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Cristal Gris

[edit] I guess i will be just aro now.

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[EDIT]

Okay, I modified the title. I could have made an other topic, but some interesting things happened here, so. (also  i don't want to scatter my topics about my life like bread crumbs )

 

Now i am thinking about being just aro.

 

It feel right, for now.

 

(and now that i think about it, i wonder how revelent my original topic really was. I guess it don't matter now. )

 

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20 hours ago, Cristal Gris said:

I would like to hear what you think about it (ace or not).

 

Some of the posts I know of on this topic:

20 hours ago, Cristal Gris said:

And I would like to hear from other sex favourable (or neutral) aro aces.

 

I don't exactly qualify, I guess. I'm quoiro, not aro, and I'm not really one thing or the other when it comes to sex. I identify with bits and pieces of repulsed, indifferent, and favorable narratives, so what I call myself is arcflux (where "arc" here stands for "averse, repulsed, conflicted" -- that was an acronym people were trying to get going a while back, and while I dunno if the term has really survived, "arcflux" has been pretty convenient for me personally). But anyway, yeah, this has long been a complicated mess of a topic. Such are the complexities of sharing labels and community with people who vary greatly in their personal preferences.

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3 hours ago, Coyote said:

Hey, thank you for the links! I will look at them.

 

3 hours ago, Coyote said:

Such are the complexities of sharing labels and community with people who vary greatly in their personal preferences.

Yep.

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Idiotic! If one likes sex, why identify as asexual at all? Like saying you're a vegan who eats meat.

 

We take very seriously the definition of asexuality as lacking sexual attraction.  It’s not about behavior, and it’s not about all those other reasons why people like sex.  There’s something about sexual attraction that makes it especially important to our experiences.

 

So, they choose to have sex with someone they're not attracted to (cos they're attracted to nobody). They must feel the way I would while having sex with an obese woman in her 40s. A choice I'll never understand.

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On ‎7‎/‎12‎/‎2019 at 10:40 AM, Spacenik86 said:

diotic! If one likes sex, why identify as asexual at all?

It's about sexual attracion, not sexual pleasure. It's like aros in romantic relationships.

 

On ‎7‎/‎12‎/‎2019 at 10:40 AM, Spacenik86 said:

So, they choose to have sex with someone they're not attracted to (cos they're attracted to nobody)

Yes. Nothing wrong with that.

On ‎7‎/‎12‎/‎2019 at 10:40 AM, Spacenik86 said:

They must feel the way I would while having sex with an obese woman in her 40s. A choice I'll never understand.

I don't know and i don't care. Also, do you have something against fat peoples… ?

 

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44 minutes ago, Spacenik86 said:

Idiotic! If one likes sex, why identify as asexual at all?

Pleasure and attraction is not the same thing. You can like sexual activity like you would like anything else, without feeling attraction. Sex is like anything else to this regard. You like a lot of things in life without being attracted to it, right? Well, same thing for sex.

At least I imagine. I never tried sex. I am more indifferent to it.

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11 minutes ago, Cristal Gris said:

I don't know and i don't care. Also, do you have something against fat peoples… ?

 

I'm not attracted to them. Plus, obesity is a disease whether you like it or not

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2 minutes ago, Spacenik86 said:

I'm not attracted to them. Plus, obesity is a disease whether you like it or not

I will let fat peoples deal with you since i don't know what to say about this (sorry )

 

But aside… that. Did you read the rest of my post or a you just avoiding the topic?

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14 minutes ago, Cristal Gris said:

But aside… that. Did you read the rest of my post or a you just avoiding the topic?

 

I think if you don't feel sexual attraction but like sexual activity you are somewhere between sexual and asexual. Why cannot there be more clear thinking on this board?

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On ‎7‎/‎12‎/‎2019 at 11:53 AM, Spacenik86 said:

I think if you don't feel sexual attraction but like sexual activity you are somewhere between sexual and asexual.

 

I mean, are YOU really going to lecture me about asexuality?

 

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13 hours ago, Spacenik86 said:

I think if you don't feel sexual attraction but like sexual activity you are somewhere between sexual and asexual

I think you're talking at cross-purposes here. 

