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Public Displays of Affection

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How do you guys feel about public displays of affection (PDA)? 

 

Some of it I don't mind and some of it disturbs me. The best way for me to describe what I consider comfortable with and not comfortable with is to compare it to a traffic light.

Green: holding hands and hugging

Yellow: short pecks and kisses on the cheek

Red: making out with tongue and suggestive body language that makes me want to scream "GET A ROOM!"

 

I think CODE RED is actually very rude. A lot of CODE RED happens in the halls of my high school... and I'm not quite looking forward to what it would be like in college.

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Kissing is the worst. One time a couple kissed right in front of me and I felt sick for the rest of the day. It's just hard for me to watch...holding hands and hugging is (mostly) okay but everything else just makes me feel miserable.

Does anyone know what I can do against it?

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I like your traffic light analogy, and I would agree.  I'm also fine with light PDA, but if it becomes too intense, it makes me uncomfortable.  It can just seem really obnoxious sometimes.  It doesn't help that I'm also a kind of sex-repulsed ace, so if it seems sexual to me, then I'm definitely uncomfortable.  Honestly, it's a bit hard for me to separate the two and determine if it's the aceness or aroness that makes me uncomfortable with PDA.  I know that I also get uncomfortable with people being overly into each other in public, if you know what I mean.  Like when people seem to be unaware of everyone else and seem in their own little romantic world.  So I guess I get uncomfortable on two levels xD

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I think anyone would find CODE RED to be really gross and rude....well, at least I do. xD

 

I think quick kisses are fine, even if the noise grosses me out. Holding hands and hugging I find uber cute.

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1 hour ago, SkyWorld said:

Green: holding hands and hugging

Yellow: short pecks and kisses on the cheek

Red: making out with tongue and suggestive body language that makes me want to scream "GET A ROOM!"

Code green seems mostly okay... as long as there's nothing extra added. You can hold hands and hug friends anyway so it doesn't seem too romancy anyway.

Code yellow might make me a little uncomfortable, depending on specifics, but I mostly don't care.

Somewhere in between yellow and red (e.g. kissing on the lips; not necessarily full-on making out) is pretty unpleasant and I would prefer if they did that in private.

Code red would make me want to barf. I do not want to see that in public (and I'm sure most people would agree).

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For me it depends on the context.

 

I'd separate PDA  (public displays of affection) and PF (public foreplay).

A couple on a dinner date, stroking each others hands, making lovey dovey eyes: PDA.

A couple in a bar making out while rubbing against each other, hands in each others back pocket: PF

 

I'd say there are places where these things are appropriate, and there ones where its not. I am not sex repulsed, but if I see PF on the damn bus, I do find it gross, its code red. If they do the same thing in a gay bar, where sexuality is one of the key concepts, its yellow/green.

If there is some PDA during a lantern lit midnight boat tour, its yellow/green, if they do it while grocery shopping at 10 am, its red.

 

But the fact that I find it okay, it does not mean it does not repulse me. That's like two different things.

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Being super neutral, I just tend to find those things boring until they pass... that's it.

I guess it's because I'm unable to see it as anything more than touching, just like how hugging is being close. Not even standard porn can make me bat an eyelid (if it's disgusting for another reason I will cringe though)

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23 hours ago, SkyWorld said:

A lot of CODE RED happens in the halls of my high school... and I'm not quite looking forward to what it would be like in college.

Often there is also the issue of those involved causing an obstruction.

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I use to roll my eyes, at least internally, everytime I see public romantic display, but usually I do not mind, so I cannot even say that some forms of display bother me more than others. 

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I think the worst is couples who make out on the bus. I'm really grossed out by the noises, I honestly think that's the worst part of it for me. I agree that people who block traffic with PDA are really obnoxious. 

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All PDA annoys and disgusts me no matter the context. I can't really help that, it's very instinctual for me. But I'm trying really hard to develop patience, because not all of it is bad, as shown by your traffic light analogy.

 

Does anyone else have that instinctual disgust and/or annoyance? It's something I really struggle with and I'd like to know if anyone has discovered a way to deal with it.

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It doesn't really bother me that much until it goes into the red, however it does bother me if I'm trying to get to class and a couple is in my way l.

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I'm not repulsed by it but I don't want to see it. I'm more irritated by straight people because society thinks it's ok for them to be all over each other in front of everyone but they want to throw rocks if a gay couple just holds hands. Other than that I'm pretty indifferent about it all. 

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On 4/30/2016 at 2:53 PM, Cassiopeia said:

I'd separate PDA  (public displays of affection) and PF (public foreplay).

