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wanting relationships?

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Sorry If there's already a thread like this on here; I searched but couldn't find one. So! Here we are! :)

 

I have a question mostly geared towards non-romance repulsed aro people - do any of you ever wish you were in a romantic relationship? Personally, I am not romance-repulsed, and sometimes when viewing media with well-written romantic relationships, there's a part of me that wishes I could have that. However, I've never been romantically attracted to anyone, so I will never be able to have a traditional romantic relationship. While that's fine, and while I love being part of the aro community, I sometimes wish I was romantic. Has anyone else ever experienced this feeling?

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Only to the degree that it was expected of me by society in general (and my mother in specific ;)). 

Frankly, I've never seen the point.

 

 

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9 hours ago, Ace Of Hugs said:

Only to the degree that it was expected of me by society in general (and my mother in specific ;)). 

Frankly, I've never seen the point.

 

 

I can definitely relate to the pressure from society and parents! Great point!

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I'm a little romance repulsed but have been in a romantic relationship and a QPP that didnt work out since i learnt dont enjoy relationships. I still frequently wish i were in a relationship :(  

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Another possible issue here would be wanting to do things which are romantically coded.

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16 hours ago, Mark said:

Another possible issue here would be wanting to do things which are romantically coded.

 

That's definitely an issue with me and my fondness/need for affectionate physical contact.  It's almost impossible to hug a non-relative without it being interpreted romantically/sexually, especially someone of the opposite gender.   And, of course, amongst my (apparent) peer group, hugs between males are often interpreted negatively.

 

It's definitely at least partly cultural, since amongst my Italian cousins, public affection between friends is socially acceptable (if approached more like rough-housing than anything else), and I've heard before of a Korean concept called "skinship" which encapsulates the activity.  I do believe mores are changing, however, as I've seen more examples of late in the media, in particular between young male actors.

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14 hours ago, Mark said:

Another possible issue here would be wanting to do things which are romantically coded.

This is a really good point, thank you! I think I often need to remember that romantically coded actions don't have to take place in a typical romantic relationship!

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I was in a romantic relationship and it lasted one year and a half, then we broke it off but he's still my best friend.

Would I want it again? I get the feeling of wanting a romantic relationship when looking at the picture movies and the media in general are painting but it's different in real life. I'm not really searching for a romantic relationship, and if it does happen again I wouldn't want to be doing romantically coded things (in my previous relationship that wasn't a problem and he understood the aroness to a point).

Long story short, I get and have had that feeling of wanting to be in a romantic relationship for the sake of being someone's important person but I'm not actively searching for one.

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Only in the sense that having a partner would make things like buying a house easier (with the extra salary).

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I've wanted sex and companionship for about 2 years now, but never wanted romance specifically. I do wish that I wasn't aro sometimes, because it would be easier for me to find a partner. I was in a relationship and it really made me feel uneasy, so I called it off. I sometimes get annoyed with romance and bad cliches in media, and a bit repulsed, but I'm mostly indifferent.

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I'm not romance repulsed and in fact I also appreciate a well written romantic arc as an interesting exploration of that facet of human nature. When I was younger I did wish I could be in a romantic relationship because it didn't seem possible to have such a strong emotional connection with another person without it. I no longer believe this although it is obviously more difficult to find.

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I desperately want to feel romantic attraction and be in a deeply committed relationship. Sometimes I feel like I love my friends more deeply than they love me. And that's not their fault, but I feel like I'm not getting my emotional needs met by what other people define as friendships. I've learned that my idea of friendship is much more akin to what alloro people think of as romantic relationships, so I don't know what to do. I'm afraid no one will want to be in a committed relationship with me because I'm asexual and mostly aro (I think), but that's the only way I feel that people are going to give me the deep kind of love that I'm looking for. Does that make sense to anyone?

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I would like to be in a committed relationship, maybe one that people see as romantic from the outside, but it wouldn't necessarily have to be romantic. The fantasy of being in a romantic relationship is nice but I don't know if I could handle it IRL. I'd feel super guilty about not being able to reciprocate my partner's feelings, and I'd probably feel pressured.

 

I'm still open to the idea, but it'd have to be with the right person who really understood my aro-ness.

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7 hours ago, aepaex said:

I would like to be in a committed relationship, maybe one that people see as romantic from the outside, but it wouldn't necessarily have to be romantic. The fantasy of being in a romantic relationship is nice but I don't know if I could handle it IRL. I'd feel super guilty about not being able to reciprocate my partner's feelings, and I'd probably feel pressured.

 

I'm still open to the idea, but it'd have to be with the right person who really understood my aro-ness.

 

I feel the exact same way. I seem to always be in a search for this kind of relationship because it conforms to society's and my culture's standards (having a stock standard nuclear family). But when I'm in the relationship, I just realise how much I hate it and how extremely tiring it is. It definitely is very guilt-inducing and pressuring and I seem to torture myself in the never-ending yearn for romance. Occasionally I get romance-repulsed though, which is confusing.

 

I've always considered asking my previous partners if they would be fine with me not having romantic feelings while still being together. I never ask though because I don't think that's something a romantic person would want.

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I used to, but had one relationship that lasted ca 2 months and then decided I'd rather not have another one.

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I think I mostly crave a deep emotional connection with someone, but not in a romantic way. Something I also struggle with is that I will probably never be someones most important person, because that is usually also reserved for romantic partners. For those two reasons I would perhaps want a commited relationship, but I think I would be to uncomfortable in a romantic relationship. A qpr would be perfect for me I think

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