 

You might think this, but it's my understanding that a sizeable group of people have adopted a definition of asexuality as meaning lack of sexual attraction - and that alone. By this definition, there would be no logical inconsistency about an asexual having sex (or even enjoying it!). The former is an internal feeling; the latter is an activity done with a partner. An analogy would be: I may not be interested in seeing the new star-wars movie, but my friend wants to see it and wants someone to go along with, so I go along, despite my indifference to star-wars, to make them happy (and perhaps this also makes me feel good reciprocally). So, am I, or am I not, 'a-star-wars'? It all hinges on how a group of people consents to set up the definitions, really.

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11 minutes ago, NullVector said:

: I may not be interested in seeing the new star-wars movie, but my friend wants to see it and wants someone to go along with, so I go along, despite my indifference to star-wars, to make them happy (and perhaps this also makes me feel good reciprocally). So, am I, or am I not, 'a-star-wars'? It all hinges on how a group of people consents to set up the definitions, really.

Honestly ? Sometime its just about the physical feeling. Pleasure. (I am not sure i understand your analogy, sorry)

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Yeah, maybe it's not the best analogy ever! I was just trying to give a sense by analogy of why a non-sex-repulsed asexual might be motivated to try sex. And/or enjoy aspects of it. That's all.

 

27 minutes ago, Cristal Gris said:

Honestly ? Sometime its just about the physical feeling. Pleasure

I suppose, if I strain my analogy a little, you might be indifferent to the movie but enjoy the popcorn?! :P

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1 hour ago, NullVector said:

I suppose, if I strain my analogy a little, you might be indifferent to the movie but enjoy the popcorn?! :P

I think that is a really good analogy. As I see it (and take my view with a grain of salt, as I consider myself moreso sex indifferent rather than sex favorable), there's a multitude of ways to be interested in sex outside of being attracted to the person. Whether its kink, libido, curiosity, boredom, a combination of those, etc. And sex is at the end of the day, just....partnered masturbation, really. I don't care what the media hypes it up as lol. I'm sure it could be something more depending on the people involved but it really doesn't need to be. 

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6 hours ago, aro-fae said:

And sex is at the end of the day, just....partnered masturbation, really.

This seems like the idea of sex which would be typical for an asexual. Sexual attraction makes the difference so it (usually) does not feel like this.

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8 hours ago, NullVector said:

I suppose, if I strain my analogy a little, you might be indifferent to the movie but enjoy the popcorn?! :P

I think that's better :D

7 hours ago, aro-fae said:

think that is a really good analogy. As I see it (and take my view with a grain of salt, as I consider myself moreso sex indifferent rather than sex favorable), there's a multitude of ways to be interested in sex outside of being attracted to the person. Whether its kink, libido, curiosity, boredom, a combination of those, etc. And sex is at the end of the day, just....partnered masturbation, really. I don't care what the media hypes it up as lol. I'm sure it could be something more depending on the people involved but it really doesn't need to be

I am not even *that* interested in sex, there is a lot of things i prefer instead (especially in medias). But sometime it happen 🤷‍♂️. So i talk about it. (Well, here mostly :] ) . I am sometime sex indifferent and sometime favourable.

 

I am just going to say that sex is sex. There is no "lesser" one. And it can happen with other peoples 🤷‍♀️ 

 

 

 

 

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And now that i just said all of this, i am toying with the idea of… not mention my sexuality at all. 

 

But all of this…. is really stressfull to me right now. Like, very stressfull. And not using the SAM and just being "aro" would probably  be another kind of hell anyway . But the idea don't seem to bad…

 

 

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Okay never mind, i am just aro now ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

I just feel better like this, and i don't know what's my relationship with asexuality is now. Whatever. I don't even want to mention it anymore. I don't think i want to be labeled as ace anymore, or that i want something else than "aro" never mind what I said in the past (this is a personal choice, it's not because of what happened above. it was actually on my mind since a long time. It's not just about sex either.)

