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Do you describe yourself with terms like romance-repulsed/indifferent/favorable?

Do you describe yourself with terms like romance-repulsed/indifferent/favorable?  

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Alright so here's the story. I've been looking over the aro wiki a little bit, and I noticed that several of the romantic orientation pages have/had notes like, for example, "a greyromantic person can be romance-repulsed, romance-indifferent, or romance-favorable." So it seemed reasonable that there should be a page explaining what any of that really means. Right now, there isn't one. It'd be simple enough to just create one. Here's the problem: I'm not sure where to find anything that could actually be cited on this topic, and I'm also not even sure how much these terms even get used. I mean, I can reason and extrapolate to understand what they mean, obviously, but I'd also like to hear actual accounts from the actual people who use them.

 

Do any of the people here self-describe in these ways? If so, why? If not, why?

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I don’t really describe myself as any as I don’t particularly care about that label anyways. I just don’t think I’d be able to function in a relationship with someone who’s in love with me because I wouldn’t be able to give them what they want or live up to their expectations. It’d be one of those situations of like an asexual & sexual relationship where the sexual is dwelling in sadness because their partner being asexual makes them feel unwanted. I couldn’t keep up and a relationship with a romantic would likely ware me out to the point where I need to escape

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Romance repulsed/averse.

I mean, sometime it dont bother me. Or it bother me less. Sometime. 

 

But that describe well enough how i feel most of the time. Romance in my face make me uncomfortable. It's… like peoples are forcing me into their privacy. And even when i am actually involved, i hate it. In fiction, at best i don't care, at worst i am annoyed.

 

 

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Interesting question. I could say I use it in the sense that I will say "I am not romance-repulsed", and I sad aros using this term. But I won't describe myself as indifferent or favorable. I don't really know how to place myself, and I don't really care. I can enjoy romantic love in movies or books, I can even wait for the kiss when I ship two characters. But in real life, I don't want it for me. I don't really know how I feel about someone kissing me; a bit disguted maybe, bit surely not as much as I feel about sex.

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I'm romance-repulsed. But it's a bit more complicated than that. 

 

I'm definitely romance-repulsed, because I get uncomfortable when I think people have crushes on me and when there's this expectation that I'll engage in romantically coded behavior. But that's not always my experience when it comes to romance in media. There's no hard-and-fast rule, because it really depends on the depiction in question, but I sometimes enjoy romance and shipping and romance-focused fanfiction. Some of my favorite ships are Sunati and Austen from Always Human, Cyrus and TJ from Disney's Andi Mack, and Link and Ilia from The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess. I do get giddy/excited/invested/[insert typical alloromantic fandom behavior] because of the romantic content, and it sometimes becomes a second driving force for me to consume and engage the content (the first being my enjoyment of the content aside from romance). But on the other hand, if the romance feels forced, out of place, or I really didn't want to see a character paired up, it makes me uncomfortable and annoyed, sometimes to the point that I'll stop consuming the content. (Looking at you, Fantastic Beasts 2). 

 

So am I romance-repulsed? Well, yes and no. When it comes to romance that's directed at me specifically, there's no question; I am romance-repulsed. When it comes to romance in media, it depends; sometimes I'm romance-favorable, sometimes I'm romance-indifferent, and sometimes I'm romance-repulsed. 

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1 hour ago, raavenb2619 said:

So am I romance-repulsed? Well, yes and no. When it comes to romance that's directed at me specifically, there's no question; I am romance-repulsed. When it comes to romance in media, it depends; sometimes I'm romance-favorable, sometimes I'm romance-indifferent, and sometimes I'm romance-repulsed.

That's actually my experience with romance, too. When I'm involved somehow, it definitely makes me angry. I am definitely averse to romance but my attitude toward romance in media alters. When it comes to romantic relationships between spiritual people, I can become a little favorable. I get a little repulsed when romance becomes too "flashy" (as being flashy is literally an anti-force to one of the aspects of myself) or when characters get partners when I thought they were ace/aro (Back to the Future III where Emmett "Doc" Brown falls into love, marries and has kids).

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I put down "repulsed".

The idea of being 'in a relationship', having romance directed at me or being expected to direct it at others is very much of a hard NO.

Romance in fiction I'll generally find boring or an annoying distraction from the plot. Maybe OK if it's sexual, sensual or otherwise involves non-romantic passion.

 

However I am very favourable towards physical affection with friends.

