simple, a "copain" or a "pote" is someone that we enjoy the company, but a "ami" is something we can rely on… the degree of intimacy and investissment is not the same; but when I see discussion in English, it seems the English language don't have this kind of distinction and that everybody don't talk of the same thing (or maybe it just cause I translate "ami" into "friend", so I'm always surprised when I read thing like "friends are not supposed to be super closed" or things like that because for me it involves a certain degree of intimacy)).

 

So my questions are :

-what do you want from a friendship?

-how would you define a "friend"?

-do you think your cultural context has an influence on this definition?

-do you think your age can have an influence too? (I don't know, but I feel like the more we grow-up, the more we look for intimacy; when we are children we may want someone to play with, but when we grow-up we may look for deeper bounds; or maybe I'm mistaken).

 

For the poll, I made the options that came to my mind, but I you have other ideas I'll add it (I think we can edit a poll, right?).

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, nonmerci said:

do you think your age can have an influence too?

I was actually talking about this the other day with a friend of mine who's in her 30s. I'm in my 20s and we have a solid 10 years' difference between us in age. We both seem to have noticed, as we're growing older, that the younger generations seem more comfortable than we do with being vulnerable. They seem to be maturing emotionally faster than we did and are pursuing close friendships and queer relationships that don't fit society's usual narrative. This might be because older generations have done some of the work of teaching the younger people about different types of intimacy, it might be because schools are getting better at teaching that kind of content. It seems more acceptable for younger people to choose what kinds of intimacy they want from their relationships instead of adhering to a rigid structure.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 11/28/2019 at 11:50 AM, nonmerci said:

For instance, in French, we have a distinction between "copains" (or "potes") and "amis", but I have the feeling that both this word are translate by "friends" (to be simple, a "copain" or a "pote" is someone that we enjoy the company, but a "ami" is something we can rely on… the degree of intimacy and investissment is not the same; but when I see discussion in English, it seems the English language don't have this kind of distinction and that everybody don't talk of the same thing (or maybe it just cause I translate "ami" into "friend", so I'm always surprised when I read thing like "friends are not supposed to be super closed" or things like that because for me it involves a certain degree of intimacy)).

I'm sure there are also examples of multiple English words which translate into a single French word. This kind of thing is part of the reason why mechanical (AI) translation is difficult.

A similar example is how eight words from classical Greek translate to "love" in modern English.

 

On 11/28/2019 at 11:50 AM, nonmerci said:

For the poll, I made the options that came to my mind, but I you have other ideas I'll add it (I think we can edit a poll, right?).

I'm not sure if the site notifies people who have voted if a poll is altered.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Interesting topic. I found it difficult to choose since I feel like each friendship is different. For example, I've had people I considered friends which I mostly only met at parties. Those friendship still has value to me even if I didn't necessarily have any interest in deepening them. It's not better or worse than a deeper friendship, just different.

 

I suppose the basic requirements for me in a friendship are the two categories you put first:
-A person/people with whom you can have fun with

-A person/people to hang out with
I couldn't see myself being friends with someone if I didn't like hanging out with them. Maybe that sounds like a given, but I don't think it has to be. Some might be able to form close bonds with someone just by corresponding with each other, never having met or done shared activities. And some might feel a close connection with one they only spend time around a lot, not necessarily interacting with each other that much.

 

The other options are things I also want, but not necessarily from most of my friends. I would be fine with having a separate friend for each of these points. For example one person who I feel have a similar world view as me that I could talk to about certain thoughts I have. Another that maybe I don't have much in common with but that I have a relationship of mutual care with. And maybe a third one for physical closeness.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...