A couple on a dinner date, stroking each others hands, making lovey dovey eyes: PDA.

A couple in a bar making out while rubbing against each other, hands in each others back pocket: PF

 I think there is a need for separation of these two things, so thanks :3

PDA makes me repulsed and bothers me, PF doesn't make me repulsed, but it does bother me depending on the context.

 

Usually it's when people start getting coupley and stuff when it starts to bother and repulse me (i.e. acting like there are only the two of them in the world, looking into each other's eyes and then kissing *shiver*). I guess I'm okay with people doing that stuff in public, and I'm not going to make them stop, but I also really wish they just wouldn't.

 

Usually hand holding and hugs don't bother me. There's also a PDA policy at my school (which is never enforced ¬¬) that says basically any form of PDA is against the rules.

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13 hours ago, Namakemono said:

Does anyone else have that instinctual disgust and/or annoyance? It's something I really struggle with and I'd like to know if anyone has discovered a way to deal with it.

 

I wouldn't say that I'm disgusted... maybe sometimes when it comes to couples making out in the hallway. Though, I mostly just feel that making out in public is just so obnoxious and it really annoys me. Hugs and hand holding doesn't bother me the slightest. Now, kisses on the cheek and quick pecks, I do feel a bit of annoyance and disgust, but I get over it pretty quickly. It wouldn't even cause me to roll my eyes, but more like, "Oh, okay. That happened." and move on. Compared to those who are making out and I'd think, "Oh my gosh, what the hell did I just see!?"

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On 5/3/2016 at 8:08 AM, Namakemono said:

Does anyone else have that instinctual disgust and/or annoyance? It's something I really struggle with and I'd like to know if anyone has discovered a way to deal with it.

I do. If someone is holding hands or if I see something even remotely romantic in a movie, I'll make a face. I don't know why, I'm not always repulsed by it, but I make the face anyway.

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Glad to see I'm not the only one who gets skeeved by couples getting kissy in public hallways.

 

Another thing that goes along with that, for me, is when it's otherwise quiet and you can hear them doing this intense quiet whispering thing that goes along with kisses.  It happens to be a kind of sound that I find difficult to tune out, and it's really unsettling.

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It doesn't make me uncomfortable, more like frustrated at the "waste of time" (from my perspective... at least if I'm in the company of those people!) - like geez, get it over with already? :$

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^^^this whole thread

 

personally, i hate the weird couple hug-walk that takes up space and is generally just...weird... :[

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Story about PDA: after school when I walk towards my bus, there are 4+ couples that stop outside in the same general area and hug and kiss. Every time I shiver and get a sick feeling in my stomach. Just...consecutive shivers every 5 steps - I hate it.

There's so much PDA at my school help.

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27 minutes ago, breaddd said:

Story about PDA: after school when I walk towards my bus, there are 4+ couples that stop outside in the same general area and hug and kiss. Every time I shiver and get a sick feeling in my stomach. Just...consecutive shivers every 5 steps - I hate it.

There's so much PDA at my school help.

 

i've literally changed the way i move from class to class so i dont have to see pda in my school

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I'm really uncomfortable with any sort of PDA... Holding hands isn't too bad but then they usually start kissing afterwards so, bleh.

 

There's quite a few couples that sit in the common room and hug and kiss and all that stuff, but they generally stay in there so they're pretty easy to avoid.

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Just now, peridotty said:

 

i've literally changed the way i move from class to class so i dont have to see pda in my school

SAME. #thestruggle

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When it comes to other people, I don't really see it as my business unless it starts affecting me. When it involves me...I'm actually kinda touch starved. I don't know if I give off a "don't touch me" vibe, but people just don't physically interact with me. I think the people who know I'm aro/ace figure I wouldn't welcome it, but for the people I haven't offcially come out to, apparently I still seem unapproachable. Which is upsetting, because I've been craving physical affection lately for the comfort, and I can't get it. I've told people my problem above, and they don't take the hint. I don't feel comfortable asking outright because I figure if they haven't offered by now, then they wouldn't be comfortable doing it. I tried asking my sister if we could hold hands more, and she told me she doesn't like doing it in public because people might think we're together. I have one friend only who has consistently given me hugs since I told him this, and he's GREAT about it. I want hugs, holding hands, proximity. I crave intimacy, which really confused me when I realized I identify as ace/aro. It seemed incompatible until I discovered the other three types of attraction: sensual, platonic, aesthetic. So now I know why I want to touch, befriend, and look at certain people without wanting to be romantically or sexually :)

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I can mostly relate to your traffic light analogy, the only PDA that actually upsets me is making out.

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