My first romantic relationship as an (maybe) Aro

[TripleA]

So, recently (like a few days ago), I accepted to be in a relationship with a girl which is long distance (she's in Russia, I'm in England).

 

I've always seen her as just a good friend, and I care about her a lot, but feel nothing romantically, but she really loves me in that way. She does also look gorgeous but, because I see her as just a good friend, I wouldn't really have sex with her. 

 

It's just awkward atm, because whenever she says, "I love you", I can't say it back, because I don't wanna lie to her. You're supposed to tell the truth, right?

 

I only accepted just to see if I could be in a romantic relationship, and also because I didn't want to upset her. I only really enjoyed the sexual roleplay we've had together. I enjoy reading smut/lemon stuff even when it's not lesbian, arrest me ahshs

 

Maybe I'm speaking too soon, but I'm not sure this will last long. 

 

Also, I told her that I had somewhat of an alterous connection with this older woman I see often, and she thinks that I love her romantically, when (while she is fit, and maybe I'd have sex with her, but I doubt it because she has a boyfriend and has just had a kid) I only see her as a good friend. This is similar to the alterous connection I had with my teacher back when I was 12/13. 

 

I didn't say "alterous", but I said I got attached to this woman, and that I get attached to older women more easily, and that it's happened before. 

 

So, she's a bit down about that (it 'broke her heart') She says that people experience romantic attraction differently and, while it is sort of true, I just think that maybe I don't feel it at all.

 

I made it clear that I didn't think I experienced romantic attraction to the woman, just that I was unsure why I thought about her a lot and that I have an unusually strong emotional connection to her. 

 

I know that some Aros can be in a romantic relationship without the attraction and be fine, but I don't think I can. It's too awkward. 

 

What do you think?

[nonmerci]

I think you can try if you really want too, but with fixing clear limit with your friend, and explaining you are aro (make sûre that she gets it, because she doesn't seem to understand it for what you say).

But if you do it, you should for good reasons. If it is because she's interested in you and you don't want to broke her heart, or because you are scared to mise your friendship, I don't think it will work : if she doesn't get aromanticism she will expect you to reciprocate, not only to behave romantically; and then if will be painful for both of you. Same if you are not comfortable with romantic coded activities.

 

In other words, you can test this kind of relationship, but you have to know why you do it, and what you are read to do or not. The important is that you don't force yourself in anything you wouldn't do.

[DogObsessedLi]

I feel you. Can't give much advice because I'm atrocious at romantic relationships, I'm struggling enough with being in a QPR with a homoromantic woman who has been trying to understand aromanticism and is suppressing her romantic affections. She says 'I love you' and I know she is meaning platonically, but I know it is more than that and it also makes me uncomfortable as I feel like I'll be leading her on or giving mixed messages if I reciprocate.