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And this is not about evading responsability for the hypocritical and irrevelent things i said at some point either. (even if i do regret it and will learn from my mistakes)

 

(yeah i am done explaining myself )

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On 7/12/2019 at 3:40 AM, Spacenik86 said:

Idiotic! If one likes sex, why identify as asexual at all? Like saying you're a vegan who eats meat.

 

The hell?

 

13 hours ago, Cristal Gris said:

But all of this…. is really stressfull to me right now.

 

I understand why it would be. You had no reason to anticipate that on an aro forum, of all places, you'd get told you're wrong for how you identify. That guy's completely out of line and I'm sorry you had to see that. A part of why I brought you those links in my first post here is that there are people like you who identify with the asexual umbrella, and much of the asexual community does support that. Please, don't let yourself feel run out of your identity by one singular allosexual. It's also okay to change how you identify, but also, understand, he's no real authority on any of it. I'm frankly distraught at the idea that heterosexuals in the aro community could be dictating who is and isn't allowed to identify as asexual.

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6 hours ago, Coyote said:

I understand why it would be. You had no reason to anticipate that on an aro forum, of all places, you'd get told you're wrong for how you identify. That guy's completely out of line and I'm sorry you had to see that. A part of why I brought you those links in my first post here is that there are people like you who identify with the asexual umbrella, and much of the asexual community does support that. Please, don't let yourself feel run out of your identity by one singular allosexual. It's also okay to change how you identify, but also, understand, he's no real authority on any of it. I'm frankly distraught at the idea that heterosexuals in the aro community could be dictating who is and isn't allowed to identify as asexual.

Oh yeah, that guy's comment was unwanted and… wrong.

 

But this is not about him. If anything, it make me even more defiant lol

 

This is about me. I really want this. I am just "aro" now. And i am frankly annoyed that i can't erase all i said on this forum about asexuality (i can't really blame anyone. Also, i think this post was a mistake even if it made me think), i really want peoples to forget about it and see me as "aro".

 

Again, this is not about that guy, not about sex, not about asexuality (well, aside the fact that this is not about it *anymore* )

 

So, i guess, let's not speak anymore of my "sexuality" ? ^^ . Because right now I feel like i am aro and nothing else.

 

(also, my stress was due to identity crisis, and the fact that i made a lot of mistakes and i am afraid. All i want to do is move on, but this is about mental illness and this is another story)

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also i want to add , please stop saying i am asexual… I don't identify like that anymore. Yeah, sure i could fit on the ace spectrum but that's not the point. But again, thank you for your links ! It was interesting.

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5 hours ago, Cristal Gris said:

Also, i think this post was a mistake even if it made me think

I won't say it was a mistake. Even if you don't identify as asexual any more,  your original post talked about something other aro could sympathize with : being aro, not allosexual, but still liking sex. It was true that we don't talk about it a lot.

 

I hope you'll feel better with this new identity. I can feel you : though I am asexual, I don't consider it as an "identity" for me because I don't think it is very relevant for me.

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33 minutes ago, nonmerci said:

won't say it was a mistake. Even if you don't identify as asexual any more,  your original post talked about something other aro could sympathize with : being aro, not allosexual, but still liking sex. It was true that we don't talk about it a lot.

I suppose my real regret is that it became a topic about asexuality alone. I guess i am not without blame.

 

And again, my decision is not about sex. ;) (just a reminder)

33 minutes ago, nonmerci said:

hope you'll feel better with this new identity. I can feel you : though I am asexual, I don't consider it as an "identity" for me because I don't think it is very relevant for me.

Not only this is not revelant anymore to me, but i really dont identify as such, now. When i said i was asexual, i didn't say how complex it truly was. My sexuality is now a blank case and that's fine.

 

I do feel better like that :) i only can hope peoples will respect that. 

 

I will also learn from the various mistakes i made in this forum.

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1 hour ago, Cristal Gris said:

I will also learn from the various mistakes i made in this forum

For what it's worth: from my outsider perspective I am not seeing any "mistakes" here. What it looked like to me was a person having a discussion, then maybe learning some more about themselves and changing their mind about some things they thought before. If the forums are for anything, surely it's this?

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