My crushes feel performative, am I aro?

[Kju]

I get (what I assumed were) crushes on people really quickly and I'm usually not nervous/embarrassed/flustered/etc around them. I'm also not hesitant at all about asking the people out. On the two most recent occasions, after I was turned down by a girl I asked out, I immediately stopped having a crush on her. Later, I asked out a guy who became my boyfriend, but literally after the second date I realized that I didn't really like him *like that* and felt kind of awkward about us continuing to go out. Since my crushes disappeared so quickly and were never that deep in the first place, I've been wondering if they were just performative and based on that I liked them as a friend and thought that they were hot. I also don't really understand how a boyfriend/girlfriend is any different from a friend that you're sexually attracted to. I think I might be aromantic, but for now I'm just really confused. Please help!

[Cake-Loving Dragon]

I'll try to help, based on my own experiences. I'm aromantic and asexual, by the way.

On 9/1/2019 at 10:12 PM, Kju said:

I also don't really understand how a boyfriend/girlfriend is any different from a friend that you're sexually attracted to.

This is certainly how I felt before learning I was aro. Except, being ace, I wasn't sexually attracted either.

 

Yeah, I think that's all I can help based on what you said. Hopefully an allo ace will come across this thread.

[Tagor]

I've had the similar experiences. I used to pick a girl I thought I would get along with and then decide that I had a crush on them (I didn't know what I did this back then).

But due to being completely socially inept I never did anything about it.

[aro_elise]

relatable.  my ideal relationship, besides purely platonic friendship, would be with a friend to whom i'm sexually attracted.  i used to think that was a crush, too; since finding out that's not exactly the case, i've realized i've never had a crush.  i definitely "felt kind of awkward" during the supposedly romantic relationship i had.  take your time to identify however you want, but i'll say that you sound aro to me.