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Madame Giraffe

what reaction do you get from others to your coming out?

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(Not sure if a topic like this already exists (this forum is huuuge), so I'm sorry if that's the case, you can erase it!)

 

The title already says it: when you tell people you're aromantic, usually what comments do you get in response?

I didn't tell it to lots of people, but as for now, the majority lacks of interest. Is more like they don't trust me, or believe is a sort of trend or something, not an actual way of being and they tend to pass over the topic. I'm super frustrated by these people.

On the other hand, few instead asked me questions about it, 'cause they didn't know aromantic is a thing that exists, but they're interested in knowing more "if it's not a too personal question!" and bless them! 

One even asked me what do I think during my days if not about romantic stuff like he does and thinks everybody does, LOL!

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"are you sure you just didn't meet the right one ? "

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The people I'm out to are friends I trust, and they have all been extremely supportive, either already knowing about aros (which was amazing when many of them aren't a-spec at all or in those spaces) or telling me that they went and looked aromanticism up to understand it better. 

 

There are a couple of people I came out as aro to that didn't understand it, though, and thought that being aro meant I would be alone forever. "You can't be by yourself, isolated with no relationships!" is something I've heard, even when I tried to explain that I don't intend to not have any relationships, just no romantic relationships. These people are older so that may be a reason.

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16 hours ago, running.tally said:

thought that being aro meant I would be alone forever

Basically what my mum says. Though it was more in a praticable way. "If you have a heart attack alone at home, how would you do? If you are sick?".

 

Also funny things with my mum, she completely misunderstood the term. In my country we have the Pacs, a contract between two person who want to organize their life together. It was create mostly for people of the same sexe when their marriage wasn't allowed for them, but everybody can use it. So when I say to my mother "I'm aro, I won't get married", she answered "you want a Pacs?". And when I explain she gave me the classicisme "you will be alone".

 

Fortunately, some people reacted better (they were more indifferent).

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I had never planned on telling anyone at all because I was afraid they’d see me as a different person. But then the topic of marriage came up and I expressed my disinterest in it. He asked me if I was asexual and I said yes. He laughed and said, “I knew it!” 

 

I didn’t want to push it with aromanticism, so I left it at asexuality. He later asked me some questions about it and I explained aromanticism and asexuality and what’s like. He was so much more accepting than I expected and is currently the only person I’m out to.

 

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Guest Chandrakirti

On the whole it's been positive, only one person, a work colleague asked if that was really a thing and after I pointed her to the right websites and the equality laws it was all good.

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Just think of any taboo bingo card with anything against being aro and boom, you got everyone's reaction to me

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When I told my sister in law that I was aro she just said “so now what?” And I replied, “nothing, I just continue my non dating life.” And the whole conversation was over. It was so anticlimactic I didn’t know how to feel about it. 

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I told my cousin that I don't want a girlfriend, and she said something like Alright, women are baad. I also told a guy friend twice, but he ignored that and kept asking about my dating life. He probably thought I was temporarily disaffected after a failed attempt at a relationship in 2017. 

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On 6/18/2019 at 2:34 PM, Cristal Gris said:

"are you sure you just didn't meet the right one ? "

 

Ok this, despite being the number one answer an aro could get, it never occurred to me... til two days ago, when I told my mom (she was talking about some her collegues and how they said they were aro and how amazing women they are, so I took the chance) and among other things, she said that. I rolled my eyes so much.

 

I also discovered that my granma was aro! Mom told me stuff about her that made me realize it! Amazing, and she never knew there's a name for this way of being...

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I think like telling people I'm ace, there's the good ones, and then you get the occasional "that's so sad" that kinda breaks you somewhere inside. You want to tell them how proud you are and how you celebrate it, but they just see something missing.

But screw them, the opinions of those who have no clue what they're talking about aren't really that important anyway.

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