Importance of Platonic Relationships

[ania]

Nice to see that so many people in the aro community seem to think the same way as I do. I've always seemed to value friendship much more than most people, and that in turn has made me feel verylonely and isolated, I have had very few close friends in my life. It's been difficult to find friends who'd want to develop and close and deep friendships as I wanted, though my social anxiety and some lack of social skills also contributes to that...

 

I don't call someone a friend easily... I think I've upset a few people by saying that they are not my friends, just acquaintances. I know, I am sometimes quite blunt in this kind of social things.

 

Also on a related matters, it really annoys me when some people think that in friendship, more the better. They don't really value the quality of friendships, they just care how many friends (=acquaintances) they have.

[SoulWolf]

This thread is the reason I joined this site... and I haven't posted in it yet? Unacceptable!

 

@ania ... like, literally everything you said applies to me 100%. I never really know when I should or shouldn't refer to someone as a friend if I haven't known them a really long time yet... even if I would like to consider them a friend. Even though other people throw the word around like it's nothing, to me it is a really big deal and I don't want to give it to someone unless I'm really sure they deserve it... nor do I want to offend people who actually really do want to be my friend and would be a good friend, but we're just not that comfortable with each other yet.

 

On 19 July 2016 at 9:37 PM, techno-trashcan said:

 

This is depressing and maybe a little bit of a digression from the topic, but does it ever make anyone else feel like the older you get, the more your friends are all going to leave you for romantic partnerships and marriage and traditional domestic life and leave you behind?

 

Yes. And this has happened to me with most of my "friends" already.

 

I've spent most of my life prioritizing my friendships, thinking that's what good friends do... and recently realized that apparently most other people's definition of friendship isn't at all like mine. They don't care anywhere near as much, seemingly. So even though it hurts like hell, I have to bring myself to care less about people unless I'm actually sure they're capable of caring as much as I am... for the sake of my sanity. I also need to figure out a way to 'spot' people who care about friendship more easily and efficiently.

[cute kitty Meow! Mewo!]

On 7/12/2016 at 0:37 AM, Saaaro said:

This thread is reminding me a lot of this article on Wait But Why. I think most alloro people would call pretty much anyone on the mountain a friend, but aros tend to reserve that for people near the top.

in my head i refer to my peers as peers and my friends as freinds. but when i refer in my head to a freind who is low on the mountain, it is not the same meaning as when i say friend when referring to someone on the top. 

 

i am actually begining to try to in my head say close friend instead of friend, so that i have a different word for it. because i know the meaning is different even though the word is the same, hehe. 

 

I don't have many close friends and so i am afraid to say to their face that they are a close friend, i would only say they are a friend. i am also likely not to mention that a person is my friend if they are a not close friend. because i am afraid that revealing such would make them uncomfortable. 

 

i do not mention to my peers that they are a peer because i am afraid to insult them. 

 

 

[Apathetic Echidna]

I really like the idea of the life mountain from the article at Wait But Why, I remember doing something similar in primary school with concentric circles.

 

I used to be really blunt in telling people they weren't 'friends' because they were acquaintances or peers or colleagues (these words seem to have slipped out of many people's vocabularies). I have kept my mouth shut the last few times people have said I'm their friend when I am not because they were from people who had power over me at work or study (so yay to becoming more tactful because of self-preservation instincts!). 

I have found I feel friendlier to people I have known the longest. I am socially friendly to people I only had contempt for in high school because I knew them for 5 of my formative years. I'm also more likely to go out of my way to help someone I knew in childhood/teens than a new almost-friend I make now. I guess familiarity makes the heart grow fonder in my case. Maybe I just find it emotionally easier to friend old peers than make new friends?

 

I seem to have formed the same sorts of friendships my mother has. I am fine with having shallow social interactions with acquaintances or peers or colleagues but every so often I will have big-time catch up and hang out with one of my good friends. I am quite happy now with this sort of situation, which is useful as we all get busy and travel away. I'm hoping that because it might only be a few phone calls or few days out of a year that even as my friends marry and have kids they can put aside a half day for 'old times'. Ultimately I would love if I had a house with guest rooms so they could stay for a holiday which is a benefit my mother has with her friends. 

[pastelprincess]

I always have been very shy and socially anxious. Any close friendships I have had, have been over the Internet. I think allos dont place any importance on friendships. They just are very quick to leave a conversation. The internet friendships I have had usually ended badly with the person calling me clingy or talk too much or calling me a harasser. But I just have a strong need for very close friendships.