Help with gender identity?

[ruth]

Hello all

Lately I have been struggling with gender identity

I don't mind any interpretations of my feelings. I won't get offended. I know that at the end of the day my identity is my own choice and nobody can say otherwise.

anyway . . . 

There are days where I feel as if I am genderless or have a neutral gender (agender) and am incredibly dysphoric about my body and how other people percieve me. There are days where I feel like I don't care if people see me as female and I don't feel detached from my body. There are days where I feel like I have a masculine gender (not necessarily male) and once again feel incredibly dysphoric about my body and how other people percieve my gender 

I feel so confused. I don't know why I feel this way. I don't think I am 100% cis because of those episodes of dysphoria. I'm not sure what it all means. Sometimes I am cis and sometimes I am not. Perhaps I'm struggling with "gender role strain" instead of gender dysphoria? I'm so lost HALP

 

[Jot-Aro Kujo]

Have you done any research into the term "genderfluid"? Idk much about what you're feeling, since I'm cis, but of the terms I know that one immediately came to mind based on your description. If you have thought about it before, don't mind me, but I thought it might be worth mentioning in case maybe you've never heard of it before.

[ruth]

@Jot-Aro Kujo

I have looked into genderfluid actually. I think my issue isn't with labels itself but rather if I'm actually dysphoric. I think genderfluid people would still have an issue being seen as their birth gender bc even though they might identify with their birth gender for a moment they're not whatever their birth gender is - they're genderfluid. /I/ do not have an issue being categorized as my birth gender whenever the dysphoria dies down. 

[Jot-Aro Kujo]

Ah, that makes sense.  Well, good luck figuring it out!

[Guest]

@ruth Well… i obviously can't tell you what gender you are, but know that dysphoria (or the lack of it) can be tricky. ( and know that it's fine to not know at once and to re-label yourself . i changed my gender label, like, twice or thrice )

 

Because of my low (most of the time. I still can be dysphoric, mainly social dysphoria ) dysphoria, i used to think i was demi-girl. I mean, there was "something off" but i was not too bothered by being called a girl.

Then I was agender because my gender is blury. Now i am neutral.

Not a big deal, and it don't make my experience less true even if i was not 100% accurate at first ( maybe i will never be 100% sure, but right now "neutral" is fine for me and that's what matter)

 

But that's just my life, and i am not going to tell you what to do with your dysphoria and how it affect your gender.

 

What i want you to know is that even two peoples with the exact same gender (or same label) will not have the same experience with dysphoria. 

 

Yeah that's not really what you asked but i hope it help somehow

 

 

 

 

[raavenb2619]

On 8/29/2019 at 12:05 AM, ruth said:

I think genderfluid people would still have an issue being seen as their birth gender bc even though they might identify with their birth gender for a moment they're not whatever their birth gender is - they're genderfluid. /I/ do not have an issue being categorized as my birth gender whenever the dysphoria dies down. 

I’m echoing Crystal Gris here, but dysphoria doesn’t always make sense. My dysphoria will sometimes just appear or disappear without any rhyme or reason, completely disconnected from how I feel at the moment. (I’m also genderfluid.) All of that to say, you shouldn’t let how your dysphoria works prevent you from IDing as genderfluid if you think the label fits you otherwise. 

(You haven’t mentioned this, so I doubt this is the case, but if you notice the intensity/strength of your gender changing, you might look into genderflux as well)

[ruth]

thank you for the insight you two

i meant to reply earlier i apologize >_< 

 

I understand that dysphoria is different for every person. Gender is a complicated subject and no two people are the same in regards to it

I think right now I will use non-binary or use genderfluid. I actually was looking into genderflux but I feel like genderfluid fits me better

[Guest]

3 hours ago, ruth said:

I think right now I will use non-binary or use genderfluid. I actually was looking into genderflux but I feel like genderfluid fits me better

Nice !  

[sneakers]

I'm trans, and it took a pretty long time (until my late twenties) before I fully admitted it to myself and started seeking transition. When I'd hit yet another crisis with who I am and what my gender is and what is happening, I went to see a counselor who was lovely and I felt like I could really trust her. And finally she asked me "Ideally, what would you most like your gender to be?"

 

And I felt my world shift. I was amazed to notice that I had an answer. It was so simple but revolutionary.

 

So. I don't know if this will help you, ruth, but in an ideal world, where you didn't have to consider anyone else's feelings or financial / material constraints, what would you like to be called? What gender would you most like to be?

 

I feel like sometimes we can get lost in the jungle of external things like roles and expectations and the wishes of everyone but ourselves, and in the process we forget what we actually want.

[Sannie]

 

On 8/29/2019 at 2:25 AM, ruth said:

There are days where I feel as if I am genderless or have a neutral gender (agender) and am incredibly dysphoric about my body and how other people percieve me. There are days where I feel like I don't care if people see me as female and I don't feel detached from my body. There are days where I feel like I have a masculine gender (not necessarily male) and once again feel incredibly dysphoric about my body and how other people percieve my gender 

If you mean that you don't really FEEL like you are those genders like male and neutral and female you could be ceterogender.. and since you also fluctuate between masculine, neutral(agender) and feminine that would be called ceterofluid.