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I'd describe myself as not romance repulsed/romance indifferent or favourable and ticked the "open for romance" option. If somebody I knew and thought I was compatible with wanted to have a romantic relationship with me, I'd say that I'm aromantic as a disclaimer but at least try it if they're ok with that. However, I don't have much experience with somebody having a crush on me, so this might just be a lack of experience.

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Eh, I like reading it in fanfiction (usually gay), but I'm more indifferent. I just don't use micro labels too much. I don't understand it that much, and not sure what the actual point of it is. In some instances, however, I see it as stupid like how people will stay with bad partners just because they "love" them or when it becomes an unnecessary sub plot in stories. 

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I'm romance repulsed, especially towards me personally. I don't mind a little in the media (be it book, film, music or something else), and can even find the idea in theory beautiful, like I'd poetically see other aspects of life as beautiful; but then I get seriously bored of it and wonder why no other aspect of life is given such centre stage. It's one of the reasons why I got into rock and folk music for the variety of topics for the lyrics. It is also one of my biggest barriers to keeping up a romantic relationship with someone, however much I like their company etc, I end up feeling suffocated by the intensity somehow and a relief when it's over. I'm aroace and to compare, I'm much more neutral-open to sex than I am to romance (though I am probably unromantic in my approach and attitude, not that I'm promoting one night stands, but I would prefer a trusted FRIEND to have sex with and would prefer the less "romantic postures"), to try and compare the different aspects

But as with all labels and sublabels, I use them only when there's a need to either improve self knowledge or to explain to someone, and I do see self knowledge as important.

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24 minutes ago, DogObsessedLiz said:

I'm aroace and to compare, I'm much more neutral-open to sex than I am to romance

Funny, for me is the opposite : I am more repulsed by sex than romance. Like I don't like sex in books, but I don't mind romance usually.

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I don’t use any of these terms because I can’t pin myself down, but I’m sure it’s still useful for others. Being grey/lithromantic though, I can sometimes like the idea of romantic things in theory, but in practice get really uncomfortable. It’s too situational and/or fluctuating to really say for sure. 

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Romance-indifferent is probably the closest, but I would be more likely to describe myself as "romance-confused". :D

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pretty repulsed.  being on the receiving end of romantic affection or even attraction makes me uncomfortable, as does pretending to reciprocate it--i don't do that anymore and i'm not open to a romantic relationship even if there are other aspects of it i would enjoy.  as for other couples and fiction, it's not a huge deal, usually just kind of weird, boring, or annoying.

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I use romance-neutral because when I imagine romance or see it on TV I'm not repulsed, and for TV I may even ship some characters, but ultimately I'm usually just bored by it. 

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I would describe myself with two of these, here's why:

 

I am repulsed by obsessive, extreme, uncontrollable, or unhealthy romantic attraction. But I don't consider that what romance is supposed to be.

 

I am indifferent to two-sided, rational, and faithful romance. Since this is what I view as true, healthy romance, I usually identify as romance-neutral.

 

Does anybody else feel similarly?

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16 hours ago, Cake-Loving Dragon said:

I would describe myself with two of these, here's why:

 

I am repulsed by obsessive, extreme, uncontrollable, or unhealthy romantic attraction. But I don't consider that what romance is supposed to be.

 

I am indifferent to two-sided, rational, and faithful romance. Since this is what I view as true, healthy romance, I usually identify as romance-neutral.

 

Does anybody else feel similarly?

Yep, I think it is somehow that for me. I am positive or indifferent to romance when it is not towards me. But unhealthy romance? I call that an obsession and I don't like that.

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I don't use this terminology simply because it feels pointless to my own identity. Like, there are some things that I am repulsed by (like most romance movies/narratives) and there are things that I am favorable to (like hand holding). Trying to paint with a broad brush would just be pointless. And If anyone would need specifics, they would likely be close enough to me to warrant a proper conversation about it rather than a quick label. 

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I consider myself romance favorable. I enjoy romance in fiction and I sometimes like hearing people talk about their relationships despite never wanting it for myself. I feel that in a weird, counter-intuitive way, my aromanticism makes me enjoy those things more because never experiencing romantic attraction myself causes me to be more curious about what it feels like, if that makes sense. Seems like that's just me though lol.

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On 9/5/2019 at 2:50 AM, Arypter said:

I feel that in a weird, counter-intuitive way, my aromanticism makes me enjoy those things more because never experiencing romantic attraction myself causes me to be more curious about what it feels like, if that makes sense. Seems like that's just me though lol.

That's what I do too. Even if I can't experience romance first hand, I still want to (try to) understand it. The only way to do this is through second hand experience.

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