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I recently had a little shift on the Aro/Ace divide which has led me to question the sexual identification tag. I don't like being sexualized and I don't actually have a sexuality although once upon a time before Gender Transition I would have identified as Pan. I mean I don't have sex anymore as an Ace and probably sex repulsed because I always think sex leads to romance. Idk if anyone has experienced this shift too...The Aro is better because it determines who I like to hang out with and I can relate more to it.

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This is something I've heard talked about a lot recently; you're not the only one! :)

 

I'm not one of those people (I'm pretty solidly ace and consider it to be an important identity alongside by aro identity), but there are some aros who just use "aromantic" to describe themselves without listing their sexuality, for reasons like yours. Some of these aros just use "aromantic," full-stop, and never talk about sexuality. Some of these aros have been trying to come up with terms for themselves instead, so that it's more explicit to others that they don't use sexuality labels.

 

Some of the labels I've seen:

  • Non-SAM aro/Unit aro: an aro who doesn't use the SAM (Split Attraction Model) and who focuses only or primarily on their aro identity, not on other types of attraction besides the romanticism
  • Primaro/Archaro: an aro who is primarily aro, or has their aroness be their more important identity
  • Unicum aro/Solaro: an aro who is solely or only aro, or who feels that their identity is captured by "aromantic," full-stop

No pressure to use these labels at all - just thought it'd be something to share in case you're looking for a term or for aros who might share your feelings. If you look up some of those terms you might be able to find aros that use them and that you could connect with. It'd be nice to not have people assume you connect with a sexuality alongside being aro, but it's sometimes true that people make those assumptions anyway. In sum, you're super valid!

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Yeah I've had a similar shift as well. I guess because I would still consider myself ace, but not sex repulsed, so aromantic is a better descriptor of how I go about my life anyways. 

I've seen Neu Aro suggested as a term, which I quite like since its about aromantic being the priority and sexuality being in a neutral state. 

Do you ever get that "betrayal" feeling though? Like, I feel bad for not calling myself aroace for some reason. I'm just really used to using the split attraction model I guess, even though I've always hated it.

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@running.tally Thanks so much for that. Truly illuminating. @aro-fae I am getting those feels about jumping the ace ship but the shoe definitely has to fit right. Why should I wear the ace shoe if I don't experience intimate attraction to others hardly ever is the question.

 

Crises precipitates change.

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