Mark Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 9 hours ago, aroMa(n)tisse said: An aro gaysexual polyamorous pansensual pan-everything-else woman is eligible for passionate friendship with me because I'd allow her to have sex with other women and her cuddles with me would be enough for me to feel appreciated. You might want to reconsider this. Notably the allow bit. Since when did control of someone else's sexual expression become part of a "passionate friendship"? It's not even universal in romantic relationships. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aussiekirkland Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 13 hours ago, morallygayro said: Don't ever call gay people "homo" again. I describe them as gay, because gay means exclusively attracted to one's same and similar genders (i.e. I'm attracted to women, demigirls, transfeminine people, genderfluid and bigender people who are partially women, nonbinary people who aren't men or women but identify more with the female side of the spectrum, and agender/neutrois/neutral people who either identify as women or are feminine and don't identify as men). Since I'm genderfluid between neutrois, agender, androgyne, female, and demigirl, that attraction makes me a lesbian. The fact that I'm aro doesn't change that or make me less of a lesbian in any way. Straight means either 1) a woman who is attracted exclusively to men and male-spectrum nonbinary people or 2) a man who is attracted exclusively to women and female-spectrum nonbinary people. A heteroromantic asexual or an aromantic heterosexual is straight. So, no, gay and ace are not oxymorons. Gay aces aren't any less gay than I am, and their identities aren't for you to decide. I'm a gay aro, not a "homo", not a "homosexual". Gay aces are gay, not homos, not homoromantic. And "gay ace" is a completely non-ambiguous, non-contradictory term for them. I think people get confused by terms like "gay ace" when you see that the majority of the world outside the aro/ace community still uses gay and lesbian to mean homosexual as in sexual attraction to the same gender. So while I also prefer the broader definitions of sexualities like gay, bi and pan (which help to include romantic aces) the fact is that most people still conflate all forms of attraction as "sexual attraction". Just google it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
morallygayro Posted June 8, 2016 Author Share Posted June 8, 2016 5 minutes ago, aussiekirkland said: I think people get confused by terms like "gay ace" when you see that the majority of the world outside the aro/ace community still uses gay and lesbian to mean homosexual as in sexual attraction to the same gender. So while I also prefer the broader definitions of sexualities like gay, bi and pan (which help to include romantic aces) the fact is that most people still conflate all forms of attraction as "sexual attraction". Just google it. The reason most people conflate being gay with sex is homophobia - they're hypersexualizing gay people. And actually within the lesbian community there's a lot of support and positivity for both ace and aro wlw and it comes from ace lesbians, aro lesbians, and lesbians who are neither. There's also a ton of emphasis both on the fact that it's totally okay to want sex with women and that being sapphic doesn't necessarily mean being sexual so if you get crushes on girls but don't want sex with them you're still totally valid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aussiekirkland Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 1 minute ago, morallygayro said: The reason most people conflate being gay with sex is homophobia - they're hypersexualizing gay people. They do it with all sexualities though. Straight is still defined as sexual attraction to the opposite sex, same with any other sexuality. Yes, hypersexualisation of gay and queer people is a huge problem but I don't think it's related. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
morallygayro Posted June 8, 2016 Author Share Posted June 8, 2016 1 minute ago, aussiekirkland said: They do it with all sexualities though. Straight is still defined as sexual attraction to the opposite sex, same with any other sexuality. Yes, hypersexualisation of gay and queer people is a huge problem but I don't think it's related. No - when a man and a woman are being affectionate, it's automatically assumed they're a couple. When two women are being affectionate, they're assumed to be Gal Pals unless they're doing something sexual. Because wlw need to be sexual in order to "prove" our sexualities. Also considering that I actually am gay and you're not, which one of us do you think would know better? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aussiekirkland Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 3 minutes ago, morallygayro said: No - when a man and a woman are being affectionate, it's automatically assumed they're a couple. When two women are being affectionate, they're assumed to be Gal Pals unless they're doing something sexual. Because wlw need to be sexual in order to "prove" our sexualities. Also considering that I actually am gay and you're not, which one of us do you think would know better? Look, I'm sorry. I was just trying to clarify someone else's comment in the conversation (about the ambiguity of gay ace, pan ace etc). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paporomantic Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 9 hours ago, Mark said: You might want to reconsider this. Notably the allow bit. 'I'd consider entering a friendship' and 'I'd be hardly jealous about their sexual encounters' are better wordings for my attitude than 'they're eligible for friendship' and 'I'd allow them to have sex' but I had never thought that using them interchangeably would frustrate anyone, especially because I have too little experience of talking to LGBTQI people. I'm sorry if I offended you. I'm considering stopping or dramatically limiting my posting on forums dedicated to romanticism or asexuality because apparently they require a lot of diplomacy (precise wordings) and I need to proofread my posts several times, which takes too long. That I'm oftentimes quoted for truth quickly, implies that I can't afford to make a post and then keep editing it for a few minutes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
morallygayro Posted June 8, 2016 Author Share Posted June 8, 2016 6 hours ago, aussiekirkland said: Look, I'm sorry. I was just trying to clarify someone else's comment in the conversation (about the ambiguity of gay ace, pan ace etc). It's not really an ambiguous identity, any more than gay/lesbian/queer aro is "ambiguous" for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Phoenix Ace Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 7 hours ago, morallygayro said: Also considering that I actually am gay and you're not, which one of us do you think would know better? Depends on who you are talking to. An expert in studies on homosexuality that happens to be heterosexual might know more than a homosexual about the topic. I feel that the thread has gotten a bit too heated and isn't doing anyone much good anymore, so locking it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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