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Hi y'all! I'm Clarke and I'm really new to this community. Now don't get me wrong, I've been openly part of the LGBTQA+ community since I was 14 (I'm 20 now), but I never once thought that I might be on the aro spectrum. That is until a couple days ago and it's been really hard for me to process and come to terms with.

 

Ya see, I have struggled with mental illness for a long time and that has always affected how I see relationships. Over a year ago I realized that my mental health was interacting with any "romantic" relationships and causing them to be toxic, so I decided I was going to stop pursuing any kind of relationship until I got to a head-space where I could handle it. Now here I am a year and something later and in a place where I feel I could handle a relationship and yet, I have zero interest to do so. I think I was confusing the obsessions I would get over certain people as a symptom of my illness with romantic attraction, so now that I have the obsession thing under control, I don't have anything to confuse as romantic attraction. This lead me to realize that I just don't feel romantic attraction and I don't think I ever really truly have. I think quoiromantic or nebularomantic might fit my experience best, but plain aro feels the most comfortable right now.

 

I want to talk to people about this, but I'm afraid of how they'll respond. I'm afraid that this will cause people to try and remove my identity as a bisexual person and replace it completely with being aro (and being bi is a very important part of my identity to me). I'm afraid I'll never find a relationship (because I do want a relationship of some sort that is more than just a normal friendship. Alterous sounds really appealing to me) that will fit my needs. I'm also a very touch sensitive person, and cuddling, hugging, and sometimes even kissing can help me calm down and feel safe, but people rarely do any of those activities outside of romantic relations.

 

So, yeah, I'm still definitely questioning a lot of things and I'm very anxious about the future, but I'm hoping that joining a community like this and talking to people in similar situations might help me figure things out myself and at the very least I might make some new friends!

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Hi and welcome to Arocalypse! I'm sorry to hear that you are afraid to tak about being aro and that you are afraid you will never find a relationship. I hope that Arocalypse can help you to feel more comfortable and that you make some new friends 💚

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Hello Clarke, welcome to arocalypse! :aroicecream:
You've come to the right place. Here are several people who feel a similar way as you, you'll see.
It is possible to be in a relationship without all the romantic fuss, as you already mentioned, because there are far more forms of relationships than romantic ones.
From my POV people who really want to get you will see and accept the aro AND the bisexual part, not only one part of your identity.
Your story reminds me a bit of my own as I only realized beyond my 20s that I've never really felt romantic attraction. It was surprising at first, a bit scary too, but it extended my horizon in regards of myself and our society as a whole. And most importantly: It was (and is) liberating to understand myself better.
I understand you feel afraid but I hope your fear will be transformed into comfort and confidence eventually.
Hope you have a great time here!

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