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Phrases, Rhymes, etc. that Push Amatonormativity

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So I had known for awhile that common phrases often push certain beliefs held by society as a whole. And to no one's surprise, there are phrases in support of amatonormativity as well. I've created this thread to see if we, the Arocalypse community, can come up with as many proverbial phrases, sayings, rhymes, and so on that are used today by people in all kinds of situations to push amatonormativity. Here's 2 that I can think of:

 

1. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage 

  •  I've known about this one for a long time as it's been said in at least one video on asexuality/aromanticism. It sets out a life path for everyone assuming that you have to fall in love and then it goes even further assuming that you'll get married and have a child! All kinds of assumptions in this rhyme. This isn't a very commonly used saying but I still believe many people hold this belief especially when it comes to parents/grandparents towards their children/grandchildren. 

2. It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all

  • What a jab at the aro community (and single people too)! Like do I even need to explain this. I was listening to a song and someone said this and I was just like "no" *turns off song* 

 

What else can you guys think of?? There must be more that I just can't think of at the moment.

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Maybe "there's someone for everyone"? Its used to mean that every person has someone who will be a good fit for them romantically and I know for a fact there's no one for me.

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"Just friends", "more than friends", etc

  • Implies that friendship is inferior/lesser than romance

"Love is love is love"

  • I expect I'll get some pushback on this, so let me clarify what I mean. I've seen this phrase used in the context in gay marriage, and in that context, I don't find it amatonormative (but I do find it assimilationist), but I often see it get applied to other situations where it has problematic subtext. Here's an example:
    • "'Love is love is love' is the slogan of the entire queer community!" Well, no, I'm aromantic and I don't feel like that includes me.
    • "Ah, but 'love is love is love' can apply to platonic love too!" Well, no, I'm not comfortable with someone shoehorning in platonicism so that I don't feel excluded and dehumanized, especially when said person is probably going to turn around and be amatonormative as soon as I stop looking. 
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13 minutes ago, raavenb2619 said:

"'Love is love is love' is the slogan of the entire queer community!"

ah gosh this.
Like as an a-spec trans person I think 'love is love' is lovely! When its specifically talking about love. Not about the whole LGBT+ community.

Like people say "The LGBT+ community is about who you love!" and its like "?? im trans, its the 4th letter, and love isnt relevant to my identity"
which, whoops im going a little off topic.

So, yeah, "LGBT+ is about love" very amatonormative
Also the phrase "Have you found [someone, a boyfriend, ect] yet?" No, i havent, and i will not ever.

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Nice thread!

 

Phrases like "Love is the most beautiful feeling in the world", or whatever you want instead of "beautiful". I'm sure that it's a wonderful feeling, but everytime I hear it sounds like you need it to be happy.

 

The whole concept of "the one" too. Because if you say you are aro, people will just assume that this special person will come and change your identity. Even if it does, you can still be in the grey are of the spectrum. Plus it doesn't invalidate how you felt at the moment.

 

Then not specifically alienating for aros, but things like "I am yours", "You are mine"... I don't get why this is romantic. The idea of belonging to someone else... Just no? Why would anybody want that?

 

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"more than friends" , of course .

 

2 hours ago, nonmerci said:

Then not specifically alienating for aros, but things like "I am yours", "You are mine"... I don't get why this is romantic. The idea of belonging to someone else... Just no? Why would anybody want that?

This ! It make me uncomfortable when peoples say that...

 

7 hours ago, eOrion said:

Like people say "The LGBT+ community is about who you love!" and its like "?? im trans, its the 4th letter, and love isnt relevant to my identity"
which, whoops im going a little off topic.

Off topic i don't know, but i agree. It's very annoying to hear this when you are a trans aro.

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16 hours ago, raavenb2619 said:

""'Love is love is love' is the slogan of the entire queer community!" Well, no, I'm aromantic and I don't feel like that includes me.

 

"Ah, but 'love is love is love' can apply to platonic love too!" Well, no, I'm not comfortable with someone shoehorning in platonicism so that I don't feel excluded and dehumanized, especially when said person is probably going to turn around and be amatonormative as soon as I stop looking. 

 

I actually agree! I've felt the same way for a long time. Whenever people in the LGBT+ community use this phrase as a way to justify themselves then I do feel quite a bit excluded. I've talked about this in other threads about how aromantics don't really fit into the LGBT+ community because sometimes it seems we don't have anything in common with them (but I still think we belong! This is just a complaint towards the community as a whole). It's a community that just pushes this idea of love and that can be good! But it's not good when you exclude others in your own community. But never do they once defend the idea that it's okay not to love. The aromantics fall by the wayside and aren't in any way reflected in that phrase. 

10 hours ago, nonmerci said:

The whole concept of "the one" too.

 

ughhh yes. I hate the soulmate stuff. Everytime I see a mention of it, it really irks me. I don't really understand the concept. Of all the 7 billion+ people on this planet, you just happened to come across "the one"?? Puh-leaaasssee. 

10 hours ago, nonmerci said:

"I am yours", "You are mine"... I don't get why this is romantic. The idea of belonging to someone else... Just no? Why would anybody want that?

 

Agreeeeeed. That's the ultimate cringe. People say really weird things when they're in love.  

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I've always found the phrase "better half" to be kind of horrifying. Please love yourself..??

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7 hours ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

I've always found the phrase "better half" to be kind of horrifying. Please love yourself..??

So true.

Just the idea that your lover is your half, as if you can't be complète without a romantic partner.

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On 7/22/2019 at 9:44 AM, nonmerci said:

Phrases like "Love is the most beautiful feeling in the world", or whatever you want instead of "beautiful". I'm sure that it's a wonderful feeling, but everytime I hear it sounds like you need it to be happy.

It's typically clear that they just mean "romance". Rather than including eros, philia, storge, ludus, mania, pragma, philautia, agape, etc.
 

On 7/22/2019 at 9:44 AM, nonmerci said:

The whole concept of "the one" too. Because if you say you are aro, people will just assume that this special person will come and change your identity. Even if it does, you can still be in the grey are of the spectrum. Plus it doesn't invalidate how you felt at the moment.

You can also encounter terms like "soul/solemate" applied non-romantically. Along with amantonormative like non-romantic relationships. Some fairly widespread QPR definitions looking rather that way.

 

On 7/22/2019 at 9:44 AM, nonmerci said:

Then not specifically alienating for aros, but things like "I am yours", "You are mine"... I don't get why this is romantic. The idea of belonging to someone else... Just no? Why would anybody want that?

Even within the kink scene I find this notion rather squicky.

 

9 hours ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

I've always found the phrase "better half" to be kind of horrifying. Please love yourself..??

Along with "other half" this sounds like a creepy dystopian thing rather than something you'd expect anyone to aspire to.
Who'd want to be a fractional person?

 

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